Seduced (22 page)

Jack could no longer control everything he felt, all the pain he’d ever experienced, all the fear that burned within him, all the ugliness he’d managed to hide behind the veneer of charm. The truth had burst to the surface at last. He stared down into Letitia’s dark eyes, which were strangely calm in the face of his anger, and he knew he could no longer hide.

Not from her.

“I am losing my brother again,” he began, choking on the words as he spat them out like venom. “And it is like my heart is being ripped in two. I survived it once, but twice? That may be too much to ask of any man.”

She was placid, accepting that confession. He knew he should stop talking now, knew he should make her think the loss of War was all that troubled him. But he couldn’t. A floodgate had been opened and there was no stopping the tide.

“If that weren’t enough, my entire world is collapsing,” he continued, the weight of his words pressing down on him. “I am in danger, and worse,
everyone
I hold dear is in danger as well. I am responsible for the worlds of many men, Letitia. Those of your ilk may see those men as nothing, as expendable, but they are as real as you are. And they may die with
my
name on their lips.”

She nodded like she understood, even though there was no way in heaven or on earth that she did. That fact thrilled him and frustrated him in equal measure.

“And then there is
you
,” he continued.

For the first time, she displayed a negative reaction to his words. Her eyes narrowed, confused and guarded. “Me?”

“Oh yes, Letitia,
you
. You are here in the center of a storm where you have no right to be. Do you have any idea how distracting you are? How out of place in my world?”

Her hurt flickered bright across her face. But it was gone in an instant, replaced by the strength he had always known she possessed. A strength that made her a warrior, not a lady. She shrugged out of his grip and lifted her hand to his cheeks, drawing him down to kiss him gently.

“You are not alone,” she murmured as she pulled away.

He blinked. Alone. Of course he was alone. He had
always
been alone. Even with War he’d been alone. He didn’t deserve more. And yet she stood before him, offering him every temptation he’d never dared take. Not her body. He’d had plenty of lovers. Sex was meaningless most of the time. Not her money. He didn’t need it.

She was offering him her support. Her strength. Her core. Her heart. She was offering him her life, not to take, but to share. He saw that in her face and for a brief, wild moment, he considered taking it. He considered surrendering to the beautiful, perfect world she would create for him.

But it was an illusion. For men like him, it was always an illusion.

“Letty,” came a voice from the terrace door.

They both turned, and Letitia’s face fell at the sight of the man who stood there. Jack recognized him too. Her father, Mr. Merrick.

She swallowed hard, but her voice didn’t shake or reveal anything as she said, “Oh, hello, Papa. Have you met Mr. Blackwood?”

Mr. Merrick’s nose wrinkled slightly, as if there were a bad smell on the air that accompanied Jack’s name. “No. I have not officially met the man.” She drew a breath as if to introduce him, but her father shook his head. “Go inside, Letitia.”

“Papa,” she began, wary as she shot a look of worry at Jack.

Her father held up a hand. “Go inside. I would like to speak to Mr. Blackwood. Alone.”

Jack shifted. At present he felt exposed, raw, and he wasn’t certain he could manage the kind of conversation he felt certain Merrick wanted to have. And yet there was no escaping it. Not without making things harder for Letitia. He’d done that enough already.

“Go inside,” Jack said softly, just resisting the urge to touch her arm, to comfort her. “I’ll be fine.”

She sent him a long glance, one loaded with all the things they hadn’t yet said to each other. Then she nodded reluctantly. “Very well.” She shot her father a glare as she passed him and entered the ballroom, leaving the two men alone.

Jack shook off as much of the effect she had on him as he could and forced a smile. “Merrick, I judge by the scowl on your face that you don’t simply want to exchange pleasantries with me.”

“Certainly not,” Merrick said, stalking a few steps closer. “I think you know
exactly
what I’ve come out here to say to you.”

Jack pursed his lips. He wasn’t going to fall into that old trap. He had no idea what Merrick had seen or guessed or knew when it came to Letitia and himself. He wasn’t about to give him information he didn’t already have.

“I am at a loss, I’m afraid,” Jack said with a shrug. “Why don’t you enlighten me?”

“My children are my main concern, Blackwood,” Merrick growled. “And
you
are a danger to them both.”

Jack shut his eyes. He could not deny that statement. He was a danger to everyone around him, it seemed. But even though he had been in the process of distancing himself from Letitia when her father interrupted, that the pompous fop would decide to intervene made Jack want her all the more.

He had never reacted very well to rules held over his head.

“I don’t see how,” he ground out through clenched teeth.

“My son has been seduced by your vile way of life,” Merrick said with a shake of his head. “Somehow you have convinced him that it is an adventure, not the dangerous, empty existence that it is.”

Jack barely contained his flinch at that observation. Merrick was talking out of his ass, but he had hit on the very problem plaguing Jack. His life had begun to
feel
empty lately. Until Letitia.

“A young man trapped in the humdrum routine of a landed gentleman, expected to live his life by figures and droning meetings with solicitors…how could he
not
be interested in a life less boring? I don’t see how that is my fault.”

“You should have sent him away,” Merrick said, and it was clear the gentleman was beginning to lose control over his temper. Jack had to wonder what a man like that would do when he finally blew up.

