She's Asking for It! (11 page)

Most women regularly experience only one or two different kinds, but experience tells us that there are a variety of orgasms that women can enjoy! Most women who have only had one kind of orgasm know what a “clitoral climax” feels like. This is a bit of a misnomer, however – the clitoris is much larger than most of us know! In fact the “clitoral root” is embedded so deep in the body that it wraps entirely around the vaginal wall. So those other types of orgasms – vaginal, G-Spot, A-Spot (located between the G-Spot and the cervix) … all are some kind of “clitoral” stimulation!

The Labia

The
labia majora
and
labia minora
make up what people sometimes refer to as the
vulva
, the fleshy outer parts of the female sexual anatomy. These are very sensitive and you probably enjoy touching them and having them touched! If you want him to get a bit rough down there, these flexible fleshy bits are easily manipulated. You might enjoy having them pinched, pulled and otherwise massaged.

Clitoris

As I mentioned above, the clit is a lot bigger than it looks! It is, in fact, almost the same size as the penis, and capable of becoming engorged and erect! The
clitoral root
, or the bulk of the clit which is buried inside the body, is incredibly sensitive and the places where it interacts with other parts of your anatomy become known as “spots.”

U-Spot

This is actually nerve tissue associated with your urethra, which can be ticklish but also incredibly engaging when stimulated gently, ideally with a tongue or a well-lubed finger. Stimulating this area while stimulating the G-Spot can help encourage squirting!

G-Spot

The G-Spot is a small swelling inside the vagina where it connects with the clitoral root and a small spot that may be similar to that which creates seminal fluid (not sperm) in men. The spot is usually two to three inches inside the vagina, on the upper wall towards your belly. When you are aroused, it should be fairly easy to find and you will know it when you feel it. Some women don’t know what to think about this kind of stimulation, but with regular “come hither” type motions – a little bit of back and forth, a little bit of pressure – you may feel the tell-tale signs of an impending G-Spot orgasm: the urge to pee. Learning to squirt in a hot tub or bathtub is often easier for women, who don’t feel so frightened by this pressure in the urinary tract. If you and your partner are into squirting, go for it!

A-Spot

The A-Spot is in a similar location to the G-Spot, simply further inside the vagina. A woman may need to be quite aroused for this kind of deep penetration to feel good, but when she is, it should be amazing. Stroke this area in a similar manner and you might just be seeing fireworks.

Cervix

A very important spot to know when you’re going to be playing with rough sex especially, your cervix can be a source of both pleasure and pain. Your cervix may enjoy different kinds of stimulation throughout your cycle, from gentle stroking to probing and even a good bumping during intercourse.

The texture and receptivity of your cervix will likely change throughout your cycle, from rigid and closed after menstruating to soft and open at ovulation. It will also be deeper inside you the closer you get to ovulating, so you will be able to enjoy much harder and deeper penetration at this time. Remember this before yelling “harder, deeper!” just because you went harder and deeper last time. Each sexual experience is a new adventure!

Anywhere Else?

Your erogenous zones are unique to you, so it is up to you to explore your body and see what works for you! Read some good erotica, try out a few new sex toys, play with yourself whenever you can. Heck, if you want a good way to instigate some alpha male behavior, try getting caught with your new bed buddy “Mr. Twitchy,” the vibrator!

There are tons of great books out there that can help you better understand your orgasms. For now, it’s all about exploration. Take some time by yourself, perhaps pick up a toy or just lay back and enjoy! First experience as many different kinds of touch as you can by yourself, and then entreat your lover to join you in your exploration. You may surprise even yourself!

Holding On For the Ride

There are a million different things that you might want your lover to take control of in the bedroom, but one of the most powerful of those things is definitely your orgasm. Have you ever fantasized about your lover telling you “No, no, not quite yet, Love”, or “You just wait for me, Pet. When I tell you to come, it’s going to be amazing!” or some other spoken sign that he is in completely control of your ultimate pleasure? If not, I bet that’s what you’re fantasizing about right now!

“Orgasm control” is nothing new, but it is an incredibly powerful suggestive tool, for both you and your partner. Think how hot it would be for your partner to hear you begging to come, going on and on about how close you are, how you can barely stand all the pleasure he gives you, how you would give anything, do anything to have him tell you, “Yes, now. Come for me!” and feel yourself go off with him inside you. Can you imagine your man
not
getting hot from that?

