Something Like Rain (Something Like... Book 8) (32 page)

“Ready to go?” Jason walked into the room, a backpack in one hand.

“Just a sec.” William looked back at Marcello. “Finish your story. Please.”

“That story ended a long time ago,” Marcello said easily. “It’s the future that interests me more. Yours and mine. Let’s meet again someday and compare notes. Shall we?”

William nodded, but only because he didn’t want to be rude.

“You okay?” Jason asked on the way out the door.

“He’s really strange,” William whispered.

“You mean Marcello?” Jason laughed. “Yeah, but I like him.”

“Ben’s really nice. Should I say goodbye to him?”

“You’re my date, not theirs,” Jason joked. “I was about to serenade you and Marcello with some music. Things looked pretty cozy in there.”

“We did almost kiss,” William said to get a rise out of him. “Maybe we should invite him along?”

“We don’t have enough bikes,” Jason said, nodding to the person they saw outside.

Tim was rolling a bicycle toward them, a smudge of grease on one cheek. “Chain is oiled,” he said. “Brakes are tight but could use some new pads, so stop early. If you mess with the gears, do so at your own peril. I can never figure them out.”

“I’ll make sure to bring it back with a full tank of gas,” Jason said.

“Just be careful.” Tim eyed the helmet William was strapping on. “We really need to buy a couple of those.”

“They make your head look like a mushroom,” Jason said.

“Better than it looking like a pizza,” William countered. “You really don’t have a helmet?”

“I could tie a pillow to my head,” Jason offered.

“I’ll get some rope,” Tim said, heading toward the garage again.

“He’s probably not kidding.” Jason hopped on the bike. “Let’s go!”

Together they puttered down the drive, their pace not increasing when they reached the main road. William usually tried to match speed with cars when he rode, but neither he nor Jason felt a sense of urgency. The traffic was minimal enough to let them remain side by side. They grinned at each other and indulged in banter, a perfect blue sky above them. The world felt as though it was theirs alone, especially when they reached their destination. St. Edwards Park was more like a nature preserve. No playground or baseball diamond awaited them. Just unpaved paths that wound through woods and fields. After consulting the map posted near the parking lot, they aimed for Bull Creek to the south, which widened considerably due to the small dam.

They dismounted as they neared this target. The canopy of leaves above filtered the sunlight and shielded them from heat. The water ahead helped cool the air too. They pushed their bikes along the creek until they reached the place where it was restrained by a small stone wall—water cascading over it—and agreed they were unlikely to find anywhere more scenic to have their picnic. After shaking out the blankets they had both brought along, they settled down and began arranging the food. While setting up everything, they looked at each other more often than they did the plastic containers. Jason seemed wistful.

“You okay?” William asked him.

“Yeah,” Jason said. “Just a little hungry.”

“Me too. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Jason opened a container of potato salad. He had made it himself and was clearly nervous about the results. “It’s heavy on the mayo,” he said, sounding apologetic as he scooped portions onto two plates.

“Perfect.” William grabbed a plastic fork and shoveled some into his mouth. It was good, but even if it had been over-salted or flavorless, he would have loved it anyway. “The great thing about exercising so much is all the calories that get burned. I get to eat like a pig. Speaking of which, my mom made cookies for you too.”

William pushed the container toward him.

Jason opened it, eyes lighting up. “These look awesome!”

William’s mother had been pretty emotional while baking. She had heard Jason’s story, and knew he didn’t have family of his own. Homemade cookies were no doubt a rarity for someone like him. “She made them especially for you.”

“Really? She knows about me?”

“Mm-hm.” William held back a smile as he consumed another bite. “She kept asking if this was a date.”

Jason shook his head. “Doesn’t she know about Kelly?”

“She knows all right! That’s why she’s hopeful that I’m moving on.” She often told William that he was too young to settle down. “Kelly and my mom don’t see eye to eye. They never have.”

“Oh.” Jason nibbled a cookie, chewing distractedly. Then he swallowed. “So…
is
this a date?”

I wish!
The words almost escaped his lips, but they were knocked back by more bites of potato salad. He focused on eating, not trusting himself to speak. Being out here felt too good. The park was neutral, free of any memories he had made with Kelly. Best of all, they were alone. No prying eyes or interruptions. He hadn’t realized how tempting that would be. Here they had a little too much potential.

Jason passed him a bottle of water, then opened his own, attention still on William even as he drank. “This is probably none of my business,” he said, “but do you and Kelly get along?”

“No.” William clenched his jaw, then took a swig of his water, wishing it were vodka instead. Or one of those screwdrivers Marcello had spoken of. “He probably feels otherwise, but then Kelly likes to argue.”

Jason seemed hesitant. “The other night, when we all went out together… You told me that you love Kelly but for the wrong reasons.”

God that seemed so long ago, but he remembered the conversation on his front lawn, word for word. “I said there’s only one reason I’m with him.”

“You don’t love him?”

William didn’t usually discuss Kelly with Jason. Doing so seemed disrespectful and would inevitably lead to the accident. Not only was it a difficult subject to broach, but if he told the whole truth, Jason would reject him. Then again, that would probably be for the best. Jason would lose interest, and William could focus on counting down the days until it was time to leave. He pulled his legs up to his chest. “I like that you like me. I really do, and I hope it’s obvious that you’re not alone in your feelings.”

Jason breathed in sharply. “I wasn’t sure—”

“You don’t know me.” William sighed. “I mean you do. This
is
the real me, but there are things you don’t know, and if you did, I don’t think you’d like me so much anymore.”

“Try me.”

William faced him. “You never ask about Kelly’s leg. Why is that?”

Jason worked his jaw. “I figured it was the sort of thing everyone asks about. That must get old. Besides, I don’t want to feel sorry for him.”

