Smile for Me (6 page)

“We are going to the dance together tomorrow night. Is Paul going to make it home in time to take you?” I don’t know why I feel a need to torture myself this way.

“Yes. Just so you know—I didn’t tel him about…. you know.”

“About what Kim?” If she wants to pretend the greatest moment of my life never happened I am not going to make it easy on her.

“That you kissed me. I am not going to tel Paul that you kissed me.”

“Paul Arnold doesn’t scare me, Kim. I wouldn’t have kissed you if he did.” Before I can make myself into even more of a fool I climb into my truck and drive away from her.

Chapter Eleven

Mandy answers the door on the first knock. She looks incredible. Her dress is red with some kind of sparkly stuff around a very low neck line. Kim would never wear red. This thought makes me stop to wonder for a minute if anyone explained to Kim that she would have to buy a dress. Even if she shows up in a dress I am sure it wil be beige, or tan, or cream colored, or any of the other crayons that are always left over after you have broken the screamin’ greens, goldenrods, and razzamatazz’s.

“Umm… are you ready to go?” Mandy is shrugging into her own coat while I stand here thinking about Kim. I am such a punk.

“Here.” I grab the color of her jacket and help with the second sleeve. It is awkward since she is already halfway wearing it. “You look amazing Mandy. I love your dress.”

“Thanks. You look great too.”

We stare at each other for a second and then she turns and heads towards my truck in her driveway. I used to be good at dating… in case you were wondering.

About halfway to the school Mandy mentions the group of kids that have been haunting my Ms. Pacman machine at Slices lately. That crazy kid actualy thinks he has a chance at my score! Anyway the point is that talking about Slices dispeled any of the weirdness from being on a date and I am just enjoying being out with an old friend by the time I pul into the school parking lot.

“Wow, the lame committee realy went al out this year, huh?” Mandy is roling her eyes at the
Winter Wonderland
decorations. I don’t answer her, because I think it is kind of pretty.

Big rols of cottony stuff have been shaped to look like drifts snow against the wals, and above that the wals have been decorated with that plastic scenery wal paper with pictures of snowmen and snow covered trees, and for some reason one wal has a picture of an old fashioned cottage. Sparkly stars and snowflakes are hanging from the ceiling and doorways—a few of them have already falen to the floor and have footprints on them. Okay, so you have to use your imagination a little, but someone must have put a lot of effort into it.

Jason and his friends are al waving obnoxiously from a table with two open chairs. I take a step towards them, but Mandy threads her arm around mine and puls me in the opposite direction. She is walking too close to me and I am glad when we find an empty table, because I was afraid we were going to trip. “So, I guess you didn’t want to sit with Jason?”

“Nope. Dances are for
dates.
” She over emphasizes the last word and I have to quickly look away because I am afraid she and I are on two very different dates.

“Should we get some punch? Snacks?” I ask.

“Sure, let’s go.” Mandy and I go and join the line for the punch bowl and smal buffet line. I am already ready for this night to be over. Mandy is fun and beautiful, and I hate being here with her.

“Helo, Marshal.”

Turning around quickly I find Kim and Paul in line behind us. Kim is wearing beige. But let me tel you that a beige dress is nothing like beige pants. The dress clings to her every incredible curve in a way none of her granny clothes ever have. Instead of being neutral and boring the color of her dress is only a shade or two darker than her skin making my imagination go into overdrive. My brain stals. The thing that gives me the kick start I need is when I notice her hair. Instead of one thick braid down her back she is wearing her hair in one thick braid over her shoulder. Even at a dance in a pretty... beautiful… knock out of a dress she can’t let go enough to wear her hair loose. I find this a little annoying and I prefer annoyed to the way I was feeling half a second ago.

“Hey, Kim.” I respond in my most cool, casual, oh-fancy-meeting-you-here tone of voice. “Paul.” I nod slightly in the direction of her date who is standing behind her fiddling with his phone. He grunts a response.

“Kim! I love your dress! You must be Paul.” Mandy jumps in and starts shaking hands. “Do you have seats yet? Marshal and I have plenty of room at our table.”

I want to clamp my hand over her mouth, but that doesn’t seem very gracious. “Sure, sit with us.” I say instead.

