Secrets of My Hollywood Life #5: Broadway Lights (8 page)

"Or sooner," Sky says quickly. "Who knows what--
BEEP
--next, you know? Gotta hop, K. More later."
Click
.

I switch over to Laney. "I'm so sorry. I--"

"I've got the most fabulous news!" Laney nearly bursts through the phone, she's so loud. This is the most upbeat I've heard her since Fergie asked her to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. "You'll never guess! Seth and I were FLIPPING! He's going to call you, so play dumb because I'm not supposed to open my mouth, but I had to tell you first. Ready?"

A new TV show?

That's the first thought that pops into my head, which surprises me even more than wanting to have brunch with Sky. Is that what I want? A new TV show? I finally have a schedule that allows me to do things like Broadway. Do I really want to spend all those hours on a set again? Maybe I'm just thinking about TV shows again because
Family Affair
had its finale Sunday night and because the upfronts are next week. That's got to be it. "Tell me."

"Lorne Michaels just called Seth!" Laney trips over the words, they're coming out so fast. "He wants you and Sky to host the season finale of
SNL
!"

"
Saturday Night Live
?" I repeat her words just to be sure. That's the only
SNL
I know of, but I'm so shocked I have to double-check. "He wants me to host the show?" I start doing laps around my room to calm down. Me?
SNL
? I've always wanted to host. I wonder who the musical act is? Ooh, imagine if it's Lady Gaga? I so want to meet Lady Gaga!

"You and Sky," Laney reiterates. "I guess the trash-talking that maniac did on all her websites was a good thing because Lorne says your little brouhaha with Ava and Lauren is the 'it' topic du jour! People are salivating over you two like a good piece of Kobe beef! They're dying to see you and Sky pummel the girls, and Lorne figures they can write some great skits. He wants the writers to cook up one where the two of you pretend to be Lauren and Ava, and you're dressed as Skittles. Wouldn't--
BEEP
--hilarious? God, I'd love to see their faces when it airs."

I check my call-waiting. It's Seth. "Laney, Seth is beeping in."

"Fine, let him tell you the rest," Laney sounds miffed.

As I switch over I can't help thinking that Sky was right about getting your inner anger out sometimes. Her rants got us the gig on
SNL
. Now I feel guilty for yelling at her. She is
so
going to make me apologize after this.

Still, doing skits bashing Lauren and Ava makes me nervous. It will just set them off more, and this whole circus will continue. But this is
SNL
. You
don't
turn it down. And besides, their skits won't be out and out mean. They'll be funny mean, which I guess is better.

"Hi Seth!" I try to sound breezy. "Just running out the door for rehearsals. What's going on?"

"She already called you, didn't she?" Seth laughs. "She always does this to me. Don't deny it, Kaitlin. Just tell me how you feel. Excited, right?"

I exhale. "Yes. SO excited! I can't believe they want me!" I stop pacing. "Seth, how can I do this?" I bite my lower lip. "Won't I be doing the play by then?"

"Since the season finale is late this year, you'll still be in rehearsals," Seth explains. "I'm going to call the production office to confirm, but we think we figured it out. We're sure
Meeting
will cooperate and you should be fine. It's going to be a lot of hours, but you can't pass this up. This is huge, my shining star!"

"Okay!" I say giddily. "I'm in!" I wiggle into my sweater while I'm still talking, pulling it over my Bluetooth, then grab my Orion bag and head into the hall. "Send Nadine all the details. When do I meet with them? Do I get to go over the skits? Will I get to do one with Andy Samberg? I love him! Ooh, maybe Justin Timberlake will come on and do a skit with us! Can I ask for Andy and Justin?"

I'm still talking as I practically float out the door and down the elevators with Matty, who is staring at me curiously. I scribble him a note to explain what's happening as I continue to chat with Seth about the logistics of hosting, what I need to do before then, and how I should call Sky to discuss details. If only Seth knew I was just on the phone with her. Matty shows Nadine the note and then she turns and shows it to Rodney and then he shows it to our doorman, Andrew, and before I know it we're all doing the happy dance.

