Shades of Atlantis (16 page)

I had called in a favor from Jen and asked her to cover for me overnight.

Considering all the times I had covered for her while she was meeting Jonathan after work, she could hardly refuse, but she made me promise to call her when I got home and give her all the details. I then called home to wish Carmel and Lewis a Happy New Year, keeping up the pretense that I was with Jen. Finally, I was able to hang up the phone and turn back to Caleb.

It smells great, I said, sniffing appreciatively. Where did you learn to cook?

He glanced over his shoulder from where he stood at the stove. My parents both enjoy cooking, and I’ve picked up a few tricks over the years.

Where are they now?

He paused before replying, as if thinking about the question. They’re around. They travel a lot.

Like you?

He placed two plates of steaming food on the counter and walked around it to take the seat next to me. Not really like me. They travel very much for pleasure. They revisit places time and time again to see how they change over time. Apart from each other, it’s their passion. His flashed a grin. Eat up. I didn’t realize I was hungry until I took the first bite. It was delicious, and my plate was almost cleared before I spoke again. Tell me about Seth.

You guys really aren’t related?

No, Caleb said, shaking his head. Sometimes people think we are, but we’re not.

Then how did you meet him? I asked.

He stared down, pushing a piece of chicken around. I took another bite to fill the silence. After a long moment, the corner of his lip twitched, and he sighed. I couldn’t read his expression. My parents took Seth in a long time ago after his parents disowned him and he was alone in the world

Why? I interrupted, feeling a pang of pity for Seth all of a sudden.

Caleb grinned at my curiosity and brushed a stray piece of hair from my cheek. He wasn’t what they’d hoped for in a child. They’re both dead now, but he never got over it and occasionally takes it out on the wrong people.

Oh, I mumbled, understanding now why Seth seemed more of a brother than a friend to him.

He cleared the plates away and set about tidying the kitchen. What would you like to do now? he enquired casually.

I was trying to avoid thinking about the future and enjoy being here in the present with Caleb. I looked around, wondering what to suggest, my eyes flicking unintentionally to the bedroom door. The color began to rise in my cheeks. He detected my unease and was next to me in an instant, holding my hands in his.

What is it? His tone was gentle, making his voice more attractive than usual. It was hard to resist.

I couldn’t meet his eyes. I didn’t know how to explain without hurting his feelings. It’s just, I’m a little nervous. My voice choked with embarrassment. I kept my gaze at on his hands; his skin was smooth and golden against mine. After a long moment of silence, Caleb released one of his hands, ran one soft fingertip tentatively down my reddened cheek and raised my chin so my eyes met his.

He considered my expression before asking me, You don’t think I’m nervous around you?

I took a deep breath, holding his scent inside me for a few second before releasing it in a strained sigh. I couldn’t imagine anyone feeling the way I did around him. I don’t know, are you?

Caleb eyes tightened in disbelief for a second, then he smiled. I’ve never been so nervous in my entire life. Everything I feel is so completely new. I’m excited and scared, and I want you like I’ve never wanted anything. His expression hardened. I’m angry at myself for wanting you so much. His fingers locked around the tops of my arms, and I brought my hands up to his chest. I could feel his heart pumping rapidly.

I just didn’t get it what was making him so angry about being close to me? What was it he was so terrified about? Yes, terrified was the right word. My breath caught at the realization. Caleb’s hand lifted to my face and cupped my jaw, the anger fading quickly from his eyes.

You don’t have to be nervous, he said, smiling reassuringly. That’s the last thing I want. Whatever happens between us, it won’t be until you’re ready, and that won’t be for a long time. It won’t be until you know me fully. His eyes were like deep pools, and I was in no doubt he meant every word.

I love you. The words were out before I thought it through. They seemed to flow effortlessly off my tongue.

