Sisters Grimm 05 Magic and Other Misdemeanors (9 page)

"I want a large decaf nonfat soy iced latte with sugar-free hazelnut."

"Give me a triple red-eye espresso, over lactose-free milk with cane sugar."

"One extra-large chai tea swirl with a dash of fresh cinnamon."

The family got into the line and slowly worked their way to the counter.

"Jacob," Ms. Rose said sweetly when it was their turn.

"Briar," he replied. "You look amazing." The princess blushed. "You always say that."

"It's always true."

"Don't distract her," said a little old woman at the end of the line. "I need my caffeine and I need it now!"

"Sorry, Mrs. Finnegan," the princess said. "It'll only take a second."

"C'mon, pal," a man shouted from the middle of the line. "We've been here a long time."

Sabrina cringed. "They're going to kill us all right here in the store."

"Briar, what is the holdup?" Mallobarb asked as she approached from behind the counter, Buzzflower by her side. When the fairy godmothers spotted Uncle Jake, they scowled.

"Only paying customers," Buzzflower said angrily.

"Hello, ladies, we're happy to buy something," Uncle Jake said. "In fact, we haven't had lunch yet. I suppose we'll take four of those blueberry muffins, and I'll have a coffee."

"What kind of coffee?" Mallobarb snapped.

"What kind? Coffee coffee," he replied.

The line let out a collective groan, and Mrs. Finnegan could be heard muttering, "Amateurs."

"Get him the African blend," Briar said to her fairy godmothers.

They gave her a suspicious look, but rushed to fill the order. This gave the two adults a rare moment together without the watchful eyes of the rotund fairy chaperones.

"Any chance you could take a break?" Uncle Jake said.

"NO!" Everyone in the line shouted.

"We're in the middle of our lunch time rush," Briar explained.

"Just a second," Uncle Jake pleaded, flashing a handsome grin at the princess.

Briar Rose laughed and then took off her apron. "Ladies, I'll be right back," she said as she tossed her apron on the counter.

The line turned on the Grimms. There was rage in their faces.

"People, try some decaf," Uncle Jake said. He opened the door wide, ushered the children out, and then bowed deeply as Briar Rose passed.

"Sorry about that," Briar said once they were outside. "Coffee is addictive, and people get angry when they need their fix."

"I've gotten warmer receptions from banshees," Uncle Jake said with a grin.

"At least Mallobarb and Buzzflower didn't try to turn you into a dung beetle this time," Briar replied.

"I told you I'd win them over."

Briar laughed. "I had a nice time last night."

"I'm still embarrassed about the meatball," Jake said, blushing. "I had no idea they were so aerodynamic," Ms. Rose said with a giggle.

"I have to admit, I'm a bit of a klutz. If you keep seeing me, I'm going to ruin your entire wardrobe."

"Well, then you're lucky I like to shop," the princess said.

"Could someone kill me?" Puck begged. "If I have to hear one more word of this mushy love story, I'm going to throw myself off a bridge."

"Uh, I hate to admit it, but he's right. Aren't we supposed to be solving a mystery?" Sabrina said.

"Well, hello!" a voice said from behind them. The group turned around to find Tom Baxter crossing the street. He was with three young men, all wearing glasses and sweaters. Each wore a button pinned to his clothes that read I

CALLED THE DR. CINDY SHOW

. "Nice to see you again," the old man said with a smile.

"Nice to see you, too," Daphne said. "Where's Dr. Cindy?"

Tom pointed across the street to a tall building with a huge metal tower on its roof. Granny had once told Sabrina that it was the offices of Ferryport Landing's radio station, WFPR.

"She's busy preparing for tonight's show," Tom said. "It takes a lot of work and an awful lot of planning. But I'm being rude. Folks, these are some of my colleagues. Malcolm is our show's producer, Alexander is our sound engineer, and Bradford fields phone calls. They also help me cross the street from time to time."

Everyone introduced themselves and shook hands. "I never miss a show," Puck said.

Sabrina turned, half expecting to find the boy laughing, but he was deadly serious.

"What?" Puck said defensively. "You should hear the people that call Dr. Cindy. All of them are sad, depressed, and lonely. It's one of the funniest shows on the radio."

