Secrets (Swept Saga) (10 page)

“If Only You Knew

When I look at you all I see

Is a woman of beauty that stares back at me

Your beauty astounds me and leaves me breathless

And then you kiss me and I am rendered helpless

There is something in the way you move

That makes me want to prove

Just how much you mean to me

You are the one with the key;

The one that makes me see

I have a reason to breathe

A reason to be

You awe and inspire

And make me aspire

To be something more

And prepare for

The dreams and that future that are to come

If only you knew

How amazing you really are

Then you would see

The bright shining star

That I see

Every time I look at you

Crystal, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.

Love, Gabriel.”

“Whoa,” Tiffany says and smiles at me. “That one’s a keeper.”

“He is sweet, isn’t he?” I answer, and I realize I’m smiling. I leave the room clutching the letter to my chest. I’ll have to put it somewhere safe and special. I want to keep it forever. This is the first love letter I’ve ever gotten and the first time anyone has ever written a poem just for me.

*****

Gabriel is at my door, ready to take me out. He texted me earlier asking if I was free; Ryan told me he was working late at the law firm, so I was free for the evening. I run up to Gabriel and gave him a hug, and then a deep kiss.

“Are you ready to go?” Gabriel asks when we pull apart.

“Of course.” I giggle and follow him out the door.

It’s a colder night than usual, and there isn’t a cloud in the sky. Gabriel opens the door to his Trans Am and I sit down in the passenger seat. He jumps into the driver’s seat, starts the car and we are off. He didn’t tell me where we are going he just drives, and I sit there looking at him. I note how handsome he is, and wonder what is so special about me, that he cares about me as much as he does.

“What are you thinking about?” He asks glancing at me.

“I’m just making a mental note of how handsome you are and wondering why you like me.”

“I like you because you’re you, Crystal.” He answers.

“Yeah, but what’s so special about me?”

“Well, let’s see. You’re smart, beautiful, determined, and you’re the only Crystal I know that’s you.”

“Lots of people are those things though.”

“While that’s true they’re not sitting here with me right now are they?”

“So, you’re saying that if they were sitting here with you now, you’d be into them?”

“No not at all.”

“But you just agreed with me.”

“I did, but they’re not you, so I wouldn’t like them near as much.”

“So, you’re saying that you would like them?”

“Are you seriously trying to debate with me about theoretical people?”

“Maybe,” I grin.

“Crystal, I like you and only you. There is no one else that I care about and no one else I’d rather be with right now.”

“You’re very sweet, you know that?” I ask satisfied with his answer. “Where are we going?”

“Someplace I’ve been saving for a night like this.”

“A night like this?”

“Yeah, you’ll understand when we get there.”

Gabriel parked the car at the top of a hill in a parking space. The hill overlooked the town, and all the lights twinkled in the night. My lungs filled with the crisp cold air and I watched the steam that left my mouth as I exhale. We were all alone on top of the hill, and I was trying to figure out why he had brought me here.

“Crystal, you’re going to miss the show.” Gabriel says, tapping me on the shoulder.

“What show?” I ask.

“The one up there.” He says, pointing up.

 Then it hit me, the meteor shower! I had completely forgotten about it but obviously he had not. “The meteor shower!” I exclaim.

“Yes.” Gabriel confirms.

“I completely forgot. How did you know?”

“I looked it up.” He shrugs.

“It is a bit cold.” I state, sitting down on the hood of his car next to him and wrapping my arms around myself.

“That’s why I brought a blanket.” Gabriel shakes it out and wraps it around us both. We lie back and stare up at the sky searching for a falling star.

“I got the poem you wrote.” I say softly and lace my fingers with his.

“You did?”

“Why didn’t you just tell me? I mean I love how the words were written and I have it in safe keeping, but I would like to hear you say it.”

“Sometimes when I’m with you, my words freeze up, because your gaze has captivated me and taken my tongue as prisoner.”

“You managed to tell me that.”

“Well that’s because I’m learning how to speak when I’m around you.”

“You’ve spoken before.”

“Yes, but it’s hard for me to vocalize just how you make me feel. I burn with desire when you touch me. It’s like you light a fire deep inside of me every time we kiss. I want to drink you in; you’re the breath in my lungs.”

Never have I heard anything so sweet in my life. His words touched me deep into my soul, there was nothing I could say, there was only what I could do. So I caress his face and bring it to mine and kiss him so deeply I hope it lights a bright burning fire.

He kisses me back matching my passion, and soon his hands are all over me. Touching and caressing me, making me shiver and want him more. The meteor shower is forgotten, as Gabriel and I kiss under the stars.

I used to make wishes on shooting stars, but right now I have nothing to wish for. Everything I could ever want is right here in my arms. As our desire builds, the blanket becomes a restrictive distraction. My body yearns to have Gabriel touch me, and undress me. I take my shirt off, and the Gabriel reaches around and takes off my bra. He holds me close kissing my lips and neck. He straddles me and I reach down and undo his pants. He sits back and pulls them off, then undoes mine.

 I long to feel him inside of me, and soon that longing is fulfilled by his member filling my void. He enters me with a gentle thrust. He worships me with his lips all over my skin leaving warm tingles in its wake.

