Shades of Honor (17 page)

When he closed his eyes and lowered his mouth, Evelyn thought she’d faint. He was going to kiss her again. And God help her, she wanted him to.

Her eyes fluttered closed and she waited a long, breathless moment before she felt his cool, muddy cheek brush across hers. Her eyes flew open and she saw his wicked grin. The realization that Radford hadn't intended to kiss her sent a jolt of heat to her cheeks and she shrieked in embarrassment. She tried to struggle from his grip, but he clamped his arms around her.

Laughter burst from him in a melody of sound. Hearty, playful, and forgiving laughter that sent her off in another fit of thrashing. “Settle down. It's only clay.”

She tried to give him a well-deserved kick in the shins, but the water slowed her thrust and she did little damage. “That was cruel, Radford.”

He laughed and released her.

Evelyn struggled with the prospect of giving him just one good shove, but common sense won out and she cupped a handful of water to wash her face.

“You might want to let that dry first. It's supposed to be good for the complexion.”

She fought the grin that threatened. Lord, where had this sense of humor come from? She arched a brow at Radford. “Then I'd suggest you gather what you can carry for your own use.”

Radford’s laughter filled the glade and sent birds swooping. Grasping at sanity, Evelyn waded toward shore and away from temptation, not looking back as she climbed onto the wagon. Her wet bottom smacked the seat and she sat there dripping all over herself, trying to ignore his hoots of laughter. But there was no ignoring this man.

 
 
o0o

Radford stayed in the cooling waters, unable to shake the feel of Evelyn in his arms. Her wet clothes had clung to her body, emphasizing the curves they usually hid, curves that had felt too good. A vision swept through his mind and Radford wrestled his hand into his pocket, closing his fingers around the pearl button he’d kept there since his drinking binge. No matter how hard he tried, he’d never forget how gorgeous Evelyn had looked that night lying in his lap, dazed and breathless.

He’d promised himself he’d never touch her again. It had been an honest, natural reaction to her teasing that made him sweep her into his arms with playful intentions, but looking into her sparkling eyes had fired his blood so quickly, he’d thrown her into the water to save himself. She shouldn’t have tricked him into diving in to rescue her.

During that one reckless moment Radford had lost his mind and forgotten where they were, who they were, why he couldn’t have her. For those few seconds he’d seen the woman who rescued his daughter, who was reaching inside him to a place no one had ever touched.

What the hell was happening to him? Radford dove beneath the surface and stroked toward the cooler depths, trying to swim away from the truth. Fanning his arms, he kept himself near the bottom, his mind grappling for answers that wouldn’t materialize. As his chest began to tighten with the need for oxygen, his body slowly calmed. Maybe he just needed sex. Maybe he needed to release the tension that had been building for the last five years of abstinence. No wonder his thinking was crazy. What man wouldn’t be insane with lust by now?

That was it. His body was controlling his mind. All he needed to do was find an outlet for his male needs.

Radford burst from the surface in a shower of spray and a gusty release of breath. Sex was definitely the answer. Even if it didn’t kill his attraction to Evelyn, it would ease the tension in his body and dull his senses.

“Do you need help?” Evelyn called from where she was poised at the edge of the pool, her frantic expression telling Radford she was ready to dive in after him.

“No!” Radford blinked the water from his eyes and put up a hand to stop her from jumping in. The last thing he needed was to have her sweet body against him again. He’d sooner drown than feel her in his arms and have to push her away. Drowning would be more merciful.

Though it was late when Kyle came to see her, Evelyn dragged him right back outside and into the yard. She could tell he was tired by his dark eyes and strained expression so she didn’t ask him to walk in the orchard with her, though she thought it would be a more romantic setting for their passionate kiss. Instead, they stood in the middle of the yard beside his horse while his pocket watch ticked away the last ten minutes he was willing to linger before going home to bed.

Evelyn placed her hand on Kyle’s warm chest and sidled close. Should she just grab him and kiss him? Or was it better to work up to it?

“What are you doing,
Ev
?”

Her cheeks warmed, but she didn’t draw back despite her natural inclination to do so. “Why are you irritable tonight, Kyle? Is something wrong at the house?”

“Not at all. Boyd and Radford finished the walls tonight so we’re ahead of schedule.”

“Are you behind at the mill, then? Is that why Radford has been spending so much time with you this past week?”

Kyle didn’t move away, but he hooked his hand over the pommel of his saddle. “I couldn’t tell you. Has it been slow in the livery?”

“We’ve been swamped. Radford just pushes hard to get through the chores, then makes sure I’ll keep Rebecca before he heads to the mill. I thought you needed the help.”

Kyle didn’t comment, which was fine with Evelyn. She didn’t want to talk about the house or the mill or the man who had her emotions in a coil. She wanted her kiss. Now.

The hell with working up to it, Evelyn thought, throwing her arms around Kyle’s neck. She smiled up at her handsome fiancé, enjoying the surprise she saw in his eyes. Maybe she needed to act bolder with him, to make him realize she was more than the girl he grew up with. “What do you say we forget about work and try one of those monkey kisses tonight?”

Kyle studied her as though she’d asked a trick question he didn’t know how to answer.

“Are you afraid I’ll take advantage of you?”

Kyle snorted, but a grin tipped his lips. “I’m all yours.”

“Good,” Evelyn said, then eagerly raised her mouth to his as he pulled her against him. She slipped her fingers into his hair and sank into the kiss, letting herself melt into him like she had with Radford. He was warm and comfortable, hard muscled and smelled of fresh pine, but it didn’t stir Evelyn’s senses like the fragrant smell of hay and fresh air—or sweet cigar.

