Sentence of Marriage (60 page)

The little bow was perfect; it fascinated Amy. Without thinking what she was doing, she reached out to finger it. She had almost touched it when her hand was grasped and gently pulled away from the dress. Her father had taken it in his own.

‘Don’t look at those things, Amy. You’ll only go upsetting yourself. That’s all over now, you just put it out of your head.’

‘I’m sorry, Pa.’ Amy felt tears pricking at her eyes. She fought them back, determined not to embarrass her father in front of all these strangers.

Amy chose the plainest sash the assistant showed them. It was pale grey, and she thought it would look reasonable against the green dress. She put the sash on, trying to ignore the stares of the young women lining the counters when she revealed her ill-fitting dress, then with relief she pulled off her heavy cloak. Jack took it from her and draped it over his arm.

‘I’ve loaded you down, haven’t I?’ Amy smiled at her father. ‘You’ve got my case, and now that great big cloak.’

‘It doesn’t weigh much,’ Jack said stoutly. ‘It’s a good thing I got my own stuff on the boat first thing, though. No, let’s go out a different way,’ he said, taking hold of Amy’s hand when she made to retrace their steps. ‘You can see the rest of the shop.’ But Amy knew it was to avoid taking her past the baby clothes again.

She deliberately studied each counter as they walked back to the front of the store, trying to forget that little dress. But the first few had such mundane items as sheets, towels, and men’s shirts, and Amy found it impossible to feel any interest in them.

Then they rounded a corner into the hat department, and Amy stared about her in wonder. ‘Aren’t they gorgeous? So many, and they’re all so beautiful. Oh, no wonder Susannah loves this shop. Can I look at them for a minute, Pa?’

‘Of course you can—take all the time you want. We’re in no hurry.’

‘You’d almost think those were real cherries,’ Amy said, studying a delicate arrangement of fruit on a straw hat. ‘And aren’t the flowers on this one pretty?’ she said of a grey felt hat with a cluster of daisies around the brim. She glanced at the other end of the counter and saw the loveliest hat of all. ‘Oh, look at this one,’ she gasped. It was pale blue felt, with a ribbon in a darker blue around the crown. The broad brim tilted up at a saucy angle, revealing a blue velvet lining. Tiny dark blue roses had been sewn onto the ribbon and the exposed lining. The finishing touch was a small ostrich feather dyed the same dark blue and tucked in behind the tilted brim. ‘What a beautiful, beautiful thing,’ Amy said, gazing reverently at the hat.

‘Can I help you, dear?’ A middle-aged woman stepped behind the counter. ‘Do you want to try on one of the hats?’

‘Oh, no,’ Amy said, taking a step back in confusion. ‘I’m sorry, I was just looking at them because they’re so pretty.’

‘Yes, she does want to,’ said Jack. ‘She wants to try on that blue one, and I want to buy it for her.’

‘Pa, you can’t!’ Amy protested. ‘I don’t need a hat. And it looks awfully expensive,’ she added quietly.

‘Try it on,’ Jack said firmly. ‘I want to see it on you.’

Amy gave in. She nodded shyly at the assistant. The woman carefully lifted the hat from its stand and placed it on Amy’s head, smoothing a few stray strands of hair out of the way as she did so. ‘Very pretty,’ she said. ‘Perhaps a little grown-up for you, but if Papa likes this one?’ She looked questioningly at Jack.

‘Let’s see you, girl.’ Amy turned to her father, and saw his face break into a broad smile.

‘That looks good on you. You look prettier than ever in that.’

‘Take a look yourself, dear,’ the woman invited. She led Amy to a full-length mirror. Amy saw herself for the first time since she had left the farm. She grimaced at the drawn-faced figure staring back at her. Her eyes seemed unnaturally large in a face that had lost the last softness of childhood, and the dark blue shadows under them looked like bruises. She tried to ignore her face and concentrate on the hat.

‘It’s lovely. But… I really don’t need it, Pa,’ she said, reluctantly pulling off the hat.

‘That’s enough arguing. Wrap that hat up, please,’ her father instructed the assistant.

‘Certainly, sir.’

