Shattered (20 page)

“Is your lip healed?” he said with closed eyes.  My silence must have told him no.  “Then I suggest you stop teasing me.”

“I don’t recall there being anything wrong with your lips, Mr. Vaughn.” I snickered while increasing the friction between us, “Or any other part of your body for that matter.”

He quickly rocked back and rolled me underneath his body, planting himself between my thighs.

“You’re right.”  His mouth was on my neck, the way I’d wanted it last night.  His tongue blazed a trail of heat over my flesh that his lips followed, setting fire to each inch that they touched.  I could feel warmth spread through my core as he pressed against me, taunting the sensitive area that our pajamas separated.  I dug my heels into the bed pressing up into him.  The slow, steady rocking movement that we were making almost pushed me over the edge.  Just as his lips started to make their way down to my collarbone and his hand under my tank top, we heard a knock at the door.  We tried to ignore it, but the knock turned into a pound.

“Hmph,” Jesse griped as he collapsed over beside to me.  “Damn it.”

“You said it,”  I let out a frustrated laugh.  Then reality hit.  “Shit.  It’s probably my mom or dad.”

“Just a second!” he yelled as he rolled out of bed and found his t-shirt on the floor.  “I’m coming!” He pulled the shirt over his head.  “What do you want me to tell them?”

“Tell whoever it is I’m not here,”  I said as he walked out the door.

I waited for the deafening drone of my mother’s voice to echo through the apartment. When I didn’t hear it I crawled out of bed to peek around the hallway and see who it was.  I saw January’s face craning around Jesse who remained planted at the front door, not wanting to let her in.  I walked into the living room.

“There you are!” She pushed past Jesse who dropped his head and smiled.  He pulled the door open allowing Hap to follow.  She was still in her plaid pajama pants, but had pulled a hooded sweatshirt on to fight the morning chill.  Hap was already dressed for the day in his khaki shorts and Chicago Bears t-shirt.

“I told her to call first.” He shook his head.

“It’s fine.”  I laughed as January ran up and wrapped her free arm around me.  The other was carrying a takeout bag from the diner.

“I brought breakfast,” she lilted before releasing me.

“Breakfast?” Jesse quickly pulled the bag from her arm before digging into its contents on the coffee table.

“I shouldn’t give you any!” January shouted at him as we made our way over to join him and Hap already feasting on the biscuits and gravy that were in the containers.  “You tried to tell me she wasn’t here.”

“That’s my fault. I thought you were my parents.”

“Your parents we are not, my dear,” January said as she plopped down on the couch next to Hap.  “However, your mother is calling around looking for you.  She called my house like six times before the sun was all way up.”

“Sorry,”  I apologized and took a seat next to Jesse.

“Yeah, well, I’m sure they’ve already heard that your car is parked out on the square.  You know how gossip flies in this town.  Everyone already knows you shacked up here last night,” January added.

I felt my cheeks blush as I realized what her insinuation meant.  I looked to Jesse who had quite a smirk on his face.

“Ohhhh….” January took our facial expression as an indicate that more happened last night than it did.  “Maybe we should have called first.”

I tried to shake off my embarrassment.

“Does this mean you two are back on the same page?”  January continued to prod.

“We’re working on it.” Jesse playfully nudged me with his elbow.  I leaned over grabbing the fork from his hand and scooping up a bite of the biscuits and gravy he’d almost devoured.

“Bout time,” Hap managed through a mouthful of food causing all of us to laugh.

As we continued eating, Jesse and I filled them in on everything that had happened last night.  Almost everything.  Neither of us felt the need to discuss our non-kissing encounters.

“I can’t believe that son of a bitch hit you,”  January growled.

“I can’t believe you didn’t kill him,” Hap said to Jesse.

“I couldn’t find him.” Jesse leaned back, throwing his arm over the back of the couch, allowing me to relax into the crook that was perfectly shaped for my shoulder and head.

“You went looking for him?”  I jerked up, asking sternly.  “I asked you to leave it alone.”

He placed his hand on my shoulder and pulled me over to place his lips on my forehead.

