Something Like Rain (Something Like... Book 8) (29 page)

“Any lentils under there?” William asked. “They’re cheap.”

Jason laughed. “No, for some reason I wasn’t in the mood for those.”

“So basically you’ve always been trouble,” William said warmly. He noticed their surroundings again. “We should start swimming while there’s still time.”

Jason checked his watch. “Or you can let me take you to breakfast. A greasy diner somewhere, a huge plate of pancakes, and menus sticky with syrup. Sound good?”

“I already ate before coming here. Eggs. I boil them the night before and have them in the morning.”

Jason looked like he was waiting for a punchline. When it didn’t come he said, “Sounds kind of sad.”

William shrugged. “It’s better than eating breakfast with Kelly’s mother.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s not worth getting into.” William didn’t like talking about Kelly. Especially with Jason, since it was a sure-fire way to skip directly to the guilt he’d feel later today.

“Let me take you to breakfast,” Jason pressed. “If not today, then tomorrow.”

“And miss another workout?” William shook his head. “No way.” He bent over to put on his shoes, deciding they didn’t have enough time for a swimming lesson. “Friday morning wouldn’t be so bad. But only if we really push ourselves tomorrow.”

“Deal. Hey, where’d you get that scar?”

William self-consciously touched his hairline directly above one eye. The place where he’d had stitches normally didn’t show, but he’d had his hair cut for his recruitment interview, and the blood rushing to his head when he bent over probably made the white line show up against pink skin. “Just an accident when I was younger.”

This wasn’t a lie. Technically. He
had
been younger during the car wreck, but not by much. It seemed crazy that he could care about Jason so much and still hide one of the most significant events of his life. Part of William wanted to be more open, but pretending the accident had never happened felt too good.

“I’ve been telling you embarrassing stories all morning,” Jason pressed. “You owe me at least one.”

William finished tying his laces and looked up. “Your stories are funnier than mine.”

Jason shrugged. “It’s not a competition.”

“There’s not enough time anyway. Let’s go.”

Silence escorted them out of the building, the idea of them parting already causing his heart to ache. Oh yes, every high had its price, and even though he was paying it now, William knew he would be back tomorrow for more.

Chapter Thirteen

Each day began with dreams of a future that would never be—the Coast Guard and a life with Jason Grant. Then came school and work, which helped ground him in reality. By the evening he was firmly anchored there. In spite of his best efforts, William was feeling increasingly suffocated. While he and Kelly both accepted blame these days, the wreck of a bed they slept in each night had taken most of its damage from him.

He reported to the bedroom that night with a cowboy hat in one hand, his uniform shirt already partially unbuttoned. He just wanted to slip between the sheets, close his eyes, and—

“A letter came in the mail for you.”

Kelly was sitting up in bed, an open book facedown next to him. Pinned between two fingers and held aloft was an envelope.

“Who’s it from?” William asked, tossing his hat on the dresser.

“Take a wild guess.”

William felt a jolt of panic, wondering if Jason had been crazy enough to send a love letter. “No idea.”

“It’s from the Coast Guard,” Kelly said. “I think.”

William walked over and accepted the envelope, glancing at the return address. It was from the military processing center in Austin.

“That’s for your ASVAB, isn’t it?”

William looked up in surprise.

“I pay attention to the things that matter to you,” Kelly said. “I know you think I’m dismissive of them but… I guess it’s getting close to that time, isn’t it?”

William sat on the edge of the bed. He didn’t need to open the letter. It was confirmation of his upcoming appointment. “I met with a recruitment agent earlier this week.” He braced himself for anger and was met instead with silence. He looked over to find Kelly chewing his bottom lip, his brown eyes wet. “You don’t seem surprised.”

“I’m puzzled that you still need to meet with a recruitment agent. Is that to get the date you ship out?”

“No. It’s to find out what my options are. Don’t worry, I haven’t enlisted.”

Kelly shook his head. “How can you not be enlisted? I thought you were already accepted.”

“Since when?”

“Since we met!”

They stared at each other. William was the first to laugh.

Kelly joined him. “You always made it sound like a sure thing. You haven’t stopped swimming.”

“No,” William said. “I haven’t.”

“I wouldn’t have stopped running either,” Kelly admitted. “Now is about the time that I would have sought a sponsor for the Olympics.”

“I know.” William swallowed against the guilt. “I haven’t been accepted yet. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing by starting the process. Maybe I just want to know if I could have made it.”