"Seth's right, this
is
a big deal," Nadine agrees a short time later as we crawl up Broadway in traffic on our way to the theater. The car moves and stops, moves and stops, then the traffic opens up for a minute and our driver hits the gas, then the brake, and we move and stop again. The whole dance makes me feel like a bobblehead sometimes! We've just dropped Matty off at the Sheraton Midtown, where the rest of his cast is staying for the upfronts, and we're slowly on our way to my stop. At least in New York, there are other ways to get around if we have to ditch the car. I can ask the driver to let me out so I can walk, which is great because when I'm walking I see shops I didn't even know existed. The other day I was heading back from a fitting for my costumes and I got out of a taxi right in front of the original Kiehls. I got so much stuff that I had to get in another taxi to go home, which meant more traffic, but I was so busy trying out my new loot, I didn't care. Last night when our cab was idling between 36th and 34th Street on Broadway for over fifteen minutes, Nadine and I jumped out and took the subway. (Shh! I've already gone on it twice with Nadine and it was fine. Sure, a little hot down there, but it was easy and so fast! And crazily enough, no one even looked twice at me.)

"Think of the exposure you'll be giving the production and yourself, " Nadine continues. "I bet a bunch of casting directors will come knocking after this."

"Do you think they'll still knock when they find out Sky and I were only asked to host because of this catfight with Lauren and Ava?" I worry. "
SNL
only picked us because of Sky's angry rants on Twitter. I'm nowhere as nasty as she is. I'm just along for the ride and I kind of feel guilty about it."

"Who cares?" Nadine makes her point loudly. Loud enough to be heard over the sound of horns honking at the intersection. Two cars are blocking our path in the opposite direction and our driver has his hand firmly pressed on the horn. I'm already so used to the melody of horns--and police sirens, bright lights, and ambulances, not to mention drivers yelling in English and their native languages. "The point is you're hosting
SNL
," Nadine tells me. "No one watching knows why they asked you. They just know you've been picked and that's a good thing. And as for Sky going postal on Lauren and Ava, I personally think it's about time."

I stare at her wide-eyed.

"I'm serious," Nadine says defiantly and smoothes her red hair with her nail-bitten fingers. "I think Sky might be right. Sometimes being a jerk actually works."

"Um, maybe," I say, looking at Nadine like she's crazy. She just agreed with Sky. Is hell freezing over? "I should tell Liz and Austin." I look at my watch. It's eleven-thirty AM, which means it's eight thirty AM in Los Angeles. They're both probably in first period. I try Liz first--she's late for school and in the car with her dad. She screams so loud that her dad yells at her and she has to go. Next I call Austin and he picks up on the first ring.

"Hey, Burke. Where are you off to?" Austin's deep voice almost causes me to stop breathing. Just when I think I'm getting used to not seeing him, I hear his voice and it sends me into a tailspin all over again.

"Sorry to catch you in class," I apologize.

"I'm not," Austin says quickly and I pick up on the sounds in the background; lots of guys' voices, balls bouncing, and squeaking sneakers. "We're on an assembly schedule today so I have gym, which as you know, I don't consider a class."

I picture him grinning as he stands in the middle of the gym in nylon shorts and a tank top that shows off his biceps. I want to ooze onto the floor. His arms. I want to see Austin's smooth, muscular arms, which are usually wrapped around my waist...

"But I do have to get back to a basketball game Murray is beating me at, so...," Austin hesitates.

Oh! That's right. I'm on the phone. No daydreaming about my boyfriend when I'm actually talking to my boyfriend. I have to remember that. "I just got a call from Laney. Well, Laney and Seth," I correct myself. "Guess who is the host of the season finale of
SNL
? Me! And Sky, but me! I'm going to be on
SNL
!" I'm practically bouncing up and down on the black leather seats. I'd be doing that anyway with these potholes now that the traffic has cleared. Nadine and I are slipping and sliding into each other. Rodney's in the front seat and he keeps staring down the driver, trying to yell at him telepathically. (I told him the first week to let them do their job without all his "constructive criticism" and staring them down through his shades. Their job is probably harder than it looks, and it looks hard.)

"Nice, Burke!" Austin exclaims. "You'll finally get to meet Andy Samberg."

"I know!" Austin remembers how much I like him. He really does pay attention when I talk. Or ramble. Which I do a lot. "I wish you could be in the audience," I say wistfully. "I'm going to be so nervous."

