Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (50 page)

“I hate these
monkey suits.  I’d rather put on a pair of board shorts and a t-shirt and call
it a day.”  He grins at my side as we people watch.  He does look equally good
in his normal beach attire.  But then again, he’d look good in anything.  “You
gonna sit down anytime soon?”

“I’m trying to
move, but my feet won’t listen.”  I try to joke, but all that comes out is my
unease. 

Oliver grabs my
hand, squeezing my fingers in his large, warm hands.  “I’ll help you.  Come
on.”  He tugs, but I can’t move.  My head begins to shake unintentionally. 

“Hey Ely Bean,
it’s just me.  What’s wrong?”  I know his words are meant to calm me, but I am
so terrified.  He thinks I’m strong, but I’m not.  Even with him by my side.

“I can’t do
this, Oliver.  I thought I was strong enough, but I can’t face them.”  My eyes
brim with unshed tears as I look into his caring eyes.  He must sense that
something is running amuck in my head because instead of pushing me forward,
he’s patient and continues to hold my hand. 

“Let’s dance.” 
Oliver pulls me close.  “Let’s dance.”  Hands resting on my lower back, he
pulls me against his chest. I look around, paranoid as I watch everyone pass. 

“We aren’t on
the dance floor.” 

“I don’t give a
shit.  We’ll dance wherever we want.”  Oliver begins to sway, easing my body
into movement with his.  People pass, leering as they eye us.  We must look
ridiculous, embracing practically right next to the entrance.  But at this
point, with the way I feel in his arms, comfortable and protected, I could care
less.  I wish I could feel like this all of the time.  I close my eyes and
savor the momentary relief I feel as I rest my head against his chest.  He
smells nice; not Alex nice, but nice all the same.  My hands clutch his biceps
as we continue to move. 

“You ready to
sit down?”  I tilt my head up and glance around.  I didn’t even realize he
moved us closer to the tables.  “Unless, of course, you want me to continue to
hold you?”

I blush and
shake my head, taking a seat; our table is practically empty.  It’s in this
quiet moment I feel a modicum of resolve.  Knowing what I have to do tonight
isn’t easy, but it’s the right choice.  I’m going to tell Alex the truth.  Not
just about the baby, but about all that Arianna has taken away from us.  He may
have chosen to go running back to her, and even though he has hurt me beyond
repair,
she
doesn’t deserve an ounce of happiness.

Pulling me out
of what I know I have to do, I’m temporarily relieved when Janice comes
bounding our way with a plate full of delicious smelling food.  I want to say
I’m in shock at seeing Trevor sauntering right behind her with two plates in
his hands, because apparently I’ve missed the progression of their relationship. 
It’s nice to see them together, happy and enjoying each other’s company.

I eye his hefty
plates as he takes a seat next to me.  “You feeding an army?”

Trevor goes to
ruffle my hair, but decides against it when I give him a hearty glare.  He laughs,
“Hey squirt, leave me alone.  I’m a growing boy.”  Of course I can only tease
him because he has a body most men would die for.  The two plates must be
covered in at least five thousand calories and yet he has a ridiculously low
amount of body fat.  “You want some?”  Trevor nudges a plate at me.

“No thanks.  I
lost my appetite.” 

“You feeling
okay?  Bryan said Rach had to take you to the hospital.”  Both Oliver and
Janice’s eyes dart in my direction.  I don’t know when they would have expected
me to tell them, but I guess I have failed to mention this little fact to
either of them. 

My smile may be
fake, but thankfully, I can at least be honest with my reply.  “I’m fine and
the baby is fine.”  Trevor nods his head, mercifully dropping the subject. 
Obviously he has more important things to worry about, aka the large amount of
food he just shoveled in his mouth.  Janice looks at him as he continues to
inhale his food, not with disgust, but with a fascination one could equate to
lust.  I watch her as she remains focused on his jaw. 
Hmm, what is going on
here?
 

“Is the baby
okay?” Oliver leans over whispering in my ear.  I nod, trying to avoid this
conversation.  “What happened?”  I look away, hoping to mask my dewy eyes.  I
can’t cry.  Not here, with him being so kind to me. 

