Seeking His Love (11 page)

“Just stating the facts.” She shrugged and grinned. “So, will you come with me tomorrow? I’ll even let you sleep in and go to second service at eleven if you want.”

He shifted away, breaking their connection.

Her hopes deflated, but she wasn’t going to give up that easily. “Didn’t you say you know my pastor, Sheldon James?”

He swatted at a moth circling around his head. “Yeah,
Marie and I used to attend New Life Church in South Bellingham when he was pastor there.”

She turned toward him. “Really?”

“Yeah, I know, shocking, right?”

She pulled in a sharp breath. “No, I didn’t mean…I just didn’t know you were involved in a church.”

“Like I said, it’s been a long time.”

Her mind spun as she tried to sort out this new information. How long? Why had he stopped going? Had he made a sincere commitment, or was he just attending to please his wife?

The back door squeaked open. Kayla looked out through the screen. “Hey, I didn’t know you guys were out here.”

Cam scooted away and looked over his shoulder. “Come on out. We’ve got some good news for you.” Then he shot a quick glance at Rachel with a hint of apology in his eyes.

Rachel smiled and sent him a slight nod. Maybe this news would cushion the blow Kayla would receive later when she heard about her mom’s test results. “I was just talking to your uncle and getting his okay to offer you a part in the musical.”

Kayla gasped, then ran over and knelt beside them. “Really? I got a part?”

Rachel nodded. “How would you like to play Diana?”

Kayla squealed and hugged Rachel. “I’d love it. Oh, I can’t believe this.” She turned and gave Cam a quick hug. “Thanks, Uncle Cam.”

“What for?”

She shoved his shoulder playfully. “For running me all over town to get the music, and for cheering from the balcony.”

His brows rose. “You saw me up there?”

“Of course I saw you. A big guy like you can’t hide too easily.”

Grinning, he tweaked her nose. “You are something else.”

She gave him another little shove then turned to Rachel, her eyes glowing. “Who’s going to play Anne?”

“Sorry. I can’t say. And you have to promise not to tell anyone about your part until the cast list is posted online tomorrow morning at nine.”

Kayla gave them a solemn nod. “I promise, but it’s going to be so hard.” Her face lit up. “Could I please just tell my friend, Mandy, back in Seattle?”

Rachel tried to look stern, but she couldn’t hold back a smile. “All right, but make her promise not to say anything to anyone until tomorrow morning.”

“Okay. Thanks!” She dashed back in the house, the screen door slamming behind her.

Cam grinned as he watched her go. “You just made her one very happy girl.”

Rachel returned his grin. “I’d say you played a big part in that, too.”

C
am slid into the softly padded pew and glanced around the sanctuary of Grace Community Church. He didn’t see anyone he recognized except Josh Crocker and his very pregnant wife, Suzanne, sitting in the row in front of them. He lowered his gaze to the bulletin in his hand and pulled in a deep breath.

When he’d walked in the front door of the church with Rachel and Kayla, Josh was the first one to greet him with a slap on the back and a firm handshake. Cam had turned several shades of red, remembering how he had treated Josh the day they helped Rachel move into her apartment.

Josh didn’t seem bothered by any bad memories. In fact, the guy appeared downright happy to see him. He introduced Cam to his wife and even invited him to come out and watch the church softball team play Tuesday night. Cam couldn’t get over that warm welcome. Did Josh treat every visitor like that?

Kayla leaned forward so she could see Rachel. “Do you think Ryan or any of the other kids from drama camp will be here?” Her eager expression put Cam on alert. No wonder Kayla had been so excited about coming to church when he’d mentioned it last night.

“They usually go to the early service,” Rachel said. “But I’ll let you know if I see them.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Kayla sat back, fiddling with her purse handle and watching people walk down the aisle.

Cam scanned the sanctuary, but he didn’t see Pastor Sheldon James. He rubbed his sweaty hands on his pant legs. He hadn’t spoken to Sheldon since Marie and Tyler’s funeral more than four years ago. But that wasn’t Sheldon’s fault. Cam was the one who had ignored countless phone messages and e-mails from the man he had once considered his mentor and friend. Of course he’d see him today when he delivered the sermon, but what would he say if he ran into him afterward? His stomach tightened, and he lowered his head. Why had he agreed to come today?

