Sinner (14 page)

Chapter Six

Josie

Oh my god. What was I thinking?

I made a decision to break away from Zach, and instead I ended up in bed with him. I’ve just broken ever personal and professional rule that I’ve lived by for years. Those were the rules that got me through college and allowed me to graduate at the top of my class. Those rules are the reason I’ve been so successful. I know that my father pulled some strings to get me this gig, but those strings wouldn’t be there to pull if I’d ruined my personal and professional reputation.

I sneak out of bed and go to the room I should have been sleeping in last night. I feel bad for ditching Zach this way, but I need some distance to think. The first call I make is to the airline to see if I can get myself on an earlier flight. The second call I make is to my mother.

It’s early, but she’s up. I learned my work ethic from both of my parents, but I learned how to hustle as a woman in this industry from my mother. Most of my rules are a product of watching her make her way in the music business. My father is a powerful man, but my mother earned her way on her own. She never took his last name just so that it was clear that she’d earned her achievements on her own. Daddy never pulled strings for her, and I imagine she would have murdered him if he’d tried.

“Mom. I’ve messed up.” I whisper into the phone when she answers.

“Do you love him, Josephine?” I didn’t even have to tell her because she knew exactly what I’d done.

“I think I do.”

“That makes it so much harder.” She says sympathetically.

“What do I do, Mom?”

“Josie, I didn’t raise a stupid woman. You have an artist’s creativity and a business sense like no other. You’ll figure it out. Just don’t rush to judgement, and don’t make decisions while you’re emotional, baby.”

I'm glad that I got the earlier flight booked, even if I did have to charge the ticket to my personal credit card, and I head out for the airport. Once I'm on my plane, I text

Zach and let him know that I'm flying out early so I can get back to work and that I'll see him on the next tour stop. I make sure to email him all of his flight details, and I call the front desk and arrange for someone on the staff to go upstairs and wake him in time for his flight.

Once we're in the air, I start to feel a little better. The growing distance between us is letting me think more clearly, and I know what I have to do. It's not that I'm going to break things off with him right now, it's more like I'm going to give us some space. Well, I'm going to give myself some space.

When the flight lands, I take a cab to the venue and hunt down Mel. I arrange with her to switch duties. She agrees a little too enthusiastically to being Zach's assistant, but I can't worry about that right now. Right now, I need to get my head back in the game. After I find the rest of the band, we discuss the changes to the assistant line up. Andy cocks his head to the side and gives me a look. I know he wants to know what is going on, and I'll fill him in later.

The rest of the band is happy to have me back. Apparently, Mel was an enthusiastic assistant, but she was a little too star struck for their tastes. She spent more time making googly eyes at them than she did doing actual work, but her personality was so awesome that they just rolled with it. Rock stars love their adoring fans even when they have to do half of their job for them, I guess.

Andy pulls me aside later, and I tell him most of the details. I leave out the juicy parts, but he gets the gist of what happened. I don't tell him that I think I might be in love with Zach or that I haven't been able to get the juicy details out of my mind. I swear it's like trying not to think about cake when you're on a diet. The more I try not to think about Zach Verona, the more mental images of his body on top of mine that flash in my head.

I'm starting to think that avoiding him and giving myself some space is going to be hopeless, but I'm not the type to give in. I strengthen my resolve and double down on avoiding him by not even going to see him when his flight lands. I know I should explain things to him, and I should at least tell him about Mel. But, if I go anywhere near him right now, I'm going to end up back in his arms.

Instead, I send him a nice, professional email about his new assistant. He tries several times to get me alone, but I make sure I'm with someone or involved in work whenever he comes around. I answer his text messages by saying that we'll talk soon and that nothing is wrong.

I mean, technically nothing is wrong. He didn't do anything bad, but I did. As the days pass, the weight starts to lift from my chest a little bit. Zach's attempts to talk to me grow fewer and farther between, but he does send gifts. I get more flowers, jewelry, books, and candy in a week than most women get in their lifetime.

At one point, Andy pulls me aside to have a conversation. I'm ready to explain things to him in more detail, but he's pretty angry with me. I wasn't expecting that. Then it hits me, I'm hurting his best friend.

"I didn't realize he was hurting that badly." I tell him.

"I don't know how you could have thought that. You lead him on, and then disappeared like a ghost. The guy is devastated, Josie. I don't know what you did, but you've broken his heart for real"

"I think part of the problem is that I didn't technically lead him on, Andy. We had sex. It happened the night I had to stay behind because he missed the bus. I felt so confused the next day that I got up and took an early flight without saying goodbye."

"Jesus, Josie. Do you really think that was okay? If you're confused, you should have just told him that you are confused. You should have talked to him. I thought you were better than that." Andy says bluntly.

"You're right. It's just that, it was my first time, and I swore I would never get involved with someone in the industry. I do adore him, but I'm afraid I'll ruin my career." I plead with him.

"I can understand that, Josie, but you should have had this conversation with him first. I'll always be here for you, but I can't just let you hurt my best friend. He opened himself up to you, and that's something he hasn't done since Yvette. Sure, he's seen other women, but you're the first real feelings he's allowed himself to have since he had to divorce her."

"Oh, God. I am an asshole. Do you think it's too late?" I ask him and hold my breath.

"I don't think it's too late, sweetie. But, even if it was, you still need to talk to him."

Andy hugs me, and I head out to find Zach. I'm determined to find him and make amends for being a total jerk. Andy was right, and I should have talked to Zach about my feelings. I also should have told him I needed some space and not just ghosted him.

Zach

When I woke up in the hotel room and Josie was gone, I could feel that something wasn't right. At first, I was hopeful that she was in the bathroom showering or went out for coffee, but then I checked my phone. She is already on a plane on her way to the next venue before I even woke up.

