Seithe (27 page)

"Call me if you need me. Don't hesitate. I don't care who it is or what you need protection from, I will be there."

Swallowing my guilt, I nod. I feel ashamed.

"I'm sorry."

"No, you aren't."

"Jowendrhan, I'm not usually like this. I don't sleep around, and never with a lover's family member."

A haughty expression adopts his face, "Don't let him hurt you again. Use your free will wisely."

So he's ignoring this issue completely.

"Look, do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"But I feel awful."

"And you want to leave feeling good about yourself."

Truthfully? "Yes."

He steps in closer, looking down into my eyes with so many emotions in his that I feel stuck in a vortex.

"Give me a real kiss good-bye and I'll consider us even."

An iron fist has my stomach in a clench. I let him slide his hand into my hair, his heat invading my mouth, a wandering hand worms its way under my shirt. I give him his kiss but it makes me feel filthy, wretched, a whore bargaining her body for peace.

I look away when he releases me. I sense the deep inhalation as he savours my scent.

"Take me home." It's a struggled whisper. I'm dissolving with shame.

He steps in, wrapping warm arms around me, my cheek pressing into his skin. I sense the possessiveness within it.

Instantly cold, I am standing alone at home. He left me instantaneously. I don't blame him for being angry. Tears finally unleash. Stumbling I collapse onto the futon, wracking out my shame, my fear, my self-loathing.

*

Hours later, after a long salt bath, I am sitting staring at the wall searching for the elusive clue to my survival. I know there is something obvious I'm missing. There must be a way for me to protect myself. There has to be. When the obvious dawns on me. Smug, elated, I dive off the futon, grab my wallet, and make a mad dash for Pick n Pay before it closes.

My life has turned upside down. There are red eyes everywhere! Loitering strangers watching me with dark sunglasses litter my passage on the pavement. My skin crawls up and down my spine with a lifetime supply of terror. I force myself to appear confident, unbothered.

I get my supplies from the baking aisle and hardware section, and run back home. Needing the relief of the exercise and relishing what could be my last day drawing lungs full of fresh sweet Capetonian air.

Launching through my door, I slam it locked behind me. Yanking salt canisters out of my bag, I start pouring huge amounts of salt over window ledges and in front of the door. I've seen enough supernatural movies to think there may be some truth in this. And it sure as heck doesn't hurt to try everything.

I pause, considering that word. Supernatural. That's all of us. We are natural. We become super-natural after Seithe boot camp. Simply enhancing what we have through diligent exercise, we can all be supernatural.

My head explodes with agonising pain as his voice breaks the solitude.

"Hello Phoebe."

The shock gives me an instant migraine, spinning I swivel to stare at him.

"Seithe!"

"Where have you been?"

"Out."

His eyes survey me slowly, and I feel as though my guilt is cloaking me as bright as parrot feathers.

A chair manifests opposite the futon. Then a table. Then a glass of amber liquid appears on the table. He sits down with a regal posture and indicates I should join him.

Fury grabs my nervous system in a tight clamp.

"No. No. I'm the human here. I'm not doing things your way any more. I have questions and I demand honest answers."

"Ellindt was at your work today with her faithful coven. Is that why suddenly you have issues with me?"

Swallowing the lump of shame, guilt and fear, I stoically continue. "We'll get to that. But first tell me what that was that I drank with you inside Pravus that first night?"

"Blood."

He may as well have punched me as I double over feeling sick with disbelief. Reluctantly I flop into my futon and glare at him.

"How dare you!"

"What? The Massai in Africa drink blood as their source of protein. You eat meat, it contains blood. Don't be a hypocrite Phoebe."

"What kind of blood?"

"Oh, you want specifics do you?"

The sarcasm is thick enough to stand on.

"Yes!"

"O positive."

I feel earth tremors passing through my body. I am quaking as if the world is rupturing.

"Human!" Tears destroy my composure. "You betrayed me."

"Oh for pete's sake, Phoebe. Do we have to do this now? We have bigger problems facing us."

"Yes now!"

"Fine. I had no reason to treat you any other way than a human toy. I hadn't decided what to do with you, and you wanted a drink, and that's what they serve in Pravus. I gave you what you wanted. I felt nothing for you and truthfully did not care at that point. I didn't think you'd leave alive."

"Then why ... why ... ?"

"Why save you? Your smell."

"My smell?"

"Yes. If you were going to die, I wanted to screw you first."

I'm so shocked by his callous response.

"You are killing me slowly, Seithe."

"Minxy, now isn't the time for us to be indulging in conflict. We need to prepare you for tomorrow."

I am hating the fact that Jowendrhan told me the truth.

"I'm listening."

"I want to mark you myself."

I can't breathe. I struggle out in a wince, "How?"

"By branding my initial inside your right wrist."

My throat is in a choke hold. "Like Hitler?"

"It's all I can think of, Phoebe. If I mark you myself, then whoever it is who has marked you invisibly has to face off with me."

"Get out!"

"What?"

He can't believe it, but this is my home and I know an order is an order and he has to listen.

"I said get out! Leave!
Now!
"

His expression is shock. Disbelief stares back at me from mercurial irises. He departs like yet another figment of my overactive imagination.

A wounded howl forces itself out of my body. Curling up, sobs shatter the tranquility in my home. My light is completely eclipsed with emotional pain.