He stared intently into my eyes. I couldn’t look away, and then he smiled a beaming smile that I hadn’t seen before. It illuminated his whole face and made his liquid eyes sparkle. He swung me up into his arms and kissed me passionately; I couldn’t breathe, and my heart thumped so hard I thought it would break my ribs. I felt giddy, lightheaded, and nervous as I desperately tried to commit every sensation of his kiss to memory. I matched his exuberant movements and tried not to squeal at the sheer joy and sizzling heat welling up inside me. I gasped for breath when he pulled away. He put me down, seating me carefully back on the stool, and cupped my face gently in his hands. His eyes looked into mine with such ferocious emotion I was in danger of passing out.

You have no idea how happy you’ve made me. You have no idea how much I love you. He spoke quietly, but his words filled my world. My heart pounded, and my insides melted. I ached to be closer to him. He pulled me to him and crushed me against his chest. Caleb’s heart pounded too.

We stayed there for ages, clutching each other as if we were the only two people in the world that mattered. No one person could contain this much emotion; I was sure of it. I lifted my face slowly until my lips found the indent at the base of his throat. I felt him swallow hard under my mouth as I traced a line grazing up his throat. My hands moved to the back of his shoulders, hooked under his arms, and I stood off the stool, pressing myself to him. It wasn’t something I was consciously doing; my body appeared to be acting of its own accord.

Caleb eased back with a low moan from deep inside his chest as I moved my mouth over his jaw, then finally to his mouth. The ache inside me grew, making my whole body tremble. Caleb’s hands slid to my elbows, his thumbs grazing the thin material of my T-shirt, barely touching it. Every inch of my skin felt as though it was on fire as he slid his hands very slowly up my arms, and my heart battled against exploding from the sheer bliss of his touch. When Caleb’s hands reached my shoulders, his fingers tightened and dug into my flesh. He groaned provocatively against my lips before easing me back and holding me firmly away from him.

His eyelids were closed, and his jaw was clenched, his breath panting heavily through his nostrils. My own breathing came in hard, rasping gasps; the aching want inside me was growing, becoming increasingly like a physical pain. My hands clung to his neck. Caleb opened his eyes, but he still held me away from him, too far for me to reach his lips like I desperately wanted to. I saw the chaos raging in his blue eyes.

I’m sorry, he sighed miserably. I can’t.

You just said when I was ready! I cried incredulously.

One of Caleb’s hands moved to my face while the other continued to hold me away from him. I attempted in vain to inch forward, to pull myself against him, but his one hand was immensely stronger than my whole body, and I was unable budge. I allowed my hands to drop by my sides.

You’re not ready. He was breathless.

I am I know I am, I protested, struggling against his grip until it occurred to me. He didn’t want me. It was like being viciously punched in the stomach. Caleb was rejecting me, and I didn’t understand why. How could he not want me after everything he had said over the last few days? My face burned, and I could feel my expression changing, a frown spreading across my features. As quickly as the wave of passion had hit me, I was rocked by the most intense embarrassment I had ever experienced.

What are you doing? Caleb exclaimed, aghast.

I couldn’t help it, the tears had already begun to trickle down my face, and I watched the vein on the side of his neck throb as I tried to rein in my emotions. His shoulders were rigid with horror.

Why are you crying? he demanded, horrified. He released me quickly, as though he thought he might be hurting me. Please don’t cry, Triona, he begged.

I kept my eyes fixed on the long vein bulging from the pale golden skin on his neck.

Triona, I don’t want us to do something you might regret later — His words trailed off.

It’s not like I do this all the time, I sobbed, my emotions shifting toward anger. I’ve never even had a boyfriend before. I winced when I realized I’d just referred to him as my boyfriend. Why would I ever regret being with you?

I peeked up to his eyes, my bottom lip trembling as I rubbed the tears away from my face with the palm of my hand. Caleb’s lips formed a hard straight line; his expression was guarded, and his eyes gave nothing away.

He made no attempt to speak. I shook my head slowly as the reason for his silence sunk in.

