Shades of Gray (8 page)

CHAPTER 13

P.J.
opened her eyes to find her hospital room mostly dark. There was a beam of light emanating
from the bathroom where the door was barely open a crack.

She glanced to the side of the bed to find Cole as he’d been for the last two days.
Propped in an uncomfortable-looking chair that had been pulled up as close to her
bed as it could go.

He was sleeping, a fact she was grateful for. She’d purposely taken refuge in the
pain medication, not wanting to deal with her team, all gathered in her room, sympathy
and anger in their eyes.

And when she was lulled into oblivion by the medication, she didn’t have to remember
the leering faces of Brumley and Nelson. Didn’t have to hear their grunts, feel their
bodies pressed against hers.

She closed her eyes, unable to prevent the physical reaction the memory caused.

She’d have permanent reminders of Brumley’s violation. Scars she’d wear for the rest
of her life. The doctor had gently explained that some of the cuts had been too deep,
too jagged, but that in time they would fade. But there would always be a mark there
to signal the cuts the animal had made to her flesh.

The more she came to awareness, the more the memories crowded in until her jaw clenched
and she valiantly tried to steel herself from the raw agony that clawed at her.

She stared down at her right hand, which was casted, and she was confused because
she couldn’t remember how she’d broken it. Clumsily, she reached for the nurse’s call
button with her left, hoping she wouldn’t wake Cole. She didn’t want to talk. Didn’t
want to deal with the torment in his eyes. She just wanted oblivion.

A few moments later, the nurse hurried in and spoke to P.J. in low tones. She left
once more but was back in less than five minutes with a syringe. She injected the
medication into the port and P.J. closed her eyes and waited for the comforting lull
to claim her.

The next time she opened her eyes, sunlight had flooded the room and her entire team
was slouched in chairs surrounding her bed. Her brow instantly went clammy and nervousness
flooded her.

She made eye contact with Steele first. Steele she could deal with. He was professional.
He wouldn’t make her want to break down and weep like a damn crybaby.

“The girls,” she croaked out.

She frowned, cleared her throat and then blinked in surprise when Dolphin was there
with a cup of water. He held it to her lips and she gratefully gulped half the contents.

When she was done she whispered her thanks and then leaned back against the pillows
again.

“The girls,” she said again. “Did they get them out? Are they safe?”

Steele nodded, but his expression was still grim.

“Rio and his team went in with Nathan, Joe and Swanny. They intercepted the truck
and brought down Wainwright and his entourage. The girls are on their way back stateside
as we speak.”

“And Brumley? Did you get him?”

She held her breath, hope billowing forcefully into her chest.

Steele looked away, his jaw bulging. She glanced sideways toward Cole, who looked
so coldly furious that she shivered.

“He escaped with his men onto the plane and took off,” Steele said in a quiet, pissed-off
voice. “Rio had to make a choice between going after Brumley or saving the girls.
They went after the girls.”

P.J. closed her eyes. She had no right to feel angry. The girls were more important
than any sense of justice she felt needed to be exacted.

But the fact of the matter was she was gutted. Numb. While she lay in a hospital bed,
Brumley and Nelson were out there. Free. Unpunished both for what they’d done to her
and for what they’d done and planned to do to those babies.

She turned her face to the side, biting into her lower lip to keep her emotions in
check. And then the soft brush of a caress glided over her cheek. Just one finger.
The back of a knuckle. But she’d know that touch anywhere.

She should be angry with him for showing her any tenderness in front of the others.
But they were all being gentle with her. Things had changed and she hated it all.
How could anything ever be the same with her team?

This would always be between them. They’d treat her differently. Like she was fragile
instead of a teammate capable of carrying her own weight and kicking ass with the
rest of them. All because she’d failed a mission. She hadn’t been able to protect
herself and she’d been stupid enough and panicked enough to take a drink from a man
she knew not to trust.

“P.J.”

Cole’s voice came out husky, riddled with emotion. It was there for everyone to hear.

“Look at me, please,” he begged softly.

She turned, opening her eyes to see the tortured look in his own.

“We’ll get him, P.J. I swear to you we’ll nail his ass to the wall. He’s not going
to get away with this.”

No one in the room denied Cole’s terse vow. They all looked just as Cole did. Furious.
Worried. Sick at heart.

Live as a team. Die as a team. She was bringing them down. They were dying with her.

She took a steadying breath, determined not to let her building rage overwhelm her.
She had to stay calm and focused. One thing at a time.