Chapter 37: Anger

I must have fallen asleep. I'm brought back to consciousness with a gentle hand caressing the hair off my forehead.

"Welcome back baby girl."

My eyes shrivel against the light in protest. Squinting I look up into the face of my white haired lover.

"Stop being angry. Talk to me."

"Give me one good reason to trust you."

"Because you love me and I love you. That's worth fighting for, isn't it?"

My stomach complains loudly from hunger. I push myself up into a seated position to stare at him. He pulls me closer, blessing my eyelids with kisses.

"You mean
mean
man."

"What have I done to make you so angry? Tell me."

"Played me with my obvious weaknesses."

"Why do you think this?"

"Why didn't you tell me your brother wouldn't make me pregnant?"

"Phoebe, you were so distraught and I was livid. If I'd told you I don't think you would have believed me. You were near hysterical. I gave you what you asked for."

"But you said you would heal me too."

"I did."

"No, you didn't."

He pulls away to stare at me with confused brown eyes, wearing brown hair again. Planting a hot palm on my body, scanning silently, "You have no pain, you are healed."

"That happened earlier today, it wasn't from you."

"Phoebe, who got hold of you? What happened?"

"I love you and you betrayed my trust."

"I didn't ..."

"Tell me why you don't go in the sun?"

"Because it's hot. We don't like heat because we are natural infernos. We crave cooling not heating. We are bright enough; the sun reminds us of the Source. It strikes an emotional chord that reminds us of our loss."

"I'm tired Seithe. I can't keep on doing this."

"Come home with me. I have dinner waiting for you. Let's savour this night."

Hot tears mar my wan cheeks as I give in, wrapping my arms around his neck, seeking comfort.

Tender kisses catch them, "Who hurt you baby girl?"

"We did."

I feel his confused hesitation.

"Seithe, please promise me something."

"Anything."

"Never lie to me again. Don't manipulate me. Always tell me the truth."

"I promise ... now will you come home with me?"

"Yes."

We lurch, my head spins, I fight the waves of ink-dark closing out the light in my pupils.

"Why do you have to move us so violently?"

"Minxy, if I am guilty, it's simply that I do not realise my own strength. I try to be gentle."

His lips find mine, and I wallow in the sensation. He feels like my home. I know I love him. I feel treacherous. I'm not sure who we hurt more. Me, him or Jowendrhan. All of us, walking wounded, all simply searching for compassionate love.

"It was Jowendrhan wasn't it?"

"Why do you think that?"

"His name keeps filtering through your mind."

I nod, unable to meet his eyes. The instantaneous heat in his touch confirms my fear.
He knows.

"
Why?
"

Releasing me, I feel the impact of the force of his anger on the wall. The detonation of dust antagonises my throat.

"It just happened."

"Things like that don't
just
happen!"

Finally I stare back at glowing eyes; dancing fireflies lit with anger, "Fine! I made a choice. He was very convincing. But through that choice I received complete confirmation that I'm in love with you."

"Is that supposed to be my consolation prize?"

I can't face his scorn. I already feel loathsome, and he's driving the proverbial stake through what's left of my slashed heart. Instinctively I turn and run away, seeking refuge away from him.

Unhappily I find my way into the pool room. Sinking onto the pale stone slabs that surround the aqua serenity, I recall the first breakfast we shared. Intoxicating seduction degenerated into complicit rendezvous' and betrayal. How can something so fabulous get so messed up so fast?

He finds me with ease. Stripping off most of his clothes, he levitates into the pool. I suppose he feels the need to show off, prove his vampiric power or something. Maybe even trying to intimidate me. I don't fear him. I fear losing him.

I watch the water around him start bubbling frantically. Steam rising in waves, veiling him in swirls of vacuous heat.

Swallowing my pride I slip into the water. I stand as close as I can handle to the bubbling cauldron surrounding him. Staring through the mirage of dry ice-like mist roiling from the water, swirling like oozing puss on a troll's back.

Scooping my rigid hand across the surface I spray him with a wave of diaphanous sparkles. Shattering the shroud of steam, exposing my simmering lover. Love being the operative word.
Look at me. Acknowledge the pain in my eyes. Know I'm sorry. I can't undo it. I would if I could.

The bubbling stops. Bravado entices me to spray him again.

His glare knifes me with icy indifference. It squeezes my heart, bringing tears.

"Yes?"

"I love you, asshole!"

"Look, I tell you what. I'll gather the clan, you can fuck them all, and then we can start again once you've worked off your lascivious appetite."

Suitably rebuked, I give up. Misery blinds me as I move to the edge of the pool. Dragging myself out of it, I leave the room in wet slopping footprints. The toxic rebuttal has successful bored catacombs through me.

I feel ruptured as if his rejection impacts me like a deadly soul eating virus. Gnaw gnaw gnaw. Holes everywhere. Maybe I'm now ninety percent empty space. Go on, just walk right through me. If he blows hard enough he could play me like a whistle.

He's absolutely right. I messed up big time. I ruined what we had by believing Jowendrhan. Although Jowendrhan told me the truth, I could have kept my clothes on and rescued my dignity and heart from annihilation. But this is futile. That's like wishing I hadn't fallen in love. By the time you realise how bad your addiction is, it's too late to undo the attachment.

I need to find a bathroom. If I don't find tissues soon, I'll be reduced to appearing like a toddler. Tears are eating into my cheeks like acid rain.