She Never Knew (32 page)

“I hate that tomorrow is our last day
out here, Mary.” Kat turned to face her sister, who was using a towel to remove
the sand from Tyler’s face.

“It’s been wonderful, hasn’t it?” She
smiled in return. “I’ve been so busy with work that I forget how enjoyable a
vacation can be.”

“And therapeutic,” Kat added. “I can’t
begin to describe how good this trip has been for me. Thanks again for doing
this for us.”

“Well, then, we should do this more
often.” Mary winked at Kat. “There’s nothing like fresh salt air to cleanse
your soul.”

Kat laughed at the oxymoron. Earlier in
the week, she was reluctant to leave her home, but Mary had convinced her that
taking a trip away from Lakesboro would do her a world of good. Mary was able
to extend her stay for another weekend and treated Kat and Tyler to a trip to the
Outer Banks. The barrier island was perfect for families who wanted a small
beach atmosphere. They rented a three-bedroom ocean-front cottage that offered
breathtaking views of the sunset. The sudden getaway had truly done wonders for
Kat. She had never felt more alive in her life and the trip was exactly what
she needed to clear her head.

Six days earlier when Kat returned home
from her discussion with Pastor Cullen, she told Mary about their conversation.
Mary wasn’t surprised to hear that he had discouraged Daniel from turning
himself in. In fact, she agreed it was a good idea for now, particularly since
Kat didn’t seem to be in any danger and so that a rational decision could be
made as to whether or not Kat would allow Daniel to be a father to Tyler.

Kat had gone to see Dr. Sullivan the day
before their trip. Her doctor had concurred with Mary’s suggestion that a trip
would help Kat free her mind of troubles so that she could make decisions
without the influence of familiar surroundings. At Kat’s request, she agreed to
evaluate Daniel to determine a recommended course of action where Tyler was
concerned. Her stipulations were that Daniel must understand the purpose of the
session and agree to attend of his own free will. Only after her meeting with
him was completed would she conduct a joint conference, provided that he agreed
to it. Dr. Sullivan was well aware of the relationship between Pastor Cullen
and Kat and the doctor trusted his instincts when it came to his judgment of
others. When Kat relayed that Pastor Cullen discouraged Daniel from turning
himself in, she knew the pastor saw something in Daniel that Kat had not seen. Regardless
of her confidence in her colleague’s intuition, she would be fair and thorough before
making her diagnosis.

Dr. Sullivan was pleased to see that Kat
managed to keep a composed stance about Daniel’s confession. In their previous
session, Kat had admitted her feelings for Daniel were growing, but now, those
feelings had turned into a mixture of sadness and anger. Dr. Sullivan explained
that those feelings were normal reactions to someone who had betrayed her in
the worst way imaginable. Kat shared that she agreed with Daniel, that the two
would never have a romantic relationship. She wasn’t sure she could ever
forgive him, but she was willing to entertain the idea that Daniel could be a
positive father figure in Tyler’s life.

In the early morning hours of each day
of her vacation, Kat took long walks on the beach, reflecting on the events of
the past. She was reminded of the times she and Michael used to chase each
other on the sand, share endless laughter together, dine at their favorite restaurants,
and talk about their future until the wee hours of the night. She still missed
him terribly, and she was sad to realize that she was forgetting little things
about him. She had forgotten the smell of Michael’s favorite cologne until one
night a waiter walked by her. She had forgotten what his handwriting looked
like until she saw an artist’s signature on a painting. She even forgot what
his laughter sounded like until one evening she swore he stood behind her. She
was clinging onto fading memories that served no purpose other than to encourage
her to linger in the past.

She thought about her short time with
William and how easily they had made a connection to each other. In her heart,
she truly believed he would have been good to her and to her son. Had he not
died, she wondered if they eventually would have had a serious relationship.
Even if that had happened, would she have later learned that Daniel was the man
who raped her? That he was Tyler’s father? Or would she have not ever known and
continued to let Tyler grow up believing that Michael was his father?

