Secrets of My Hollywood Life #5: Broadway Lights (7 page)

But right now, all I can think about is the fact that I'm here. I survived the end of
FA
, got myself a new job I'm excited about, and now I have a billboard in New York City. Okay, so maybe I've been on one before for
FA
or a film, but I've never been singled out as the reason to see a project.

It's surreal. I'm standing in Times Square staring at a picture of myself in Times Square, and Matty is doing the same thing. I hug my brother as he continues to look up at his dopplegänger.

"I think I'm going to like this town," Matty says, hugging me back, but never taking his eyes off, well, himself.

I couldn't agree more.

Friday, June 5th

NOTE TO SELF:

Mon: Mtg w/producers, cast of show and rehearsal. 12PM.

Next Sat.: dinner w/ Laney.

**Ask Nadine 2 ship dress 4 prom home!

Send Austin care package w/ Dylan's Candy Bar loot & cast t-shirt from
Meeting
.

TV
Tome.com

Sky and Kaitlin Keep the Catfight Going!

Sunday, June 7th

By Haley Patterson

Hot on the heels of Ava Hayden and Lauren Cobb's second brutal YouTube clip in less than a week dissing Kaitlin Burke and Sky Mackenzie comes a dirty ditty from the rival camp. Fans are atwitter, literally, about Sky's postings on her Twitter account, MySpace page, and Facebook, not to mention her official website.

"Want to know where Ava and Lauren can stick their videos? In their bony asses! xoxo Sky and Kaitlin," said the post on Twitter, which Sky's publicist confirms is the real deal. Over at MySpace and Facebook, Sky has put up a Top 25 Reasons We Can't Stand Ava Hayden and Lauren Cobb list. Among the gems: "Because they pair leggings with flip-flops. That is SO eighties!" Or "Because lavender lipgloss went out in winter '08 but they continue to pucker up in purple." And this gem: "Because the two haven't had a hit anything EVER, which means their 15 minutes never even started." Our personal fave: "Because the two are like Skittles. Sweet at first, but if you eat too many, you want to barf."

While Sky's camp has been more than forthcoming in confirming that the statements are legit, Kaitlin's camp has been keeping mum, which isn't surprising. The former
Family Affair
costars always ran hot and cold, and it would seem unusual that the two would team up for anything, even disses. Still, as one friend of the pair muses, there's always a first time. "The two of them are really mad about how far Ava and Lauren are taking this thing. I wouldn't be surprised if they came back swinging. Hard." Stay tuned.

MEETING OF THE MINDS

Time and Place

Modern day. A high school cafeteria.

NOTE: References Americanized for Broadway production.

SCENE 1

Several tables line the stage. The walls are filled with posters from recent pep rallies, yearbook ads, and flyers from a spring production of
Guys and Dolls
--pictures of LEO and JENNY are on them. Several students are eating lunch at tables and we can overhear their conversations. LEO and JENNY are at one table with friends, and BECCA, ANDIE, and JORDAN are at another.

BECCA:

I'm thinking of leaving for Chapel Hill a month early. I was going to try to get a summer job and make some spending money.

JORDAN:

Becca, you have four years to ditch us for Chapel Hill. I thought we had plans here this summer.

BECCA:

I love you guys, but I can't handle another eight weeks of being ignored. Pete Summers is having a graduation party tomorrow night and I'm not invited. The only reason I know about it is because I overheard Jenny Waters talking in the bathroom.

JORDAN:

Like you'd even go to Pete Summers's party if you were invited, which you're not seeing as how he doesn't even know we're alive.

BECCA:

He would if we spent Friday nights at the Hill instead of at your house doing Wii Fit.

JORDAN:

Andie, will you back me up here and remind Becks that Wii Fit is what got her into that size six Calvin Klein for prom? Andie? Come in, Andie!

ANDIE:

Sorry.

BECCA:

Get your fill of him now, Andie. This is your last day to stare. Tomorrow, Leo Sanders will be history, a memory, a yearbook photograph of a guy you crushed on for four years.

