Seithe (22 page)

No wonder men like blowjobs. The difference I suppose is the sucking, my body is sucking, tightly all around, and I have this hardened erection being smothered with wet massaging kisses. The tip, it, it feels ... it ... I can't breathe ... a pulsating, slow lazy, rushing on down on the top side, not underneath, if I put my fingers there, rushing in pulsating waves to the tip of my erection, pulse … pulse … like a heartbeat ... a gush ... a throb rush ... leaping to the tip ... fuck it feels ... lazy … such a slow pique … what an insanely amazing orgasm ... so lazy ... so slow … so long.

I cry out with the ecstasy of the pulsating turning into intense flood, licking over my pubic bone in ecstatic waves of release - I feel so powerful pushing hard, my own disjointed body, pulling tightly against me, I can't help it, while pounding to feel the friction of succulent hot molasses sliding against my erection, teasing me, feeling so good, I can't get enough of this feeling of succulent skin sliding all around me, a sensation unlike any I've ever had, my other hand reaches and I cup my own breast with this alien hand, so soft, the way my nipple pushes hard into my palm, such a complete contradiction of texture and sensation.

Jeeeeezus. I'm cumming! My own body triggers tightly, clamping around me so tight. Squeezing ... feels ... so … comforting.

I'm back. I wish I could open my eyes.

"Oh baby, oh poor baby. Your orgasm is so short, so acute, so instant."

"Why do you keep calling me baby?"

He pulls off the blindfold, and I'm instantly shamed as I stare up at the brown eyes of Jowendrhan. My legs wrapped around his hips, his erection hard inside me. I feel sick.

Rage possesses me and reflexively I slap his cheek hard.

"You verbalised it baby. Who am I to deny a human an orgasm?"

"Please get off me."

"No."

He thrusts deep inside me again, a lazy thumb in my throat, "You like it. I'm buried to the hilt inside you, Phoebe. I let you know how it feels. He doesn't give you the full experience. I can."

"I don't want
you
Jowendrhan. It's Seithe I love."

I should never have said his name, because I smell him arrive next to me, his sirocco scent bathing me with comfort.

"Now look what you've done." Jowendrhan glares at me, his eyes glowing instantaneously, "Brother fuck off, I'm busy here."

"Phoebe, make a choice and make it now. Use your voice. It's part of your power. Don't say please, make it a command!"

"Jowendrhan leave me be!"

He laughs at me, "You are already
be
ing, you stupid woman."

"Get your fucking body out of mine. I choose Seithe. You can't compete so go away!" Experiencing instant cold as his body departs, automatically I cover myself, staring at Seithe's feet.

"I told him I love you."

"Not as much as I'd hoped. Still can't tell the difference? Or don't you care?"

Hot tears baptise my face, cheeks flooding with shame.

"Sorry isn't good enough. I can't make this right."

He seats himself next to me, and I know he's angry by the amount of heat I can feel radiating toward me. One arm rests on either side of me.

"Look at me."

Obediently I look up into his eyes. It just destroys me. I'm fighting so hard to maintain composure, but his expression of pain, his vulnerability, scalding tears singe my face.

"It's my fault that he's trying to win you over. He's using your own body as a weapon against you. At some point you're going to have to stop believing your body and your senses and start using instinct. Intuition."

I nod, unable to speak as anguish strangles me silently.

Chapter 30: Meltdown

It was rape. This is so not cool. I have rage simmering my blood now. Fuck this!

Snatching up the pillow I cover my face,
screeaming
into it.

"Do you have a gun?"

"Why?"

"And a silver bullet or five? I'd like to test a theory."

"Phoebe, he's faster than a bullet. Your guns are pathetic little pea shooters."

"
I want him dead!
"

"Yeah well, that's up to God, not you baby girl."

How can I expect you to understand? You won't!

And yet this just unravels the cobweb that was holding me together. Running back down the passage I flee him. There's only one thing I can do. One thing I
must
do to stop my skin from crawling and trying to escape me.

Finally I find his room, running blindly through darkness into the bathroom. I blast the water, scalding hot, trying to burn his fucking body off mine!

Staining me with his toxic touch. I'm livid. I'm seething, except I'm not really. Inside I've just shattered into brittle shards. Standing under the spray in his black shower, my head starts reeling. I can barely breathe.

The shock on my body hurts, I can handle external pain. It's the inner pain I can't take. A sob wells out from the depths of my soul. It doesn't matter how many times I slap my hand in anger against the tiles, I receive no release from this repulsion surging through me.

Waaaaaaaaaaaiiiil

I cry until I run out of tears, so hot from the water I'm dizzy and feel queasy with disgust. Staggering out of the water I spew the contents of my stomach into the loo. Flushing it I lurch to the basins, washing my face with cold brisk water.

I jump when a robe covers my shoulders.

"This is how they separate the Spirit from a human. Stop it Phoebe. This grief is only going to harm you."

I stare at his reflection, so much like the one I now loathe with every blood cell running riot through me.

"I hate him!"

"I'd like to speak to him about this. For fuck's sake Phoebe, he's never behaved like this, ever. What the hell is his reasoning? I've known him literally forever, something isn't adding up."

