Seeing Your Face Again (36 page)

“
Yah
, it will,” Verna said with forced optimism. “I know it will.”

At the sound of a car in the lane, they all turned and looked out the window. Ida jumped to her feet and raced to the front door.

“It's Lois!” Ida announced.

Silence hung in the living room. Verna was the first to move. She rose slowly. She glanced at
Mamm
. “I'm going to welcome her. She's still my sister.”

Saloma's voice was weak. “You haven't seen how Lois dresses now, Verna. She's gone completely
Englisha
.”

Verna hesitated. “At least she's not in the
bann
yet.”

“For that I'm thankful.” Saloma got to her feet with a sigh. “Does she look too awful, Ida?”

Ida peered outside again. “She's got pants on today.”

“The girl has no sense at all,” Saloma complained. “Well, let's go out and greet her. Hopefully
Daett
won't come back from town before she leaves. It would break his heart…again.”

Debbie hung back at the front door as the three Beiler women went outside and waited together at the bottom of the porch steps. Lois came toward them and paused a few feet away. “Okay, you don't have to act so somber. I'm still me…and still part of this family.”

“But you're wearing
pants
,” Verna said. “You know better than that. And I'm told you were a worse sight the other day.”

“Don't get me started on that!” Lois didn't look too happy. “I am what I am, and you might as well get used to it.”

“Then come inside,” Saloma invited with a strained smile. “At least we can get you off the front lawn. What if someone drives past and sees you?”

Lois winced. “They'll think I'm an
Englisha
woman stopping to buy garden vegetables.”

“But you're not,” Saloma told her. “You're
my
daughter, and you'll
always
be
my
daughter. You should act like it.”

“Like Debbie does, I suppose,” Lois's voice carried a trace of bitterness.

“
Yah
, she does,” Saloma agreed without hesitation. “And I wish you had the sense to follow her example. If ever
Da Hah
sent someone to guide your path, Lois, it was Debbie. She was straight from the
Englisha
world, and she spoke to you from her experiences. Why you insisted on ignoring her advice and insights, I can't imagine. Debbie's got sense. She's joined the instruction class now, and even Minister Kanagy is seeing her
gut
heart.”

Lois murmured something as Debbie stepped behind the front door and out of sight. She wished the floor would open up so she could disappear completely. That wasn't going to happen; she might as well face Lois. Debbie planted a smile on her face as Lois came through the front door.

“Hi, Lois!” Debbie said.

Lois looked at her. “I thought maybe you were off somewhere.”

Debbie ducked her head. “No, I'm here.”

Lois flopped down on the couch with a look of triumph on her face. “I'm dating now! In fact, he's Debbie's old boyfriend Doug. I guess Debbie and I really did change lives. I'm her, and she's me.”

Saloma paled. “You're
what
, Lois?”

“Dating,” Lois chirped smugly.

“Did you know this?” Saloma turned to look at Ida.

Ida glanced away and didn't answer, which was an answer in itself.

“What else am I not being told?” Saloma asked, her voice breaking.

“I'm not getting wed yet,” Lois asserted, ignoring her
mamm
's question. “I hear Ida is doing that though. And to old Melvin Kanagy with his six children. What on earth is wrong with you, Ida?”

“There's nothing wrong with her!” Saloma snapped. “That's the way of our people, Lois. Which is how
Da Hah
has taught us. We are to live sacrificial lives in the community. And what better task could one take on than caring for six young children who desperately need a
mamm
?”

Lois turned up her nose. “So love has gone out the window, Ida? I thought you had it bad for Paul Wagler.”

Ida said nothing.

“I will have no such talk in my house!” Saloma ordered. “Ida is making a very wise choice. I was uncertain at the first, but
Da Hah
is clearly giving His blessing. I will not have you running Ida or her husband-to-be down. And with the way you're living, you shouldn't be casting stones.”

Lois ignored the rebuke and addressed Ida. “Don't throw love away, Ida! Please! I know I'm not Amish any longer, but I'm still your sister. I hate to see you throw away your life and accept chains in place of love.”

Ida finally spoke up. “I love Melvin, Lois! I really love him. He's kind and gentle. And his children will be a blessing to me, as I hope I will be to them.”

Lois blew out her breath. “What a speech, Ida. Very dramatic. You must have spent hours working on that.”

“I speak from my heart!”

Saloma silenced them both with an uplifted hand. “Enough on that subject. We can't expect Lois to understand the ways of our people since she's rejected us. I only hope and pray that
Da Hah
will have mercy on her.”

“He already has.” Lois's face went into a pout. “There are many Christians out there, I'll have you know. The Amish aren't the only ones who love God. And Christians serve the same
Hah
you do.”

“That may be,” Saloma allowed. “But it's not for us to judge.”

Verna cleared her throat. “Let's not quarrel, please. Lois is here today, and Ida's wedding is coming up soon. Let's talk about more pleasant things.”

“I agree,” Lois said. “Let's talk about Ida's wedding. Do I get to sit beside Ida as the witness for her side of the family? I'll even do so with an Amish boy—since Doug probably isn't considered
gut
enough.”