She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to block thoughts of Radford, then moved against Kyle, stroking his broad shoulders, her fingers searching for hair tangled in his collar, but finding it straight and short. Irritated with her inability to stop comparing him to Radford, she broke the kiss and stared into Kyle’s eyes, desperate to find a connection with the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

Kyle bracketed her face between his palms and kissed her again with mounting urgency, then pulled her body against his. Evelyn tilted her head back and exposed her neck to his searching mouth. Now she would feel it! Now her mind would soar and her body would tighten with tension until she thought she’d die if Kyle stopped touching her.

Nothing moved or lifted within her.

Oh, please. Anything at all.

She tried kissing Kyle again, nearly clawing her way up his chest, but the result was the same. The explosion of feeling she’d experienced in Radford’s arms remained absent.

Disheartened, Evelyn lowered her head to Kyle’s shoulder and curled her fingers into a fist. What had Radford done to her? Why couldn’t she feel the same wicked thrill in Kyle’s arms?

Kyle’s hands shook as he set her away from him. “If you don't wish an early visit to our marital bed, you’d better not do that again. I’m tired, but I’m not dead.”

Her palm rested on Kyle’s racing heart and Evelyn knew she owed him more than an apology. “I just...I wanted to...kiss you,” she said on a deflating sigh, knowing it wasn’t the whole truth. She wanted to compare Kyle’s kiss to Radford’s, to experience that rush of passion that had washed over her in Radford’s arms. She’d wanted to shake Kyle out of his rigid business demeanor and show him the woman he was going to marry.

But she’d only shown herself a heartbreaking lack in their relationship.

 
 
o0o

As soon as Kyle left, Evelyn hurried upstairs to the balcony and hid in the shadows with her back pressed against the wall, wondering if there was still a chance she could strike a vein of passion in her relationship with Kyle.

An easy breeze fluttered across her cheeks. Evelyn leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Maybe if she kept trying she’d grow accustomed to Kyle’s kiss and the feel of his wide shoulders—and forget the feel of Radford’s mouth. Maybe she needed to touch Kyle more slowly, take time to build a fire between them.

The scent of cigar jerked open Evelyn’s eyes and she glanced toward Radford’s bedroom door. It was open and he was sitting on the balcony. She could see the smoldering orange tip of Radford's cheroot and his booted feet resting on the railing.

Never had Evelyn felt more forlorn and vulnerable than she did at this moment, but she pressed her shoulders to the wooden slats and willed herself to stay away from him. The urge to run to him and assure herself that those glorious feelings truly existed, that she was capable of responding passionately to a man, was painfully strong.

But Radford was sober tonight.

Suddenly, she wondered how long Radford had been sitting on the balcony. Her gaze swung to the driveway below where moments before she had made a fool of herself with Kyle. Knowing Radford had witnessed her pathetic behavior sent a flood of burning heat through Evelyn’s body. Mortified, she whirled toward the door of her bedroom.

“Evelyn?”

She halted with her hand on the door handle.

“What do you suppose attracts people to each other?” Radford asked lazily, as if the answer was no more important than whether Evelyn thought it might rain tomorrow.

It was laughable that he would even ask her such a question. Evelyn would have given in to the urge had she not felt so embarrassed and disheartened.

“I think it's deeper than physical attraction, don’t you?” She didn’t answer.

“It's the resonance of a laugh that can belong to only one person, the emotion they show when they touch something, the things a person says with their body and eyes. That's what I think attraction is made of.”

“I wouldn’t know, Radford,” she said, just wanting to hide in her bedroom.

“Of course you do. What draws you to Kyle?”

“You want me to tell you?” she asked, in amazement, turning to face him.

“I didn't think you'd mind the question.”

She did, but if she didn’t answer, he would know she was embarrassed that he saw her kissing Kyle. “I admire Kyle. He’s strong and dependable and has made himself into a respected businessman.”

“I'm talking about
wanting
someone, Evelyn.” Radford’s feet hit the floor and his knees swung in her direction. “You know that feeling deep in your gut that nags and pushes you to do things you shouldn’t do?”

Evelyn’s gaze flew to Radford’s gray silhouette and her heart hammered her ribs.

“Come here, Tomboy,” he said quietly. “Over here where I can see your face.”

Her body reacted to the deep caress in Radford’s voice and her traitorous legs moved forward, trembling with each step.

 
“Closer. I want to see your eyes.” When she neared him, Radford stood up and faced her. “I know what happened the night I came home after drinking too much with Kyle. I should have never done that to you. No matter how much I’d had to drink, or what I felt that evening, I had no right to kiss you.”

The breath left her body in such a rush that Evelyn thought she’d fall. She flattened a palm against her stomach. “You remember?”

“I couldn't forget something that beautiful unless I was dead. And you
were
beautiful, Evelyn.” He trailed the backs of his fingers across her cheek. “If things were different...”

Expelling a sigh of resignation, Radford lowered his hand and went to the railing, leaning on his palms so he wasn’t tempted to reach out to Evelyn. His gaze settled on the livery where he and Evelyn had been building a future together, albeit for different purposes. Somehow it made sense to combine their intentions toward one common goal.

Radford turned back to Evelyn. “I was a cad to take advantage of you like that.”

“It was my fault,” she said, dropping her gaze to her clasped hands. She kept her face lowered, remaining silent in her obvious embarrassment.

Deeply regretful to be the cause of her discomfort, Radford stepped forward and took her hands in his. “Look at me.” Evelyn raised her face and he saw the anguish in her eyes. “You did nothing wrong. I forced that situation the other night.”

“No you didn’t. My curiosity caused the problem. I wanted to kiss you to see if it was the same as kissing Kyle.”

Radford felt his hands tremble as he battled the urge to prove to Evelyn that there was definitely a difference.