Semper Fi (27 page)

She nodded. “I threw up on the floor. I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“Baby, don’t be sorry. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and back to bed.” Jim scooped her into his arms and carried her out. He didn’t even glance back.

Cal rubbed his eyes and reached for his watch. Three o’clock. Cal remembered holding Jim close and listening to his heartbeat, and then dreaming of the orchard.
Christ. Thank God we were dressed.

For eternal minutes, Cal paced his room. When the waiting became unbearable, he crept down the hall. The children’s door was ajar, and he peeked in. Jim sat on Sophie’s bed, leaning back against the headboard with Sophie sprawled on his lap, sleeping with her lips parted.

Jim looked up, and icy dread washed over Cal.

Anger and guilt warred in Jim’s eyes, and Cal felt sick to see it. He wanted to tell Jim that it would be okay—that Sophie didn’t see anything wrong—but he couldn’t. He knew it was too late. Still, he whispered a plea. “Jim.”

With infinite gentleness, Jim rearranged Sophie and edged out from beneath her. On quiet feet he passed Adam, still dead to the world and flopped on his back with limbs splayed. As he reached the entry to the children’s room, Jim kept his gaze on the worn wooden floor. Without a word, he closed the door on Cal.

In the distance, the
rat-tat-tat
of gunfire echoed. Then there was an answering barrage, and Cal was already shouldering the mortar tube when the lieutenant shouted orders to move. Sully was weak, struggling with the bipod, but at least hadn’t had a fever in days. Jim hoisted the base plate and fell in beside Cal as they slip-slided down the hill with the other men in the blackness. The rain had eased to a drizzle for the moment.

Captain Brown, who they hadn’t seen in weeks, barked commands as they took cover. “Mortars!”

The enemy approached below across a ravine, surging toward them in the night. Even with Sully not at full strength, the three of them worked seamlessly as they assembled their gun under a craggy rock overhang. One by one, they loaded the mortars into the gun’s muzzle, ducking their heads to the familiar refrain of “Hanging! Fire!” as they rained shrapnel on the enemy.

The ground rocked as the Japanese answered with shells of their own. Jim, Cal, and Sully edged back, trying to keep their cover. The other mortarmen along the ridge got it, too, and the battle seemed to go on for hours, each side launching round after round as the enemy tried to gain precious inches in the steaming jungle.

By morning’s murky light, it was over. As the sun rose, Jim sighed in relief, wiping the sweat and dirt from his cheeks. He opened his mouth to say something to Cal when he caught the expression on Sully’s face. “What?”

Sully stared at something, and Jim turned to follow his gaze. Black smoke wisped from a crater in the hillside about twenty feet away. Before Jim could stop him, Cal was on the move, keeping low. Jim and Sully followed.

They halted a few feet from the smoldering mess of metal and flesh, and Jim struggled to make sense of what his eyes saw. He held his hand over his mouth and nose; bile rose at the stench of charred flesh. Big Joe and a few of the others approached from the opposite side. Joe shook his head.

“Speedy and Buster and Smithy.”

“Direct hit,” Cal added quietly.

Crouched low, they were all silent as they took it in. Just like that, their squad was decimated. Jim bowed his head in a silent prayer for his friends. It was all he could do, and it didn’t feel like nearly enough. Just the night before at chow time, Speedy had given Jim his extra rice with a smile. Jim blinked at the charred mess that had been good men. Smith had been so quiet that Jim had hardly spoken to him, and now he was gone.

Sully sniffled beside him, and Jim reached an arm around him.

One by one, they all went back to their weapons, but Jim’s feet felt stuck in the soft ground. He’d started to think that since they’d been lucky so far, maybe that luck would last. Maybe his squad would get out unscathed. He laughed harshly.

Then Cal was there with a hand on his shoulder. “Hey. We’ve gotta move.”

“Uh-huh.”

Cal sighed. “Nothing we can do for them now.”

“Just like that. They’re…gone.” Jim’s throat was dry, and he swallowed thickly.

Cal held out his canteen insistently until Jim drank. “I know. We’ve been tripping over bodies all across this island, but it still didn’t seem quite real somehow. But Speedy and those guys…they were real.”

Jim nodded. It was a comfort at least that Cal understood. Like always. “If it was you…”

Cal squeezed Jim’s shoulder. “We just have to keep our heads down and do our job. It’s all we can do.”

It was the truth, and finally Jim turned his back and trudged through the jungle.

As they went, Sully muttered, “Wish those bastards would just make their move once and for all. How long is this gonna go on?”

A few nights later they had their answer.

The seismic quakes had them huddled in their holes, but soon enough curiosity won out and they crept up to the ridge of the hillside on their bellies. There in the distance, spread out before them, the great warships battled. Sully squeezed in between Jim and Joe, and then ducked as a tracer illuminated the night.

“It’s miles away,” Joe told him, not unkindly.

The arcs of light from the tracers were followed by the red explosions of the star shells, bright enough to show the enemy’s position perfectly. On opposite sides of a great circle in the sea, the ships blasted at each other, the thunder of their guns sending shivers up Jim’s spine.

They’d become as accustomed as one could be to the aerial dogfights that broke out most days over the island, but the terrible rage of the warships was unlike anything Jim had experienced. It seemed that the very stars in the sky were exploding, with others collapsing in on themselves in great bursts. The ground vibrated, and for a moment Jim imagined the sea might open up and swallow them all whole.

On Jim’s other side, Cal’s shoulder and hip pressed into him. Cal watched the battle unfold with wide eyes, fear and wonder warring in his expression. He whistled softly as another mighty blast split the air and flames climbed to the sky.