“We’ll be
back.”  Oliver pulls me from the chair and leads me to the bar.  “I need a
drink.”  His jaw is tense, eyes dark with irritation.

“Why are you
mad?”  I’m not sure where any of this emotion is coming from.  I know I’m a
basket case, but mad or sad, or any emotion for that matter, shouldn’t be
hovering over Oliver. 

“I’m not mad. 
I’m irritated.”

I’m so
confused.  “Well, why are you irritated then?”

“Because you
aren’t telling me everything.  After this past weekend, I thought we were
better than this.  I know you better than you think I do.  You’re keeping something
from me.    First you drop the fact that you’re pregnant,” he whispers to avoid
the prying eyes surrounding us.  “Now you’re going to the hospital and you’re
not saying anything?  Are we, or aren’t we, friends.  Did we, or did we not,
confess a whole bunch of shit to each other last weekend?” 

“What do you
want me to say, Oliver?”

“The truth!  For
once, just tell me what’s going on.”

I shuffle away
from him towards the exit, but Oliver grabs my elbow and turns me to face him. 
“You want the truth.  Fine.  Even though this isn’t the time, or the place,
I’ll tell you.  But it doesn’t change anything between us.  It can’t.”  He nods
and brings me in closer so I don’t have to speak so loud.  “Cole came to visit
me last night.”

“Your ex-best
friend?  The guy that Alex beat up?”

“Yes, the same. 
He told me…” my voice waivers as I continue.  “He told me he’s been following
me.  Arianna paid him to follow me.  It’s how she’s known every time I’ve been
with Alex.  He…he had pictures, Oliver.”  I choke on the last words as tears
trickles down my face.  Oliver’s thumb grazes my cheek wiping away my tears. 
“Alex slept with her while we were in San Diego.”

“Arianna?”

I nod.  “And the
worst part is…I can’t even be mad at him because I broke his heart before I left. 
I told him the baby wasn’t his and I broke up with him and now…oh, God.”  My
lip quivers, my chest feels as if someone is sitting on it making it hard to
breath.  “Now it’s just me and this baby.  I’ve ruined everything.”

“You didn’t ruin
anything.  It’s not your fault.  None of this is your fault, Elyssa.  You have
done everything you can to do right by you and Alex.  Hell, even in a twisted
way, Arianna.  But no, none of this is your damn fault.”  Pausing to make sure
I get what he’s saying, I look up into his deep green eyes and acquiesce. 

“And Elyssa,
you’re not alone if you don’t want to be.” 

Still staring
into his eyes, I’m not sure if I comprehend what he’s telling me.  Of course,
I’m alone.  It’s just me and LJ.  “What?  What are you talking about?”  I panic
as I look over his face and realize he’s completely serious.

Oliver looks
nervous as he takes my hands between his.  “I could be there for the two of
you.  I would love the baby regardless of it not being mine.  We could be,” he
clears his throat, “we could be a family.  You, me, Mason and the little one.” 
He clutches my hands tightly forcing me to stay in the moment with him.

Breaking the
staring contest, I shake my head.  “Oliver, I can’t ask that of you.”

“You’re not
asking.  I’m offering.  Plus, you’re good with Mason.  I saw how you were with
him, so kind and patient.  I’ve never once seen Melanie like that with him.  It
wouldn’t have to be so hard, Ely.  Being with me would be effortless.”  He runs
his hands up my arms to rest on my biceps.

Effortless.

Alright, I can’t
believe I’m even doing this, but here it is...the pros of being with Oliver:
he’s attractive, he loves kids, he’s successful in his career, he’s carefree,
he enjoys the outdoors, he has good taste in food and cars, and he’s safe. 
Cons: he’s not Alex. 

Fuck.

From behind I
can hear a throat being cleared.  I look over my shoulder and realize that Alex
is standing behind us.  I wonder how much of the conversation he heard.  If it
wasn’t for the fact that I feel betrayed by him, I might actually care if he
heard Oliver laying out our easy life.