JORDAN:

She gets the point, Becks. Leo doesn't even know Andie exists. Tomorrow we graduate and after that Leo and Jenny will head off to Berkeley together. They'll grow long hair, stop shaving, and go eco-friendly while our Andie will head off to Penn State and crush on some new Poli-Sci dude she'll never talk to either.

ANDIE:

Guys, you know I can hear you, right?

JORDAN:

That's the point.

BECCA:

We want to spare you another four years of anonymity. Like someone more on your level next time, Andie.

JORDAN:

Yeah, don't aim so high. Does the next guy have to win Class Thespian, Best Smile, and Most Popular? No. He just needs to trim his nose hairs and breathe.

ANDIE:

You guys, is it so wrong to want more? Just because Leo is all of those things and I'm just... I'm just...

BECCA:

A nerd with a perfect 4.0?

ANDIE:

I was going to say someone who prefers Monet to Moët. Just because I am that doesn't mean we don't have anything in common. Leo is into the arts, and literature--he got an A on that English Lit paper about
Angela's Ashes
! He loves Steve McQueen, like me, and hates the beach, just like me, and he thinks the fog is freaky, just like me. (laughs to herself) One time he got stuck in it at his lake house and he thought he ran into Bigfoot, but it turned out to be a cow that got loose from a nearby farm.

BECCA:

How does she know all this?

JORDAN:

She hangs on his every word in class. I think she takes notes.

ANDIE:

Oh, and he tutors inner-city kids, just like me.

JORDAN:

Leo tutors a special ed kid in Spanish so he can stay on the football team! That hardly qualifies him for giving back to the community.

ANDIE:

My point is, there is more to him than what we see at school, just like there is more to me than what people here see on the surface. I do yearbook, I tutor, I'm in the English Honors Society, but there is more to me than my yearbook entries. I like karaoke, rock climbing, pool, volleyball, and the smell of freshly cut grass. If Leo and I had the chance to talk, he'd know these things.

JORDAN:

Yeah, but he's never taken the time to, Andie.

ANDIE:

Because we've never had the chance! He's in his circle, and I'm in mine, and we just go around and around.

BECCA:

And it's going to continue that way because we graduate tomorrow. Face it, Andie, it's over. I love you, sweetie, but this crush has got to end. You're out of chess moves.

JORDAN:

Becks is right, Andie. Leo is a loser. He doesn't deserve you. You're better off without him. There. I've said every romantic cliché I can think of, but the end result is just like the movie version of the bestselling book: Andie, he's just not that into you.

ANDIE:

How can he not be into me if he doesn't know me?

(
Andie stands up
.)

BECCA:

(
panicked
) What are you doing?

ANDIE:

Something I should have done a long time ago: talking to Leo.

JORDAN:

Andie, this is suicide! Come back. I don't want to wear black on graduation day.

(
Andie walks over to Leo's table. His friends are talking, but Leo looks up
.)

ANDIE:

Leo? Hey. I'm Andie Amber. You don't know me even though we've had the same history class together for four years. We talked once. I lent you my purple highlighter in science class when you needed something to write with because you forgot your backpack at home.

LEO:

I remember you. Hi, Andie.

ANDIE:

You do? I mean, hi.

JENNY:

(
whispering to Leo
) Snoresville! Tell her to go away. She's giving me a headache.

ANDIE:

You never gave me the highlighter back.

LEO:

Sorry. I'll buy you another one if you want.

ANDIE:

That's okay. It doesn't matter.

JENNY:

Do you have a point to make?

ANDIE:

Yes. I have something I've waited four years to say to Leo and I can't wait another day because we don't have another day. So I'm going to say it now, okay? Out loud, before I lose my chance.

FOUR: The Welcome Wagon

"You couldn't let this thing just die, could you? You had to go and make it worse! They're never going to back down now!"

I'm on the phone with Sky--yes, Sky--and I haven't come up for air in at least ten minutes. I think we've had maybe six phone conversations between us during the last decade and I've already spoken to her three times this morning as I get dressed and ready to go to my first rehearsal with the
Minds
crew. My room is finally free of boxes and looks more like a real bedroom. All of my pictures, posters, and pillows have been carefully placed around the room. I'm wearing my iPhone Bluetooth while I talk so I can pick out what I'm going to wear today. Shockingly, Sky is letting me speak.

