Shine Not Burn (32 page)

“Oh don’t worry, baby girl.
 
Your secrets are safe with me.”

I rolled my eyes.
 
“Yeah, right.
 
Bye, Rubes.
 
Talk to you later.”

“Please hold,” she said in her professional secretary voice, sending me over to Bradley’s line.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

“BRADLEY.”

THAT ONE WORD SAID it all.
 
Strong.
 
Firm.
 
Take no prisoners.
 
He never cared who he trampled over to get what he wanted.
 
It’s what attracted me to him eventually, that he made no apologies for who he was.
 
He was so driven and in control.
 
I was jealous of that for a long time until I became that.
 
Now I knew it had been a mistake.
 
I’d lost
me
somewhere along the way, right along with my two best friends and the respect of my colleague, Ruby.

Time to finish destroying my life.
 
“Hi, it’s me, Andie.”
 
The line went silent for so long I thought I’d lost him.
 
“Bradley?”

“Still here.
 
Just waiting for an explanation.”

His voice was so cold it made me ill.
 
I’d hurt him.
 
He was a prick sometimes, but that didn’t mean he deserved to be cheated on or lied to.
 
“I have something to confess.
 
Something big.”

“You’re with another guy, aren’t you?
 
How long has it been going on?”

I sighed, trying to work up the bravery to come totally and completely clean.
 
I saw my future crumbling into tiny fragments right in front of my eyes, my lifeplan and all the solidity and security it offered disappearing into the wind.
 
My future was now a cloud of dust motes floating away to clog up some stranger’s nostrils…

“Andie, I’m not going to sit on this line forever.
 
I have work to do.”

“Sorry.
 
I’m just … never mind.”
 
I cleared my throat.
 
Time to do the right thing.
 
“Do you remember when we started dating?”

“Of course.
 
I’d been trying to get you to go out with me for months.
 
Getting that first yes out of you was a real coup.”

I smiled sadly.
 
“I think … I might have said yes for reasons that weren’t necessarily all the right ones.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?
 
Are we going to be talking in riddles now, Andie?
 
Because I really don’t have the time or the patience for it.”

Typical Bradley.
 
He was doing me a favor being harsh.
 
I just needed to get this done with.
 
“Two years ago I went to Las Vegas with Candice and Kelly.”

“The bimbos.”

“No, Bradley, they’re not bimbos.”

“I beg to differ.
 
Anyway, as you were saying…”

“I went to Las Vegas with my two best friends.
 
And while I was there, something happened.”

“You broke up with Luke and got laid.
 
It’s no big deal, Andie, people do it all the time.”

The way he said it gave me a weird feeling, like he was being defensive instead of understanding.
 
I shoved it aside because all this garbage had to be said, and I was on a roll.
 
“Yeah, well, it was more than that.”

“What?
 
You fell in love with the guy?
 
You want to get back together with him?
 
Please, what a bunch of horse shit.
 
You’ve been with me for
two years
, Andie.
 
I’ve invested two long years of my professional and personal life with you.
 
Do you know what two years is like in my life?
 
They’re like dog years.
 
Multiply them by seven and that’s how long we’ve been at this thing together.
 
Fourteen years is too long to play games.
 
Just tell it to me straight, because right now I don’t get what you’re trying to say.”

Dog years? Since when did our relationship get measured in dog years?
 
“I’m trying to tell you, but you keep interrupting.”
 
He was irritating me now, making me see some of the things Ruby saw in him, reminding me of the things that used to bother me about him before we started dating.

“I’m sorry,” he said, toning down the jerk a little.
 
“Please continue.
 
I’ll wait until you’re done before I comment again.”

“Thank you.
 
As I was saying … I went out to Las Vegas.
 
Luke broke up with me by text on the way out, as you might recall.
 
I got really drunk and met this guy named Gavin.
 
He’s from Oregon, and yes, we had sex.
 
And then the next thing I remembered was waking up in the hotel room with Candice next to me and Kelly in the other room.
 
The guy was long gone and I never saw him or heard from him again.”

“So?”

“So, when I applied for our marriage license last week, I found out that there’s a marriage license with my name on it out in Nevada.”

“What?
 
What does that mean?”

“It means I married him.
 
I married the stranger.”

“You said you fucked him.”

“Well, I didn’t say that exactly, but yeah, that’s the idea.”

“So he wasn’t a stranger.
 
And you’re with him now, too, right?”

“Yes.
 
I came out here to get him to sign the divorce papers.”

“Okay, fine.
 
So get the asshole to sign the papers and then get your butt back here.
 
We have a wedding to put together.”

I held the phone out and looked at it, not really believing what I was hearing.
 
How could he be so casual about it?
 
I frowned.
 
Probably because he didn’t know the worst part yet.
 
Deep breath.
 
You can do this.

“Did you hear what I said?” he was asking as I put the phone back to my ear.

“Yeah, but … I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“What do you mean it’s not going to happen?
 
We’ve been planning this for six months!
 
People have plane tickets in hand.
 
Non-refundable ones.”

“I know but … I’m sorry, Bradley … I …
shit
,” I pressed my fingers into my forehead and crushed my eyes closed.
 
“I slept with him again.
 
Last night.”
 
I let out a huge breath.
 
“I’m so, so, so sorry.
 
