Set In Flames (Morningstars Book 1) (12 page)

How had they come that far?

“You mean because you treat her so much better? Have you been in to see her?” he pushed and Ryder instantly got up again after having settled down on the floor.

“It’s not that she wants to really see me,” he snapped and Jaden gave an angry laugh.

“Weren’t you the one who just mentioned she was locked up? You don’t think she’d want to see anyone really? I think you are just too afraid to face the fact that your little sister made it pretty well out there and you weren’t the one to protect her when you should have.”

Ryder was seething, but Jaden didn’t care. It was the same he way he felt.

“Ry, tell us about your parents. How didn’t you know Destra was what she was when you joined?” Lex asked, trying to defuse the situation. Jaden couldn’t help but be disappointed that he couldn’t find an outlet for his aggression.

He did want to know though how Destra was still in the position to hunt her daughter.

“When I left the family I was pissed at her because I had just gotten a little brother. I was so angry with my parents for allowing that, for creating a new child that I surely would come to love. One died pretty young, to be honest… Some freak accident, that, come to think about it, maybe wasn’t an accident after all. Next time I went back to check they had a girl. Two died as any Origin would. Only she was still sane enough to realize what she’d turn into one day. She made me promise to stay by her side. It was twenty years after One died.”

He got up, his hands shaking, and Jaden instantly felt sorry for his best friend. He couldn’t imagine how it would feel to lose someone that you considered family, no matter how weird the circumstances were, only to realize that maybe your mother had killed them. Then again, Destra couldn’t hurry along an Origin’s death.

“Then came Three… I met my father, Tymon, when I went to meet the MSP for Colbin. Back when I freshly joined the warriors he wasn’t that much into politics yet. Oh well, what can I say? He told me about Three and that he had died as a toddler. Ty had heard that I was a warrior now and he asked me if we’d come and hunt them, prosecute them for getting more children than allowed, but I just told him that none of his children were around to cause any harm anymore.”

He went through his hair, leaving it chaotic. “I didn’t know then that Destra was already carrying the next baby. In fact, I only went to see her the day I met Maya after someone reported a Hellraise lose on the street. I came to the house, found traces of blood, saw my mother and her red eyes. I have no idea how she hid it all those years. I couldn’t do it though… I couldn’t kill her,” he finished quietly and Jaden looked around.

Lex and Kaden looked at Ryder; understanding in their eyes. They probably knew they wouldn’t have killed their mother, either. Besides the fact that killing women always was the hardest part.

“How come One, Two and Three never got names, but Maya is called Maya?” Kaden asked and Ryder turned back to them, shrugging.

“My father loves her. He’s devoted to her. When Matt went to find her she was already in the other family. I thought she was dead. I really did. My father obviously thought so, too… Or better, he acted pretty convincing. I thought he was being serious. He cried when he told me that she was gone.”

“You never thought that with gone he meant away from him?” Kaden wanted to know and Ryder shook his head.

“Matt never mentioned her again and by his guilt-ridden expression I thought he had killed her and hated himself for it. It’s how I would have felt, which is why I never doubted it. I guess I was just too scared to hear him say that she died, which is probably why I never bothered clarifying this topic.”

“And yet you were ready to kill her right away again once you realized who she was,” Jaden whispered, feeling a new level of horror at that thought. He had hated it the first time Ry had mentioned it. Now the thought was unbearable.

What in the world was he doing to himself?

“I didn’t want to see how Maya would come back to her senses after the first kill, hating herself for what she had done. Imagine it would have been you in my place. You wanted to hand her your dagger so she could do the deed? Or were you ready to do it? You wanted to watch her beg you for her death? The regret would have wanted her to die, I am sure of it.”

Just that thought made Jaden feel all cold inside. He knew in Ryder’s position he’d make the same decision.

Jaden stood, pacing up the stairs and back down again before walking up to his room another time.

“She is okay, Jaden, and she won’t ever get to the point of killing an innocent person.” Kaden appeared behind him and Jaden sat down on the bed. He felt more restless than ever before.

“I know. But okay is not good, and as much as I hate to admit Ryder has any point at all, I didn’t handle this whole thing right. Problem is, I have no idea what to do differently,” he admitted and Kaden sighed.

“How about you go and see her? Talk to her? Try to make it right? You messed up so much she seriously would take any excuse to not be a burden for you.”

Jaden slowly got up, shaking his head in denial.

“She is a burden. I never once lied about that, Kaden. Just look, I am fighting with my best friend about a girl I treat exactly the same as he does. I discuss her with people that don’t have half an idea. And the people that do are either totally against me having contact with her or against me being in the warriors. Seriously, I can’t decide what’s worse,” he mumbled and Kaden cocked the same brow he always sported.

“Ever thought about the fact that maybe, those people who know are just on her side because you have all the backup you can get? Maybe they don’t even take a side in this; but simply want her to be okay because she means a lot to them as well?”

Jaden smiled ironically.

“Sure, with no one getting in contact with her, how could they be on her side?”

“I’ve been to see her, Jaden, and no one stopped me. I don’t think I was the only one who got in there.”

Jaden instantly gritted his teeth. No matter what reason the guys had to see Maya, he didn’t like it one bit.

“Yeah, I figured that this would be your reaction, but seriously, I would rather have her feeling slightly better than her sitting there, crying all day. Not that she is. Quite the rebel you have there,” Kaden winked and Jaden looked up, a questioning expression on his face.

