Shampoo (10 page)

Then he threw us both down onto his bed.
“You’re staying,” he demanded, in that hot, I’m-a-real-boyfriend
voice. Then he wouldn’t let me go, and kept wrapping me tighter in
his arms and going, “I’m NOT LETTING YOU GO.”

(hot)

I told him I wanted to (fuck his brains out)
stay too, but it has been weeks since we’d really connected, and he
expects bed privileges! It just wasn’t gonna happen.

Then he was all, “I’ve tried tonight! Really
tried!”

“
Yeah! FOR ONCE!!” Then I wrapped my
hands around his neck and kissed him. “Now kiss me goodnight and
walk me out.”

He kissed me alright. He kissed me into
oblivion.

I wanted to make love so badly it was painful.
Exquisite pain.

So I eventually pulled my face away from his
and said again, “Walk me out, Everard.”

“
I won’t walk you out. I want you to
stay.”

(goosebumps)

But for some reason, him walking me out was
important to me. Maybe it seemed romantic to me. Maybe I just
wanted him to act like he cares.

Maybe I was just trying to control him. I don’t
know. But I wanted him to walk me TO MY FUCKING CAR.

I needed this to be date like, not casual fuck
like.

But he refused!! And kept
refusing!!!

“
Walk me out – ”

“
I’m not fucking walking you out –
”

He just kept standing there, his arms wrapped
around me, repeatedly going, “NO. I am NOT walking you OUT. I.
WANT. YOU. TO. STAY!!!”

And me begging, “PUH-LEASE walk me out,
Everard!!”

“
No!”

“
If you don’t walk me out, I AM
NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN – ”

The arms that were around me were instantly
dropped. Ever HATES ultimatums. Withdrawn, horrible Evvy was here.
“Bye!!”

I stood there, watching him as he hopped back
into bed, sat against his headboard and stubbornly crossed his
arms.

I hated him in that moment. Hated all
men.

“
You’re being really hurtful,” I
managed to say, tears threatening to form.

“
I’m making a stand!”

“
Making a stand?? Should I get your
tools out for you??”

He laughed. “I hate how funny you are. TAKING a
stand then, SMART ASS. I want you to stay, so I’m not walking you
out. I’ll walk you out TOMORROW, after you stay.”

That is when I stormed out, I was SO
IRRATIONALLY MAD at him, determined this was it this time, I was
done with him!!

How dare he not walk me out?? And make me feel
like this nothing whore, leaving his house at near
midnight.

I stormed through his darkened house, his mum
and sister in bed long ago, telling myself he’ll never change, so
what the fuck am I DOING HERE…

And then he grabs me from behind just as I
reach the front patio, laughing, like this is some fun
game!!!

I was infuriated by him.

“
You always get what you want,
woman,” he said softly into my hair as he engulfed me from behind
with his arms.

“
That’s crap,” I snapped. “If I got
what I wanted, we wouldn’t be like this!”

“
Oh, woman. You are endlessly
amusing to me.”

I tried to elbow him in the ribs but he just
wrapped his arms around me tighter. “Be nice!” he growled into my
ear.

(hot)

“
You first!”

Then I felt it, this moment pass between us. It
was palpable. As he had me wrapped to him from behind, there was
this THING that passed between us. Love. Feelings. Longing.
Something big.

Then suddenly, he let go. I turned, to face
him, and we stood, staring at each other, for ages. Waiting for the
other to do or say something.

I took the few patio steps behind me backwards.
Testing him (ha ha!).

He followed me, till the footpath began. “I
can’t go any further,” he said. “I’ve got socks on.”

(any bloody excuse)

Ruin your socks for romance!! Just do
it!!

It felt like a major letdown when I was hoping
for some romantic revelation.

I stood there, waiting for him to reach out for
me. My heart seriously sank when he didn’t. “I’m freezing here,” he
said.

“
Poor baby.”

And I turned and walked to my car parked at the
curb.

He let out a frustrated scream then, “Aargh!!
You’re SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING WOMAN – ”

Then he totally knocked MY socks off, by
walking on his precious socks over the wet grass to me, where he
grabbed me, leant me against my car, and kissed me for the longest
time.

(most romantic moment of my life so far, I
think!)

That kiss said A LOT.

I drove off eventually, my heart
singing.

Looking back on what happened now…

I think I won that round.

5.26pm

Gotta go do this hair promotion thing for work
in the city tonight.

I hope Evvy comes in.

2.05am

So pissed and upset. Drunk and
pissed.

Evvy CAME IN.

But overwhelming joy and love blossoming from
my eyes like love beams, stupid stupid motherfucking love beams,
turned to devastation when HE IGNORED ME FOR THE WHOLE
NIGHT.

This is my last straw.

I really mean it this time!

I can’t stay with a guy that can’t kiss me
hello in front of his mates.

I swear, this is it. No more caring.

Sunday 16 July 2000

5.52pm

I’ve been a misery guts all day.

I was so pissed about last night, that at 2pm I
finally rang him. “What were you trying to tell me last night,
Everard??” I demanded as soon as he said hello.

He said, “Nothing!” all asshole
like.

“
That’s crap! You don’t WANT me!!
You wanted to make DAMN SURE I knew it last night!!”