“I did,” Jack said. “I assure you, I don’t think your son would fit into my life any more than you do. And I told him as much.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Merrick said, rushing forward again, his fists clenched at his sides. “Griffin has not been home in three nights. I know he is holed up wherever you hide like a rat.”

Jack wrinkled his brow. “Mr. Merrick, I am not lying. Your boy has come to me twice, I admit that. He made a case for why he would make a good addition to the underground. But I sent him away. He is
not
with me.”

A fissure of worry moved through him. If Griffin Merrick hadn’t gone home, where
had
he gone? Was he injured thanks to some mistaken connection to Jack? What would Letitia say? It would kill her if her beloved younger brother were harmed.

Mr. Merrick rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know whether to believe you or if you are just an accomplished liar.”

“Both,” Jack said with an easy shrug. “I
am
an accomplished liar, but in this instance, I am telling you the truth. You have no need to fear your son’s involvement with me, but I would suggest doing everything you can to find him before he gets himself into trouble he can’t escape.”

Merrick shook his head. “And while I am distracted doing that, what will you do? Continue to sniff around my daughter? Ruin her chances at a future?”

Jack sucked in a breath. This man thought he was protecting Letitia and yet he had no idea what a nightmare he had pushed her into when it came to her first marriage. That she’d been forced to slum with Jack to give herself any attempt at the future her father demanded, and all because she wanted to keep the secret of a man who had hurt her, purposeful or not.

“You underestimate your daughter, Merrick,” Jack said softly.

“I do not, I assure you. She has always had a penchant for bringing home creatures that were broken. Birds with damaged wings, cross-eyed cats and three-legged dogs haunted my halls all through her growing up. If she thinks she can save a creature, she will do all she can to try.” Merrick stared at him evenly. “Even to her detriment.”

“Ah,” Jack said, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. “And I am yet another broken creature.”

“I have no idea
what
you are, but perhaps you are pretending to need her care in order to get closer to her. For what purpose, one can only imagine. She has a great deal of money thanks to being a widow. And she has charm that she doesn’t fully recognize.”

Jack stared at the other man. Here he had cast Letitia’s family in the role of distanced and indifferent to her plight. And yet her father truly cared for her. She was lucky in that account, for Jack had never had such protection.

“Whatever you are doing, sir,” Mr. Merrick continued, “I beseech you to let her go. She is sensitive and easily hurt. Perhaps you don’t care—in fact, I would wager you don’t—but if there is anything decent in your soul, please don’t let her suffer due to you.”

Jack turned away, hit by this man’s request. It was exactly what he knew he
had
to do when it came to Letitia. Exactly what he’d been trying to do. Protect her from his life, from himself.

“I have no intention to hurt her. That is the last thing I would ever want to do,” he said softly. “You may not believe me, but I am trying to do exactly as you say, Mr. Merrick.”

Merrick was silent a few seconds, as if digesting that promise. Then he shrugged. “I suppose time will tell, won’t it? Good night.”

Jack didn’t respond. He didn’t think it was required as Merrick turned on his heel and strode away as fast as he could, like he would catch something from Jack if he stayed too long. After he’d gone, Jack stood looking out at the blackness below him.

He heard the terrace door open and shut, and he sighed. He knew who had come outside before he turned. Before she spoke.

“Letitia,” he said, continuing to look out at the nothingness that represented his own life so perfectly. Behind him was light and beauty and soft acceptance.

But he belonged in the dark. And he wouldn’t drag her with him. And yet he needed one last thing from her. One last night before he set her free. He had to have that one last night, if only to have something to remember that there
was
light in the world when he went back underground for good.

“What did my father say to you?” she asked, moving to stand beside him, reaching out to cover his hand with hers.

He looked at her slender fingers covering his rough fist. They could not be more different. And yet she fit over him like she’d been made to do so. He shook his head.

“Doesn’t matter,” he said.

She faced him. “Of course it does. Jack, I am a grown woman, no longer under his thumb, and I swear to you that he doesn’t—”

“He loves you, Letitia,” Jack interrupted, looking down into her upturned face, which was flushed with upset and emotion. “Don’t disregard that. Certainly don’t discard it. It is valuable beyond measure.”

She stared at him intently, like she could read him if she looked long enough. And perhaps she could. Perhaps this slip of a woman had truly woven herself into the fabric of his soul so firmly that she could read his mind if she tried.

Perhaps she truly did feel she could fix his long-ago shattered wings. It was a rather glorious thought that she could. And yet he also knew it was folly. Some creatures were not worthy of fixing.

“Jack, what can I do?”

He touched her cheek. “Come to our meeting place tonight,” he said. “After the ball is over. Just come to me tonight. Please.”

She drew back a little at the use of “please”. He couldn’t blame her. It wasn’t a word he used often. But in this case it fit. After all, if she agreed to come to him, it would be the last time he saw her, touched her, the last time she would be his. After tonight, only dreams of her would comfort him.

That and the knowledge that she would no longer be threatened thanks to who and what he was.

“Of course I’ll come to you, Jack,” she said. “That is all I want. But—”

“No buts,” he said, lifting a finger to her lips. “Just come. I’ll see you then.”

He turned away from her then, walked away into the house, through the crowd, away from the world he’d never belonged in. Tonight he would pretend just one last time, and then it would be over.

And he would lie and say that it didn’t matter even if it burned him from the inside out for the rest of his miserable life.