“Okay.” Paul agrees and I am a little gratified when Kim shoots him a horrified look. Good. This should be uncomfortable for her.

“So, Paul. How do you like colege life?” Mandy finaly breaks our uncomfortably silence after we’ve been sitting at the table eating our crappy appetizer type foods for at least ten minutes.

“It’s fine.” He is so boring. What does Kim see in him? Paul Arnold isn’t bad looking, but that’s the best I can say for him. He’s not very tal, and Kim is probably a half inch or so taler. As far as I know he’s never been involved in athletics, and it shows. While he isn’t that big of a guy, every inch of him looks a little soft. Kind of like my dad’s old Gumby dol, only not green. Green skin would be much too interesting for Paul Arnold.

“Wel that’s nice.” Mandy isn’t one to give up so easily. “What sort of major are you interested in?”

“Business and finance.” Boring and more boring, I am thinking to myself. But it is certainly more steady and dependable than anything in the theater or film industries.

Mandy looks like she is giving up on drawing any sort of conversation out of Paul. I could have told her that was a bad idea before she started.

“So, how’s the play coming? Only six days left.” She looks back and forth from my face to Kim’s.

I take pity on poor Mandy and try and concentrate on the conversation. “Everything’s coming together realy wel. If Patterson can keep changes down to a minimum this week then I expect we’l have a good show.”

“He does make a lot of changes. You’d think he would satisfied by now.” Kim agrees.

“I’ve been hearing a lot of good buzz about your singing voice, Kim.” Mandy looks immensely relieved to have help in filing the silence.

“She’s amazing. You are in for a treat.” It is too true for me not to say it. No matter how irritated I’ve been with her lately.

Paul looks up from where he’s been playing with his phone again. “Yeah, I knew her voice would make getting cast in the play a sure thing. That was lucky, wasn’t it babe?” He looks at Kim and she nods.

“I don’t know if luck is the right word. Kim is working realy hard and she’s got a lot of talent.”

“Of, course. I am sure it takes a lot of time, but it wil al be worth it when you’re at Brown with me next year.”

“It does take a lot of time, but it’s kind of fun. I’m enjoying myself.” A tiny spark of defiance shines through Kim’s usual mask and I want to cheer for her.

“Whatever you say, babe.”

I am pretty sure Kim would not be impressed if I punched her boyfriend, but it might be worth it. I am stil weighing the pros and cons of blackening one or both of Paul’s eyes when Jason walks up.

“Nobody over here dancing tonight?” He doesn’t wait to be invited and just spins one of the empty chairs around to straddle the seat with his arms resting on the back of the chair. He is addressing al of us, but staring directly at Mandy. Mandy leans into my shoulder and her hand settles on my forearm.

“Wel, we’re here we might as wel.” Paul stands up puling Kim with him and they head off onto the dance floor.

Neither of them look to be having very much fun. Oddly, Paul doesn’t even seem to know he isn’t having fun. It is insanely easy to imagine Kim is dancing with a piece of toast. I have to wonder what Kim could possibly be getting out of that relationship. Surely dependable and steady aren’t worth boring and pompous.

“Want to give me a spin?” Jason is asking Mandy to dance. I hope she says yes. Then I can sit here and sulk while I stalker-stare at Kim Penney dancing with a piece of toast.

“Oh. I think I’d rather dance with my date. Marshal?” I have just enough brain cels stil firing to lead Mandy onto the dance floor.

It is a slow song—not one I recognize. I spin Mandy around a little so I can bring Kim back into my line of sight. She is obviously bored. They aren’t talking or even looking at each other. The only time you shouldn’t be looking at your dance partner is when you are snuggling closer to him like Kim did with me on Steve’s balcony…. Oh. Or when you are a jerk stalker that is on a date with another girl… I am such a jackass. I turn my attention back to Mandy.

“I’m sorry if you aren’t having fun, Mandy.” I am trying to apologize to her.

“Kiss me.” She demands.

