Six Years (26 page)

I nibbled on his lower lip and immediately, he granted access to my tongue. He caged my head in his hands and took control of the kiss with a groan as my sigh morphed into a whimper when his tongue started to mingle with mine, drawing sinful patterns that made me shiver. Just as we were about to break the kiss, I tugged on his lip ring with my teeth.

“It drives me nuts when you do that.’’

“And it drives me crazy to look at your piercing. We’re even,’’ I croaked close to his face.

“Are we good?’’

I nodded and smiled at him before I leaned into him again and soon, his hands began to wander on my body, driving away the last traces of the anger and uncertainty I felt. He could hang over his fears all he wanted, try to not fully open up to me, but he still felt something for me, something damn well close to love. He had my heart and his was half-way to being mine.

* * *

BROOKLYN

“Tell me again why I let you convince me to see my mother again?’’ he asked as he parked his posh SUV in the parking lot of the hospital.

“I think the second round of sex on my couch made you quite pliable.’’ I laughed at his mock glare and I jumped out of his car, feeling light and carefree. A weight had lifted from my shoulders after we talked earlier today.

He followed me into the hospital quite grumpily, but he didn’t try to back out. I smiled and waved at one of the nurses I always saw when I came visiting Mrs. Bell. She waved back at me and her eyes lingered longer on Nolan with an interested spark. I schooled my face to keep my irritation from showing. Nolan was an attractive man, he held himself with assurance, he was obviously not poor and he had a piercing. It went without saying that he attracted attention. And that nurse was a cute little thing. I glanced at Nolan, but he wasn’t paying any attention to the nurse. I had his full attention. His smirk made me blush when I thought back to the last time he smirked at me that way; we had less clothes on at the time.

“What?’’ I asked as I called the elevator. I had a hard time not smiling silly, but it wasn’t my fault if I felt like a schoolgirl talking to her first crush. I was on cloud nine and still surfing on the after sex glow.

“You were jealous just then.’’ He said in my ear, his breath fanning my exposed neck. He put a hand on the small of my back when the elevator’s door opened. I walked in on wobbly legs and pressed the third button. More people got into the elevator and pushed us to the back, Nolan’s side pressed against me.

“You saw that?’’

“It’s wrong, but I think it’s hot.’’ His voice was very low for only me to hear.

I snaked an arm around his waist and hooked two fingers in his belt made with real leather and not the cheap kind. I inhaled in his woodsy aftershave smell and dropped my head on his shoulder. “I’m not the jealous type usually.’’

He wrapped me in both arms, caging me against his body as if he didn’t want to let me go, as if he needed to feel me as close as possible. Against him that way, I felt like it was a possessive move, to show to the others, even people we’d never seen in our life, that I was taken. I loved this. I snuggled closer to him and I felt his chest rise and fall in a contented sigh. The elevator doors finally closed.

“Maybe it’s because you never had a good person in your life to make you feel jealousy.’’

“It doesn’t bother you? I thought guys hated jealous girls. Isn’t it the first step toward being too clingy?’’

He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me tighter to him. “Not when it’s you.’’

The elevator arrived at the third floor and we snaked through the people along with a middle-aged woman in tow leaving the packed elevator. As soon as we hit the hall of the third floor, I heaved a relieved sigh. I hated packed small places. It was summer and although the hospital was careful not to be too overheated, it didn’t mean that it was that cool either. I ran a hand on the nape of my neck and cringed with disgust at the small coat of sweat there. Even with my hair in a high ponytail I was sweating.

We walked down the hall and stopped outside Mrs. Bell’s room. The door was cracked open and she was talking with a serious yet attractive looking doctor. The man was tall and slender with his white coat hiding most of his body. His sun-kissed skin looked healthy and his dark eyes conveyed an obvious intelligence that was almost intimidating when he glanced at us walking in the room. His straight nose and thin lips added to the seriousness of his expression.

