Shades of Honor (20 page)

“The second floor is unfinished so we can add bedrooms as we need them,” Kyle said. “I thought we’d see how quick our children come before putting up walls.”

In that instant, their impending marriage became real, and Evelyn realized she was going to spend the rest of her life with this man and have his children. Kyle would be her confidant and lover. He would be the center of her life, like the stove in their house. But how could she fuel his fire when she felt as cold as a stone? Could she learn? Would their home resonate with warmth and laughter, or sit silent and cold like the empty stove?

Evelyn’s legs quaked as she followed Kyle down the hallway leading to the back of the house.

“This is our bedroom,
Ev
.” Sincerity flowed from Kyle’s voice, but Evelyn’s throat was too dry to reply. A massive fireplace lined one wall, and a large window filled the other. Outside the clear glass, a huge maple tree that was starting to change color looked like a beautiful painting that had been intentionally framed by the window. The room was designed to hold several large pieces of furniture, and Evelyn knew Kyle had given this room the most attention for her.

Shamed by her unfaithful feelings in the face of his generosity, Evelyn buried her face in his chest. “I love it, Kyle. Truly, I do.”

He embraced her. “Well, that's a relief. I can't tell what pleases you these days.”

“I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind with Papa being ill, but I promise I'll be a good wife,” she vowed, meaning it with all her aching heart. She would honor her husband no matter what it cost her.

Kyle tensed and eased her away, his eyes questioning, his expression suspicious. “Are you leading up to a confession that I don’t want to hear?”

“Of course not!” she said, as guilt and panic raced through her body. Could Kyle possibly sense that she had feelings for Radford? Or had her comment simply struck a vein of suspicion that made him ask?

Kyle’s gaze canvassed her face as if searching for something she was hiding.

“Kyle! Stop looking at me like that,” she said. “There’s nothing to confess.”

“Good, because I’d kill the man and don't you doubt it.” All humor had fled Kyle’s eyes and Evelyn’s heart lurched sickeningly in her chest. “I’m sensing something’s going on with you,
Ev
.” She shook her head. “All right then, we’ll leave it for now. I’ve got a mess with Radford that I need to handle.” He shoved his hair off his forehead, his expression pained as he told Evelyn how Radford had overheard them arguing over the mill and the extent to which the conversation had escalated, ending with Radford relinquishing his part ownership.

No wonder Radford couldn’t go back to the mill. “You should have given Radford time to prove himself before assuming he wanted the mill.”

Kyle stuffed his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders. “I know, but when he started showing up at the mill a couple of weeks ago, I thought he would eventually want his position back.”

“If he’d wanted the mill, I can't help thinking he would have come home long before this.”

“I realize that now,” he said wretchedly.

“What happened to you, Kyle? You used to be so good-natured and fun. Now you only care about the mill. You seem almost greedy at times.”

“Greedy?” Kyle bristled. “I'm building you a house and filling it with new furniture and you consider me greedy?”

“You're offering what you
think
I want, but I would prefer to have the man I used to laugh with, the boy who could dream. Not this person who would choose a business over his own brother.”

Kyle’s chin came up, pain flashing in his eyes. “I didn’t choose the mill over Radford. I made a stupid mistake.” Kyle shook his head. “Radford should have told me to go to hell, but he apologized. He gave up the mill and hasn’t said a word about it since, and he’s helped on our house every night.” Kyle rubbed his temples. “Maybe he really
doesn’t
care about the mill and I’m worrying about all this for nothing.”

Seeing that Kyle was genuinely regretful over what had happened made Evelyn feel sympathy for both men. “I think you can assume that Radford is hurt by this and that he wants to be a partner in the mill.”

With a deflating sigh, Kyle leaned against the wall. “How the hell do I fix this mess?”

“I don't know,” Evelyn said. She had her own emotional mess to worry about fixing. “Let Radford know that you want him here, but don't push him, Kyle. I don't think Radford is someone who can be pushed.”

 
 
o0o

Evelyn waited until the next day before approaching Radford. She heard his hammer ringing in the small forge room at the back of the livery. She listened until it was silent before she knocked on the door. A moment later Radford peered out at her.

“Need something?” he asked.

His face was dirty and sweat-streaked, his damp hair curling against his neck. “May I come in?” Evelyn asked, wondering why men were irresistible when they were filthy.

Reluctantly, Radford stepped aside and let her enter. The door closed behind her and Evelyn was thrust into inky blackness. Radford’s boots crunched across the cinders, then the bellows huffed and the forge filled the small area with peachy light. It glowed warmly upon his face and Evelyn was thankful she could see his eyes. It allowed her to see the things he wouldn't admit.

“I don't assume you want to take up blacksmithing?”

“No,” she answered quietly. “I saw Kyle last night and I thought you might like to talk.”

 
“No, thanks.” He pulled the long metal bar from the furnace and placed the horseshoe on the anvil. He dismissed her with a glance, then pounded the iron shoe until her ears ached. Radford stuck the tongs in the fire and she waited. He turned the hot piece of iron and his jaw clenched. He pumped the bellows until she wanted to wring his neck.

“Radford!”

He glanced up and Evelyn could only guess at the fierce emotions roiling within him. Anger? Pain? Resentment? His chest and head were illuminated by the fire, but the rest of him remained shadowed. She approached him and touched his arm, knowing it was more than the heat of the forge that warmed her.

“I want to talk with you. Please.”

His shoulders slumped and he stepped away from the forge. “You're not going to leave it alone, are you?”

Evelyn shook her head. “You've given me a gift that I’d like to repay.”

“A gift?” he asked in surprise. “I've intruded in your livery and burdened you with a four-year-old who won't give you a moment’s peace. I wouldn't call that a gift.”

