Shelter You (23 page)

Nick is standing by the ledge of the bridge, pointing a gun at Logan with one hand and holding Lily up to the edge with the other. He’s surrounded by countless police officers with guns drawn and pointed at him.

My heart stops and my entire world is a haze, a series of events leading to this moment in time where my entire life is at a crossroads. Where one man has the power to decide which way my fate will go.

I exit the car and run as fast as I can toward where Nick is perched on the side of the bridge. Before I can get too close, a pair of arms go around my waist holding me back. I fight the police officer and try to break free but his hold is too tight, I know it’s no use. There’s nothing left to be done now, nothing left but to beg.

“Nick!” I yell, desperate to get his attention.

It’s as if the sound of my voice is pressing the pause button on a DVD. Nobody makes a move, everyone just freezes, fades away into the background and disappears, and it’s only the two of us. Nick and me.

“Mia, I told you. Didn’t I tell you? Didn’t I warn you to get rid of this kid?”

“You did. You warned me, but she’s mine Nick. Only mine. You don’t have to do this.”

“We had a good thing going and you fucked up everything. You stupid little bitch, why didn’t you just get the abortion when I told you to? Then we could have still been together.”

I shudder at the thought, of the idea of sustaining more abuse at this man’s hands than I already have. “You’re not angry at Lily. You’re angry at me, Nick Just me. So why don’t you give her to Logan. Just hand her over to him and you can take me instead. I won’t fight you. I’ll go with you and we can be together.”

“Mia!” Logan calls out, but I don’t look at him, I can’t look at him. I’m desperate and determined to get Lily to safety, and I don’t care what it takes.

“Nick, listen to me Give Lily to Logan and you and I can go. We’ll go anywhere you want. You can do whatever you want to me.”

“It’s too late baby. They all know now, they’ll follow us everywhere, they’ll never leave us in peace and it’s all this brat’s fault,” he says, shaking the car seat.

I gasp, finding it increasingly hard to breathe at the sight of him holding my daughter as leverage. I push hard and break free from the officer who was holding me back and slowly make my way into the inner circle, to the point where we’re all surrounded by guns. “Let her go.”

“I am. Right over this fucking bridge I’m going to let her go.” He takes the gun off of Logan and points it at me. “Do not come any closer, Mia. Be a good little girl and listen to me.”

I stop dead in my tracks and raise my hands in surrender. “Please. Please put her down on the ground, please. Shoot me. Fucking shoot me already. I don’t care, just don’t hurt the baby.”

He raises Lily’s car seat a little higher. “I’ll shoot you! I’ll fucking kill you, but first I want you to watch me kill her. You love this little brat more than you love me and now I’m going to take away what you love.”

My heartbeat pounds in my ears. My body breaks into a sweat and an almost painful panic sets in.

He lifts the car seat out further and dangles it so that it hangs over the bridge.

I watch in horror, my eyes fixated on his hand, his fingers clutching the handle. I can see them twitch, see them move slightly, see him slowly loosening his grip as I lose my grip on the small amount of sanity and control I have. I scream, shriek, and cry out in horror—the sound piercing through the night and carrying over the bridge.

As my knees begin to buckle, the world starts to fade. Pain explodes as I feel my body suddenly hit hard, as it connects to the concrete with a thud, and then there’s nothing. Just black.

I roll onto my side, still tired, exhausted, and unwilling to open my eyes. I want to stretch out but my body is a little sore.

I remember having a dream…a nightmare? I dreamt about a standoff between Nick and the police, the kind that you only see in movies or read about in books. He was mean, crazy and he had…

“Lily!” I shout, panting as I open my eyes and try to sit up. It wasn’t a dream, it was real. Nick had Lily, and he was about to throw her over the ledge of a bridge.

“Logan?” I call out looking around the room. I’ve just come to realize that I’m in a hospital room when I hear the fall of footsteps heading toward me. A hundred pound weight is lifted off my shoulders when I look up and see Logan walking into my room. I burst into tears at the sight of him, relief rolling off of me in waves.

“Oh my God! Oh my God! You’re okay.” I chant, reaching out for him.

He sits on the edge of the bed and pulls me into a tight embrace. “No, no, no. Don’t cry, baby. I’m fine,” he says, rocking me back and forth.

“I was so scared for you. I was afraid I’d never see you again.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” He tightens his hold on me. “If I weren’t so happy that you’re okay I’d be yelling at you. What were you thinking showing up there? You scared the shit out of me.”

I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. “I had to get to her. I needed to see her even if it was only for a minute.” I pause, bracing myself for the answer to the question I’ve been too afraid to ask because if the answer isn’t what I want it to be my heart will be shattered. “Did he?”

“No,” he says, gently pushing me back so that he can look at me. “He didn’t. Lily’s fine. She’s in the waiting room with my mom.”

I let out an unsteady breath and blink back the tears that threaten. “He was about to let go. I thought… Can I see her Logan, please?”

“Of course. I’ll let the nurse know you’re awake and get Lily for you.”

“Thank you.”

The doctor on duty checks me out and tells me that I have a slight concussion and that I should be okay to go home in the morning. Logan returns a few minutes after the doctor with Lily in his arms. I smile huge at the sight of them, the two people who I’ve grown to love most in the world. They’re here and they’re okay and suddenly it’s like the world shifts back on its axis and everything that just a few short hours ago was wrong is now right again. He bends over and kisses my forehead and then he hands her to me. I hold her to my chest and lightly rest my chin on the top of her head, breathing in her wonderful baby scent. “Oh Lily, you scared mommy so much. I missed you.”

“She missed you too.”

“Logan, what happened? One minute Nick was about to throw her over the bridge, the next thing I know I wake up here.”