“I know.  I’m sorry.  I was just so pissed off.”  I wanted to be mad at Jesse for going after Collin by himself.  I didn’t ask Jesse to leave it alone because I thought he was weak.  I knew physically he could hold his own, but if Collin didn’t have a problem hitting a girl, who knew what else he was capable of.  I couldn’t stay mad at him the protective vibe was definitely a turn on.  It wasn’t like when we were just friends and I thought he was being the overbearing big brother type.  This time it was different, he want to be defend me because, for all intents and purposes, I was his.

“I thought we were done saying I’m sorry?” I dropped my head on his shoulder and smiled sweetly up at him.

“We are.” He rubbed his nose against mine.

“Omigod,” January bellowed, “you guys are so freakin’ cute.”

We looked up at her, both offering a love struck grin.

Hap and January stayed a little bit longer, before Hap insisted they leave the two of us alone.  I went into the bedroom to sort through the mish-mash of clothing I’d shoved into my bag last night on my way out the door.  A green and a blue t-shirt, one pair of jean shorts and two unmatched flip-flops. I’d a least managed to grab my make-up bag, so I walked over and stood in front of the mirror to begin applying what I had to make myself look presentable. I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist, causing me to forget how to apply mascara.

“You don’t need that,” he said as he pressed his chest to my back.  He rested his chin on my shoulder as I smiled at our reflection in the mirror.  It had been a long time since I remembered looking so content.  Jesse’s green eyes sparkled as I finished the application on my lashes.

“I don’t look like her.” I nodded towards the Carrie Underwood poster.

“You look better.”

I laughed leaning back into him, “I thought she was soooo hot?”

He smirked, “Baby, hot doesn’t even begin to describe what I think when I look at you.”

I watched as my reflection turned from olive to crimson.  “Quit.” I giggled as I pulled away from him and went back over to the bed to try and assemble some sort of outfit.

“I mean it.” He grabbed my hand and spun me to face him. “You’re beautiful.” He held my gaze with love and longing before asking, “How’s that lip feel today?”

“Better.”

He leaned in barely skimming the surface of my lips with his.  “Looks better.”  I let the tip of my tongue graze his bottom lip as I stroked it with mine.  He pressed his body up against me, with a moan, as his hands found their place on my back and at the base of my neck.  I felt my legs start to quiver as placed my hands around his waist.

“Still a little sore,” I whispered.

“Guess we’ll wait a little longer then.” He released me and walked over to the nightstand, grabbing the tube of ointment and tossing it to me with a smile.

That cut on my lip was going to be the death of me.

I threw on the jean shorts, green t-shirt and my flip-flops from the night before and told Jesse that I was going to run home and get some more clothes.  I knew that my parents would be gone for the day.  Dad was working and it was mom’s grocery store day.  Jesse told me that he’d texted my dad and told him he wasn’t going to be into work today.  I expected him to be pissed.  When he texted back that it was alright, I knew he knew where I was.   A few minutes later, Jesse’s phone chimed again.  I saw Jesse smile before holding up the message for me to read.

Take care of her.

I had to give my dad credit.  He was starting to figure out the whole having a teenage daughter thing.  Unlike my mother, he was letting me figure things out on my own, instead of calling around trying to track me down and impart his unwanted wisdom.

Jesse offered to come with, but I told him I thought it would be better if I went alone, just in case Mom showed up.  I didn’t need her beating him down with her judgment.

I went up to my room and gathered up enough clothes to last me a couple of weeks.  I wasn’t sure if or when I was going to come back and I wanted to make sure I was prepared.  I stuffed a few more odds and ends, hair ties, a couple of lightweight scarves, a bikini and a belt, into my bag.  I reached over and picked up the jar full of glass and twisted the cap tightly before shoving it in there too.  I thought Jesse’s room could use a little décor and I wanted to see how the light reflected differently in it at his house.  I also grabbed the picture from prom and an empty picture frame from the hall closet.

When I got back to the apartment, Jesse was busy dusting and running the vacuum.  The smell of Pine-Sol was almost overwhelming.  The place looked spotless. I noticed a fresh bouquet of spring flowers centered on the dining room table.  He must have run across the street and had Wendy whip something together. He’d turned the radio up loud enough to hear over the sweeper’s hum.  I watched him for a minute as he bobbed his head along with the music, before he realized I was standing in the door.  His eyes lit up and he belted out the chorus.