Whoa! Clearly we realy
are
on two very different dates. No sooner does that thought form in my mind and she is gripping the sides of my face and shoving her lips onto mine. It isn’t even a kiss. It is… I don’t know, but I wouldn’t classify it as a kiss. I am too stunned to pul back until she releases her hold on me. When I straighten up (Mandy isn’t as wel fitted to dancing with me as Kim) I can see Jason standing in the middle of the dance floor with some girl I don’t know— not dancing and staring slack-jawed at us.

For someone hoping to make valedictorian I can be extremely dumb. I let out a groan and drop my forehead to Mandy’s. “You have the hots for Jason.” It is a statement not a question but she answers anyways.

“Clearly.” She doesn’t bother to deny it and I laugh at her a little.

“Jason thinks you have it bad for me—you don’t like me at al?”

“I like you! Just you know—we’re pals. Jason’s an idiot.” I feel a thousand times better now that I am sharing my misery with a good friend instead leading her on. “You aren’t mad are you? I mean, I figured with Kim…”

“I’m not mad. A little confused maybe—he’s a neanderthal.”

“Yeah, wel. He’s my neanderthal. Or he could be if he wanted to. Sometimes I think… and then he wanted us to go to the dance
with
Keith and Bily?

Arrgg!!”

I am chuckling some more. “You know what I think? Jason isn’t sharpest tool in the shed. Although he is definitely a tool.” She laughs too. “Come on.” I have an idea on how this evening doesn’t have to be a total bust. Mandy and I leave the gym and turn right. There is one section of halway that doesn’t get chained off when they have school functions. They always turn the lights off to discourage students, but clearly it has the opposite effect. The wals are already lined with couples. I never bring girls here—it seems kind of sleazy to me. But tonight it has the desired effect because before we get very far Jason’s hand grips my bicep and turns me around.

I can tel that is as far as he thought. Jason may be an idiot but he isn’t going to punch his big brother—I’d slaughter him. He is standing there with one hand curled into a fist and looking back and forth between Mandy and I al injured-puppy-like.

“She’s al yours, dude.” I grin and wink at him then I leave the happy couple to make fools of themselves in a dark crowded halway.

Back in the gym Kim is sitting at our table—alone. “Where’s Mr. Dependable?” I can’t help asking when I sit down. Kim rols her eyes at me, but she doesn’t defend him. A week ago I would have taken her lack of defense as a sign of progress. Now I know I’ve been fooling myself. Kim Penney is a lost cause.

“He wanted to make a phone cal. He’s in the hal, I imagine.”

Are you enjoying yourself, Kim?”

“Not realy.”

Her admission thrils me despite my resolution to remember the whole lost cause thing. “Wil you dance with me?” Kim looks shocked. “You already know I’m a good dancer and it ended up pretty wel the last time.”

“I remember, so I am going to say no.”

“I was joking Kim—mostly. I just want to dance. My brother just stole my date, so I find myself in need of a new dance partner.” Kim sighed with the air of a martyr before nodding ‘yes’. Instead of puling her into the throng of students beneath the disco bal I tugged her in the other direction into a corner where I can imagine we had some privacy. It isn’t as good as holding her on Steve’s balcony, or during out stage kisses, or even as good as helping her with plastic toy armor at
The Fun Factory
. Now I know that any moment Paul is going to walk back in and take her away from me. I know that this isn’t a beginning for us—it is just a moment that means more to me than it ever wil to her. This thought almost makes me walk away. But her dress is like nothing between my hand and her waist and while her hair is stil braided her one exposed bare shoulder has me hypnotized.

“Maybe you can tel me why?” I have to say something even though I doubt there is anything she can say that wil make this better.

“Why what, Marshal?” She sighs and acts like she’s tired of this conversation already—after only half a second of talking.

“Why you are with him? Why he is better for you.” I want to add ‘than me’, but a guy has to have some pride. I wil admit that I don’t have much where Kim is concerned, but there are stil a few remaining shreds. “Is it realy because he is so
dependable
?” I say the word with al the same inflection as one might use while describing brussels sprouts, or spinach, or anything else that tastes awful but we eat because it is good for us. “Is it because he wouldn’t hurt you? He isn’t alone in that category Kim.” I barely resist adding that I am in that category. That I would cut off my arm before I hurt her.

“I didn’t say
wouldn’t
, I said
couldn’t
.” Kim is doing that damn other conversation thing again. She doesn’t wait for me to catch up to her train of thought though. She just turns around and walks out.

