Shades of Gray (9 page)

CHAPTER 15

THE
war room on the KGI compound was filled with a large group of very pissed-off men.
Steele stood to one side with his team—minus one. Noticeably absent P.J. Cole stood
shoulder to shoulder with his team leader as he surveyed the other occupants of the
room.

Rio and his team, consisting of Terrence, Diego, Decker and Alton, stood looking haggard
and tired. They too were down one man. Browning, who’d betrayed Rio’s trust in a previous
mission. Rio was a hard, unforgiving bastard and you only got one chance to fuck him
over. Browning was lucky Rio hadn’t killed him, but he’d cut him loose and walked
away from him.

And then there were the Kellys: Sam, Garrett, Donovan, Ethan, Nathan and Joe. And
Swanny, the newest recruit to KGI.

The room bristled with rage and testosterone overload. The silence was heavy but the
undercurrents were electric. Cole knew what was on the minds of every single member
of KGI.

Revenge.

Vengeance for one of their own.

“What happened, Steele?” Garrett asked, first to break the silence. “And I don’t want
any of that I failed my team bullshit. Just the facts.”

“Why the fuck was she left alone?” Rio demanded.

His temper was on edge and he simmered with anger. Cole could see the fear in his
eyes and knew he was thinking of Grace, and that once, Grace had been as helpless
as P.J. had been.

He also knew that Rio and P.J. were friends of sorts. As much as P.J. allowed anyone
to get close to her. She and Rio had hung out in that dive P.J. frequented. It had
pissed him off that she’d made it obvious he wasn’t welcome when apparently she and
Rio had thrown back a few drinks together.

Sam held up his hands. “Enough. We need to figure out what the fuck went wrong so
it never happens again.”

“I should have stayed closer to her in the ballroom,” Donovan said tightly. “I wanted
her to get close to Nelson, but he took her out the back, and before I could get over
to keep an eye on her, he’d gotten her into a car.”

“It was the fucking traffic,” Dolphin seethed. “We would have been able to intercept
her at the hotel. They were there long enough that he took off her bracelet. If we
hadn’t gotten caught in the wreck, we would have tagged her leaving the hotel and
we would have been in the house as soon as we knew Brumley was there.”

Garrett frowned. “Do you think he made her? Is that why Nelson took the bracelet?”

Steele shook his head. “No, I think this was just routine. If it weren’t for Brumley,
Nelson would have just taken P.J. back to the hotel thinking he was going to get some
action and we would have been there the whole time. But Brumley saw her and decided
he wanted her. He’s a cagey, paranoid bastard and he wanted Nelson to make sure she
was clean before he brought her to Brumley’s house.”

“So what now?” Ethan asked, his tone somber.

His jaw was tight as well. His wife, Rachel, had been a victim and had undergone an
entire year of captivity in South America before Ethan was tipped off that she wasn’t
dead, like the entire family had thought.

They were all on edge. Nerves were frayed. The women that had married into the Kelly
family, and the woman who’d married Rio, were all resilient women who’d all experienced
tragedy in one shape or another.

Rachel, Sophie, Sarah, Shea and Grace were weighing heavily on all their minds. And
now violence—
violation
—had touched P.J. Their teammate. Partner. A woman that had Cole’s insides so twisted
up that his stomach was one giant ball of anxiety.

“We go after those fuckers,” Cole seethed. “That’s what’s now.”

Dolphin, Renshaw and Baker nodded grimly. Even Steele looked like he was in total
agreement.

Sam and Garrett exchanged uneasy glances.

Donovan’s cell phone went off, breaking the awkward silence. He glanced down, frowned
and then put it to his ear.

Cole didn’t tune in until Donovan swore and said, “She did what? And you just let
her walk out of there? What the hell happened? How did this happen? I want some damn
answers.”

Everyone focused intently on Donovan as he listened to the person on the other end
of the line. Then he cursed again and shoved the phone back into the clip at his side.

“What the fuck is going on?” Cole demanded.

Donovan blew out his breath. “I don’t even know how to say this. P.J. checked out.
Or rather she didn’t check out. She just walked out.”

There was an explosion of what-the-fucks that echoed around the room.

“Where?” Cole bit out. He didn’t care about the details. He just wanted to know where
to find her.

Donovan looked like he’d just swallowed barbed wire. “No idea. She didn’t exactly
inform the on-duty people that she was planning to take off.”

“Son of a bitch,” Steele swore.

The others cast surprised glances in his direction. Garrett raised an eyebrow, but
Cole wasn’t as aghast as the others.

Steele may be a cold-blooded machine to some, but Cole knew his team leader was invested
absolutely in his team. He considered each and every member his, and he was possessive
and protective of them all. He didn’t take shit from anyone, and he expected instant
obedience when he gave an order, but everything he did, every decision he ever made,
was for the good of the team, and he’d never do anything to compromise their safety.

“Where would she go?” Sam asked softly.