With tears streaming down her face, she had
invited God into her struggles and made a heart wrenching decision to finally
let Michael go forever. She had to stop living in the past. She had to stop
running away from the future. She had to start focusing on the present and making
decisions that were in the best interest of Tyler, even if it meant that Daniel
would become a part of their lives. Most importantly, she had to start moving
on with her own life, a life without Michael.

The day before they were to leave the
beach, Kat had read her hometown’s online news on her laptop and was shocked to
learn that Darryl Baker had committed suicide in his jail cell. Her heart sank
when she read about the details of his death. Due to the seriousness of the
attempted assault charge on her, Darryl was being held without bail and was
awaiting trial. According to the article, Darryl’s wife had visited him at the
jail and told him she had moved forward with divorce proceedings. His recent
behavior was the final straw that broke the camel’s back. Michelle had stated
that their son Jared could no longer be subjected to his father’s self-destructive
behavior any longer and that their life together as they knew it was finally
over.

Michelle shared that she simply couldn’t
do it anymore. No amount of counseling in the world would ever fix things, especially
since her husband had tried to take someone’s life. Michelle had told Darryl
that he was no longer the man she married and no longer the father Jared needed
in his life. He had been a stranger to her for months now, one who was obsessed
with money and power. When Darryl tried to explain that everything he did was
out of love for her and their son, Michelle wouldn’t hear of it. There was just
too much damage. She had to make a new life for herself and Jared and he would
just have to accept responsibility for his actions.

Shortly after Darryl was returned to his
cell, he had climbed to the top of his bunk bed and dove head first to the
cement floor below. A guard bringing a lunch tray found him moments later.

Kat felt numb afterwards. She realized that
Jared no longer had a father. He was only seven years old, the same age Daniel
had been when he found out he was not his father’s biological son.

People were dying because of her, it
seemed. If it weren’t for her graduation ceremony, Michael and her parents
would still be alive today. If William hadn’t rearranged his schedule to
accommodate her, he would still be alive. If it weren’t for her, Darryl would
still be alive and a family man and possibly a successful businessman. While
Kat knew she had to stop with the what-if scenarios, she couldn’t help the way
she felt. She knew there were other factors involved where her student was
concerned, but she couldn’t help but feel responsible for his demise.

When Kat checked her voicemail, she was
surprised to hear a message from Pastor Cullen that Daniel took the initiative
to meet with Dr. Sullivan. Apparently, Daniel was going to move forward with
turning himself in and wanted the pastor to have power of attorney over his
estate and finances. He had even set up a trust fund for Tyler to liquidate
when he turned twenty-one. Pastor Cullen had agreed to the terms under one
condition, that Daniel must see Dr. Sullivan first. His appointment was
scheduled for the day after Kat returned home.

The fact that Daniel had offered to turn
himself in for raping her revealed much about his character to Kat. If Tyler
hadn’t been born, Kat knew she wouldn’t think twice about Daniel’s fate.
However, he had indirectly given her a gift, a beautiful son, albeit in the
most awful way. She reflected back on the number of times he had patiently listened
to her when she needed advice. He had encouraged her to meet new people so she
could be happy. He had found Tyler when he ran away and brought her baby back
to her. He had saved her life when Darryl came after her. And he had never lied
to her. Why, oh why, did he have to be the one who raped her all those years
ago?

Kat knew that despite Daniel’s rocky
childhood, he was a strong and honest man. Even if she did turn him in to the
police, she firmly believed that Daniel would not take the cowardly route that
Darryl had. However, that would mean Tyler would never enjoy Daniel as a
father. Tyler adored him. Was that fair to their son? Was that fair to Daniel?