Chapter Twelve

“I said ‘Don’t you love me?’”

For a split second I am confused. I almost grab her and admitted that yes, I thought I could very easily fal in love with her. And just in time I realize that she is waving her script at me, and waiting for Benny to answer Trish’s question.

“No. Of course not—wel not much.”

For the first time in my life I am looking forward to the end of a production before opening night. We are sitting on the edge of the stage in the otherwise empty school auditorium on a Thursday night. Tomorrow we wil have our opening show. Three shows this weekend and three shows next weekend and then it wil be over.

I can’t wait. Except that, however mixed up I am right now about my nonrelationship with Kim, I don’t realy think I am ready to give up seeing her every day. I mean and having her know I see her—not just waking up at butt o’clock each morning to watch her leave her house.

“You look tired.” Kim is packing up her book bag—I guess it is time to go. “I have realy appreciated this Marshal. I couldn’t have gotten through the last several weeks without your help.”

I don’t know why she says stuff like that to me. It would be easier if I could just go back to thinking she is super hot but rude and annoying. “Not a problem Kim.” We pick up our bags and walk quietly out to the parking lot.

They say a bad dress rehearsal is a sign of an excelent opening night. I realy hope that is true because this has been the worst dress rehearsal of my life. Kim looks fabulous in Trish’s dress. It isn’t short but whatever it’s made of molds to her legs with every step she takes. I’ve mentioned her great legs, right? Wel, that wouldn’t be so bad, but Kim’s hair has been loose al afternoon. And I completely underestimated how pretty that would be. I forgot six lines just during the scene where she is supposed to be laughing and gossiping in the background. Do you know how much hair flipping is involved in laughing and gossiping?

Things have been … strained between us since the Fal Formal. I looked for her after she left me alone in the gym, but she must have already left school by then. I almost caled her on Sunday. But I didn’t know what to say and anyway Paul might have stil been around. Al we ever talk about these days is this stupid play. She hasn’t put her homework away during lunch at al this week. Although with al the extra practicing I have to admit that I’ve been catching up on my assignments at lunch too.

“Are you nervous?” Kim asks me as we reach her car.

“Are you asking me if
I’m
nervous?” The very idea is so funny I am laughing at her, but she doesn’t get mad—actualy she is laughing too.

“I guess that means that you aren’t planning on throwing up tomorrow.” She jokes.

“Nope. I wil be staying miraculously vomit free. But don’t worry, Kim. You can throw up al you want just so long as you are done before curtain cal.” She rols her eyes at me, but she doesn’t try to deny the possibility.

The air is cold and I am sure that she wants to get into her car, but I have this heavy feeling in my chest. Tomorrow is opening night. In another week al my excuses for being Kim’s friend wil be out the window. It feels like that moment on jeopardy when the song speeds up and you have to say something even if you have no idea what the right answer is.

“You look pretty tonight, Kim.” Oh my god! Who says that? I am twelve years old again trying to get Amy Miler to sit with me at lunch time. “What I mean is that I like when you wear your hair down. You should wear it like this more often.” My hand reaches out al on its own to twist a few of the shiny strands around my fingers. It feels like silk.

“It gets in the way. Especialy at school—I can’t take notes if my hair is always faling across the page.”

“How very practical.” I tease her a little, and take a step closer.

“Good night, Marshal.” She escapes into her car, and my moment is gone.

***

“Has anyone seen Kim? Where is Trish? We need her makeup done 15 minutes ago!” Patterson is freaking out. That is just so very professional of him.

It isn’t difficult for me to find her. There are only two bathrooms anywhere near the auditorium. She is in the further one. “Kim?” I cal out.

“You do know what
ladies’ room
means right? Men are generaly prohibited.” She is mumbling from the handicapped stal at the far end where I can see her feet and legs sticking out in a familiar fashion.

“Wel, you know me. I am a regular rebel.” I slip into the stal next to her. “You gonna be okay?”

“Oh sure. In about three hours.”

“The play is only 100 minutes long.”

“I know. I am adding in time for residual humiliation.”