He directed the statement to Cole and his team members. They knew her best, but Cole
wanted to laugh at that idea. Did anyone really know P.J.? Did anyone know what made
her tick?

Renshaw shook his head. “She’s private, man. She doesn’t talk a lot about personal
shit. I wouldn’t have the first clue where to start looking.”

“Get on the phone and start calling the airports. Every one in a hundred-mile radius,”
Sam said to Ethan. “See what you can find out. I don’t care what kind of story you
have to make up or what kind of strings you have to pull. Just get it done.”

“I’m on it,” Ethan said, striding toward the computer as he spoke.

“And what if we find her?” Nathan asked. “We can’t make her stay where we put her.
Or where we want her. We can’t make her accept our . . . help. Or support, even as
much as we want to give it.”

No one had a ready answer for that. Cole didn’t need to verbalize his intentions.
P.J. needed them. She needed someone. He didn’t give a shit about her lone-wolf status
in life.

He wanted to be there for her, to help her get through this. God, he just wanted to
make her smile. For things to go back to the way they were when they bantered back
and forth, cut jokes and threw insults.

He didn’t want to contemplate a world without P.J. He didn’t want to be on a team
where she wasn’t an integral part. He didn’t want to lose any of his team. They were
a unit.

They were family.

“Let’s find her first. Then we’ll figure out our options,” Steele said.

Everyone nodded, agreeing with Steele’s assessment. The group broke and Cole headed
in Rio’s direction.

“Can I have a word?” he asked Rio quietly.

Rio stared back at him with dark eyes. “Yeah, let’s step outside.”

They left the war room and walked outside where dusk was gently falling over the lake.
It was early fall and the evenings were already starting to cool. The wind hinted
at impending brisker days. It was usually Cole’s favorite time of year, except now
he couldn’t enjoy the changing season because the world—
his
world—was in complete turmoil.

“Is there anything you can tell me that would help?” Cole asked. “I know you spent
some time with P.J. Did she ever say anything to you that would help us find her now?”

Rio looked regretful. “We had a few drinks. I was passing through Denver, looked her
up and we had bar food and beer. We didn’t do a whole hell of a lot of talking, and
when we did, it was about work stuff. Past missions. Just shooting the shit.”

Cole grimaced. “Yeah, she doesn’t ever talk about herself.”

Cole had a feeling that the one night he and P.J. had spent together had been the
most she’d opened up to anyone. Ever. But even then, she hadn’t given him enough to
know what she’d be thinking right now.

Rio’s lips turned up in a half smile. “Do any of us?”

Rio had him there. How much did he really know about any of his team? Yeah, they were
family. No one would ever dispute that. But it didn’t mean they were all touchy-feely
and up in one another’s business.

Cole was starting to regret that he hadn’t tried harder in the past. He’d always respected
P.J.’s privacy. Hadn’t pressed her for information she was reluctant to give. Being
a good guy and teammate didn’t mean shit now when they were so desperate for information.

“Look, I’ve pretty much seen it all. I’m sure you have too. It’s hard when it’s a
teammate, but the fact is, she’s like a wounded animal and it’s likely she just wants
to go off to heal on her own. You saw what Nathan was like when he got back from Afghanistan.
You see how closed off Swanny is. Hell, we’ve all got our burdens to bear. We just
do it differently. Maybe the best thing to do is just back off and give her some space.
Let her deal with this in her own way.”

Cole knew Rio was giving good advice but it pissed him off all the same. He stared
hard at the other man.

“Tell me something, Rio. If it was Grace, would you be so willing to back off and
give her space and not worry over where she is, if she’s hurting or if she can make
it on her own right now?”

Rio’s brows lifted, his eyes widening. “So it’s like that.”

Cole swore. “Yes. No. Hell if I know. Look I’m making a point here. If it were any
of the other women. What if it was Shea? Or Rachel? Would you be saying to back off
and leave them alone to sort it out themselves?”

Rio sighed. “No. I wouldn’t. But you have to remember, Cole. You can’t treat P.J.
like just any other woman. She’s a warrior. A highly trained operative who goes into
combat and deals with situations most other women don’t. She’s wired differently.”

Cole took a step closer until he and Rio were just inches apart.

“All that may be true, and I certainly don’t dispute it, but the fact of the matter
is, she is still a woman and she was violated in the worst way a woman can be violated.
And her team let her down. So you tell me. If she was on your team, would you be so
willing to let her walk away and figure it all out on her own?”

Rio shook his head. “Hell, no. I wouldn’t let one of my men do it. I’m just trying
to offer some perspective.”

“Well, I sure as hell don’t have any,” Cole said bluntly. “What I want is for her
not to be alone to deal with this by herself. She has the team. And she has me. And
she has no business being out of that hospital bed.”

Rio put his hand on Cole’s shoulder. “I get it, man. I understand when a mission becomes
personal. I understand it all too well. My team will do whatever we can to help. We
respect the hell out of P.J. She’s one of us. Will always be one of us. If you need
us, just say the word.”