The hat was soon safely in a box. Jack was about to add it to his burdens, but Amy insisted on carrying the precious parcel herself.

‘Thank you, Pa,’ she said as they made their way out of the store. ‘It’s just beautiful. It was awfully dear, though.’

‘I’ve never spent a guinea better,’ Jack insisted. ‘It’s worth every penny to see you smiling again.’

‘You’re so kind to me.’ Amy felt her lower lip tremble.

‘Hey, I said I wanted to see you smile.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Amy smiled at him again. ‘Is that better?’

‘Much better. Anyway, you’ll need a fancy hat.’

‘Why?’

‘For your wedding, of course! That looks just the sort of hat to get married in.’

Amy was silent for a time. ‘I’d sort of forgotten,’ she said at last.

‘That’s a funny sort of thing to forget,’ Jack snorted. ‘Of course, you’ve been ill. I expect that put it out of your head.’

‘Yes, it did. When is it going to happen, Pa?’

‘Have you forgotten that as well?’

‘I don’t think I ever knew.’

‘Didn’t we tell you? I suppose we didn’t. Well, we decided New Year would be a good time. Susannah told me you wouldn’t be… well, ready till then. Charlie’s been over once or twice to ask when you were coming back, he’s pretty keen to see you.’

‘I see.’ A little over a month. Far enough away that there was no need to think about it. ‘Maybe you should buy Susannah a present while we’re here.’

‘I won’t bother. She bought herself plenty of things when she came up.’

‘She might be hurt, Pa. Especially when she sees my lovely hat.’

‘She won’t be hurt. She might be annoyed, but that’s just too bad.’ He pulled out his watch and glanced at it. ‘It’s after one o’clock! My stomach thinks my throat’s been cut. Tell you what, we’ll have a bite to eat in a tea room, then I’ll buy you a slap-up dinner before we sail. How does that sound?’

‘It’s probably a waste. I expect I’ll bring it all up again on the boat.’

‘Do you get seasick? I don’t, except when it’s really rough. Never mind, you’ll enjoy it while you eat it.’

‘But won’t it cost—’

‘Stop going on about money. I can give my daughter a treat, can’t I?’

Amy put her arms around him and squeezed. ‘It’s enough of a treat that you came to fetch me.’

They negotiated their way back across the busy road and upstairs into a small tea room, where they were soon drinking tea and munching through a pile of sandwiches, followed by little cakes.

The tea room was almost empty, but two smartly-dressed women in their early forties came in and sat at the next table. The women talked animatedly, ignoring their tea for some time. Amy stared at them in mild interest, wondering if they would remember the tea before it had cooled completely.

‘A little girl!’ one of the women said. ‘You must be so excited, Helen.’

The one called Helen nodded, setting her heavy pearl necklace bobbing. ‘After so long, we’d almost given up. At my age, I thought perhaps it was silly, perhaps I wouldn’t be strong enough to look after a baby, but I don’t regret it now. Although it hasn’t been easy for Fred to get used to a baby waking him up at all hours—nor for me!’ She laughed.

‘One does get out of the way of those sleepless nights,’ her companion agreed.

‘Yes, Maurice is nearly ten, it’s a long time since we had a baby around. Oh, I hate to leave her, even for a moment! This is almost the first time I’ve left the house since she arrived—the nurse we’ve engaged is excellent, but I still feel I should be there myself. I’m so looking forward to taking her out and about, but I can’t disturb her when she finally gets off to sleep. Nurse says the cow’s milk’s been disagreeing with her, and of course I haven’t any of my own this time. She’s just beginning to thrive, though, and I’ll soon be able to show her off properly. Won’t she look sweet in this?’

A cold wave of shock went through Amy when the woman opened a paper parcel and pulled out the baby’s dress that had so entranced her in the store.
That’s Ann’s dress!
she wanted to cry out.
You’re too old to have a baby—you can’t even feed a baby—but you’re allowed to keep yours. And you’ve bought Ann’s dress!
For a moment Amy felt she hated the woman. But then she saw the look of love in her eyes as she gazed at the dress.
You love your baby too, don’t you? I’m glad you can keep her, even if you are old
.

‘Are you listening, girl?’ Jack’s voice broke into her thoughts.