“I understand. If our situations were reversed, the temptation would have been too great not to try.” Kelly’s hand took his. “Part of me wants this for you. I really do.”

“And the rest?”

Kelly bit his lip again, but not before William saw it tremble. “The rest is terrified of losing you.” He swallowed and looked away. “Everything has been so weird lately, and I— If you do get accepted, what does that mean for us?”

“It doesn’t matter,” William said. “I won’t go. I made a promise.”

Kelly raised his head. “What’s the alternative? We’re close to graduating, and I’ve never heard you talk about college. Are you going to serve smoothies for the rest of your life? Or take classes with me just because I pretend to be dependent on you?”

“Pretend?”

“You know I can take care of myself. Physically, anyway. Emotionally is another matter, but I don’t want this relationship to hold you back.”

Wow. Were they breaking up? William squeezed his hand. “I’m glad we’re finally talking about this. I wanted to, but I was scared.”

“Of me?” Kelly said, sounding amused.

“Scared for you.”

“I’m a big boy. I can deal with us being apart. I’ll still be here when you get shore leave or whatever.” Kelly looked amused. “Gosh, I’ll be a sailor’s wife!”

Not breaking up then. A long distance relationship. William would have jumped at the offer a few months ago. Now he wanted more. He needed his freedom.

William struggled to find the best way to express these feelings. “Actually—”

“I know, I know. You’re not a sailor. You’re a coastie.”

“Not yet,” William said.

“I have no doubt that you’ll be accepted. Maybe that’s why I assumed you already had been.”

“And if I am?”

“I knew the deal from the beginning,” Kelly said. “But for now…” He pulled on William’s hand as he leaned back and rolled over onto his side. William climbed the rest of the way into bed and held him, wishing—not for the first time—that he could stop hurting Kelly and start protecting him instead.

* * * * *

The next gay youth meeting was taxing. William normally enjoyed the lectures their group leader prepared, but this one was spent trying very hard not to look across the room at Jason. He gave into temptation a few times, the last of these resulting in eye contact. Jason smiled first. William couldn’t resist doing the same, although he was pretty sure Kelly noticed. That’s why, when the lecture ended, William purposefully ignored Jason. Perhaps understanding the situation, Jason ignored him too and went outside with others in the group. Including Kelly.

This made it difficult to relax, but William tried to put the issue out of mind as he listened to Lisa talk about an old Disney movie she had recently watched and felt conflicted about.

“The animals are so cute,” she said in her mousey voice, “and I’ve loved the story since I was little, but it’s not like you can ask a cat and two dogs if they want to be movie stars. Maybe they hated having to perform all those stunts.”

William did his best to reassure her. “Dogs are happy when their owners are. They live to please, so I bet they liked it. The cat I’m not so sure about.”

“Speaking of cats,” Bonnie said, looking a little pale as she approached. “And fights.”

William tensed up. “What happened?”

“Hurricane Kelly just blew through the parking lot.” When she saw his reaction, she hastened to add, “Everyone is fine. Just some hurt feelings. Kelly and Jason exchanged words, that’s all.”

“About what?”

“You.” This was said by Lisa, who hadn’t even been out there. She covered her mouth as if embarrassed. “Sorry. I just…”

Saw the obvious, like everyone else. William felt his cheeks flush. Kelly would be upset, and rightly so. He probably felt like the laughing stock of the group, but he wasn’t the one to blame. William was. “I’ll go talk to him.”

“Take him home,” Bonnie said. “Or take him out. I think he just needs to be reassured that you still love him.” She stopped short of asking if he actually did.

“I’ll see what I can do.” When he went outside, Jason and his friend Emma had already left. That was good. Smoothing things over would be easier with them gone. He saw Kelly surrounded by a few guys. Having an audience would only rile Kelly up more, so William waved him over, making a beeline for the bus stop when Kelly got near enough.

“We need to talk!”

“Let’s get out of here,” William said, glancing back at the church. “I’m done.”

“That makes two of us,” Kelly said, sounding somewhat appeased.

He prayed for a timely bus, but no luck. They were stuck waiting at the bus stop, Kelly with one topic on his mind. “I had an interesting conversation with Jason.”

“Oh yeah?” William asked, making sure not to sound like he cared.

“He admitted that he’s interested in you.”

William remained very still. “That’s not really news. We’ve known that since Bonnie’s recital.”