The trick of course is to hold on for as long as you can – and this you can practice! While it might not be quite as satisfying playing all by yourself, learning to come close to the point of no return and then backing away can be a great exercise in strengthening the experience of orgasm.

Your partner may need a bit of coaching at first. When you get close to orgasm, it is perfectly OK to tell him “I’m very close right now. Why don’t you give me a chance to pay some attention to you for a while?” Take a few minutes to recover and then get right back into it again! Pretty soon he’ll be backing off on his own when he can tell you’re closing in on the Big O.

The more you practice this technique, the more powerful your orgasms become. That kind of strength can often be enough to push your lover over the edge himself.

Come Together

That brings us to our next topic. People often laud the simultaneous orgasm as the be all and end all of a couple’s pleasure. But this isn’t some goal to be achieved or something that should make you feel inferior if you don’t experience it. If you do have a simultaneous orgasm however, it may turn out to be one of your favorite sexual experiences (then again, it may just be another fun thing in your repertoire).

Bring It On … and On, and On Again!

You may find it easier to “come together” if you have already had an orgasm or two … or three, or five! The so-called “forced orgasm” can be exactly what you need to go past your boundaries and the limits of your orgasmic understanding.

Do you know what it feels like when you’ve had an especially powerful orgasm and you get so sensitive that you’re not sure you want to be touched anymore? Well, have you ever wondered what kind of experience lies beyond that? It may take some strength on the part of your partner, especially if you get to thrashing about, but the sensations can be that exquisite combination of pleasure and pain that some women crave.

This is the type of fun that may require a safe word (we’ll get to that in the next section) and definitely some urging on your part. This may be the kind of experience that has you saying, “No, stop. No more!” when what you really want is for it to go on forever. Be sure to let your partner know that beforehand, so when it really is too much and you really can’t take it anymore, you can come out with your safe word.

Of course, you may just go completely nonverbal while you lay back and enjoy what your lover is doing to you. He will probably want to use his hands or his tongue (or even better, a combination of the two) to get you going and make sure he knows not to let up when you start screaming like a banshee! If seeing you in the throes of absolutely uncontrollable passion doesn’t make him crazy with lust for you, there isn’t much else that will bring out the alpha male in him. After he’s done making you squeal with delight, he should be primed and ready to ravage you just the way you like it!

NOTE
: The next chapter – Chapter Twelve – is
for ladies’ eyes only
! You don’t want to ruin all the surprise now, do you?

Men
: Please skip ahead to Chapter Thirteen, where you can start to learn all of the hot tips and tricks you need to look, act and talk like an alpha male.

Chapter 12 – Grooming an Alpha Dog

The rest of Part Two is great to share with your man, but this chapter is just for us ladies, containing all the hints, tricks and secrets to bringing out the alpha in a man. Won’t it be much more fun for him to tell you what makes him tick when it happens, than to reveal all the mysteries now?

The Pack Hierarchy

First, let’s get this straight. You are not a “beta” because your man is an alpha. You do not necessarily have to change your personality in order to engage in this kind of play, but you should have a solid understanding of pack mentality and the kind of instincts that power play can drive.

In a wolf pack, the alpha male mates with the alpha female. Sometimes there are very separate male and female hierarchies, but for the most part in the wild, the pack figureheads lead the way for the whole gang. In other words, you do not need to be submissive to anyone in your normal day-to-day life in order to pull this off. In fact, it might even help if you’re a bit of an alpha-female in your normal life, the type of woman who knows what she wants and goes out to get it!

Second, as the alpha female, your “submission” to your mate isn’t about following rules or doing as he tells you, but rather about adopting a set of rituals and habits that let you present yourself to him in a way that allows him to acknowledge his privilege. What does this mean in your relationship? Since this is all about sex, it means developing little things that you can do when you are feeling like letting his alpha out to play. This will remind you of the power you have, and give you the chance to present that power to him for a little romp!

For a deeper understanding of the process of power and control, flip back to Chapter Six, in Part One. Recall that there are four steps: you offer up control, he accepts it, you give up control and he takes it. The trick is in coming up with a few ways that you can make him an offer he can’t refuse.

Your Body

Your body is a temple and your spirit a goddess. (OK, so that may sound a bit cheesy, but come on, you love it anyway, right?) We may not take the time in our hectic schedules, but our bodies deserve to be cherished and cared for just like a sacred temple. They perform a lot of mundane tasks, but sex should be anything but mundane. What do you do to make your body ready to be ravished?