“You must be Mrs. Bell’s son,’’ the doctor acknowledged Nolan with a nod before his eyes landed briefly on me. “I’m Dr. Irwing.’’

Nolan extended a hand and shook with the young doctor. I walked to Mrs. Bell and smiled at her before I glanced back to the doctor, dreading any more bad news.

“Nolan Bell. Any updates?’’ he asked without even once glancing at his mother.

I gritted my teeth and said nothing. If it was to make no attempt at being kind to her, I didn’t know why he agreed to come with me. He should know that it wasn’t what I had in mind. And watching Mrs. Bell’s eyes turning sad wasn’t something I enjoyed all that much.

“She hasn’t responded well to the treatment which means that she might have less time than we first thought. Her metabolism is weaker than it should be, but I’m sure that moving her to the hospice will be for the best. It’ll grant her more rest and peace, something I highly recommend.’’

Nolan nodded and thanked the doctor for his time and explanation. With another nod for us, he walked out, his white coat almost flying behind him. Nolan sighed and took the chair I left vacant for him while I sat on the bed, one of Mrs. Bell’s hands in mine.

“I’m happy to see you both,’’ she said with a croaked voice, her breathing raspy.

I felt Nolan tense, but he didn’t make a move. In fact, he wasn’t blinking either. His eyes were hard on his mother and his mouth was in a straight line.

“When are they moving you?’’ he said before I could indulge his mother with some small talk. I turned to him fully and glared, but he didn’t see me. Though, his hand crept to my thigh where he clasped it as if I was his life line. I put my free hand over his and traced soothing circles over his skin.

Mrs. Bell followed his move and glanced back at me with a small smile tilting her chapped lips upward. “Tomorrow. I’m glad because I can’t sleep a lot here. They’re always walking in to take my vitals and check my IV and they aren’t all that discreet when they do so.’’ She yawned and her eyes filled with tears. With the way she was looking at her son, I was pretty sure that it had nothing to do with the exhaustion and everything to do with Nolan. The establishment where she will be transferred is over an hour from here and nothing would say if Nolan would go visit her there. Even I wasn’t sure I would be able to with work and the cost of the gas and that was without talking about my beat up car that could quite possibly die at any moment.

I glanced to and from Nolan and Mrs. Bell, not sure what to say or do. I squeezed Nolan’s hand and he looked at me. He tried to hide the vulnerability his eyes held, but it was useless. I knew him too well, even all these years later. It made me think about that first time I saw his mother losing it at their house. He looked like a lost little boy, broken and with the world on his shoulders. This time around, unlike when he was younger and I was just a little girl, he was silently begging me. I didn’t have a solution, a miracle to propose. Nothing.

“I should let you two to talk.’’

“You’re not going anywhere. Stay.’’ Nolan’s words were biting, but I knew it was more from fear than anger. He was truly scared and for once, he drew strength from me. I nodded and forced a smile.

“Are you ready to talk about the past now?’’ Mrs. Bell asked slowly, as if afraid to set him off.

“Isn’t it what you did last week?’’ I was frowning, but I was at a loss. What had Nolan talked about with his mother if not about the past before he came to me?

“Nolan only talked about you. At least we were able to have a discussion and for once, I was able to give a good advice and from the look of things, he listened.’’

He chuckled and started to relax some. He pushed the chair closer to the bed and snaked an arm around my calves, his strong arm secured around me, anchored to me. I smiled too and put a hand on his cheek, unable to keep myself from showing such affection when we had a witness.

Mrs. Bell sighed and I glanced back at her, breaking eye contact with Nolan, whose eyes were turning a molten brown as that same attraction sizzling between us soared.

“You two are really cute together. I never had that.’’

Nolan straightened in the chair and released some of his tight grip on my legs. “And dad?’’

She shrugged and he pulled his hand away from mine. She messed a little with the tube of her IV, but I saw right through her. She was stalling. She cleared her throat and sat in her bed, readjusting her scarf around her head while doing so. “I loved your father, but there was always a breach between us and unfortunately I was the one trying to close it. The more I tried, the more he pulled away and used alcohol to numb himself. Then, I started to use drugs to numb myself and it went downhill pretty fast.’’