Kelly rolled his eyes. “Yes, but now he said that he’s willing to wait until I’m no longer in the picture.”

William scoffed. “He didn’t.”

“He did!”

“What was the context? Did he just walk up to you and—”

“I went up to him!”

“That’s what I thought.”

Kelly looked incredulous. “Meaning?”

“That if you ask someone how they feel, it’s not fair to get angry at them for telling you.”

“That’s not the issue,” Kelly said, straining every syllable. “The problem is that you’re spending every morning with someone who wants to sleep with you. How would you feel if I was regularly meeting some guy who—”

“I’d trust you,” William said. “There’s no point in doing otherwise.”

“That’s a very logical response,” Kelly said, “but I asked how you would feel. I don’t believe for a second that you would just shrug it off. You might not get angry like I do, but I bet you’d feel hurt.”

William sighed. “I don’t mean to make you feel that way. I’m sure Jason doesn’t either.” He saw the bus approaching. “Let’s just drop it, okay?”

Not okay, because Kelly kept talking about the situation during the ride, intent on making William see things his way. Once they were home, they found Kelly’s parents in the living room. Rather than letting them witness another argument, he went to the bedroom.

Kelly followed. “You’re not going to do anything about this?”

“What can I do?” William said, spinning around to face him. “Jason can’t help what he feels. Nobody can.”

“No, that power belongs to other people.”

William shook his head. “I don’t understand.”

“The other day, when we had that conversation about the Coast Guard, I could have made you feel ashamed, or guilty, or any number of things depending on how I chose to react.”

“Okay,” William said, still not following.

“I decided that your feelings are more important to me than what I want.”

“Which is?”

“For you to stay here with me!” Kelly sounded exasperated. “I don’t want you to go, but I know how strongly you feel about your dream, so I decided to make that sacrifice for you.”

“And I’m grateful.”

“Now the roles are reversed. There’s something I need from you, and how you react has power over how I feel.”

William clenched his jaw. “This is about Jason.”

“Yes!” Kelly said.

The phone in William’s pocket vibrated. He pulled it out, eager for an excuse to end this conversation. He wasn’t entirely surprised to see whose name was on the display.

“Let me guess,” Kelly said, lips pursed.

William pushed the button to answer, eyes locked on Kelly’s as he lifted it to his ear. “Speak of the devil. Give me a minute and I’ll call you back.” He hung up and returned it to his pocket, still staring Kelly down. Or trying to.

“When you call him back,” Kelly said, “I want you to end it.”

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“I already abandoned my friends!” William said, voice rising. “I gave up everything for you without complaint, but this is too much! I like having someone else to talk to besides you. That’s normal. It’s healthy!”

“Not when that person has romantic feelings for you,” Kelly said. “Bonnie—”

“—is a lesbian. It’s not the same.”

“But if she was straight and had feelings for me, I would break things off for her benefit as much as yours. Do you really think Jason is going to thank you for leading him on? Or maybe he’s already getting what he wants.”

“I’m not cheating on you,” William snapped. “Feel free to come to the YMCA if you don’t trust me.”

“I will,” Kelly said.

William glared. “Don’t bother. There’s nothing to see.”

Kelly took a deep breath and sat on the edge of the bed, setting his crutches to one side. “Relationships always involve compromise, right?”

William remained standing. He nodded grudgingly. “I guess.”

“Then think of it this way. I compromised on the Coast Guard issue. I’m not using it as leverage, but if you won’t be in Austin much longer, then why is this friendship so important to you? Do you really think, as fledgling as it is, that it will survive you being gone the next four years? And I
really
don’t like the idea of having to share when you’re back in town to visit. Your mother? Fine. But not Jason. Not then, and not now. Please don’t make me.”

William sighed. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Call him back. Explain to him that your time is limited and that you want to spend it with those who matter most to you. Or find some even nicer way of putting it, I don’t care. Just end it. Please.”

William took the phone from his pocket and considered it. “I’ll be out front.”

“Okay,” Kelly said, seeming placated. “Best of luck.”

Once he was standing outside on the front patio, William considered the empty street. He was tempted to walk down it and keep going until he was far away. If he got accepted into the Coast Guard, that wish would be granted. Maybe Kelly was right. What point was there in any of this when he’d be living in a different part of the country later this year? He pushed the button to call Jason back, deciding to ease into it slowly.

“Hey!” Jason said, sounding eager.