Before her, I would have been ecstatic to have a woman ditch me this way. Some groupies were notoriously hard to get rid of, but now I understood why. They liked me, and I used them and tossed them aside. Now, it seems like Josie has done the same thing to me. Was she using me? Could I have misread her that badly?

I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt until we could talk, but as you've probably figured out by now, I didn’t get that chance. By the time I get to the next concert hall, she's found a way to reassign Mel as my assistant and she's working with the rest of the band again. Every one of my attempts to talk with her alone fail. She's avoiding me for sure, and it feels awful.

I know she doesn't like when I send her tons of gifts, but I'm desperate. I'm pretty sure that I'm completely in love with her, and my heart is breaking into two pieces right now. All that crap you read about a piece of you missing, that shit is all true. There is a hole in me, and it hurts badly.

Andy finds me crying in my dressing room one night, and I tell him everything. I beg him to keep it between us because I want Josie to tell him herself. I needed someone to talk to, but her privacy is important to me. Andy is fiercely loyal and protective of me, and he has been since we were kids. I feel the same way, and we've protected and defended each other from people who want to hurt us for most of our lives.

He promises that he won't discuss the sex unless Josie tells him herself, but he says that he won't lie about my being hurt. Andy tells me to give it time, and that he knows there has to be a reasonable explanation for all of this. Josie is a good person, and we both know it.

Mel on the other hand, is something else. She's been hitting on me since the moment she picked me up from the airport. Her advances are constant and aggressive, but I'm not interested. I need to fire her, but I don't want to ruin her career. There has to be a way to get her to back off, and help her see that she just needs to do her job.

Tonight she is making a particularly strong play for my attention, and I realize that I need to have the talk with her now. I hope that she'll listen to me, and I won't have to send her packing. Either way, I know I'm going to have to find her another position with the band.

"Mel, You've got to stop this. It's not professional. I don't want to fire you, but nothing is going to happen between us. I need you stop hitting on me. I mean it."

You'd think I asked her to get in bed with me the way she crossed the room. Her eyes locked on mine, and she stalked across the room like a wolf going in for the kill. I recognized that look, but I didn't know what to do because it's usually me doing the hunting.

One of her hands went to the back of my neck and the other one wrapped around my waist. Before I could protest, she kissed me. I tried to pull back, but she held me as tightly as she could. I don't know if she thought I might change my mind once I felt her, or what. Not wanting to hurt her, but wanting to get away, I pulled my hips back and tried to snake out of her embrace. Mel reacted by sliding her hand down to my ass and pulling me back.

That's when the door to my dressing room opened, and then immediately slammed shut again.

Chapter Seven

Josie

His door is closed, but I don't knock. I probably should have knocked, but I just didn't think about it. I figured he was in there alone like he always is, but nothing could have been further from the truth.

When I opened the door, there he was making out with Mel. It looked like they were practically humping each other, and her hand was grabbing his ass. That ass was supposed to be mine, but he'd blown it. I'd blown it too, but I can't believe he moved on so fast.

I'd been avoiding him, sure, but it had only been a week. I gave the guy my virginity, and he was ready to hop into bed with another woman after one fucking week. I love Andy, but he's wrong about Zach. That man is only concerned with getting what he wants when he wants it.

I don't say anything. I slam the door and take off down the hall. It feels like I'm suffocating, and I need to get outside and get some air. I find myself out in front of the concert hall, and fortunately, there are plenty of cabs. I take one to the nearest hotel and check into a room under my mother's name.

I shouldn't make decisions when I'm this upset, but I'm too overwhelmed with emotions to think straight. My email to the record company goes out before I have time to realize what I'm doing. I just quit my job.

I've made so many mistakes, and this is probably one of them, but I need a fresh start. I'll miss Andy dearly, but I have to get away. I end up doing the one thing I swore I'd never do. I call my dad and ask him for a job.

"Your mother said you'd be calling." He chuckles into the phone.

"How did she know?"

"Honey, we all go through these things. I'm surprised I still have a company after the way I acted when your mom broke things off with me once. I just about burned my entire business to the ground because I couldn't think straight. This was before you, of course. We were a lot more reckless before you were born."

"I never knew any of that."

"Of course you didn't. You used to idolize me when you were a kid, baby. There was no way I was going to tell you that even I could be a huge screw up."

"That makes me feel better. But, I feel terrible asking you for a job, daddy. I wanted to do this on my own." I say and start to cry.

"Princess that is what family is for. I worked as hard as I did so that I could make things easier for you. Now, you'll work hard too and make things easier for my grandbabies."

"I don't think I'll ever have kids, daddy. Relationships are awful." I sob into the phone.

"Just get on a plane and get here. Everything will look better with some distance. You'll see, it's all going to be fine. I've just hired a new woman to take the reins of the pop music division of Lift Off Records, and I think you two would make a great team."

"Pop music, daddy?" I say and groan.

"Beggars can't be choosers." He says and laughs again.

Something about his laugh makes me feel warm inside again. A new job back at home is the fresh start I need, even if it is pop music. I get on my laptop and book the earliest flight to L.A. I can get.

It's hard for me to sleep, and I toss and turn for hours. I get several text messages from Zach after his show is over, but I only send him one in return.

It's over, leave me alone.

I get a few from Andy too, and I tell him that I'll have to talk to him later. I'm sure Zach is going to fill him in on what happened, and I can't have a conversation with him because he'll talk me out of leaving. God, I'm going to miss Andy. He's too close to Zach, though, so I'm going to have to let him go for now. I'll find a way to make it up to him eventually.

I'm going to miss Zach too. I'm hopeful for the future, but it feels like there is a knife in my chest right now.