And again, if I
wasn’t so hurt by his betrayal, I might actually take a moment and appreciate
how agonizingly handsome he looks tonight.  His hair is styled in that messy
way that screams sex.  My fingers ache to twirl around his auburn strands. 
Like Oliver, he’s also in a black suit; Alex has a white dress shirt with a red
vest underneath, jacket parted showing his slim waist line.  As if I have x-ray
vision, I can practically see the lines of his defined abdomen and taut chest
muscles underneath.  I sigh a deep meaningful sigh.  It’s been over a week and
the ache that radiates deep in my chest almost causes my knees to buckle.

“Elyssa…can I
talk to you for a second.”  He looks tense as he stands with his hands in his
pockets waiting for my response.  His eyes moving between my face and the hand
Oliver still has resting on my biceps.

“You don’t have
to talk to him, Ely,” Oliver whispers.

“Yes, I do.”  I
look up into his concerned face.  I know what he’s offering and I’d be blind if
I didn’t know this was going to hurt him.  Me walking away to talk to Alex. 
Alex who, in Oliver’s eyes, doesn’t deserve me.  I just don’t know how to
respond quite yet.  “I’ll find you when I’m done.”  He nods, but not before he
shoots Alex a warning glare before he leaves.

I turn to Alex,
my heart and soul, and know that this is it.  This is the time where I need to
be the old Elyssa Hart, strong and determined.  I’ve lost sight of that over
the past few months, or maybe it’s that she had been ripped from me.  Either
way, I need her now.  Resolving to get everything off my chest, I reach deep
and without looking away from his deep blue irises, I take a step forward. 

Note to self: When in doubt, pull
up your big girl panties and fight your way through.

Even if our
physical distance is nothing but a mere ten feet from one another, I feel as if
we are oceans apart.  The way my heart is being ripped from my chest; he might
as well be in New York again.  Because in this moment, I don’t feel safe with
him.  Not once have I ever felt this way in his presence and I hope to never
feel that way with another again.  The only part of me that continues to move
in his direction is my body, and I blame that partially on LJ.

“You’re
breathtaking,” he sighs heavily when we are less than a foot apart.  Those two
words defeat me in a way I didn’t think possible.  My head droops down, along
with my shoulders, and the only reason I know he’s reached me is because I can
see his shoes brush against the material of my dress.  I’m trying so
desperately not to look at him.  If I look at him, I’ll give in.  I’ll feel all
the pain I felt last night when Cole showed me those pictures and then where
will that leave me?  If last night was a test of my will, and LJ’s
perseverance, we both passed.  But tonight, seeing him in person, standing mere
inches away looking at me the way he always does, I don’t know how well I’ll
pass that test.  I remain silent, hoping he’ll just say what he needs to say so
I can say my peace and leave, without me looking into his longing eyes.

“Why aren’t you
looking at me?” he asks, while his feet shuffle beneath him.  Just the sound of
his voice causes my lips to tremble.  I’m not sure if it’s the anger I feel
towards him or better yet the anger I feel towards myself, or the utter
heartache I feel when I’m near him.  I feel as if a sledgehammer has busted
through whatever semblance of a person I was.  I was strong, I was sure of
myself, I trusted my heart, but now I feel foolish for ever believing that Alex
and I had a future together.  Damn foolish.

“I. Can’t.”  I
struggle to just speak those few words.  I’m searching within for the resolve I
had when I decided to come to this party.  To find the strength to say what I
need to say.  “I thought I could do this, Alex.  But, I can’t.  I can’t look at
you.  It hurts too much.”

“Hey, come
here.”  Alex takes my hand pulling me to him.  I struggle against him, pushing
against his chest with my eyes shut tight.  “Hart, look at me.”

I know I
shouldn’t, but his pleading breaks my resolve.  I know when I open my eyes all
I’ll see is betrayal.  Never said I wasn’t a masochist.  I pry my eyes open and
allow myself to look at him; really look at him.  “Fine.  I’m looking at you.” 
I can feel the wetness of my tears as they stream down my cheeks.  “What do you
want, Alex?”

“Why are you
looking at me through hate filled eyes?  I should be the one that’s angry.” 
His arms tighten around me the more I struggle.  I don’t have the energy to
fight him.  It’s not until I hear the voices around us that I realize he’s
holding me in the middle of all of our co-workers.  Well, there goes that
secret.