I feel like I’m in a scene from a movie, this is what making love feels like. I feel whole and complete as he continues to move in and out of me; his hands caressing me with care and love. He kisses me and I tilt my hips aching for him to send me blazing like a meteor across the atmosphere of the earth as I fall into oblivion. He quickens his pace and I begin to build. The setting and his sweet words linger in my mind as I begin to come. Soon I’m moaning, burning with fire, and Gabriel grunts his release. Gabriel grabs the blanket and covers us both up, then he holds me in his arms and we stare up into the sky. Meteors fall through the atmosphere streaking the sky with their remnants as they burn.

Chapter Eight

Finals

“A
re you sure we should go through with this?” I ask Tiffany, I can’t help but feel sick as we clear away the stack of papers that sit in front of us. “Isn’t it enough of a punishment to her that I have Gabriel?”

“Don’t you dare pussy out on me now. I’m too close to finally having my revenge after all this time and you know that I deserve it more than anyone. After that little bitch ruined my life she’s been asking for it.” Tiffany says and glares at me. She looks almost threatening. “Are you with me or not?” Her words linger in the air and I scramble to come up with the words that will seal Emily’s fate for the rest of her college life.

“I’m with you.” I mumble almost unable to get the words out of my mouth.

“What did you say?” Tiffany asks.

“I’m with you; I’ll help you with Emily.” I say louder.

“Do I have your word?” She asks.

“Yes, you have my word.” I answer, and then look down at the floor. Oh my God, what did I just agree to do? There’s no going back now and after finals, Emily will be ruined for good, but one question keeps burning in my mind. Does she deserve it?

“I want to go over everything one more time,” Tiffany says, her tone and face the epitome of serious. “We’re going to start by…”

 She starts and my mind wonders off, I know the plan by heart now, but she wants a flawless performance. I can’t help but think about everything that has happened these past few months…

*****

It’s been a long semester, but I’ve managed to survive. My days have been filled with classes, tests, studying, movies with Tiffany, motorcycle rides with Gabriel, and dates with Ryan. Kelly has been around for classes and studying, but little else. I barely hear from her much. It seems that she spends the majority of her time with her boyfriend, Nick. I’m honestly surprised, most of her relationships don’t last this long.

As time has gone by, I’ve finally worked out a routine of homework and managing my time between Gabriel and Ryan. It helps that Ryan is tied up with his job, but his absence is bitter sweet. I miss my friend, and in some weird way I miss him as my boyfriend, too. I’ve developed a new affection for him. I’ve found myself thinking and fantasizing about him almost as much as Gabriel. Could it be love? I still don’t know the answer to that question. Could I imagine my life without him? Simply put, I couldn’t imagine my life without either of them. Each one brought a different aspect to the table, where one was weak the other was strong. If I could have the both forever I would keep them, but I can’t. It’s a fact that’s been burning in the back of my mind for a while now. Just how long can I keep up this charade? I couldn’t answer that. But I have a sinking feeling that it’s only a matter of time before everything comes crashing down around me.

If I was smart I would get out now, make a choice and be done, but I like what I have and I’m afraid I will cling to it until it’s ripped from my grip forever. I know it makes me a horrible person, and the whole idea keeps me up late at night and distracts at me, picking away at my sanity like a sore, opening it up over and over until it’s infected and fever takes over my entire body. I have a fever and it burns and aches within me. I don’t know how to get rid of it or make it stop. I can’t sweat it out or medicate it away. It’s probably the guilt that causes me to feel indigestion on a regular basis, or it’s the ultra-rich food that Ryan insists I eat. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away and leave me for good.

I’ve enjoyed getting to know Gabriel over the past few months. I don’t feel as distanced with him as I did. He talks with me openly and he’s introduced me a little at a time to the world he lives in one little thrill at a time. Of course it all started with that first motorcycle ride. I’ve come to enjoy his bike a lot, when we go out it’s our favored form of transportation. Even when it’s cold I insist that we ride. Since then, I’ve learned to rock climb, ride a skate board, even though I loathe it and we’re planning to sky dive. I’m not sure when it will be, since we have to time it while Ryan is gone.

Every date and every little spare chance of time spent with Gabriel I learn more about him. I’ve found that he truly is a good guy through and through, he seems to have such a tough outward appearance, but on the inside his intentions are truly for bettering and helping people. He prefers to act with kindness rather than revenge.

When I told him about that horrible day in class, he apologized and said, “Emily will be punished for her mistakes.” When I started to tell him that I wanted to plan something against her he told me that revenge will get me nowhere. I’m not so sure he’s right, but I haven’t talked to him about it since. I’m sure he will try to talk me out of my plans and I’m not so sure I want him to. I’m also not so sure I want to follow through. But if he knew what I had planned, would that change his opinion of me?

Sometimes I wonder if he sees me for who I really am, the dirty lying slut that I am. It’s not that I’ve lied to him, but I continue to lie to Ryan. Is that really okay for me to do? Who am I kidding though? I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when I started this. I either face the music, or look like an idiot and I’m certain it will be both. At least I’m only lying to one person. He may not deserve it, but it’s much easier than lying to both Gabriel and Ryan, but why does Gabriel allow this to continue. Why hasn’t he stepped in and demanded I choose either him or Ryan once and for all. Surely he grows tired of constantly hiding and keeping everything a secret. It’s a question that has puzzled me over and over and I wonder if I’m being played like a pawn in chess.

Does my continued relationship with Gabriel serve a secret purpose for Gabriel that I don’t know about? It doesn’t seem that way, but I’ve found myself more anxious than usual. Maybe it’s all the plotting and planning with Tiffany that’s making me this way.