“She’s leaving her room, sneaking around the halls, reading in whatever room suits her best. It’s driving Colbin nuts. He leaves her be because usually no one but him and Lara are home. Whenever he makes her return to her room she just shrugs, leaves and, bang, shows up twenty minutes later in another room. She took quite a liking to the game room,” he reported and Jaden smiled a half-smile.

He could literally imagine Cupcake doing that. She had spunk. You couldn’t survive the streets as long as she had without it.

“Go and see her, Jay. I mean it,” Kaden nudged gently and Jaden realized he was still smiling. There was nothing to smile about though. She wouldn’t let him get into her room if she had a choice and he couldn’t deny that she was right in her anger.

He wished she were somehow marked his, for everyone to see. Were she his girl, he’d make her dress in his sweaters. They’d be big like a dress, but they’d state that she belonged to someone. He didn’t think that any of the guys would make a move on her, but that thought didn’t calm him down the least.

He had seen enough Origins going astray because their mate didn’t treat them half like they deserved.

Cursing under his breath, he went over to his closet, getting out one of his black pullovers. It wouldn’t be as big on her as the hoodies … but then again, if she wore his hoodie, her pretty little body would be hidden from plain view.

With a groan Jaden grabbed one of those instead, spraying some cologne on it for good measure. He nearly dropped the bottle though when Kaden spoke again. He had all but forgotten his twin.

“And you think that’ll make her feel better?”

Jaden just shrugged, his back to Kaden.

He couldn’t be close to her, but at least she’d have his sweater. It was something of him, right?

Wordlessly he passed his twin, went through the living room, ignoring the inquiring gazes from his friends and then left.

The night was coldest before the sun came up and Jaden knew that he’d have to stay at the base today. Not that he cared. The way he knew himself he’d be by her bed until he felt her stirring.

Luckily he didn’t meet any of the others in the halls, slipping into her room quietly.

It was heavy with the scent of raspberries and vanilla and he paused a moment. Her soft breathing came to his ears and he remembered too well how heavy her breath got when she was turned on. What wouldn’t he give to lie down next to her and hold her tight?

Instead he knelt next to the bed, gently going through her hair, careful to not wake her up.

“She’s dreaming,” he heard a voice from the door and Jaden rested his head on her bed, silently cursing all his too nosy friends.

“You love us. I just thought I’d help you out since you want to tell her a lot of things you funnily don’t want her to hear. It would be much better apologizing when she’s awake, you know?”

Had he asked for Lex’s two cents? No.

“Won’t stop me,” his friend grinned and Jaden shook his head.

“Not feeling Ryder and Kaden this day?” he asked instead of reacting and Lex shrugged.

“I worried what would happen if you’d found her awake. I don’t think she would have been too happy to find you sneaking into her room,” Lex replied and Jaden sighed. He wasn’t there to hurt her more. He just needed to be close.

Lex didn’t leave and Jaden shook his head.

“Anything else?” he wanted to know and Lex nodded, walking closer to the bed; watching Maya’s face with the softest expression.

Any step closer and Jaden would jump over that bed, seriously bruising that pretty motherfucker’s face.

“Don’t worry. I won’t touch her. Anyways, her dreams changed, Jaden. I’m not gonna tell you more than that, but please, what this girl has seen in two years? I’d feel much better knowing you don’t add to her pain anymore.”

“Can you please stay the fuck out of my girl’s head?” Jaden inquired and Lex gave him a grin.

“She shuts me out most of the time, but when she’s dreaming … her imagination is very vivid. I can’t help but wonder what naughty thoughts would run through her head if she were just a normal girl.”

Before he really had finished that thought he stood by the door, giving Jaden a much-saying grin before leaving and closing it behind him.

It was his luck, too.

Being used to super hearing, Jaden was surprised that their talk hadn’t woken up his sleeping beauty. Most likely their conversation had taken place in tones that were too soft to hear for human ears.

“Cupcake,” he whispered, leaning over enough so he could kiss her cheek. Only that brush wasn’t enough. He kissed her forehead, her nose and then her lips, ever so slightly.

“I am sorry for what I said. I am sorry for the way I treat you, but falling in love with you is not an option. Neither for you, nor for me. We can’t be together, girl. This would be a lifelong heart break and you don’t deserve that.”

He trailed off, realizing that she didn’t deserve this treatment, either.

“This is all messed up. I’m not strong enough to fight for you or for us the way you’d deserve it. Kaden would have been the better choice. He would have already grabbed you and left. You really got the bad end of the deal,” he went on and suddenly the need to be close to her was overwhelming.

Careful, stealthily climbing into bed next to her, he cuddled her as close as he could. It would be his goodbye, the only time he’d seriously give her the impression that they could be more than what he let her believe. More than what his race needed them to be.

Not that she’d ever know.

She shivered as his warmth invaded her body and he realized that this room was way too cold for a regular human. Hell, mostly even this whole house was too freaking cold.

None of them would have noticed and as much as Lara cared, she wouldn’t have realized it, either.

Kaden was right: She needed friends, but no one was doing a real good job looking after her.

In a swift movement Jaden had removed the hoodie he was wearing, draping it over her while she moved in closer, seeking his body heat subconsciously.

He swore to himself in this moment that he was going to do everything for her – as long as he didn’t have to see her personally.

“Cupcake, I wish you’d be a regular Origin. I probably could have dealt with that after a while. You weren’t in my plans and now I am suddenly not sure how I ever thought I could plan without you. Girl, it would be so much better if you’d hate me. Maybe that would make it easier for you anyways … truly hating me.”

There was just one problem: The thought of her hating him cut way too deep already.