“You'll do no such thing,” Saloma replied. “You can possibly be a table waiter, but that is going a little far if you ask me.”

“What does Ida think?” Lois had turned to face her sister. “Am I such spoiled goods that I can't sit beside you on your important day?”

Ida looked from Lois to her
mamm
, from Verna to Debbie, and then back to Lois again. She said nothing.

“I take that as a
nee
, then.” Lois sat back, defeated. “Why do you have to be so hard on me? I'm only doing what I believe is right for me.”

“Lois, I'll ask Melvin,” Ida said.

“You will?” A look of delight crossed Lois's face.

“Melvin will have the sense to say
nee
,” Saloma said. “Just like
Daett
and I do.”

From the look on Ida's face, Debbie wasn't so sure.

Lois must have read the same message and wisely didn't press the point, other than adding, “I'll even dress in Amish clothing—for the entire day.”

“That would be a miracle!” Verna muttered.

The conversation continued on about Ida's wedding day.

Eventually Lois announced that it was time she left. All four women walked to the front door with her and waved goodbye from the porch. Saloma sighed with relief as Lois drove her car out the driveway without the bishop's buggy arriving.

Thirty-Five

A
lvin paced the floor of his apartment. Outside the spring weather had warmed the streets. Gentle breezes brought the promise of fresh life and quickened his spirit as usual. It seemed so wrong that he wasn't living on the farm. Such weather shouldn't be expended on concrete sidewalks and paved roads.

On the way home through the city, a thought had rushed through Alvin's mind for the hundredth time this week. Oh how he longed to walk in the open fields at home, to feel the soft soil under the soles of his shoes, and to breathe in the bracing wind as it blew over the plowed ground. That was how spring should be met and enjoyed—near the land as a farmer. He was still one of them at heart. Then why was he still here, living and working in the city? Alvin had no reasonable answer.

In fact, his
mamm
's letter was still on the dresser unanswered. She'd be wondering what had become of him by now. Yet she probably knew him well enough to draw hope from his continued silence. Perhaps it meant he was thinking about the points she'd raised and didn't want to rush into a decision.
Mamm
would know that, just as she'd figured out that his departure from the community hadn't
been done in the haste of the moment. It had happened after many years borne in silence under his
daett
's strange ways. That and his doubts about his ability to love Debbie best in light of Paul Wagler's claims on her.

Now Alvin was beginning to wonder about things. Since he was out of the way, why hadn't Debbie taken the opportunity to commit to Paul? Paul's offer of a courting relationship should have been taken up by Debbie. A done deal. And yet, according to his
mamm
, that hadn't happened. Debbie had turned Paul down. Was it because of her feelings for him? The thought staggered his mind. If that were the case, what must Debbie think about his leaving the community? No doubt she'd been shocked. She'd probably set her mind against him by now. What a mess! And now there was Crystal to consider. His feelings for her were growing, a fact he couldn't deny. He even liked Brutus!

Alvin winced as he looked out the apartment window. The traffic tonight seemed heavier than usual, the cars lined up almost bumper to bumper. Others must also be afflicted with spring fever and were out to enjoy the weather in the
Englisha
way—taking drives in their cars with the windows open. He had no desire to join them. Alvin had his own problems. The large one right now was what to do with his life. He was seeing more of Crystal each week, though mostly by her design. She arranged their times together, and he allowed it to happen. Could he get serious enough with Crystal to consider marrying her? That's what his actions were boiling down to. When he thought of that, he couldn't shut off his Amish way of thinking. Walks in the park were nice, and Crystal was nice, but where was it leading. He couldn't quite see her as his
frau.
And he couldn't quite see himself with an
Englisha
life in front of him after they said marriage vows.

Perhaps this reluctance was something he still had to overcome. Alvin turned away from the window and went into the bedroom to change out of his work clothes. He was seeing Crystal tonight,
and she'd sense his confusion, he was sure. Yet she continued to pursue a relationship with him. Tonight she'd invited him down to her apartment for supper. He had a feeling
Englisha
girls didn't usually cook for their boyfriends—if that's what he was to Crystal. But she'd asked him to show up for a home-cooked meal.

Alvin pulled on a clean shirt as he considered the situation. Was he Crystal's boyfriend? In a way he was, even if it had happened by default. And it had taken shape so easily. Was that something he ought to make note of? On the other hand, look how things had gone back home. Debbie had gone out of her way to pursue him. She'd driven past the farm even before she moved in with the Beilers. And Debbie and Verna had made the arrangements so he would be a table waiter with Debbie at Verna's wedding.

Although Debbie had told him these things, Alvin hadn't been able to see it this way. Maybe it took Crystal's attentions to bring clarity. Didn't
Da Hah
work like this?
Da Hah
wasted no experience—even bad ones. There would even be some
gut
that would come out of his time spent in the
Englisha
world. Perhaps a lot of
gut.
Was it wrong to think such thoughts? He shouldn't seek to justify his mistakes by depending on
Da Hah
to bring
gut
out of them. And he shouldn't be leading Crystal on. She was serious about him—unless he was totally misreading her intentions. He must decide what to do. He had to stay or leave. He couldn't do both. And
Mamm
's letter needed to be answered. And soon!