Malcolm frowned. "Well, we better get our coffee and get back."

"He's right," Tom said. "Cindy can be a real bear when she doesn't get her latte."

The Grimms watched Tom and his coworkers enter the coffee shop, then they turned back to Ms. Rose.

"Briar, a few people at our party have had some things stolen from their homes," Uncle Jake said. "I don't want to pry, but if something were missing, we suspect it would be something magical. Have you or your fairy godmothers been robbed?"

"Mallobarb and Buzzflower don't let their magic wands out of their sight, and all I have at home are a few magic seeds. Everything is accounted for."

"Perhaps I should come over some evening and just make sure," Uncle Jake said with a grin.

"You never quit, do you?" Ms. Rose said with a laugh. "Maybe you should ask Frau Pfefferkuchenhaus. Her office is right next door."

"Good idea. Kids, do you want to go do that?" Uncle Jake said, winking at them. Sabrina didn't have to be a mind reader to know he was trying to get a little alone time with the princess.

"Sure, we'll go take a look," Sabrina said, pulling her sister and Puck along. They walked next door and spotted a sign on the building that read dr. f. pfefferkuchenhaus--dentist.

On the front door was a painting of several happy children with enormous, toothy smiles. All of them were saying, "Everyone smiles for Dr. P!" in a big cartoon balloon.

"What's a dentist?" Puck asked.

Sabrina cringed, imagining the cavities the boy must have. "There's a question you don't ever want to hear someone ask you."

The lobby was clean and neat, with paintings of dancing teeth all over the walls. A thin receptionist with eyeglasses that made her look like an owl sat at the desk filling out paperwork.

"Welcome to Dr. P's," she said when she looked up. Her glasses were so thick, Sabrina wondered if the woman might be able to see through her. "Do you have an appointment?"

"No, actually we were hoping we could talk to the doctor. Tell her that Sabrina and Daphne Grimm are here. She'll see us."

The receptionist picked up the phone and tapped a few buttons. "Dr. P, I'm sorry, I know you're with a patient. There are three children out here who say they know you. They say their last name is Grimm... really? Of course."

She hung up the phone and got up from her seat. "She'll see you.

She led the group through the hallway past several open doorways. As they walked past, Sabrina could see patients sitting in dental chairs getting their teeth cleaned. The high-pitched squeal of drills filled the air. Somewhere, a man let out a painful groan.

"Is this a torture chamber?" Puck asked eagerly. "Listen to all the suffering! Isn't it cool?"

"This is a dental office," the receptionist explained. "People come here to get a healthy smile."

There was another groan.

Puck laughed. "Sure! That guy sounds like he's smiling, all right! Are you hiring?" The receptionist brought them to a room where they found the gingerbread witch probing the teeth of a very nervous man in a chair. Sabrina had read the story of Hansel and Gretel and knew the witch's reputation, but at the same time she knew Frau P occasionally came to the family's assistance. Was she one of the good guys or a villain? Sabrina couldn't be sure. She had certainly never suspected that the woman's day job was dentistry. Hadn't she once had a house made out of candy?

"Mr. Easy, can you feel that?" she asked her patient. He had a suction tube in his mouth and Dr. P's fingers on his tongue.

The man said no, though with some difficulty.

"What about that?"

"No!"

"Good, and what about this one here?" The man cried out in agony.

"OK, looks like you need some more gas," the witch said, covering Mr. Easy's face with a mask connected to a tank by a long tube. The man took several deep breaths and his tense hands relaxed their grip on the sides of his chair.

"Hello, Grimms. What can I do for you?" the witch said. "I'm having a special on root canals."

"We'll pass," Sabrina said. "We're investigating a series of crimes. Maybe you've heard about Morgan le Fay and Baba Yaga's problems?"

"Indeed I have," the witch said. "Let me finish up with Mr. Easy here, and I'll be right with you."

Dr. P picked up a tiny drill and turned it on. It whined loudly, and then she went to work on the poor man's teeth. The gas she had given him must have been wonderfully strong, as he barely even noticed the awful crunching noises.

Puck pushed his way in front of the girls to get a better view of the procedure. "I think I know what I want to be when I grow up," he said.