You didn’t deserve that.
 
I’m a total jerk, I know.”
 
I had to swallow several times to keep the bile down.
 
Admitting to being a slut with zero morals is quite a step down for me.
 
I had expected it to be somewhat cleansing, but instead I just felt dirty.

“Did you go out there to do that?”
 
His tone had calmed down considerably, which made it even scarier than his anger would have been.

“No.
 
Hell no.
 
I came out here to get divorced, that’s it.”

“That’s interesting, don’t you think?
 
That you went out there to get divorced and instead fucked him?”

“Bradley, please don’t.” I sighed shakily.
 
This was going to be ugly.
 
I deserved it, so I sat there, preparing myself to take it in.
 
My punishment.

“Why?
 
Why shouldn’t I just come right out and say it.
 
It’s what everyone else is going to say.
 
Bradley couldn’t hold on to his woman.
 
She married some dumb fuck redneck out west and left his ass at the altar.”

“No one’s going to say anything, because the only ones who know are you, me, him, and Ruby.”

“Oh, I’ll bet Ruby’s dancing a goddamn jig over this one.”
 
I could picture Bradley running his hands through his short hair in frustration.
 
He did that when he was upset and only out of the view of other people.

“She’s not, Bradley.
 
She might be glad that we’re breaking up, but she’s not happy that I hurt you.”

“Breaking up?
 
We’re not breaking up.
 
Don’t be ridiculous.”

My eyes nearly crossed.
 
“What?”

“You heard me.
 
We’re getting married.
 
This doesn’t change anything.”

“Are you insane?
 
Of course it changes things!”
 
I laughed a little hysterically.

“It doesn’t have to.”
 
He went from angry to courtroom convincing in the space of half a second.
 
“Listen, let’s be honest … we’re perfect for each other.
 
We both have the same goals, the same drive, the same reputation.”

I wanted to argue that last point, but he talked right over me.

“So you made a mistake.
 
We all make mistakes.
 
I know I’ve made a couple.
 
That’s life.
 
But once we say the vows, we know that the fun is over.
 
We’ll be monogamous, dedicated to our goals as a couple.
 
We put another five years in at the firm, then we either keep going if the bonuses are good or we start our own firm.
 
Right now we could take half the place with us.
 
Then you pop a couple kids out, we buy a place in Colorado for ski season and
bam
, we’re all set.”

“You’ve got it all figured out, huh?”
 
My voice went all weak and I hated myself for it.
 
He was offering me an out.
 
Blanket forgiveness for all my sins.
 
And I, in return, would have to offer him the same.
 
I wondered what his sins might be, considering how magnanimous he was being.
 
I was sure I didn’t really want to know.

He sounded excited now.
 
Almost endearing in a way.
 
“Yeah, I’ve got it all figured out.
 
That’s why you love me, right?
 
Lifeplan, babe.
 
You’re the one who turned me on to all of that stuff.
 
Am I or am I not the
only
guy you’ve ever been with who can appreciate the lifeplan?”

I nodded sadly.
 
“Yes, you are.
 
And I think that’s why we have to break up.”

“What?!
 
Fuck that.
 
No, I don’t accept that.
 
We’re not breaking up.
 
Being apart is not an option.”

“Bradley, don’t make this harder than it needs to be.
 
Seriously.
 
I screwed up big time … too much to fix it.
 
You deserve better than me.
 
I don’t love you like I should.
 
I’ve come to admire you and look past your issues, but that’s not enough.”

“You don’t marry someone you just
admire
.
 
You love me, Andie.
 
You’ve said it a thousand times.
 
And you agreed to marry me.”

“I don’t think I knew what love meant when I said it, though.”

“Until now?
 
Until you screwed that redneck?
 
Please.”

“He’s not a redneck.
 
Listen, I have to go.”

“I’m coming out there, Andie.”

My heart stopped beating for a full three seconds.
 
“
No!
 
Do
not
come out here Bradley.”

“Either you come home so we can get this wedding over with, or I’m coming out there.
 
Don’t worry … I’m sure I can convince the guy to give you a divorce once we’re face-to-face.”

“Bradley,
no
.
 
I’m not kidding.
 
This is non-negotiable.
 
We’re through.
 
I’m sorry to have to say it over the phone, because I know how much that sucks, but I’m serious.
 
We are
not
getting married and you
cannot
come out here.”

“You’re not yourself, Andie.
 
You’ve been under a lot of stress, and that’s my fault.
 
I take full responsibility, putting all the planning in your lap and bullshitting around with … stuff.
 
But I’m not going to let my investment in
you
and in
us
go down the drain.
 
I’m booking a ticket.
 
I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“NO!”

My shouting was in vain.
 
He was already off the line.

“Shit fuck shit fuck,” I moaned, desperately pushing buttons on my phone.
 
“Come on, Ruby, pick up, pick up, pick up…”

“Hello, you’ve reached the voicemail for Ruby, assistant to attorney Andrea Marks…”

I hung up the phone, dialing Candice next.

“Hi, this is Candice, you know what to do! —BEEP—.”

I threw the phone down on the bed.
 
“Dammit!”

“Anything I can help with?”
 
Maeve was standing in the doorway, and I had no idea how long she’d been there.

Chapter Twenty-Nine