Rachel touched his arm. “Everything okay?”

He straightened and looked into her big brown eyes, and he knew why he was here. When she’d invited him to church last night and looked at him with that same sweet concern, there was no way he could refuse. “Sure. Everything’s fine.”

She tilted her head toward him, and a whiff of a flowery fragrance floated his way. He pulled in a slow deep breath, and his tense shoulders relaxed. He could get used to being close to her like this.

“Did you have a chance to talk to Kayla about Shannon’s test results?”

The question jerked him back to reality. “Not yet.” He wanted his niece to enjoy the thrill of winning a role in the musical for a few more hours before he had to deliver the next round of bad news.

He looked up as seven members of the musical team walked onto the platform. Lyrics flashed on the large screen overhead. The buff bald man in the center invited everyone to stand, and the musicians began to play an upbeat song.

Cam wasn’t familiar with it, so he listened as others
around him sang. Kayla and Rachel’s voices rose on either side. He finally joined in on the chorus. After a few more songs, it was time for announcements while ushers passed offering plates. Cam rummaged through his pocket and put in a ten-dollar bill as the plate came down the aisle.

Sheldon rose from his seat in the front row and walked up the steps to the podium. His confident gaze traveled over the congregation. Cam’s breath hitched in his throat. Would Sheldon see him? No. There were at least four hundred people packed in this place. No way would Sheldon pick him out of this crowd. He released a deep breath and relaxed.

“Today we’ll continue our study of the parables of Jesus. Please turn with me to Luke, chapter fifteen. We’ll begin reading at verse eleven.”

Rachel opened her Bible and quickly found the passage. She scooted a little closer to Cam, holding out her Bible so he could read along. Her arm touched his, and warmth radiated through him. He groaned under his breath, and told himself to focus on the verses, but sitting so close to Rachel made it a challenge.

“There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them. Not long after that the younger son got together all he had and set off for a distant country, and there he squandered all his wealth on wild living.”

Then Sheldon explained the story of the Prodigal Son in everyday language so no one would miss the meaning. “After the younger son’s money was all gone, his so-called friends deserted him, and the only job he could find was working for a pig farmer. There he was, a good Jewish boy, slopping pigs. Not a very pretty picture. And he was so hungry he longed to eat the rotten food he poured in the pig’s trough.

“He finally came to his senses and decided he would be
better off at home. But he was ashamed of what he’d done, and he didn’t feel worthy to be called a son, so he determined to confess it all to his father and ask for a job as a hired man.”

Cam had heard the story many times before, but today it seemed to jump off the page and grab hold of his heart. Struck by the similarities to his life, he closed his eyes and gripped the edge of the pew.

Though he hadn’t traveled to a distant land and lost all his money on wild living, he had wandered far away from his Heavenly Father, made some terrible mistakes and foolishly tried to hide how unworthy he felt to be called a son.

He thought avoiding his Christian friends and staying away from church would ease his guilt and bring him peace, but it hadn’t. The distance he’d tried to keep between himself and God had only increased his pain and left him feeling broken and ashamed.

But how could he ever
go home
and face his Heavenly Father? He could never make up for what he had done to his wife and son.

He had insisted Marie drive that night. But the streets had been slick and icy. He should’ve seen the danger and protected his family, but he’d been too focused on himself—how tired he was from working all those long hours, how frustrated he was with his boss and coworkers, how disgusted he was with all the office politics—and his selfish choice had cost his wife and son their lives.

A black cloud of guilt descended over him. There was no forgiveness for a crime like that. No way did he deserve to return to the Father.

Sheldon’s voice broke through his thoughts. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him. He ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.”

The story came to life in Cam’s mind. He pictured the father embracing his son. Was that the way God felt about him? Would He really welcome him home with open arms if he simply confessed what he’d done and asked forgiveness? That seemed too simple. But that was how the father in the parable responded, pouring out his love and grace on the son even though he didn’t deserve it.

His eyes burned. He lowered his head.
I’m sorry, God. So Sorry. If I could do it all over again, I’d take her place. I promise I would. Forgive me, God. Please forgive me.