“Jesus. This has to be it.”

Jim winced at another explosion. “Can you tell who’s winning?”

Cal shook his head. None of them could, and they were left to watch with horror and pray their boys came out on top. The barrage went on, and they waited. The harbor was vividly bright. From this distance, Jim could almost believe he was back on the riverbank in Tivoli at the town picnic, egg salad sandwiches in his belly and a cold beer in his hand as he watched the fireworks with one eye on Sophie’s tiny awed face.

“Hey, go wake up Speedy! He’s missing it,” Sully muttered.

Jim and Cal shared a look before Jim pressed his hand to Sully’s forehead. “Maybe you should go back to bed, huh?”

Sully quivered, the fever returning in a flush that overtook him in minutes. “No way. I ain’t missin’ this.”

He wouldn’t be any better off in his hole, so they didn’t argue, and big Joe slithered down the hill and returned with blankets to throw over Sully.

“You really should get Speedy,” Sully mumbled. “He won’t wanna miss this.”

Jim wasn’t sure if it was the malaria, or if Sully’s glassy stares and flights of fancy were his mind’s way of protecting him. Either way, Jim didn’t see the point in correcting him.

As quickly as it began, the battle was done, and darkness settled back over Guadalcanal. They slunk to their holes to wait for dawn, and Jim doubted any of them would sleep but Sully, who whimpered and shuddered violently as the fever worsened. They hissed for the corpsman, who came and shoved aspirin down Sully’s throat. With an apologetic shrug, he disappeared back into the jungle.

When the sky lightened, the hum of the planes on the airfield came to life. Joe let out a mighty whoop. “We still got the field! We won!”

Jim and Cal shared a grin as they leaped to their feet, cheering the planes as they roared overhead. Cal called out, “Go sink the rest of that fleet to the bottom of the sea!”

One by one, their planes zoomed off in pursuit of the retreating Japanese. Although they were still wet and hungry and so very tired, the men celebrated, and renewed vigor flooded Jim’s veins.

They’d won. Perhaps the worst was over.

In the first rays of dawn, Sophie slept fitfully. Her forehead was still hot, and she’d cried out from a nightmare earlier and shivered in Jim’s arms before dropping off again. Her hair was damp with sweat, and every time Jim tried to pull the sheet over her, she kicked it off.

On the other side of the room, Adam was still fast asleep. On one of his passes as he paced, Jim put the back of his hand to Adam’s forehead. Still cool, and Jim blew out a long breath. Sophie rolled over, whimpering, but didn’t wake. He wondered what nightmare haunted her fever dreams.

Maybe the sight of her father in bed with his best friend.

Stomach roiling, Jim cringed. What had he been thinking? It had only been a matter of time before they were caught. He was supposed to protect his children and put them first. Instead he’d recklessly brought sin into their home.

But was it truly a sin?

He would worry about God’s judgment when the time came, but the law was another matter. Nothing in Jim’s life had ever felt so natural and right, but what he and Cal had done was illegal, no matter how good it made him feel. His mind spun as he walked to the window and looked at the expanse of tree tops. A flash of movement caught his eye—the barn door opening. He glimpsed Cal disappearing inside.

After checking to make sure the children still slept more or less soundly, Jim forced himself to go to Cal. There was no sense in delaying the inevitable. He felt like he’d swallowed an iron ball as he made his way across the dewy grass.

When Jim walked into the barn, Cal glanced over. He was milking Mabel, and a steady flow streamed into the bucket. “How’s Sophie feeling? I didn’t think she’d be up for milking this morning.”

“She’s feverish still. I have to go back in a minute and check on her. But you don’t have to do that.” Jim gestured at Mabel. “I can.”

“Nah, I don’t mind. Mabel and I are old friends now, aren’t we, girl?” He patted her flank.

Jim tried to smile. “You’ve been such a help around here. You really have.”

With a sigh, Cal sat back on the stool. “It’s okay, Jim. You don’t have to say it.”

“Cal…” His head was light as nausea washed over him. “We can’t do this.”

Cal stood. “I know.”

Selfishly, part of Jim wanted Cal to fight with him.
For
him. He wanted Cal to tell him that they’d make it work—that it didn’t have to end. He shook his head.
Enough daydreaming.
“I have to put them first. I can’t…
we
can’t. I let myself believe that it wasn’t hurting anyone. That no one had to know.”

“Do you really think it would hurt her? Or Adam? That we feel this way for each other?”

Jim scrubbed a hand through his hair. “It’s wrong, Cal. Despite what you say, deep down you know it.”

“No. I don’t.” Cal clenched his jaw. “No preacher will ever convince me. No one will.”

“What about the police? It’s a
crime
, the things we’ve done. We could go to prison. My God, think of the shame it would bring to our families.”

“We’re not hurting anyone. There have been men like us since the dawn of time. The law just needs to catch up. People need to catch up.”

“That’s never going to happen. We’d spend our lives living in the shadows.”

Cal took a step forward, beseeching. “But we’d be
together
. It wouldn’t be perfect, but we could make it work.”

“What about the children? Think of how confusing it would be for them. I can only pray that Sophie didn’t understand what she saw—that the fever means she won’t remember. How could she ever understand? How could I ever explain it? I still can’t explain it to myself.”

Cal’s shoulders drooped. “I don’t have the answers. All I know is that I’ve never been so happy as I have been here with you. With Sophie and Adam. All of us together. And I know you feel the same way. I know it.”