“Oh baby. If there were ever a perfect time for you to faint that was it.”

“Huh?”

“When you fainted, it distracted Nick. It gave me enough time to move in and grab the car seat. I backed away from him and he pointed the gun at me, he intended to shoot but he didn’t get the chance.”

“The police arrested him?”

“They shot him, Mia. He’s dead. He will never bother you and Lily again.”

“I can’t believe it.” I’m so happy, elated that he’s gone but at the same time I feel guilty for rejoicing in his death. I know that in theory everybody’s life has value and without Nick there would be no Lily but he also took something from me. He stripped me of my childhood, my innocence, my choices; all taken away by a selfish, abusive man. “Is it terrible that I’m glad he’s gone?”

“No. He was a waste of a human being. He did nothing but hurt you and he wouldn’t have hesitated to kill Lily. I think you should be happy that he’s gone. I’m fucking ecstatic. Thrilled that he can’t get to either of you ever again.”

“What about Sarah?”

He lets out a frustrated sigh. “Sarah acted out of anger and jealousy but she didn’t really do anything illegal. She was here earlier I think she’s pretty shaken up. I think she feels awful Mia, regardless of how she felt about you and me she didn’t mean for anything bad to happen to Lily.”

“Well she can keep her guilt, she deserves it.” I huff.

Movement from the corner of my eye startles me. I look up to see my parents standing there. I’m taken aback by their appearance. They don’t look like their normal perfect, put together selves. They look tired, defeated, and just a little disheveled.

I can spot the look of guilt in their eyes immediately, it humanizes them.

My father speaks first. “We’re sorry to interrupt but we just wanted to see you and make sure for ourselves that you were alright.”

“I’m fine. You can come in.” I want to go with my natural inclination to tell them to leave but they did stick around while Lily was missing and they’re here now. What kind of person would I be if I turned them away after all that? It would make us too much alike and I’ve fought for too long to set myself apart from their usual, cruel ways. If I treated them the way they’ve so frequently treated me, it would make me no better than they are.

They step further into the room, walking around to the other side of the bed where I lie holding Lily.

Mom pulls up a seat and smiles at me. “She’s absolutely beautiful, Mia. You’ve done an amazing job with her.”

“Are you here to tell me that I need to give her up again? Because if that’s what you want, I have to ask you to leave.”

“No. That’s not why we’re here. Like your father said, we were worried about you. We needed to make sure you were alright, both of you,” she says, solemnly.

I nod at her, suddenly aware of how uncomfortable this is, of how little we really know about each other. We have conversations like strangers do, trying to fill in awkward silences with polite phrases and gestures. It’s an unfortunate relationship and I promise myself that Lily will never have to feel this way about me.

“We want you to come home with us.” This comes from my father who is now seated in the chair next to my mother’s. “Both of you, you and Lily.”

I look at Logan, whose eyes are wide with disbelief. He looks at me but says nothing. Now that the dust has started to settle, he is leaving the decision to me, letting me make the choice even though I know instinctively he wants to make it for me. He would like nothing more than to kick my parents out of this room and ban them from seeing me or Lily again.

“Why would I do that? Why would I ever go back to that life where I was nothing to you? Where you treated me like I didn’t matter?”

“We’ve made a lot of mistakes where you’re concerned, Mia. We know this,” my father says, the look of remorse on his face gives me pause. I’ve never seen him look anything other than confident, decisive. “We won’t be winning any parent of the year awards, that’s for sure, but what we did to you…The way we neglected you…It’s the reason Nick got to you. We left you in the hands of a monster, and even though you could have gone to the police, even though you could have done something, you didn’t because you were afraid that he would hurt us. How did we inspire such loyalty from you when we never did anything to deserve it?”

“You’re my parents, I loved you. I didn’t want anyone to hurt you. It didn’t matter how you treated me or what you did. All I ever wanted was for you to love me back.”

Tears well in my mom’s eyes. It’s hard for me to see her show any real emotion, difficult for me to believe it when for so long she’s been devoid of anything other than anger towards me.

“We did, we do, we just let our priorities get mixed up. We let our need for status overshadow our responsibility to you. We made it so that you couldn’t feel comfortable enough to tell us you were being hurt and when you came to us with your pregnancy we let you down yet again.”

“We don’t expect you to forgive us right away, but we’d like to try to be a family, all of us—including Lily. We can have a fresh start, make things better, help you give Lily the future that she deserves.”

“That’s all I want. All I’ve ever wanted was to give Lily the future that she deserves and I’m sorry, but that’s why I’ve got to stay here with Logan—if he still wants us that is.”

“What? Of course I want you. How can you even ask me that? I love you, both of you. We’re a family right?”

My heart soars at the sound of his words, hearing him say that he loves us, reaffirming that a life with Lily and me is what he wants is almost too good to believe. I was so afraid that after I told him the truth about my past, about what Nick did to me he wouldn’t feel the same way but I couldn’t have been more wrong.

“Right,” I reply with a smile.

“Well, we’ll certainly support your decision. Just know that the door is always open, you’ll always have a home with us.”

“I appreciate you saying that dad.”

He stands up and nods. “We’ll get out of your hair now. Please do call us. We’d like to keep in touch, work on our relationship and perhaps get to know our granddaughter if you’ll allow us to.”

“Why don’t you stay for an extra day or two? I’ll be out of here tomorrow and maybe you could come by the house for lunch?” I ask and look to Logan for approval which he gives with a smile.

“We would love that, Mia. Give us a call at the hotel when you get settled,” he says, leaning over and placing a kiss on my forehead and on the top of Lily’s head. Mom follows suit and then just like that they’re gone, and gone with them is a ton of anger and resentment that I no longer want to be a part of my life.