Shattered Hart (18 page)

My mind starts to wander to Brooke.  Is she even open to me trying to make a move on her? 
She is still so young.
  I
can’t
imagine that settling down is on her agenda. 

I’m still trying to work that out in my head when exhaustion claims me and I fall asleep.

CHAPTER
THIRTEEN

The sight of Brooke's tears is almost more than I can take. 
It's
not like I've never seen people cry before, but her tears have me anxious and uncomfortable inside my skin.
We’re all at my Delilah's apartment, every one of us are in various stages of free form panic because we can't find Sabrina.
I’m trying hard to keep my shit together, but it’s fucking impossible not to feel it in my bones when Brooke is this upset.
I'd give anything to make
her
tears disappear, but until we know if her sister is okay
,
that
isn't
going to happen.
Seeing
Brooke’s
panic is killing me inside
,
and I watch with a heavy heart as she paces.

As she cries, it's taking more and more for me not to kiss her tears away.
 
God, how pathetic can I be?
We're in full crisis mode over here, but I keep thinking about kissing her.

My eyes narrow as I watch
Spencer
hug her. 
Turns out I've got a little more pathetic in me, because I'm jealous and angry that he's touching her, even though I know he doesn't have any kind of feelings for her beyond that of a close friend.

Before I even realize that I'm doing it, I've crossed the room and pulled her from Spencer's arms. I carry her to the couch where I pull her on to my lap, rubbing her back as she cries. 

The minutes tick by without
word
from Sabrina, and Brooke is inconsolable.  When Brooke first called and told
me she
couldn't
find her
Sabrina
, I
wasn't too concerned
. 
But
as the hours have passed, I've gotten more and more frantic myself. 

Of course,
I'm suffering from a miserably guilty conscience. 
It’s
my fault that
she’s
gone.  I
shouldn’t have
let all of the family skeletons out of the closet with Sabrina last night.  When Dante showed up
, jumped to the wrong conclusion
and caused a scene at finding the two of us together, I knew that he was in love with her.  Before I left I’d encouraged Sabrina to fight for my brother.  Apparently that
wasn’t
great
advice.
  Brooke tells me that
didn't
work out, and Sabrina decided to leave.  If anything has happened to her, I
don't
know how I can live with myself.

For some reason, my mind keeps wandering to a paragraph in the suicide note my mother left me.  "Your blood is toxic sludge. 
You
are filthy and evil because you
were born
that way. 
You
will ruin any woman you are cruel enough to make love you, just like your father did to me.  I wish every
single day that I'd never
given birth to any of
you
. 
How pathetic that no one with the last name Hart actually has one.
If
you
have any sense of decency, you will kill yourself before you destroy somebody else with the evil that runs through your veins."

It's
like a neon sign is in my head, replaying over and over, letting me know that this is my fault.  I should never have encouraged Sabrina to try to work with Dante. I feel like a complete failure
,
like I let her down. 

I’m furious with myself
for being such a stupid asshole.  Here
I’d thought t
he talk we had was
amazing
, and I'd left feeling hope for the first time in my life.  I thought that maybe I
wasn't doomed
for misery, that perhaps
I could try c
reate a happier life for myself with Brooke.

The fact that Sabrina is now missing takes all of that away.
  With each minute that goes by, it seems more and more likely that something has happened to her.  Sabrina would never go entirely off the grid w
here her sister
is concerned
. 
Not after t
he way that their
parents d
ied in a horrific car accident that
left the two of them with only each other to rely on.
  Sabrina and Brooke both take that bond seriously. 

The fact that no one can reach Sabrina is
bad
.  We
don't
even know where to look, or what hospitals to call.  Whatever happened with Sabrina and my brother last night was so
bad
that she chose to leave, and we
don't
have any clue where she went.

Brooke says that all Sabrina said was that she was going to go on a road trip. 
It's
now been eight hours since Brooke heard from her sister.  Brooke started to panic about three hours ago, after she was unable to reach Sabrina when she called to check on her and ask where she had decided to go. 

We've all been taking turns calling
her cell phone every twenty minutes or so
for the last two hours, and none of us have gotten an answer.
  My eyes burn with
unshed tears
and my fear is almost palpable. The only thing holding me back right now is Brooke, here in my arms.  She
needs me to be strong for her, and I will do whatever I have to do to
see her through whatever comes.
I watch helplessly as Spencer and Delilah both pace the room, the only sound Brooke as she cries. 

The silence is broken when Brooke's cell rings, and she jumps from my lap like she's been shot out of a cannon, answering before the first ring is even half way finished.

