Smile for Me (7 page)

“Helo?” Jason’s voice booms from the kitchen doorway. Kim freezes up.

“No.” I whisper against her ear. “Please, don’t pul away.”

“Good bye, Jase!” I holer towards the door.

“Oh! Right, I’m going back to Mandy’s. I’l be gone a long time. Probably stay for dinner. Maybe dessert!” The door slams loudly as he leaves.

“Don’t pul away from me, Kim. I am stil whispering in her ear. I want to hang on the intimacy of five seconds ago. “You are amazing. In a lot of ways, but definitely at kissing. You make me forget how to breathe.

“You realy don’t know what you are talking about.”

“I do. I didn’t need a second demonstration to know how great it would be. We would be like fire together, Kim.”

“Fire? That doesn’t sound good.” She hops off the couch and runs out the door before I can choose an alternate metaphor.

Needless to say—the rest of my day totaly sucked. Actualy the rest of the week sucked. Kim is crazy good at forgetting the best moments of my life. She greeted me normaly each morning, and we stil walked together to rehearsals together. Everything was perfect, except for the part where she didn’t want to be with me. And I didn’t get that either—she definitely responded to me. No matter how much indifference she was striving for in school I wasn’t going to forget that kiss, or how very
two sided
it was.

Chapter Thirteen

The Sunday show is a matinee. We are done al the clean up before 7:00, and there is a big cast party at one of the student’s houses. This weekend went just as wel as last. I am a little sorry now that I ever doubted Patterson.

Dave and I are playing a game of lazy game of slap jack on the floor in a corner of the party while we discuss the play, and how glad we are that it’s over, and how we can’t wait to see what the spring production wil be.

A pair of tal black high heels walk past Dave and stop right next to my knee. Kim Penney exclusively wears old lady shoes, but I know it is her anyway because attached to those shoes are her spectacular legs. And I would know those legs anywhere.

“Can I play?” She sounds unsure as we scramble off the floor to greet her. You wouldn’t believe it. She is wearing this short purple dress with no sleeves, and her beautiful hair is swirling free around her arm. She is wearing make-up. Not the caked on stage stuff from the show, but regular old eyeliner that make her eyes look even more amazing, and lipstick that makes me want to… wel I’m a gentleman so I wil leave that up to your imagination.

“Sure, Kim. Here take my cards.” Dave shoves his pile of cards into her hands and then walks away. Not very far from us a couple of ninth graders from the AV crew are sitting on a couch. Dave takes them with him.

“Wow. You look… beautiful.”

“Thanks, I would have been here earlier, but… wel do you know how long this takes? Mandy helped me.”

“Wow.” You already said that dude! I scream to myself. “I mean. Wel it was worth it, Kim. You are spectacular.” About a milion years pass by as we stare at each other. “Do you want to play cards?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

A milion more years.

“I got into Brown.”

“That’s awesome, Kim. Realy.”

“Yeah, you were right. I didn’t need the play. I made it with the regular acceptances. I’m glad though. I’ve had a lot of fun.”

“When you weren’t puking.”

“Right. When I wasn’t puking.”

“I guess Paul is glad.” Why? Why? Why? Can I not stop bringing up Captain Toast?

“He doesn’t know. We aren’t dating anymore.”

“Oh.” Great, Henries. Just great. But I don’t know what else to say. Would it be wrong for me to ask if she dumped him for me? Wel I would only want to know the answer if it is yes.

“I told him that I didn’t think it was working out after the dance.”

“Oh.” I am so glad I’ve decided to go into performance art. I sure have a way with words.

“So, I was thinking…” Kim looks very nervous. A stray thought occurs to me: I hope she doesn’t puke on her dress.

“Yes?” About me! Please say you were thinking about me!

“Maybe tonight you and I could be here together? Like we were a couple?”

“Kim Penney, are you asking me to be your date?” I am grinning. I am fairly certain my cheek bones are going to shatter from the pressure, but I can’t stop.

“I guess. You know—for tonight.” She looks down at her feet, and she turns a pretty shade of pink.

The next thing I know I am kissing her. My world explodes. Because now I know she wants to kiss me. It was her idea for crying out loud! There is a very inviting couch I am considering dragging her to, but I hate when couples make out at these things. Maybe we could just go. My truck is right outside. I have had enough of this party for tonight. Tonight. Damn. It took me this long to register that word. That damn super model dress has completely destroyed my brain functions.