I have to laugh. She realy can be funny when she isn’t busy stomping al over my feelings. “Have I ever told you that I am a little bit psychic?” I reach out to help her to her feet and then to the sink to wash up.

“Psychic?” She looks at me doubtfuly in the mirror.

“Oh, yeah sure. I can totaly see the future.” She raises her eyebrows at me, clearly waiting for me to make my point.

I reach in my pocket and hand her a little box of mints. “They’re sugar free.” I say when she reaches for them. “You want to know what I foresee for this evening?” I continue when she pops a couple into her mouth and we start to walk down the hal back towards the auditorium. “A smash. A complete success. We are talking standing ovations here. And it wil be ninety percent because of you and that incredible voice.”

“Only ninety percent?”

“Wel I do have to save something for my own ego you know.”

I’m right. It is a smash and we do get that standing ovation. Of course most high school production do. Family members tend to be fairly easy critics. Kim nailed every line, every mark, and of course every song. Even our cheesy stage kiss got a big ‘
aaww!!!’
from the audience. In the aftermath while everyone is celebrating with high fives and embarrassing family hugs I am too high on adrenaline to care about the last week. Dave and the guys are al waiting to hit Slices for celebratory pizza and I am looking for Kim. She should come too—she deserves it.

“Kim!” I have to run to catch her in the parking lot. She’s alone. No parents, friends, not even Captain Toast. “Where are you going?” She just stares at me, so I keep talking. “Everyone is going to Slices. Wil you meet us there?”

“I don’t think so Marshal. I’m tired. I am just going to go home.”

“Don’t be like that Kim. You should come celebrate with us. You worked harder than anybody.”

“I thought we established that I am not realy a partier.”

“Agree to disagree. As it happens, I thought that party at Steve’s house was pretty awesome.” No answer, just a little wave of her hand before she drives away. It is a good thing pizza is just as good for walowing as it is for celebrating.

“Couldn’t talk The Professor into joining us, huh?” Dave guesses once we’ve pushed a bunch of the smaler tables together along the back wal at the restaurant.

“She was too tired.” Her excuse sounds even lamer as I repeat it. Dave has been teling me for two years that I am crazy. That she isn’t interested and I should move on. “I am starting to think you might be right, Dave—she isn’t interested in me.”

“Huh. And I was just starting to think that she was. Go figure.”

***

I checked the audience carefuly the rest of the weekend. I never did see Mr. or Mrs. Penney, or Paul. My mom and dad were in the front row every night, and Jason and Mandy were there two out of the three.

With the first weekend of performances behind us there is a lot less tension in rehearsals this week. We are going to do two more shows this weekend before we wrap it up, but last weekend’s success has us al feeling pretty confident. As a matter of fact as a reward for al our dedicated work Patterson is giving us this afternoon off from practices. Miss Channing would never cancel rehearsals two days before a performance.

“So what are you planning to do with your afternoon off?” Kim fals into step beside me in the hal after history class. Just as she would any other day when we were headed towards the auditorium.

“Not much. I feel a need to veg.”

“Veg?”

I look at her with wide eyes and a big grin. “Realy, you haven’t heard the term ‘veg out’?”

“Oh. Sure.” I can tel by the way she answers that she is lying.

“I mean I am going to go home and relax. Eat some popcorn, maybe watch a movie if Jason and Mandy aren’t making out on the couch… blech!” My sound effect makes Kim giggle. It is a nice normal girlie sound and I like hearing it from her.

“Are you okay, with that?”

“With watching a movie? Duh—it was my idea.”

“No. I meant about your brother and Mandy.” Kim is roling her eyes at me. Like it is my fault she changes conversation topics at the speed of light.

“Oh. Sure—I told you before Mandy and I are just friends. I don’t like her that way.” Kim is coming dangerously close to the types of conversations that lately have been making her turn tail and run off on me. “So, how about you? Big Wednesday night plans?”

“Not realy.”

“Good. You can watch a movie with me.”

“I don’t know…”

“Too late. It is already settled. My family room—4:00 Kim Penney. Don’t be late.” I walk away quickly so she can’t think of any excuses.