Rachel stilled as Cam bowed his head and closed his eyes, his struggle evident on his face.

Help him, Father. Do Your work in his heart, like a gentle, loving surgeon. Cut out what needs to be removed, and bring Your comfort and healing touch.

Pastor Sheldon continued, “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again, he was lost and is found.’”

Cam lifted his head and gazed steadily at Sheldon.

Rachel’s heart swelled. Surely, that was a message of hope that would comfort Cam, no matter what issues he wrestled with.

Maybe if she invited him to lunch after church he would talk to her about it. But Kayla would be there, and that would probably keep their conversation on a surface level.

Rachel released a soft sigh. She needed to relax and let God work on Cam’s heart. Manipulating the situation or pres
suring him to talk wasn’t a good idea. No one liked to feel cornered about personal issues, especially spiritual ones.

But would he ever feel comfortable enough to share some of those deeper issues with her? She hoped so, because that level of sharing was important to her—and it was the only way she would know if she could truly trust him with her heart.

The rest of the service seemed to pass in a blur for Cam. As he bowed his head for the final prayer, he continued thinking about Sheldon’s message. After a song and benediction, he stood and followed the crowd into the lobby.

“Oh, look. There’s Ryan.” Kayla waved to her friend. He stood on the far side of the lobby with three other guys who looked like college students. Ryan smiled her way. “Can I go talk to him for a few minutes?”

Cam glanced around for Rachel. Where was she? He needed backup.

Kayla tugged impatiently on his arm. “He’s gonna leave if I don’t hurry.”

Cam frowned. “Isn’t he a little old for you?”

Kayla rolled her eyes. “I’m not asking to go out with him. I just want to say hi.”

Cam sighed. “All right. I’ll wait for you by the refreshment table.”

Rachel caught up with him and pulled a book from her purse. “I need to give this to my friend, Katy. It’ll just take me a minute to zip down to the nursery.” She hesitated. “Do you want to come, or wait here?”

He didn’t want her to think he couldn’t handle a few minutes alone in the church lobby. “Go ahead. I’ll grab a cup of coffee.”

She sent him a bright smile. “Okay. Be right back.” She disappeared into the crowd.

The aroma of fresh-brewed coffee drew Cam across the lobby. Three tall steaming coffee makers were set up on a table along with trays of donuts and bagels. He filled a cup and dumped in plenty of cream and sugar, then took his time stirring. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to speak to anyone while he waited for Rachel and Kayla. He took a sip and turned around.

Sheldon stood about ten feet away talking to an elderly woman in a faded-green raincoat. He bent toward her and took her hand, as though he wanted to catch every word she said.

Cam’s stomach churned. Should he walk away or stay and face Sheldon?

Before he could decide, something broke Sheldon’s concentration, and he looked Cam’s way. Recognition flashed in his warm brown eyes, and he straightened.

Cam froze. Heat burned up his neck and into his face.

Sheldon gave the elderly woman a gentle hug. Then, with a smile spreading wider, he headed toward Cam with open arms.

Cam set down his coffee and met him halfway. As they embraced, moisture filled Cam’s eyes, and he quickly blinked it away.

“It’s great to see you, Cam.” Sheldon slapped Cam a couple times on the back. Then he stood back and looked him over, his smile radiating genuine warmth and welcome.

“Good to see you, too.” Cam cleared his throat and shifted his weight to the other foot. “That was a good message. It really hit home.”

Sheldon’s gaze met his. “Finding your way home is worth the journey, no matter how far you have to travel or how long it takes.”

Cam swallowed against his tight throat. “Yeah, you’re right about that.”

Sheldon reached in his pocket and pulled out a business card. “Why don’t you give me a call this week? I’d like to get together.” The sincerity in his voice was unmistakable.

Cam took the card and glanced at the number. Part of him wanted to jam the card in his pocket and pretend he hadn’t seen Sheldon, but the longing to restore their friendship won out, and he nodded. “Okay. I’ll give you a call.”

“Great. I’m glad you came today.”

Cam tucked the card in his shirt pocket and nodded. “So am I.”