"Oh, there's lots of money in dentistry," the witch said over the noise. "People just can't get enough of the sugary sweets and they rarely floss. I've got appointments backed up for months."

"You mean, people pay you to do this to them? I thought you had captured these people and brought them here against their will. How do I become a dentist?"

"You have to go to school," Sabrina said, hoping the thought of an education might deter Puck's sudden career choice.

"You do?" the witch said, eyeing Sabrina. "I didn't know that."

Mr. Easy let out a groan, then mumbled something about seeing her medical license.

"What's that? You need more gas?" the witch said, shoving the mask back onto the man's face. Several seconds later he returned to la-la land. "I used to sell candy out of this place, but once the story got around, I couldn't drag children into the store."

"The Hansel and Gretel story?" Daphne said to clarify.

The witch nodded. "It ruined my business."

"Are you surprised?" Sabrina said.

"You did try to eat them," Daphne added.

"Oh, I did not!" the witch said, suddenly jerking and making a terrible cracking sound in Mr. Easy's mouth. "I was just trying to scare the little brats."

"That's not what I read," Sabrina said. She knew the story of Hansel and Gretel, two children who wandered into the woods and found a house made out of candy and gingerbread. The witch had captured the children and tried to fatten them up so she could devour them. It was gruesome stuff.

"Well, you shouldn't believe everything you read. First of all, those kids were out of control, wandering around in the woods, making all kinds of racket. I mean, what kind of parent lets their kids play in a forest? Really! People should have to have a license to have children.

"Second, they were eating my house," the witch continued as she went back to work on Mr. Easy's bicuspid. "The boy was outside gnawing on the fence, the girl was licking the shutters. Mongrels, that's what they were. I called the police and you know what they told me? If I was going to live in a house made of candy, I should expect children to come along and eat it. Is that what I was paying taxes for? No! So, I took the law into my own hands."

"You put them into a cage!" Sabrina said.

Puck laughed. "That's so awesome."

"It was only for a couple of hours. I fed them too, and trust me, it was the only decent meal the kids had had in a long time. Their mother never saw a carbohydrate she didn't love, and those kids were really packing on the pounds. That's the part of the story no one's ever heard. Yes, I fed them, but I gave them a salad. They had no idea what it was--apparently, they'd never had a meal that wasn't covered in cheese sauce! Well, after dinner I let them go and before I knew it I was being called a cannibal. The only thing bigger than their waistbands was their imagination."

The witch set her tools down and took off her rubber gloves. "Mr. Easy, I've got good news and bad news," she said to her patient, who gazed at her dreamily. "The good news is we're going to be able to save the bicuspid. The bad news: All the other teeth are going to have to come out."

"What?" Mr. Easy cried.

"You need more gas," Frau Pfefferkuchenhaus said as she took the mask and put it over her patient's mouth and nose. "Just breathe deep."

Mr. Easy's head was wobbly and a line of drool was dribbling down his chin. "Mughadinkalbeettershpliem," he mumbled.

The witch got up from her chair and led the children out into the hallway.

"We don't want to bother you, but we were wondering if anything has been stolen. Say, something magical?" Sabrina said.

The ancient witch shuffled uncomfortably and nodded. "I had a small vial of water from the Fountain of Youth."

"Why didn't you ever use it?" Puck asked rudely.

"It doesn't make you young," she replied with an angry glare.

"Uh, can we back up? What does this water do?" Daphne said.

"It stops you from getting any older. For an Everafter like me, it's worthless--we're immortal anyway--but I thought I might make a little extra cash someday selling what little I have to a human. Unfortunately, when I came in this morning, it was gone. Someone stole it right out of my locker."

"Could we take a look at the locker?" Sabrina asked.

The witch led the children down a hallway into a small room. There they found a table, some jackets hanging on the wall, and a row of lockers. One of the lockers had the door ripped off its hinges. It lay on the floor in a twisted heap.

"Whoever did it was strong enough to rip the door off," the witch said.

"No," Sabrina said, holding the warped locker door. "It pushed itself out from the inside. If someone had ripped it off, the bend would be going in the opposite direction."

She looked inside the locker and spotted the woman's handbag. There was a small hole in the side of it, identical to the one in Morgan le Fay's bag.

"So, you think whatever stole the water came out of this locker?" the witch said.