“We’re driving out to the compound to meet Rio and the others,” Steele said. “Be gone
several hours at the most. You need to rest. We need to know what went down in Vienna.
We’ll give you whatever intel we receive. I promise.”

She nodded stiffly.

Cole was the last to stand. He was still holding her left hand, his fingers twined
through hers. Then finally he rose and leaned over to brush his lips across her forehead.

“I’m going to kill that son of a bitch for you, P.J.,” he whispered.

She watched him walk away to join the others as they left her room.

“No, you aren’t,” she said quietly as her door closed, leaving her alone in the room.
“I am.”

CHAPTER 14

P.J.
rested for an hour after her team departed. She hadn’t asked for pain meds and she
wasn’t going to. She was getting out of this place.

Hearing that Brumley had escaped had done something to her soul. It was like she’d
become a different person at that point. Someone harder. Necessary to get her through
the pain and shame of her ordeal.

Time to suck it up and deal. Nothing worthwhile came easy. She’d learned that early
on. And she’d been down before. She would never have imagined she’d reach a lower
point than when she’d walked away from S.W.A.T.

But here she was, stripped of who she was, what made her the woman she was. That bastard
had stolen her confidence. Her arrogance. Her cocky demeanor that held her together
on the tough missions. He’d made her doubt herself and everything about her.

She wasn’t going to lie here a moment longer.

She pushed herself out of bed, going clammy as pain gripped her as soon as she put
strain on the stitches. Holy hell, it hurt.

She was sore from head to toe, and the damn cuts on the insides of her thighs made
standing and walking damn hard.

One of her teammates had brought a duffel bag and dropped it on the counter next to
the sink. She slowly made her way to it and unzipped it to inspect the contents.

There were sweatpants, a large T-shirt that would swallow her, socks and a pair of
scuffed tennis shoes.

Her chest softened when she realized that the clothing belonged to one of the guys.

But at the bottom was the knife. Brumley’s knife. The knife she’d insisted on keeping.
Cole had kept it for her.

It took her several long, agonizing minutes to dress. She made sure the bandages over
the cuts stayed in place and then she put the socks and shoes on. When she was done,
she slipped the knife into the pocket of the sweats.

She stared at herself for a long moment in the mirror, not liking what she saw. She
saw someone . . . broken. And she’d be damned if she allowed those bastards that kind
of power.

She’d hunt the motherfuckers down herself.

No one. No one would ever get away with making her feel the way she’d felt that horrible
night.

Revenge wasn’t just a concept, some fantasy she dreamed about. It had become her reason
for being.

The longer she’d lain in this hospital room, the angrier she’d become and the more
she fantasized about having the bastards at her mercy. Of making them beg for mercy.
Mercy she wouldn’t provide.

They would die.

They would die for what they’d done to her and for what they’d done to countless young
girls and for what they’d tried to do to those babies Rio and his team had managed
to rescue.

Thank God, they were on their way home, back to their mothers and fathers. Their families.

The only family P.J. had was her team, and she couldn’t allow them to take on her
vendetta. KGI wasn’t a vigilante group. She wasn’t about to turn them into one.

She walked out of her hospital room and down the hall in search of Cathy, one of the
nurses P.J. had met during the countless times KGI had been through the hospital at
Fort Campbell. Cathy was the closest to another female friend P.J. possessed, and
it had been Cathy who’d swept in and taken charge of P.J.’s care.

Cathy was a retired naval nurse who’d moved to Kentucky with her husband, and they
both worked on base. She was a brisk, no-nonsense woman whose bluntness had always
been appreciated by P.J.

When she got close to the nurse’s station, Cathy looked up and then did a double take.
To her credit she didn’t say anything, but she shot out of her chair and rushed around
to meet P.J. in the hall.

She quickly drew P.J. into the family room where it was just the two of them and then
lit into P.J. with both barrels.

“What the fuck are you doing up?” she demanded. “You should have your ass in bed.
I was just preparing to bring you some pain medication.”

“I need out of here,” P.J. said in a low voice. “I can’t stay here another day. I
need your help.”

Cathy’s eyes widened. “You want to do
what
?”

“Your shift is almost over, right? Give me a ride out of here.”

“And where the hell are you going to go? What you need is to stay your ass in bed
and let me and the others take care of you for a while. It won’t kill you to depend
on others for once.”