He sighed

(yeah, go on!!! Sigh like we’ve been together
fifty damn years and this is just exhausting),

then said, “That’s not true, Karina –
”

“
Bullshit!! You don’t care!! You
don’t want me!! You don’t want a relationship with me!” It all came
spilling out of me.

“
That’s not true – ”

“
Do you know how hurt I was?? That
you couldn’t even kiss me hello in front of Tom and Dan?? Two guys
who are like BROTHERS to me

(Tom not really, but for dramatics’ sake, it
fit),

and BEST FRIENDS to YOU!!! If you can’t bloody
KISS ME in front of them, then there’s NO BLOODY POINT going on
with this JOKE of a relationship – ”

“
I was PISSED OFF WITH YOU, okay!!”
he suddenly cried. “I was PISSED you didn’t stay Friday night.
THAT’S why I ignored you – ”

“
GREAT!! FABULOUS!! So instead of
just being an ASSHOLE, you’re just petty and childish instead!! You
know what!! You NOT kissing me last night tells me all I need to
know!”

He made a noise then. “GOD!!”

“
He’s not gonna help you!! You don’t
want me, Everard, or a relationship – ”

“
That’s NOT TRUE, I DO –
”

I felt crushed.

“
Look, Tom’s over – ”

“
OF COURSE!!!” I
shrieked.

(oh my God. I’m becoming one of them. Screechy
girlfriend. This has to stop)

“ –
I can’t say all the things I
need to say to calm your crazy ass down with Tom and his girlfriend
here – ”

(Tom has a girlfriend?? Oh thank
God)

“ –
so let me call you later,
woman.”

“
I won’t be home.” I would, but
that’s not the point.

“
Well, I’ll try you later –
”

“
I won’t be home THEN,
EITHER.”

“
I’ll keep trying, till I get
you.”

Does he say these things to drive me crazy?? I
think he does. They’re always so double-meaning full.

I didn’t even say goodbye. I just slammed my
pink phone down, again and again and again.

(God, it felt good)

This is not good enough. I’m not settling. I
want SPECTACULAR.

The strawberry cheesecake ice-cream in the
freezer sure looks good right about now.

I might just stick my whole face in
it.

9.18pm

Richie rang, and made me laugh for 45 minutes,
like he always does.

Am I meant to be with him?? Sometimes I feel
it, deep down inside of me…

But something stops me.

Sunday 23 July 2000

8.21pm

So much has been happening. Been working crazy
hours…till 6pm at night then starting at 6am.

(which means getting up at 4.30am to do my hair
and make up)

Beth and I went to the movies Friday night, saw
‘Gone in 60 Seconds’

(my new fav movie…and my car is now called
Elanor),

then Saturday night most of us from Sin went
out to Panchos

(my FAV PLACE ON EARTH)

at Balmoral – me, Nat, Dan, Benny, Melissa, her
boyfriend Nathan, Sars, Ryan, Paul, Little Jonny, oh my God who
else…so many of us.

First we went to the Balmoral Hotel, where
apparently

(according to Dan and Nat)

I kept standing on tables and yelling “My name
is Otto, and I love to get blotto!”

So I was in fine form off of tequila shots by
the time we reached Panchos.

Now I love Panchos cause it’s the one place in
Brisbane I can get on tables and not get kicked out. They seriously
have a blackboard on the ceiling that you stand on the table and
draw on.

This family pizza restaurant is full of penis
drawings on their ceiling.

I didn’t even make it onto the tables at
Panchos however. I was so drunk Sara was taking care of
me

(stern, serious Sars was laughing her head off
at me – forever here to entertain, I am),

and I WOULD’VE BEEN FINE, if damn Nathan hadn’t
dared me to eat that anchovy.

Soon as I bit it, I started retching, then
started vomiting right there, at the table.

(it was the damn anchovy that made me spew
madly, not all that tequila)

Luckily everyone found it so funny. I can only
get away with this behavior with these people.

Then I rolled down my window in Dan’s car and
spewed, causing massive vomit streaks all along the side of his
car.

(not the first time, and won’t be the
last!!)

THEN I woke up to Sharon from

(the loony bin)

downstairs informing me I threw up all in her
flower bed and asked me was I aiming for her cat, cause I seemed to
be chasing it around and trying to spew all over it.

Worse, I was wearing my pink Sin shirt at The
Balmoral Hotel and Panchos. Dreading Monday.

Dinner was sure over in a hurry after I spewed
all over everyone’s pizzas.

Monday 24 July 2000

6.34pm

Word got round very quickly about my
performance at Panchos. Someone dobbed me in I’d been wearing my
Sin shirt too.

“
Pinky!!” John Cash boomed. “I hear
you projectile vomited all over a restaurant in Balmoral while
wearing your Sin shirt??”

(oh God. Here’s where I get fired)

“
Good job, Pinky!” DY yelled out. He
came out of his office. “You make us look young and hip acting like
that!!”

“
Don’t you mean drunk and stupid?”
chimed in Gerry.

Renee laughed her ass off (best office manager
ever!!).

“
Everyone, I want you to take a page
from Pinky’s book!! Spew in public places while wearing your Sin
shirts!”

Nat was shaking her head. John Cash added,
“Maybe we should give Pinky a bonus for promoting young, hip
haircare so well?? She should be the new face of Sin!!”

Oh God, only in this office could that
happen.

Tuesday 25 July 2000

5.55pm

Got a bad cough AGAIN. That’s about
it.