‘What?’ Amy dragged her gaze from the women, glad that her father could not see them and had not been listening to their conversation. ‘I’m sorry, I was thinking about something else. What did you say?’

‘I was telling you about that teacher.’

‘Miss Evans? What about her?’

‘She’s left. She came to see you a couple of weeks ago, to say goodbye. She’d heard you were ill, everyone in Ruatane knew you were sick, but she thought maybe you were ready for visitors.’

‘Where’s she gone, Pa?’

‘Said she’s got a job near Hamilton, in a bigger school. She seemed pretty pleased about it, but she was sorry to have missed you. I told her you were in Auckland getting well.’ He talked so freely of Amy’s having been ill that she began to suspect he almost believed it.

‘Oh, I wish I’d seen her! You talked to her yourself?’

‘Yes, she came looking for me in the cow shed, she never even went to the house. Susannah was quite put out.’

‘Susannah was very rude to her once. I expect that’s why.’

‘I told her you’re getting married soon. I thought that would shut her up if she was going to go on about that teaching.’

‘What did she say?’

‘She seemed surprised. Old maids are always jealous when they hear about someone else getting a husband. It’s a good thing you didn’t see her, girl.’

‘Perhaps it is, Pa.’

‘Now,’ Jack said when they were on the footpath once more, ‘I’ll take you to the boat and you can put your stuff away, then we’ll have a look around the wharves until it’s dinner time. Do you feel strong enough to walk down to the bottom of Queen Street, or do you want to go in the tram? It’s a fair step.’

‘I’ll walk,’ Amy assured him, anxious to avoid making him spend any more money on her. Once or twice during the next few minutes she almost gave in and asked if they could, after all, take the tram, but she managed by leaning more heavily on her father’s arm. She was panting by the time they reached the wharves; she did her best to hide it.

Jack saw Amy’s case safely stowed on the
Wellington
, though she refused to part with her hat. He looked at Amy’s heaving chest.

‘You don’t really feel up to walking around the wharves, do you?’

‘Not really,’ Amy admitted.

‘Never mind, we’ll stay where we are till we get hungry. You can see plenty from here.’

They sat on the deck and watched the activities around them. Carts came and went, loading and unloading crates and sacks. Horses stood and munched contentedly from nosebags while their owners watched cargo being stowed. Steamers and sailing craft shared the wharves, and the tall buildings of the city made a backdrop to the bustling scene.

‘That’s a load of kauri gum from Northland,’ Jack pointed out. ‘Those sacks look as though they’re full of wheat. Crates of butter over there, of course—that’s the other thing I meant to tell you, they’ve opened a cheese factory next to Forsters’ place. Good thing I didn’t hold my breath waiting for it, eh? They’re taking all the milk we can supply, though.’

Amy sat in the warm sunlight, pressed against her father. The background noises seemed to fade, and his voice took on a droning quality that she found soothing. She closed her eyes to concentrate on the sound.

She was surprised when she felt his hand shaking her shoulder gently. She opened her eyes and wondered how the sun had dropped towards the horizon so quickly.

‘Had a good sleep?’ Jack smiled at her. ‘You must have needed it. Time we went back on dry land for a bit and had something to eat.’ He stood and stretched. ‘My arm’s stiff from keeping it still that long! I didn’t want to move and wake you up, you looked so peaceful.’

Amy stood up and waited for her head to clear. ‘I had a lovely sleep, Pa. It must be all that walking. It’s funny, I used to run all over the farm and not get tired, and now just walking down the street wears me out.’

‘That’s because you’ve been ill. Are you going to wear your new hat to dinner?’

‘Do you want me to?’ Jack nodded.

She went into the ladies’ cabin, undid the parcel and put on the hat in front of a small mirror, trying not to notice how odd it looked with her dress. When she came back, Jack gave her a smile that had more than a hint of sadness in it. ‘That’s nice,’ he said. ‘You look more like her than ever now.’

‘You mean Mama?’

‘Mmm.’ He fell silent.

‘You and Mama were happy, weren’t you?’ Amy probed. Ever since Susannah’s arrival, it had become rare for him to speak of her mother.