I can’t decide what dvd to put in. I stopped at one of those vending machines on the way home and rented three different movies. Then I sent Jason and Mandy down the street to her house for their daily dental exams. Those two are realy starting to get on my nerves. I think I preferred the Popeye debate. Jason is fifteen and his love life is head and shoulders above mine right now. Lame.

“It’s four o’clock.” Turning around, I find Kim standing in the middle of my family room looking like she is going to her own execution.

She certainly helps keep my ego in check. I have the sudden urge to start flexing my muscles and maybe start striking strong man poses. You know—prove to her that there is a reason for Claire Haines to folow me around the hals the way she does.

“Just in time, Kim. You can pick the dvd.” I wave my hand over the coffee table where I’ve stacked the dvds next to a big bowl of popcorn and a plate filed with some carrots and crackers.

Her eyes went to my snack choices instead of the movies. “Hungry?”

“It is traditional to eat popcorn with a film. You can have that, right? I googled it, but the carrots and crackers also seemed like a safe bet.”

“You googled popcorn?” She looks incredulous.

“Wel, I googled diabetes, but there are a couple different types and I didn’t know enough. Popcorn was on both lists.” A smirk (so close to a smile) and a little laugh are my reward for spending 40 minutes on my laptop cross referencing our meager kitchen contents with medical websites. Totaly worth it. “Popcorn is fine, Marshal. Here we can watch this one.” She didn’t even look at the titles before selecting the top one handing it over.

A chick flick. That’s fine, though. I am secure enough in my man-ness to spend the afternoon with Hugh Grant. I put the movie in, draw the drapes, and shut off the over head light—just to reduce glare. Then I join Kim on the couch. I fil one smal plastic bowl to the top with popcorn and then start scooping some into a second bowl with a measuring cup.

“Umm… what are you doing?” Kim is looking at me weird. Maybe I gave her too much?

“The internet said three cups. Is that too much? Not enough?”

“You are measuring my afterschool snack?”

“google said…” !!! Why do I suddenly feel like an idiot?”

“It’s fine, Marshal. Three cups is fine. I just don’t need to be quite as fussy about it as your research seems to suggest.” I hand her the bowl of measured popcorn and a bottle of water, press play on the remote, and settle back with one arm on the back of the couch behind her ready to drop around her at the slightest hint of approval.

“She would never fal for that in real life!”

“What happened to being a more empowered woman?”

“I like him way more than the other guy.”

“What exactly is a pratt anyway?”

Kim talks through the whole first half of the movie. It is a little annoying, but not as bad as you might think. “Do you always during movies, or do you want to pick something else.”

She cringes a little. “Sorry. I told you, I don’t usualy watch TV. How much longer is this?”

“Are you bored?” I am not insulted. I am not insulted. I am not insulted.

“No. But, I don’t know wouldn’t you rather be doing something?”

Thoughts of al the things I would rather be doing with Kim on a couch in our dark family room rol around in my brain. Automaticaly I drop that arm down around her shoulders and stretch out my other arm to brace myself on the edge of the couch behind her. Leaning forward I bring my face close to hers. “I would actualy, Kim. I would rather be doing something.”

“Th—that’s not exactly what I meant”

“Why do you look so scared? Don’t I kiss as wel as Paul?” I smile so she wil think I am teasing.

She actualy looks surprised. “I’m sure you do.”

“Don’t you remember? I would be very happy to give you another demonstration.”

“Oh. I remember.” She sounds al breathless and nervous. I love it. “It’s just me. You know. I’m not very good at…” I am so shocked that I sit back up. She thinks she isn’t a good kisser? Does she not remember Steve’s party? “Why do you think that?” Her face turns cherry red and she looks down at her hands. “It’s fine. Paul explained it to me—I am too uptight.” Al reason and caution desert me. I reach out and pul Kim to me before I can talk myself out of it. There is no hesitation this time. Her arms reach for me just as hungrily as my own. I have enough time to notice that she tastes a little like popcorn and then I am lost in the Kim-Penney-Fog again. Nothing else around us exists except for her insistent lips pressing into my own, her sweet tongue darting into my mouth, her fingers lightly digging into my biceps, and her hair beneath my own fingers. I tug the twister out and it lands somewhere on the floor. My fingers are struggling to loosen the braid and then I am dragging my fingers through her soft silky hair.