"No you're not," Austin insists. "You'll be perfect. Think of
SNL
as a dry run for the play. That's live too, in case you forgot. The difference is with
SNL
, millions of people are watching you." He chuckles. "Okay, I'd be nervous too. But I'll be tuning in to cheer you on."

I feel my body being pulled forward and I put out my hand to avoid smushing my face into the padded black leather back of the front seat. We're slowing down. I look outside and see we've reached the theater. "Thanks." I feel anxious now that we're here. "I'll call you later, okay? Go beat Murray to a pulp."

"I will," Austin promises, and then he's gone.

I take a deep breath--partially to calm down from thinking about kissing Austin, which I think about a lot now that I can't, and partially to keep me from hyperventilating about what I'm about to do: go into my first rehearsal for
Meeting of the Minds
. The play I'm going to be starring in. In just a few short weeks. Yowza.

Nadine gets out of the car first, followed by Rodney, who is still grumbling. "What kind of driving was that? We're crawling and he's weaving in and out of lanes and making tight turns, squeaking by pedestrians..."

"Rod, they drive like that here," Nadine reminds him for the umpteenth time. "They've got to keep up with the taxi drivers and move, move, move."

"Still, if I was driving us around, I wouldn't do that." He stares longingly at the back of the Lincoln Town Car that just dropped us off.

"I keep telling you, you've got more important things to do than chauffeur." I rub his huge arm. He hands me a green Sharpie and nods to two tween girls who've just spotted me. They dart over, speaking in such a high register that I can barely understand what they're saying. I glance at him. "You've got to keep me safe. Usually from myself. " I sign the girls' T-shirts, take a picture with them on their camera phone, and then I head into the theater.

The Limestone Theater isn't much to look at from the outside, but the lobby takes your breath away. It was built in the 1930s and from what I read online, it's been restored twice since then. The first time they did away with all the vintage touches; the second time, when old school became new school, they put them all back. There are gilded gold moldings throughout, carved stone pillars, plush red carpeting, high vaulted ceilings, plaster walls, and heavy wood doors leading into the actual theater. What I love best is the painted murals on the walls. They seem art deco, which doesn't quite jibe with the rest of the Renissance decor and Greek statues, but it still works. The lobby is quiet--there is no performance on Mondays--but I can picture what the place must look like before a sold-out show. You can almost hear the voices of people finding their seats. I pull the closest heavy door open and step into the cool, partially dark theater. Rows and rows of velvet-lined seats greet me in the cavernous room. (I think Nadine said the house holds 1,100 seats between the main level and the balcony.) The decor is even more elaborate inside, with lots more gold leaf on the walls and carved stone on the balcony boxes. The stage looks huge from here and there are long, thick red velvet curtains pulled to the sides. I can see the fifty-person orchestra pit which is partially exposed to the audience, in front of the stage. Only some of the lights are on, but the stage is still completely lit up and I can see the exposed black bricks of the backstage area. The show's background is missing at the moment.

There's a bunch of people standing around on stage and they all turn to look when the door closes behind me. I take a deep breath to keep from passing out. Broadway is a world I know nothing about and as excited as I am to try it, I can't help feeling like the awkward new kid in school. What if I can't keep up? What if I don't fit in? What if they hate me?

"Kaitlin! Welcome!" Forest Amsterdam, the show's director, flies up the aisle toward me and puts my fear on hold. In a weird way, Forest is a newcomer just like me. Forest and I are the only two Americans in this production (he took over the direction when the show moved to New York). The rest of the actors are from the original London cast. Unlike me though, Forest is an old pro at Broadway. He just finished a traveling tour of
The Little Mermaid
and before that he worked on
God of Carnage
. "It's great to see you again," Forest says cheerfully. His face is pasty white, which is fitting for someone who has spent hours in the theater, but his bright smile and gray eyes are warm as he shakes my hand. He's wearing a baseball cap, like he did the last few times I met him, and I still don't know what his hair--or lack thereof--looks like, but I do know he's taller than me, and maybe even thinner. He's clean-shaven though, which is a one-up on most of the Hollywood directors I've worked with. "Have you been settling in okay?" he asks. "We wanted to give you a few days to get a feel for the city before we started hounding you."