“Why not?”

Jason shrugged. “I guess because I wouldn’t want people to feel sorry for me.”

William laughed humorlessly. “I don’t think that’s how Kelly feels at all.”

“Sorry, I just—”

“No, it’s a good thing. You both have pride, but I don’t think Kelly has dignity. Not anymore.” William scowled. “Maybe that’s why he’s still punishing me, because I stole that from him. It’s my fault Kelly lost his leg.”

Jason already seemed lost. “What do you mean?”

William took a deep breath, casting his mind back to a year ago, a grey morning that had changed his life forever. He raised his face to the sky, almost expecting to feel rain on his cheeks. Then he told Jason everything. How his relationship with Kelly had started out well, how it had slowly deteriorated, and how the greatest transgression had been committed by William himself. A simple twist of the wheel followed by blood, screams, and sorrow.

“You didn’t mean to,” Jason said.

“I told you I wanted to scare him,” William snapped. “I could have calmly pulled over and told him he was walking to school. Instead I put him in the ICU.
That’s
the kind of person I am. That’s who you think you have feelings for, but I bet you’re not so certain now.”

Jason became very interested in his paper plate, head lowered as he picked at it. He would find an excuse to cut the picnic short. Or maybe he would change the topic and act like nothing had happened, just to get through the day. Their final day, because no way would he want to see William again. Jason looked up and met his stare, expression calm. “So what happened next?”

William was too taken aback to respond.

“I want to know everything,” Jason pressed. “Tell it all to me. Then I’ll decide how I feel.”

Fair enough. He had heard the worst of it, but William told him anyway, talking about how difficult Kelly’s recovery had been, and how bitterness had slowly set in, leaving William confused, because at times Kelly seemed to need him more than anyone else, and at other times—all too often, in fact—he felt like Kelly couldn’t stand him. At the end of the story, Jason only had one question.

“Do you love him?”

William honestly didn’t know. He was pretty sure he had in the very beginning. Kelly had helped him come out, had been there for William when his parents had gotten divorced. Everything had been so painful and confusing, but Kelly had remained solid and certain, always patient, which seemed unthinkable now. When he thought of that portion of their relationship, his heart swelled with love. When he considered the previous year, resentment crept in. William felt trapped, like the credits to a bad movie had rolled but he wasn’t allowed to leave the theater. No, not a theater. He was stuck in a vehicle, just seconds before everything went wrong. “That argument in the car? I was breaking up with him. I didn’t want to be with him anymore. If the accident hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be.”

“But you feel obligated,” Jason said, searching his eyes. “That’s why you’re still with him.”

William grimaced. “Please don’t tell him that. I would hate for him to know. It would kill me to do him any more harm than I already have. So I won’t leave him. Ever.” That was the gist of it, and what Jason really needed to understand. Even though William was allowed to leave for the Coast Guard, he would still be there for Kelly in spirit, and eventually return to him in the flesh. He explained this promise to Jason, being honest enough to admit that he wished he hadn’t made it. Too late, because William owed a debt that he couldn’t possibly repay, but he had to try.

Jason listened carefully. Then he responded. “Do you really think me knowing all this is going to mess with how I feel about you?”

So much for scaring him away. William shouldn’t be surprised. If the confession had been Jason’s instead, if Caesar had lost his leg due to Jason maliciously jerking the wheel, William wouldn’t have disowned him. Hell, Jason could probably confess to murder and it wouldn’t matter. But they couldn’t be together. Jason’s feelings hadn’t changed and neither had the situation. William shot to his feet in frustration. He walked toward the dam, heading for a tree with the intent to punch it. Instead, when he reached it, he leaned against the trunk and exhaled. He’d had enough of anger. What he needed was love. He wanted to give it and feel it in return.

William tensed when he heard footsteps approaching. “I want to be with you,” he said, but he couldn’t look at Jason during this confession. “You have no idea how bad I want to just… do the things we should be able to do. Even something small, like holding your hand. But now you know everything. You know it’s impossible. Or would you really ask me to turn my back on Kelly and hurt him all over again?”

“Maybe we don’t need to touch,” Jason said. “Love is more than holding hands or kissing or sex. It’s more than just the physical, right? If that’s what this is, maybe we don’t need those things.”

William turned to face Jason, feeling a sudden burst of hope, but one look at those eager eyes and all he wanted was to kiss him. Lately he had made sure they never touched. Not since Jason had rested his head in William’s lap. At this point, even a hug would feel like cheating. William could imagine it lasting an hour, their arms around each other as they basked in the closeness. That was the dream. In reality, an insurmountable void separated them. “What are we going to do?”

Jason tried a smile. “If I wasn’t such an honest man these days, I’d suggest you stay in your loveless relationship with Kelly while secretly going elsewhere for what you really need.”

“An affair?” William nearly laughed. “No. You’re too good to be the other woman. I won’t do that to you.”

“My feelings don’t hinge on you being so noble.”

William shook his head. “There’s got to be a better way.”

Jason considered him, those blue eyes burrowing into his soul. Then he changed tactics. “A picnic is a failure if any food is left over,” he said. “Did you know that?”

“No,” William said, “but I’m relieved, because I’m still starving.”

They agreed to let the subject drop. If either of them had a solution, they wouldn’t be bothering with food right now. Still, it could provide a different sort of comfort. William allowed himself to pig out more than usual. He soon regretted this decision. He felt weighted down and groggy but knew an easy solution.

“Ready to hop back on our bikes?” he asked.

Jason stared. “I can’t believe you’re not in a coma. Even Tim doesn’t eat that much.”

“A coma is what I’m trying to prevent. Let’s go.”