“I was just collateral damage, right?’’ he bit harshly, his shoulders tensed all over again as his fingers were tightly holding my legs and his free hand was closed into a tight fist, whitening his knuckles.

“You were the innocent one caught in the middle of our mess. I should have been stronger and left your dad instead of waiting for him to leave and then drown even more. I have no excuse. The only explanation is that I loved your dad and that I was a weak, selfish woman. I hurt the person I cared about the most and all of this for someone who didn’t deserve it.’’

“I don’t understand.’’ He shook his head, puzzlement in his eyes.

I bit my lip and gazed longingly at the door. It wasn’t my place to be witness to this. I should let them hash it out and move on, but Nolan wouldn’t let me. Instead, I kept quiet and let them deal with their past, all the while praying that it would bring some peace of mind to Nolan.

“Unhealthy relationships are hard to understand, Nolan.’’ She gazed into space as if remembering something bittersweet. “They only hurt people and leave them broken or hardened. I was left broken and a junkie. I always had abandonment issues and your dad leaving us…’’ she trailed off, turning away from us to hide the pain marring her gaunt face.

“He was a poor excuse of a husband and father. You should have seen it.’’

She nodded and brought a hand to her face. She was drying her tears and it tugged at my heart. “I should have. I told you, I have no excuse.’’

“He never loved you.’’

“Nolan!’’ I admonished him, punching his shoulder at his harshness. No need to push it more. She was already figuratively speaking on the ground.

“He’s right, Brooklyn.’’ She smiled at me a little strained before she locked eyes with her son again, a son who was very intense and showing only anger and resentment. “Your father never loved me as I wanted to believe he did. He was infatuated with me and settled down with me when in fact he never wanted to. I had my own issues and flaws and our relationship wasn’t strong enough. We had you too young and…’’

“Life got in the way,’’ I finished for her softly.

Nolan looked at me and the hardness in him started to disappear until only raw emotions were left and his eyes began to moisten. “Life.’’ He nodded and let a tear fall before he brushed it away quickly. He cleared his throat. “We all make mistakes.’’

“Mine aren’t… It’s not…’’ Mrs. Bell stuttered before she started to cough again. “You have no idea how sorry I am, Nolan. You’re my son, the little boy who used to try to comfort me, the teenager who took care of me. You did so much for me and I did nothing for you. If I had a second chance, I’d do everything differently. Everything.’’

“You can’t change the past. I don’t even know why I’m still so mad about that shit. It’s been years.’’

“Our past defines us, Nolan. My parents died—your grand-parents—died when I was barely an adult. I felt abandoned, lonely and scared all the time. I started to hang out with the wrong crowd, drank and did drugs and then I met your father. I straightened myself out for him for a while and you know the rest. But their death changed me, just like what you went through because of me made you so hurt, so afraid to take the chance at being happy with Brooklyn. The past is important even if it shouldn’t lead our present life.’’

“Do you think this little chat is going to make everything better?’’

“No, but it’s a good start. You’re stronger than me and I know you have someone in your life able to shake you whenever you need it.’’ She smiled at me and then started to cough harder. “And I hope you’ll move on someday.’’ She coughed more and sighed heavily when she calmed some. It was painful to hear and witness. Her eyelids were heavy with exhaustion.

I stood up and smiled down at her as she laid down again. “I’ll try to visit you if my car doesn’t break on me.’’

“Don’t be silly. Save your money.’’

“I’ll spend my money however the hell I want!’’ I replied, mockingly aghast. She laughed softly, her thin shoulders shaking.

I moved away to give Nolan some room to say goodbye. He stood up and with bunched shoulders, walked to the bed. He was tall, but at that moment he didn’t look that impressive. He bent and sighed again, his eyes taking in his mother’s state, obviously dying. Slowly, he took her frail hand in his big one and kissed her knuckled.