It's gonna be a long, hot summer, we should be together. With your feet up on the dashboard now.  Singing along with the radio, it's such a beautiful sound!

I laughed at his sweet, out of tune serenade as he danced around the vacuum cleaner before I headed into his room to put my things away.  I immediately noticed the open closet door with bare hangers and the two dresser drawers that had been cleared out.  Did he do this for me?  Was he asking me to move in?  My heart started to pound as I wiped my sweaty palms on the t-shirt.

“Thought you might need somewhere to put all your stuff,” he said as he bounced through the door.

My mind was racing.  This was happening too fast.

“You didn’t have to do this.”  I stared over his shoulder into the hallway, trying to keep from making eye contact.

He pulled the bag from my shoulder, tossed it on the bed and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“I know I didn’t have to.  I wanted to,” he said with a reassuring smile.  It still wasn’t enough to slow my fast beating pulse.  I started to rethink the flushing of my medication as my anxiety crept up.  I pulled from his arms and walked to the dresser, closing the drawers that were empty, yet filled with so many taunting possibilities.

“I can’t move in with you.  We just started, this,” I wagged my finger back in forth between us,  “whatever it is.  This is too much. Too soon,” I panted out between ragged breaths.  

I watched as Jesse sat unaffected by my display.  The serene look on his face was unwavering, which only added fuel to the fire.  Why was he so calm?  He’s crazy. A crazy person was asking me to live with him!

“It’s crazy. What if we don’t work out?  What if you find out that you don’t really want to be with me?  What happens if we break up?” The loud pounding was coming from my chest echoed in my ears, “We haven’t even kissed yet!”  I started to see the little flecks of black that preceded every panic attack I’d ever had.  My knees quivered as steadied myself against the dresser behind me.  Jesse seemed to float across the floor and before I could pass out he placed his hand behind my neck and crashed his lips to mine.  The rush of anxiety was quickly replaced by euphoria.  Every second that his lips were on mine I felt myself calm down.  All I could think about was him. My breathing evened out and my heart rate settled to a normal pace.  Jesse pulled his head back, letting his forest green irises steal the unease from my eyes.

“Breathe.”

I did as I was told, inhaling a deep breath through my nose and releasing it, never breaking the soothing stare he was giving me.

“You are going to be fine.  
We
are going to be fine.”

I nodded at his affirmations and continued to catch and release the oxygen that had tried so hard to escape me.

“Ok.”

Jesse took my hand and led me over to the bed.  He sat me down on the edge. Still standing in front of me he took my face in his hands.

“I wasn’t trying to freak you out.  I cleaned out the space for you because I want you here with me.  I’ve already missed out on a lot of time with you and I don’t want to waste one more minute.  If calling it ‘moving in’ freaks you out, then let’s just say that you are staying for an undetermined amount of time. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He sat down next to me, taking both of my hands in his, “As far as what we,” he pointed between the two of us sweetly mocking my freak out, “are?  I want you to be
my girl.
  There is nothing that you can do or say that’s going to make me not want to be with you.  You forget that I already know everything about you,” he smiled.  “You’re my best friend, Lyss.  That’s not going to change.”

“Really?  I mean, I tend to overreact,” I chuckled, “if you haven’t noticed.”

“I like to think you’re just passionate,” he laughed.  “It doesn’t bother me.  If you feel like you’re going to freak out, I’ll be here to calm you down.  Like I just did.”

He really did.   I was two seconds from hitting the floor before he came over and stopped it.  His lips on mine did what I’d been trying to get the medication to do for the past week.  We’d been so honest with each other last night, I decided it was time to ‘fess up about the pills.

“I’ve been taking medication for depression and anxiety.”

“I know.  January told me and before you get mad at her, she was just worried.”

I wasn’t mad at her.  I knew that I was abusing them.

“Are you still taking them?”

“No.  I flushed them.”

“That’s good.  If you let me, I will help you through it.” The sincerity in his voice only confirmed what I already knew.  I didn’t need medication. I needed him.