As Kat inhaled the salt air and admired
the ocean’s beauty, she studied the lighthouse standing in seclusion at the far
end of the beach. She imagined the lonely history it had, all those years of
keeping ships and sailors from harm. Her gaze slowly moved to the heavens where
the sun began to reveal itself. At first, the ball of burning fire flickered,
struggling to slip out from behind the clouds. When it became brighter, the
light reminded her of
The Lamp
, and suddenly, it all became clear to
Kat. God had finally given her all of the answers to the questions she had been
struggling with for so long.

She now knew deep down that sending
Daniel to prison was not the answer. She knew she couldn’t deny Tyler his
father. She knew Daniel had suffered all of his life, and that was punishment
enough. It was time to end the pain and agony. It was time to begin the process
of forgiveness.

The trio chatted excitedly about their
trip during the uneventful drive home. While they enjoyed their vacation, Kat
and Tyler were glad to be home. When they entered the house, Mary went upstairs
to help Tyler unpack while Kat sorted through her mail and made some phone
calls.

Her first call was to Pastor Cullen. He
didn’t answer but Kat left him a message stating that she was back from
vacation and that she appreciated his voice message. She asked him to return
her call at his earliest convenience.

The second call was to Dr. Sullivan. Kat
didn’t expect to speak with her doctor over the phone and was surprised that
her secretary answered. Usually, she had to wait for a call back.

“Hi Ellen, it’s Kat Brennan.”

“Hello Ms. Brennan, how are you?”

“I’m fine, thanks for asking. I
understand that Daniel Stevens has an appointment with Dr. Sullivan tomorrow
afternoon. I’m calling to schedule a joint session with him in the next couple
of days or so.”

“Okay, let me take a look at the
computer here.” Kat could hear the secretary typing in the background. “Is Dr.
Sullivan aware that you’re interested in having a joint session?”

“Yes, she is. We had discussed it during
my last visit. She said she would call me, but I thought I would go ahead and
set up an appointment anyway.” Kat didn’t know why she felt so anxious.

“Okay, let me see what I can do here.”
After a few moments on hold, Ellen came back on the line. “Ms. Brennan, I just
spoke with Dr. Sullivan and she said she would prefer to wait until after she
meets with Mr. Stevens. There’s some paperwork that he will need to sign that
will indicate agreement of a joint session with you. Once that’s taken care of,
we can proceed with making a new appointment.”

“Oh, I see. Okay, I understand. Should I
call back in a few days?”

“Actually, I will be able to call you
tomorrow when Mr. Stevens has concluded his session, provided that he signs the
paperwork. Then we can schedule a time that works for both of you.”

“That sounds great, Ellen.” Kat exhaled.
“I appreciate your help.”

“Your very welcome, Ms. Brennan. You
have a good day.”

When Kat disconnected, she dialed Rhonda’s
number. When her friend answered the phone, she was happy to hear Kat’s voice.

“Welcome home!”

“Thanks. We just walked in about twenty
minutes ago. We had a lot of fun, but it’s great to be home again.”

“We’ve missed you. Eli’s missed Tyler
something awful this week. When can I send him over?”

Kat laughed. “How about tonight? Mary’s
leaving tomorrow and I want you to meet her before she leaves. Besides, I’ve
got news to share and I could really use your support.”

“Sounds serious, Kat. Are you okay?” Kat
could hear the concern in her friend’s voice and she loved her for that.

“I’m actually better than okay, I
think.” Kat swallowed hard. “It’s not something I want to discuss over the
phone though, so can you come?”

“Of course! What time?”

“Why don’t you come over around dinnertime?
We’re ordering pizza. Bring Robert with you. Tyler has a little souvenir he
wants to give Eli, and the boys can play upstairs while we talk.”

“I’ll bring dessert.”

After Kat glanced through her mail, she went
upstairs to check on Mary and Tyler. She found the two of them in the guest
room. Mary was repacking her suitcase as she was leaving for New York the
following morning. She had created a small pile of clothes at the edge of the
bed that she wanted to launder that evening. Tyler was sitting in the middle of
the bed, smiling and playing with Mary’s cosmetic bag.