I pul out of the kiss. “Kim?”

“Hmm?” She leans in to kiss me again. I swear I had no idea I possessed this kind of wil power, but I take another step away from her.

“I’m sorry, Kim. I think I am confused. But what happens after tonight?”

“What do you mean?” She looks confused too. Confused and beautiful.

“You said you wanted me to be your date
tonight.
What about tomorrow night? And the night after that?” Please tel me I over thinking this. Please tel me you need a date for every night for the rest of the year/decade/your life.

“Marshal. I don’t think we would be a very good idea, on a regular basis.”

Ice. Cold frozen ice comes crashing down on my head. “Why is that?”

“Wel the play is over, now.”

“So we wil have lots more free time!” Is that begging?

“I don’t know… we don’t realy have that much in common. Paul and I…”

“What? Paul and you what? You don’t have a damn thing in common with him. You are funny and passionate and he definitely isn’t. Is it because I’m not going to Brown? Because I’m not going to have a dependable job?”

“No! It’s just…”

“Hey! Marshal!” Randal Paxter comes barging into our fight. “I got my acceptance letter yesterday. Looks like we’l be seeing each other in New York next year.” He thumps me on the shoulder completely oblivious to what he’s interrupting.

“New York?” This is from Kim.

“Yeah, didn’t you know? Your man here got accepted to NYU last year. They wanted him bad.”

“Why do you look so surprised, Professor?” I am sneering at her. “Didn’t think I had it in me?” I have to leave. I barely make it to the truck before screaming my frustration.

Sure she responds to me, but she doesn’t want to be with me, because I
might
end up with a crappy job in four years! We can’t be together because theater isn’t finance. Awesome. Just terrific.

Kim Penney Fantasy of the Day
:
Kim never moves in. Two years ago a sweet old lady with 17 cats buys the house across the street, and
maybe she pays me ten bucks to shovel her driveway in the winter. Kim never moves in. I never even lay eyes on her. And I never go insane missing
something I never really had.

Chapter Fourteen

I am stil late for Brit Lit. Not because I am wasting any more of my time waiting for Kim at her locker, but because I am getting to school late so I am not tempted to waste time at her locker. It has been two weeks since the cast party. I assume Kim is eating her sandwich in the library again, because she sure isn’t sitting with me. I moved my seat al the way to the back row of history class. I can stil see her, and now I can’t see the board as wel. So yeah, my life is pretty awesome right now.

She must have gone shopping, because she has been wearing jeans to school. Not tee shirts but less granny-like tops, and in colors too. I cannot decide if I want to hope the new look has anything to do with me or not.

When I get home from school I am in a bad mood (again) from al the various reasons my life sucks these days. It doesn’t help that when I reach for the strawberry Pop-Tarts the whole box flies out of my hand, because I wasn’t expecting it to be so light. Who puts the box back empty!?! Of course. Who else?

“Jase! Jase! Is it too much to ask you to throw out your trash?” I round the corner to the living room and find my kid brother wrapped around his pretty little girlfriend al oblivious to those of us that are alone. “And why don’t the two of you get a room?”

“Because I don’t know any hotels that with give a room to a fifteen year old.” Jason is grinning even as Mandy punches him in the arm. “I was kidding! And anyway, Marshal I think Dad ate your stupid Pop-Tarts.”

I have no answer for him so I turn around to go back into the kitchen and rummage through the fridge when the door bel rings. Kim Penney is standing on our front porch. For just a moment I am determined not to open the door. But masochism dies hard. So I open the door and she steps inside. We stand there for a few moments. I haven’t said anything. Not ‘
come on in
or
how’ve you been.
I just stare at her.

She looks beautiful. Her hair is in that awful braid and she’s not wearing any make-up that I can tel. Her big winter coat is concealing al the rest of my favorite Kim Penney features. And she looks beautiful. Why do I let her make me feel like I’m not good enough for her?

“I’m not going to Brown.” She doesn’t even look me in the eye when she says that. She is looking at my nose, or maybe my mouth. Wait I don’t want to be thinking about Kim Penney thinking about my mouth.

“Okay, did Harvard or Yale come knocking?”

