She's Only Seventeen: A Novel of Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll (21 page)

Brian

June 1990

“It’s hot and I want to go swimming!” Darla yelled at me.

The almost four year old was more demanding and more work than I had ever thought a child could be. Part of me felt she was acting out because of her parents separation, something I had played a large part in so I suppose I owed her this much.

“I’ll take you, if it’s okay with your mum.” I said smiling widely.

I looked to Kat who smiled and nodded.

Darla and I spent a couple hours down at the beach. She fell asleep in the car on the way home and when I arrived home, I put her to bed. Kat was nowhere in sight.

I entered my bedroom when I saw her, lying in the bed. She sat up when she saw me, the sheet sliding off of her, revealing her breasts. She smiled at me.

“Kat…” I managed.

She got up slowly, her nude body exciting me with every step towards me.

She wrapped her fingers around the strings of my swim shorts and let them drop so I was as naked as she was.

I took her face in my hands and kissed her finally. She did back with the same passion as I wrapped her legs around me and pushed her onto the bed.

She reached down and felt my hardness.

“It’s so big,” she said smiling coyly, her fingers toying with it. I felt my pulse quicken as pleasure shot through me. She pulled me closer by my cock so it was teasing the entrance of her.

“Fuck me” she said

She cried out when I entered her, her body almost seemed too small for mine. She wrapped her legs tighter around me, so we both could adjust to each other. Moving in and out of her, I felt myself beginning to come; when I paused she asked why I had.

“I don’t want to come yet, Kat” I said

She pushed her hips against me, slow at first, then faster. I gripped the sheets behind her head.

“Stop,” I begged.

She didn’t.

I couldn’t stop myself as I filled her up. She looked satisfied as she lay beneath me while I caught my breath.

She let out a little sigh.

I felt hopeful for the first time in months.

Kat

June 1990

“I did it, Tom”

“What did you do now?” he asked turning to me.

“I did it… with Brian.”

His eyes widened, “You mean?”

I nodded.

“Why?”

“Because I’m just going to accept the fact that Shane and I are over and you know,
Arctic Circle
is done for without Brian, so why not make the best of it?”

“Is this cause I wouldn’t fuck you yesterday?” he asked

My eyes narrowed and my lips curled slightly, “No,” I managed to lie

“Even if you don’t love him?” he asked, his mood changing suddenly. I couldn’t blame him.

“Who said I can’t love him?!” I said, raising my voice.

He looked taken back, “If I’m just going to be yelled at, ill see myself out.”

“No,” I said, grabbing his arm and turning him back towards me.

“Do you love him?’ he asked again

“You know I do not.”

His eyes bore into me. “Shane still loves you, he told me so, a few weeks ago.”

“You met with him?” I asked

“We’re still friends, Kat”

“He won’t be so friendly with you when he finds out about us”

“You wouldn’t”

“Why?” I cried.

“Because you want me, but you won’t let it happen, you shouldn’t have slept with him. Just leave him, leave him and be with me, like we fucking planned, or else this is really all for nothing.”

Thomas paced back and forth in front of me.

I put my hand to my forehead, tears running down my cheeks now.

“You don’t understand, Tom. I’m not sure you ever will, I’m stuck with him, I didn’t mean to break up the band, I feel responsibly, if I’m not with him for at least sometime then that really seems all for nothing!” I said as I turned from him and left the living room. He didn’t follow me.

I heard the door shut and realized he had left. My whole body went rigid. I fell to the floor in tears, sure I had Brian, but I had never felt so lonely in my life, my wanting for Thomas threatening to consume me whole.

Shane

June 1990

I looked through the peep hole in my door where Thomas was banging the hell out of the door.

“Hey,” I said as I opened it.

He was fuming.

“She slept with him.” He said, his eyes downcast

“I figured she would soon enough, if she had not before now” I told him.

“Part of me didn’t think she would.” He confessed

He seemed angrier than I was.

“Did you just see her?” I asked.

“Yeah, she wasn’t happy with me when she told me and then she started crying so I left.”

“You shouldn’t have left,” I told him, “You should have comforted her, that’s what I would have done.”

“I’m not you. Plus I don’t even want to be around her anymore. She’s played with me long enough.”

“Played with you?” I asked, “How?”

“Since we were young,” he blurted out. “Ever since she wanted to fuck me the first time, it’s been continuous. We have done it a handful of times since then and I can’t help myself when she’s near sometimes.”

I stood, half shocked by what he had said. I always felt that there was something with them, even though Kat had denied it thousands of time.

“I thought you two had stopped sleeping together after Kat told me she was pregnant…Did it… did it happen again when her and I were together?” I asked, wanting him to admit it.

He nodded finally

“I think you need to leave,” I told him.

His eyes widened. “I’m sorry, Shane,” he said apologetic shaking his head.

“Just get out” I said, opening the door for him.

He left, apologizing once more. I found myself wanting to see her, drive over to her and tear her apart. She had hurt me for the last time.

Thomas

June 1990

Everything was falling down around me, God help me, and I loved her.

Kat

July 1990

It had been two months since my separation with Shane. In those two months I had served him with divorce papers and moved completely in with Brian.

Thomas and I had reached a happy medium where we had completely ignored the fact that he hated Brian and had been so defensive about the whole matter and the fact that although we tried to hide it, we were still head over heels for each other.