Oh — it’s one of those things I’m not allowed ask about. I sniffled. The tears had ceased, but I was sure I must look a mess of blotched red skin and puffy eyes.

Caleb glanced down, and for an instant his guarded expression slipped, and he looked contrite as he took one of my hands in his.

When you know me better, he said quietly but firmly. You don’t know what this could mean for both of us.

Are you kidding me? I cut in angrily. I don’t even date. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before! I’ve just basically thrown myself at you, and you don’t think I know how big a deal this is?

It’s too soon, Caleb insisted. He took my other hand that had started to rub the top of my thigh and held it with the other. It’s too soon, he repeated, this time his expression was softer and his voice was filled with trepidation.

No matter how he put it or what secrets were holding him back, it was rejection, and I felt foolish and humiliated. I wrenched my hands free and walked quickly to the window. I stared out at the subtle movement of the water, feeling it calming me a little. My hand rested on the glass, almost as if I could reach through and touch the gentle ripples. Caleb startled me when he carefully lifted my hair over my shoulder and smoothly ran a hand over it and down to my waist. My chest was still heaving, so I couldn’t feel the usual pressure on my lungs when he was near, or maybe I was just becoming so used to the sensations that I didn’t notice. For a moment I considered it might have been that he moved from one side of the room to the other so quickly that my body simply didn’t have time to react. The thought was erased from my mind as soon as his lips brushed the side of my neck.

I wanted to move away. I knew his touch would only make the ache stronger, but his fingers encircled my arms, holding me perfectly still. He groaned, moving his mouth up my neck to the dent below my ear, and I felt the tip of his tongue caress my skin, almost as if he were tasting me. My heart raced uncontrollably. In one swift motion he spun me around to face him. A desire to consume, a deep physical hunger, darkened and glazed his eyes. The intensity rocked me. Caleb’s hands glided down to my waist, and mine twisted through his hair as I fought to breathe through his feverish kisses. I could feel his breathing against my lips as shallow and rapid as my own. Caleb raised his hands behind his head and slid them over my hands, unlocking my fingers from his hair and gripping my wrists before lifting them to the cold glass behind my head. His lips dragged from mine and pressed against my ear. His body crushed against mine. His voice was deep with both agony and pleasure.

I could take you now, he rasped.

I sighed, breathless with the ecstasy surging through my veins. I wasn’t thinking; he had me completely within his control.

I could have any woman I want, but I only want you. I’ve never wanted anyone before you. You are my soul mate. His voice was persuasive, so irresistible, as if he had connected directly into my brain. Caleb pulled his face back inches from mine; his eyes were shimmering as tiny lights danced in his irises. I love you, Triona. The way he spoke those four words made my legs weak. I could barely get my thoughts together, but I knew that Caleb was showing me what he was capable of, how much he was keeping back, so I would know that if he only wanted me in that way, it would have happened months ago when we first met. He wasn’t rejecting me.

I love you too, I told him, trying to keep my voice even. This was yet another price to pay for loving Caleb. But I couldn’t not love him now; what choice did I have? I would have to wait. Wait for answers and wait for the ache inside me to be satisfied.

Caleb sensed I was caving again, giving in to his will. His grip loosened, and his body moved away from me.

This, us, is not going to be easy, is it? I muttered dryly, grimacing at him.

A relieved smile stretched his lips, but his eyes remained guarded. His finger brushed over my lips, and then he took my hand. Come with me.

Where? I asked. The aching was fading not disappearing, just being shut away for the moment.

I’m distracting you.

We passed the long glass table, and I realized there was a door at the far end, another room. Caleb opened the door and flicked on a light switch before he held it open for me, gesturing with a nod for me to enter. It was a large room but with no full-length glass window like the rest of the house in fact, no windows at all. Instead, shelves filled with books covered every inch of the high walls, each with one of those sliding ladders for reaching the top rows. They seemed to contain older leather-bound volumes, some so old they didn’t have a name on the spine. The lower shelves held newer books.