Some of the tension left Cole’s shoulders, and suddenly he was weary beyond belief.

“I appreciate it. I’m sorry that our fuckup meant you had to be away from Grace and
Elizabeth.”

“You didn’t fuck up,” Rio said quietly. “Shit happens. There was nothing you could
have done. And Grace and Elizabeth are fine. They’re with Shea and the other women
enjoying a visit. I don’t let them out of the jungle often.”

Cole grinned crookedly. “No, you don’t. That’s for sure.”

“Keep me posted, okay?” Rio said as Cole turned to walk back into the war room. “I
like P.J. a lot and this whole thing pisses me off. I want that bastard as much as
you do.”

Cole stared straight into Rio’s eyes. “I doubt that.”

CHAPTER 16

P.J.
parked outside Steele’s home, cut the ignition and then gripped the steering wheel
with both hands. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This would be the hardest
thing she’d ever done, but it was necessary.

She glanced at the huge duffel bag sitting in the passenger seat of the rental. Everything
that belonged to KGI.

Getting out, she walked around to the other side to open the door. Bracing herself,
she picked up the heavy bag and hoisted it over her shoulder.

Grimacing as her still-healing incisions protested, she started for the door only
to see Steele standing in the doorway watching her progress.

His silence unnerved her, but only because she was nervous and she hated what she
was about to say.

“Where the hell have you been?”

She blinked and drew up short on the top step. He looked angry when Steele usually
looked unflappable. His gaze swept over her, top to bottom, as if examining her wellness
for himself.

“Can I come in?” she asked. “I need to talk to you.”

Steele reached for the bag and then scowled. “What the hell is this, P.J.?”

She sighed and brushed past him into the house. Her palms were sweaty and she rubbed
them repeatedly down her pants legs.

This wasn’t a social call, and he evidently picked up on that much. He didn’t steer
her toward the living room but instead walked her back to his office, which overlooked
the expansive rear of his property.

She flopped gratefully into one of the armchairs in front of his desk and waited.

He dropped the bag on the other chair and then stalked around to sit behind the desk.
And then he leveled a stare at her. One that would make a grown man quake in his boots.

“Care to explain why you bailed from the hospital, didn’t let me or your team know
where you were going, how you were doing or, hell, even if you were alive? Do you
know how worried we’ve been for the last few weeks? You fell completely off the radar.
No one’s been able to get in touch with you. You didn’t go home and you didn’t check
in. What the fuck, P.J.?”

She winced and closed her eyes. There was no easy way to do this, and a clean cut
was always better than a jagged one. She ought to know.

“I’m turning in my gear.”

Steele’s lips tightened. “I can see that much.”

“I quit,” she said baldly. “I’m off the team.”

“That’s it?”

She nodded.

He swore through clenched teeth. “What the hell is going on in your head, P.J.?”

“This is something I need to do,” she said, notching her chin upward. “It’s what I
have to do.”

“I won’t accept your resignation.”

“You don’t have a choice,” she said softly. “I’m out.”

“Look, take some time off. There was no way in hell you were going out with the team
anytime soon anyway. Don’t make an emotional decision you’ll regret later. Your job
will be waiting when you get yourself together.”

She almost laughed. Get herself together? She’d done nothing but that for the last
three weeks. Three agonizingly long weeks where she’d lain dreaming of revenge and
of returning tenfold the hurt that had been done to her.

She rose, knowing nothing good could come of her continued presence here. Steele was
pissed and she didn’t want to waste time arguing with him.

“My decision is final.”

Steele’s jaw bulged and flexed. “Don’t do anything stupid, P.J.”

She turned back to face him and paused a long moment. And she lied.

“I need some downtime. I don’t want my team worrying. I don’t want to leave you a
man short while I’m getting my shit together. It’s not fair to you or my teammates.
I should be replaced and you know it. I’m a liability, and you can’t afford to take
a mission short a man. Fill the spot, Steele.”

“Just like that,” he snapped.

She took a steadying breath and prayed she didn’t lose her composure before she managed
to get out.

“I can’t do this, Steele. Just let me go.”

He stared at her a long moment. And then he rose and walked around to stand just in
front of her. He put his hand on her shoulder and gently squeezed. It was so out of
character for him that she could only stand there in befuddlement.

“Take your time, P.J. Get your head straight and then you come back and talk to me.
If you’re still so determined to quit in a few months’ time, then I’ll accept your
resignation. But until then, you’re still a part of this team.
My
team.”

She bit into her lip to keep the tears from crowding her vision.

“Thank you.”

Then she turned and walked rapidly out of his office and back through the house. She
strode blindly to her vehicle and got in before she could change her mind. She couldn’t
be weak. Not now.

What she had to do could in no way reflect on KGI or her team. She wouldn’t drag them
into the mire she was about to descend into herself.