P.J. very much wanted to hug the older woman but wouldn’t allow herself the weakness.
“I have to do this, Cathy. I don’t expect you to understand.”

Her expression softened. “Honey, you’re not just physically injured. You’ve got a
lot to deal with that has nothing to do with stitches or a broken hand. You need to
be surrounded by people who care for you right now. Not off on your own with whatever
harebrained scheme you’ve concocted.”

“I need to go,” P.J. said in a quiet, determined voice. “Will you help me or do I
have to go myself?”

Cathy made a sound of disgust. “You’ll get that pretty ass of yourself shot up by
the night guard. For the love of God, P.J., you’re on a military base. You can’t just
waltz around like you own the place.”

P.J. gave her a crooked grin. “I’m just a civilian, remember? I can’t be expected
to keep up with all those military rules.”

“You’re going to try sneaking out if I don’t help you, aren’t you?”

P.J. nodded, her expression growing somber.

“Fuck me,” Cathy muttered. “Do you have any idea what those men of yours are going
to do if they find out I was the one who aided and abetted you?”

“Just throw a hooyah in Cole and Dolphin’s direction. It’ll all be all right then.”

“You’re so damn irreverent,” Cathy said in exasperation. “Navy sticks together, you
know. I ought to turn your ass in and then cuff that good arm to the bed.”

P.J. glanced down at the awkward cast. Her shooting hand. She needed those fingers
steady.

“How long until this heals?” she asked seriously.

“Few weeks in that cast, and you should be good. Hairline fractures of three fingers.
Once the swelling and bruising goes down, they should heal quickly, but only if you
don’t try to rush things. Give yourself the time you need and don’t try anything stupid
or you’ll be sorry. I’m only going to help you if you swear to me that you’ll take
care of yourself and give yourself time to heal. Do we have a deal?”

P.J. slowly nodded. “Thanks, Cathy. I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me a damn thing,” Cathy said, her voice thick with emotion. “I have
a twelve-year-old niece. Those girls you saved. They could have been my niece. Any
one of them. You did a good thing, P.J. You sacrificed too much, but you saved them.”

P.J. blinked away the betraying moisture in her eyes. “How much longer until you get
off?”

Cathy checked her watch. “Well now that I don’t have to give you meds and take your
vitals, give me five minutes and I’ll be clocking out. Stay put and I’ll come get
you when it’s time to go. We’ll take the stairs down and hope to hell no one looks
at us too closely.”

She studied P.J. a little closer and then rubbed her chin. “Tell you what. I’ll bring
you some scrubs. It’ll draw less attention than you walking down looking like some
street urchin in those clothes.”

P.J. smiled. “Thanks.”

“Now sit and rest until I come get you,” Cathy said with a scowl.

P.J. gratefully sank into a chair as she cemented her next course of action. The very
first thing she needed was to go back to Denver and take care of a few things there
and then take the time to heal. As much as it pained her, she knew Cathy was right.
There was absolutely nothing she could do in her present state. And she needed the
time alone to come to terms with what had happened. Without the smothering presence
of her team members. They all had jobs to do, and as long as she was a weak link,
they weren’t going to be able to perform.

By the time Cathy made it back, P.J. knew exactly what she was going to do. With Cathy’s
help she changed into scrubs and the two took the stairs and ducked out of one of
the personnel entrances.

The checkpoints were more challenging. But Cathy told the truth. Sort of. She dropped
KGI’s name, said that P.J. was being discharged and that she was giving her a ride
out.

“You can drop me anywhere in Clarksville,” P.J. said. “I can get a ride to the airport.”

“Fuck you,” Cathy said rudely. “I’ll take you to the airport.”

“But you just worked an entire shift. The airport is over two hours away.”

“I can run you up to Paducah. Might take you a little longer to get where you’re going,
but you know the minute the guys figure out you flew the coop, they’re going to look
at Nashville and Memphis.”

P.J. sighed. “You’re probably right. Paducah it is.”

“You know you can stay with me as long as you like,” Cathy added quietly.

“Thank you for being a friend,” P.J. said, a knot growing in her throat. “It means
a lot.”

Cathy glanced over at her. “Just as long as you realize that you
do
have friends, P.J. And that you can lean on them from time to time. It’s in the friend’s
codebook. Scout’s honor.”

P.J. smiled. “I’ll remember that.”

“Okay, well let’s get you to that airport. You got money?”

“I have my ID and a credit card. That’ll get me where I’m going.”

“All right then. Let’s hit the road.”