I hadn’t seen Shane face to face since that night and was nervous to. I was due in court to sign the official papers and would see him. Thomas said he would take me while Brian watched Darla. I carefully dressed; making sure no hair was out of place. I wanted to look perfect… perfect for Shane… He needed to see what he was missing out on.

Thomas picked me up around seven in the morning.

“You ready?” he asked casually as if we were just going to lunch.

“I’m… I’m okay.”

“You’re nervous?”

“Well yeah…”

“You’ll be fine,” he said, “Believe me, it’s just your lawyer and his lawyer and, of course you and him.”

“Seeing him is what I’m worried about.”

“Kat, this was your choice…”

“Fueled by his actions” I screamed defensively.

“Whoa, calm down there Kitty Kat. You’re gonna be alright.”

I forced a smile as we approached the courthouse. We both got out of the car and went inside.

“Case number 6478” the judge called.

I walked in and stood with my lawyer, a balding man in his forties who was supposedly the “best in the city”.

I heard the door open behind us; I turned to see Shane and his lawyer walk in.

His long, curly dark hair was down and kept, he was wearing a burgundy shirt, tucked in without a tie. He looked wonderful and I felt myself watching him. He was doing the same, taking me in.

I can’t do this
I thought to myself. I still loved him, God I still loved him so much.

“Sign on the line please, Miss” the judge told me, while my lawyer pointed and handed me a pen. I twisted the pen in my hand; I glanced at Shane who watched me intently. I couldn’t read him; it was like he was wearing a mask.

Slowly I pressed the pen onto the paper; I closed my eyes as I signed my name, “Kathryn Crowne”.

Shane walked up beside me and put his signature on the line next to mine. I looked at his hand; he was still wearing his wedding ring! Why hadn’t I noticed? Both lawyers signed and it was done. I was official divorced. I felt empty and lost.

“Terms also included parental switch offs every other week….” I heard the judge say, but it was all a blur.

I walked out of the courtroom and back into the hallway where Thomas awaited me.

“Done?” he asked

I nodded. “I gotta use the bathroom”

“I’ll wait here for you,” he responded.

I walked briskly down the hall where I found the restroom.
Don’t cry
I whispered to myself.

Composing myself I walked out. There stood Shane.

My eyes opened wide.

“Kat,” he said slowly

“Not here,” I said, knowing the media would be everywhere and could be watching us now.

I pulled him into an empty office by the hand and shut the door. The blinds were shut and we were completely alone.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“About what...”

“Anything, the baby, Thomas, everything” he snapped cutting me off

“Shane…”

“Jesus, Kat, I…” he didn’t finish, my lips had cut him off. He didn’t even pause. His kiss was as fierce as mine.

Before I knew it, he was pulling up my dress and I was taking off his belt. He pushed me back into the desk and entered me. He threw his head back, shaking his hair out of his face. His mouth came back down onto mine as we moved together there. His body tensed up and so did mine, I felt myself explode as he gritted his teeth together and let out a breath. We stayed in the position, my head buried in his chest as he trembled like a virgin.

“Kat,” he whispered into my hair.

I looked up.

“I’m sorry,” he said

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I responded softly.

He pulled up his pants and replaced his belt as I cleaned up, grabbing a tissue from the desk and throwing it in the trash beneath.

“Can we fix this, somehow just make it work?” he asked finally.

I sighed, “I want to, Shane. We need to give it time.” I didn’t know how else to say it and I felt bad because, in truth, I was half lying to him. I knew what I wanted now, and I wanted Tom.

“While you’re with Brian?”

“Yeah…”

He shook his head and tightened his belt. “Okay Kat. I’ll… I guess I’ll call you next week. I mean I gotta pick up Darla anyways.”

“Okay,” I said. “I know.”

He turned to me, I stood there speechless as he walked right up to me and kissed me hard on the mouth. I blinked away unwanted tears, “I love you, Kat. Remember that.” He said.

I nodded wordlessly. He opened the door and left. I wiped the tears out of my eyes and walked out the door also. Thomas stood there.

“Long bathroom trip, huh?

“Shut up,” I said.

“I don’t know why you even got divorced, Kat of you’re just going to be sleeping with him.”

“Stop” I hushed him.

We got into the car and he brought me home. “Kat,” he said, stopping me from getting out of the car, “you don’t have to be with Brian, you really, really don’t.”

“I do, “I said. “I broke up Shane’s band and our marriage, the best I can do is make it for something and not anything.”

“Leave him,” he said. “Be with me, like we planned. I know you still want to.”

“I do,” I whispered as if someone would hear us. “I just, I feel like I need to be with him right now. My plan didn’t exactly work out. And now look at me, I just slept with my ex husband!”

“You mean planting that tape there?”

I shot a sharp glance at him. “Don’t speak of that ever again.” I said getting out of the car.

I shut the door of the car and walked inside where I found Brian.

“Well?”

“It’s done” I said.

He beamed and kissed me. I flinched not meaning to.

“You okay, Kat?”

I just need to lie down… do you mind?”

“No, go get some rest. I’ll see you in a bit.”

I shut myself in the bedroom and stripped off my clothes. I got in the shower and let the water wash over my skin. I thought of Shane and how much I missed him.
I did miss him… I missed him so much.
But I craved something else, something more forbidden that only I knew.
Tom
As I got into bed, I wrapped the sheets around me. I drifted off before I knew it.