"I WANT TO KILL HIM!"

"You can't."

"There must be something I can do!"

"Yes. Control your reaction, it's the only power you have over this. Don't let this destroy you. Right now you are choosing to react this way."

My hand shoots out and connects with his cheek before I even have to time to consider my reaction to his words. Suddenly ashamed again I stare at my feet, horrified.

"Sorry ... I .. I ..."

I sense anger in his voice, "Just get him here. I'll keep him away from you, I promise."

"No!"

My rage is surging again. The thought of seeing his despicable face wrenches latent deep seated rage at every male I've ever wanted to drown slowly.

"Phoebe, this has to end. I need to know what the hell he's thinking."

"
Fine
! Let's do all of this
your
way."

I flounce into his room and scream at the blinding darkness, "
Jowendrhan
!"

I feel his appearance but the gust of air that rushes past me removes it instantly. That must have been Seithe.

Unhappily I crawl onto his bed and curl up. Burying my nose into my knees, sopping wet, and I don't care.

It's not long before I hear shouting. Sobbing silently, gulping for breath, I listen.

"
Don't you falsely accuse me!
"

"
How can you justify that? What the hell is wrong with you?
"

"
I didn't do any of that. I simply showed her the door, she's the one who walked through it
."

"
Crap!
"

"
Seithe, how is what I did any different to what you've done? I gave her a choice to experiment. If she thinks I just raped her, she's mistaken! She did the fucking,
NOT
me!
"

Oh god. Oh god! I just raped myself. Oh
my
bloody freak!

"
I've broken no laws!
She used her own free will and she did not reject the idea. I offered her a whole new level of understanding, and she enjoyed it so much she did it to herself until we were both drenched. She held the reins! I gave her full control over the situation!
"

Now I feel so much loathing I wish I could just close my eyes and slip away into death's embrace. A low moan
keens
in lamenting out of my soul. The sound is so unholy it scares even me.

"
Don't shit on me because she walked through a door I offered to her. What I did is
no
different to what you two do. How come it's okay for
you
to do it, but when I do it I'm suddenly the bad guy? Fuck you!
"

Panic grips me. I have no control over Jowendrhan's baby making custard. Oh
no!
NO!
NO!

I stand, my head spinning. My abdomen cramps so severely I can hardly stand erect. Staggering, I follow their voices until I find them in Seithe's black and red lounge.

"Jowendrhan, leave right now."

He swivels his dark brown head at me, eyes glaring silver, "Perception is everything Phoebe. Next time think about your reaction."

Then he vanishes.

Seithe's hair is so white, his eyes glowing so brightly with rage, but I can't keep this in. My hands shake as though I'm having seizures.

Rasping, I plead, "Kill it."

"What?"

"Him inside me. KILL IT!"

"Phoebe what ..."

"If I was in control, then I didn't do what you do! Undo it! I don't care how you do it,
Just do it!
"

"Phoebe?"

"I don't care if it hurts. Just do it!"

He stares at me, his eyes and hair turning back to brown.

"So you heard everything he said?"

Nodding, I can't meet his eyes. I'm so ashamed of myself.

"You must have felt something, Phoebe. On some level you must have known it wasn't me."

Appalled eyes meet his, disbelief and denial changing their blue to midnight sapphire in distress.

"I am so done with this fucked up lifestyle." Tilting my chin, "Believe whatever makes you feel better. I'm going home, and if anything comes of this you'd better believe I'm aborting it!"

"You can't go home, you're a target Phoebe."

"Just watch me!"

"Stop it!"

I'm in emotional smithereens, I cannot handle this, it's too upsetting.

"I'll do it, but you don't even know if you have a reason to fear this."

"I'm not waiting for a reason! I can get a DNC tomorrow if I wanted to and no one would think twice! You're hotter than hell! You must be able to undo this!"

"You can't be conscious for this. I cannot handle human screams."

"Just do it." My voice cracks, "Please ..."

His hand slips into the hollow in my neck and presses. For once I'm relieved to be rendered unconscious.

Chapter 31: Restoration

"Shhh, just relax."

How do you know I just woke up?

Snuggling closer against his side, I savour his skin under my cheek. A lazy hand traces the base of my spine.

"I have to apologise. I think my anger got the better of me."

"Hmm?"

"I think I let my heat get a little out of control."

A lethargic smile plumps my cheek deeper into his chest, "That's okay. I can handle pain."

"Phoebe, tell me what is different between Jowendrhan and myself."

"What do you mean?"

"There's a noticeable difference. A trademark if you will. Utilising your ability to observe, tell me what the difference is."

"He's a complete egotistical ass, and you are thoughtful and considerate."

"Not approach. Physically."

A heavy sigh expels itself out of my lungs. Both the same height. Same build. Same eyes. Hmmm.

"His stubble is darker than yours. But that's impossible to see in the dark."

"Good, go with that thought, tell me more."

Their voices are literally identical. The heat the same, flaring silver eyes like doppelgangers. The obvious hits me.

"I've never seen his hair go white."

The hand spreads out, caressing softly.

"Finally, she sees the obvious."

"We can use this!"

Excitement at having code thrums through me.