Evelyn smiled and released his arm. “I love Rebecca, and despite our personal problem, you're not in the way. My back aches considerably less since you've been here and, though I never thought I’d say this, it's nice having someone to work with again.”

Radford turned toward the forge, but she caught his hand to keep him from returning to work. I'm dirty,” he said, trying to pull free.

“I don't care.” She held tight, refusing to leave him alone with his pain. She knew how it felt when there was no one to turn to. “I know that Kyle said some awful things that he's sorry for, but that doesn't make it hurt any less, does it?”

Radford pulled his hand free, but he didn't move away. “It's better that we settled things. I wasn't comfortable with the situation anyhow. I should have been here when they needed me.”

“Well, you're here now. That counts for something. Your brothers were incomplete without you, Radford. Kyle has said as much himself and truly regrets what he did.”

Radford longed to hear those words, but standing in the dark with Evelyn, and knowing she was only inches away, was too dangerous. All he would have to do was lower his mouth and he could kiss her, could taste her lips that spoke such sweet words, could hold her in his arms. With a silent curse, Radford turned to the forge and furiously pumped the bellows until heat rolled from the coals and the entire room was filled with glowing orange light.

Evelyn blotted her forehead with her sleeve then moved to the door, hesitating with her hand on the latch. “I understand now why you can’t go back to the mill,” she said, looking at him as though she wanted to say more. He nodded and she glanced down at the flames. “Since we have to live and work together, do you think you might start talking to me again?” Her gaze lifted to his. “I miss our friendship,” she said softly, then opened the door and left the room.

As the month of September gave way to October the days turned comfortably cool and the leaves turned magnificent shades of red and gold. Kyle had finally found a way to apologize to Radford by rattling into the yard with a wagon full of lumber to rebuild the horse shelter that Radford had torn down.

Evelyn scoured her garden for the last of her vegetables and kept an eye on Rebecca and Helen who were digging in a fallow corner. Occasionally, she’d glimpse Radford and Kyle as they carried away the old planks then started building the new shelter.

For brothers, they were remarkably different. Where Kyle was thick-%
chested
and heavily muscled, Radford was lean with long arms and narrow hips. Kyle's brown hair warmed to the color of deep auburn in the sun while Radford's appeared to darken to a deeper, richer brown. They were handsome, proud men and worthy of any woman's interest.

 
But Evelyn was still drawn to the wrong one. She’d tried to change that, but no matter how much time she spent with Kyle in the evenings, she’d been unable to nurture their friendship into passion. She owed it to Kyle to tell him about her lack of feelings, but couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him. Long ago she’d promised to stand beside him, to always be there for him, and a only few short weeks ago, she’d promised to marry him. If she broke their engagement now, he’d surmise why she’d had a change of heart and the results would be disastrous.

Evelyn stood and stretched her back. Maybe when she was away from Radford she could think clearly again. If she tried, she could make a good home with Kyle, and perhaps in the intimacy of their bedroom they would both let down their guard and rediscover each other. Evelyn cast one last, regretful look at Radford and told herself to let him go.

Rebecca's terrified scream turned Evelyn's skin to ice. Everything moved forward in slow motion. A black snake slithered beneath the fence near Rebecca's feet. Radford and Kyle flew through the air, leaping the fence in unison; Kyle still holding his ax like a wild Indian with a tomahawk, Radford with a look on his face that froze Evelyn in her tracks.

Kyle reached for Rebecca, but Radford growled and shoved him aside.

Kyle stumbled back four steps before he caught his balance, a dumbfounded expression on his face as he looked at Radford. Helen crouched in fear near the fence, and Evelyn stared in shock at the savage look on Radford's face.

“Did the snake bite you?” he asked, his voice thick and trembling with fear as he inspected his daughter.

Rebecca shook her head, then burst into tears and fell into his arms.

Radford squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his ashen face to his daughter’s head.

Evelyn exchanged a concerned glance with Kyle before he jumped the fence and trotted in the direction the snake went.

Evelyn squatted beside Radford and touched his arm. When he looked at her, all Evelyn could see was his tormented eyes above Rebecca's curls. That he was embarrassed for shoving Kyle, for being unable to control his reaction, was obvious. He seemed so lost, so utterly pathetic in his shame, that she ached for him.

“It's all right, Radford.” Evelyn moved her hand to Rebecca's back and Radford’s fingers immediately linked with hers. He gripped them hard, hanging on as though Evelyn could save him from himself.

 
“What happened?” William asked, his voice graveled and breathless.

Evelyn jumped to her feet and hurried toward him. Her father stood at the edge of the fence, breathing hard and leaning heavily on his cane. His face was white and his legs were visibly quaking. The shock had nearly undone her father and she was frantic that he would collapse. “You need to sit down, Papa.” She took his arm, not caring in the least if Radford thought she was pampering him. Without her help he would never make it back to the house.

Radford stepped over the fence with Rebecca on one arm and stopped Evelyn with his free hand. “Take her,” he said gently, passing Rebecca to her. He put a steadying arm around William's waist and led him slowly to the porch, explaining what happened as they went.

Evelyn beckoned to Helen, who was trailing at a distance, then when both girls were tucked protectively at her side, she followed Radford and her father to the house.

When Kyle joined them a few minutes later, he clapped a hand on Radford's shoulder. “You all right?”

“Yeah.” Radford grimaced. “I'm sorry, Kyle.”

Kyle nodded, then squatted in front of Rebecca and wiped a tear off her cheek with his thumb. “That snake won't be bothering you again.”

“Will he s-stay away?” Rebecca hiccupped and sniffed.

“Absolutely,” Kyle said with a smile.

Rebecca threw her arms around his neck and hugged him hard. “Thank you,
Unco
Kyle.”