Watching Brooke closely, I see the change in her body immediately as she shakes and falls back on the couch.  My heart all but stops
and
my stomach roils as I try and prepare myself for whatever this is.  What if
it's
a hospital calling to tell her Sabrina has been in an accident?

Her sobs are louder
,
her body racked with each hiccup, and I stare in horror as I try to figure out
who's
on the phone. 

Brooke is almost impossible to understand because
she's
so unglued, but I pick out enough to figure out that
she's
talking to Sabrina.  "No… everyone is
fine
… I…got…so…scared.  Oh god Sabrina. 
So scared."
 

The relief I feel that Sabrina is okay is
so overwhelming that it makes me dizzy
.  Brooke can barely speak, so Spencer grabs the phone from her
as
Delilah
and
I
try to
calm her down.  I
hold
he
r and rock
her back and forth as Delilah tells her everything is going to be fine.

Handing
Brooke
over to Delilah, I stand and take the phone from Spencer.  "Oh my god Sabrina,
you
just aged me five years.  I've never been so scared. 
You're really okay?"

Her sigh tells me a lot.  She might be physically
fine
, but emotionally,
she's
far from it.  "I'm
fine
.  I'm
very
sorry about all of this.  I just needed… well
,
I left."

Clearing my throat, I sigh. "Yes.  Brooke tells me that
you’ve
gone away for two weeks. 
I take it things… didn’t go well with Dante?

Sabrina sighs again before she answers me.  “No.  No, it
didn’t
go well.  He told
me he
wouldn’t
change, and I told him I
wouldn’t
be coming in for the next two weeks. 
I decided I need to get away, and I left.
  I guess I’ve lost my phone.  I’m
fine
though, and I’m totally safe.”

Before I can say anything else, my cell phone rings.  
“Hold on a sec Sabrina.
  Dominique is calling me.”

I've barely said hello before Dominique yells, "Damien! Have
you
heard anything from Sabrina yet?"

"Yes, yes.  Everything is
fine
Dominique.  I'm on the other line with her now.  She lost her phone.  Can I call
you
back?"

"Oh thank god!
You
don't
need to call me back.  I will be there in a few minutes.  So will Dante. 
He's
freaking out Damien. 
You
should prepare yourself."

As she disconnects I tell Spencer to text my brother and tell
him we
found Sabrina
and
she's
fine
, then I return to the phone to talk to her.

“Well, never a dull moment.
  Dominique told Dante
you
were missing, and
he’s
on his way here.  I've got Spencer texting him now to let
him you
are safe.”

Giving a nervous cough, I say, “He’s going to want to know where you are.”

“No!
You’re
not to tell him Damien.  I need this time. 
Don’t
make this harder on me, please.  Erase the caller ID.  Tell
him you
don’t
know where I am.  I’m begging you.”

I shake my head, worried about where all of this is going.  I love my brother, but I also owe Sabrina loyalty. “Of course I
won’t
tell him, if
that’s
what you want.”

“It's what I want and what I need.
You
don’t
know how badly I need this.  Can
you
please put Brooke on the phone now?”

“Yes.  But before I do… Sabrina,
you
need to know that I’m always here. 
And
I
won’t
betray your confidence to Dante.  If
you
need anything, and I do mean anything, call me.”

I hand the phone back to Brooke, relieved to see that
she's
back on solid ground.

Her breath is much more even, although I can hear little hiccups.
 
“Oh Rina, I’m so sorry.
  I
was so scared
.  I
didn’t
mean to create drama.  I
was upset
after we talked today, and I guess all of
the stuff
about mom and dad was right at the surface.”

I'm not sure what Sabrina says back to her, but
within a few minutes
they are
having
a much happier conversation and Brooke has calmed way down.

The feeling
of relief is brought to an abrupt halt
when
Dominique comes
through the door, Dante right behind her. 
He
's
white as a sheet and
frantic, and
it's
also
very
clear that
he's
been crying. Looking at Spencer he says, “Your text only said
you
found her and that
she’s
okay.  Is she hurt?  Where is she?”

I step forward and put my hand up, indicating that he should be quiet.  "It's
fine
Dante. 
She's
fine
.  She lost her phone."

He literally sags with relief. "Oh thank god. I was so scared… Jesus.  I… I need to talk to her."

It kills me to do it, but I shake my head at him. "She
doesn't
want to speak to
you
.  I'm sorry."

H
e stares at me, mouth agape, as
we both hear Brooke telling Sabrina that she will talk to her soon.