She tugs at her bottom lip with her teeth. And now we are back to mouths. “You are being kind of mean.” She says if very matter-of-factly. Because I am being kind of mean. But if it is hurting her feelings any she sure isn’t teling. “Can I come in?”

“You are in.”

“Can I come further in?” She takes a few steps towards the living room.

I stop her. “Jason and Mandy are in there. Come on.”

I lead her upstairs to the extra room that my parents refer to as an office. Mostly it is where mom stores boxes of junk. I could take her to my room, but I think being in my bedroom with Kim is an even worse idea than thinking about her mouth. There is an old couch against one wal, and then two even older desk chairs by the desk my mom has piled ful of things destined for Good Wil. Kim takes off her coat and settles into one of the desk chairs. Wel it was a good thing I wasn’t imagining getting cozy on the couch together. I can’t remember for sure, but I hope that is the chair with the spring that pokes you in the ass.

“I did get into Yale, you know.” From anyone else this would be bragging, but I know better about Kim. She is just stating a fact.

“Is there a point to this visit Kim?”

“Maybe.” What the crap does that mean?

“Okay, wel whenever you are ready…” I sit down on the couch and make a big show out of wiggling around on the soft cushions and making loud comfortable noises.

““I think that maybe Brown wil be a lot of unnecessary pressure. I’m not sure anymore about law school. I might stil end up there, but I want to explore my other options.” She stops for a minute and wets her lips. “I don’t suppose you would kiss me again?” I swear to you that I have to restrain myself from leaping up and doing just that. Even after al she’s put me through I am yearning for that Kim-Penney-Fog.

“Why do you do this to me?” I ask instead. “You must know that I am crazy about you, so this just seems cruel.”

“I’m not… I can’t stop thinking about you, and I don’t know what to do about that.” She is looking at me like maybe I should make a suggestion. As it happens I can think of several things she could do about that. But I don’t offer any advice.

“Kissing you isn’t going to make me change my mind about what I want to do in life. I might never make it in the theater, but I am stil going to try. And that is about as undependable as you can get.”

“You aren’t undependable, Marshal. Unpredictable maybe, but not undependable.”

“So I’m not good enough because I’m unpredictable? Wel I happen to think unpredictable is fun and you, sweetheart, are about as unpredictable as they come.”

“Don’t be absurd. Have I ever said you weren’t good enough? I know you think you have a crush on me…”

“Whoa. Am I ten? I don’t have a crush on you, Kim. I like you. I like you a lot.”

“Wel that’s just the thing. You like theater Kim that plays video games and watches TV. I’m never gonna be
that
girl. I might update my wardrobe a little, but skirts aren’t my thing—I like pants. I’m glad you like my hair, but it is more comfortable for me this way. And I like to keep busy. I don’t see myself curling up to watch a whole lot of Friday night movies anytime soon.”

“Who cares! We can do anything you want. Wear whatever you want. It’s your damn grandma wardrobe that’s been getting me out of bed early every morning al year anyhow.”

“What?”

“Every morning, Kim. Every morning I wake up and stand on the front porch waiting for you to leave for your SAT prep class. Because seeing you first thing in the morning makes every day better for me. And that has been going on since way before you needed help with the play.”

“I used to think I wanted someone who couldn’t ever hurt me. It is what I liked about being with Paul. You, Marshal, could hurt me a lot I think.”

“I never know what you are talking about, Kim.” I sigh and get up to stand next to her chair. “I would never hurt you.”

“That is what I’m talking about. The difference between wouldn’t and couldn’t. I didn’t care enough to give Paul that kind of power over me, and then you come along…and I care. It would hurt a lot if you decided plain Kim Penney wasn’t what you wanted after al.”

“Oh for crying out loud! For someone so damn smart you are also very dumb!” I pul her up out of her chair and kiss her. Hard and desperate like I can maybe kiss away al her dumb doubts. When neither of us can breathe normaly any more she puls away, but only slightly. I stil get to hold her. “Don’t cal yourself plain. There is nothing plain about Kim Penney.”

“I got into NYU. I thought … that if you wanted… we could be together.”

“I want Kim. I want that very badly.”

And just like that she smiles. A big wide toothy smile that makes her eyes wide and sparkly. “I love that smile, Kim. Promise me that you are going to smile for me a lot.”

“I promise.”