"My mom is freaking out that I'm going to wind up back in the hospital!" I vent. "Laney is worried that I'm going to damage my already fragile reputation, and
Access Hollywood
has been calling Nadine all morning begging for an exclusive."

"Don't forget
Celebrity Insider
," Matty reminds me. He's sitting on my bed drinking a banana smoothie. We're going to take a car uptown together. I have my first rehearsal for the show, and Matty has a photo shoot for
Teen Vogue
. He's wearing Diesel jeans and a plain white Hanes tee. Even though they're going to dress him at the shoot, he's worried that they'll do some behind the scenes feature where they say what the star arrived in and he doesn't want to wear anything "uncool."
Teen Vogue
is featuring him as a fresh face in a fall issue for
Scooby,
and he's so excited I think he might spontaneously combust. Either that or his head is going to explode, but that was going to happen someday anyway. His ego is sort of swollen.

"
Celebrity Insider
called too!" I repeat. I hold up two different sweaters for Matty's approval--A DKNY turquoise knit one that I could pair with a white linen ruffle shirt and Nanette Lepore indigo wide-leg pants or a black Tahari wrap sweater with short sleeves that screams New York. Matty points to the black top. I give him a thumbs up, then wave him out so I can change. I quickly throw my Bobbi Brown lipgloss and my notebook in my snakeskin Orion Wrap bag. Orion is this new brand that is huge right out of the gate and this is their must-have first bag. They sent it to me and it's become my bag of choice for city living. It's big enough that I can fit my makeup, a book, and my iPhone but small enough that I don't feel like I'm carrying a sack of potatoes.

"K, would you stop whining?" Sky interrupts me. "I did you a favor, and you haven't even said thank you." I hear her sniffle.

"Thank you? Thank you?" I say in outrage. "You're getting me in trouble. Again! You are absolutely pulling a Britney on me, aren't you? I bet you didn't even talk to your publicist first. And I can't believe you used that line about Skittles! That was a private text."

"If I hadn't put your name on those things then Ava and Lauren would think you're a total doormat, which you are, but since your name is linked with mine I had to do something! Your 'Let's take the high road' Gandhi texts just weren't cutting it," Sky says in a high-pitched voice that I assume is supposed to be mine. "You're too peace, love, and understanding. You have to get fired up and strike back at people sometimes! I needed to say those things on Twitter! And Facebook! And my blog! I was doing damage control for
us
. You should hear what they said to me at--
BEEP
--Hershberger's on Saturday! I almost jumped off the massage chair and--
BEEP
--her neck!"

"Sky? It's Laney," I say, staring at the caller ID. "I should take this."

"I've got a--
BEEP
--I'll see you in a few days," Sky tells me. "I'll be in town for the upfronts and..."

The upfronts! Sigh. Oh, how I miss those! HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER FOUR: Some people get to see next fall's shows before the rest of the world. Every spring, the five major networks roll out the red carpet in New York City and fly in their biggest talent to show off their new schedules to advertisers, media elites, and network affiliates. They put on this big production to do it, throwing parties and airing clips from their newest shows. It's basically a schmooze-fest, but it's also a lot of fun. This is one of the few times a year you get to hang out with fellow network stars under one roof. It's where I met Patrick Dempsey (so love him), tripped over Jennifer Garner's (adore her) cute black stilettos at a party and, according to my mother, embarrassed her in front of George Clooney eons ago when he was on
ER
. I was little so I don't remember this, but Mom claims I asked him why his hair was gray. Anyway, back to the upfronts: You do interviews with the press and appear at the main event, but mostly it's one big party filled with gift suites, cast photo ops, and fan pictures. I used to beg Tom Pullman, our
FA
creator, to send me every year. Now Matty gets to go for
Scooby
, and Sky for her pilot.

"... so I was thinking Bubby's for brunch," Sky is saying. "K? K! HELLOOOO?"

"What? Yeah. Sure," I agree to I'm not sure what. "What was the question?"

Sky lets out a deep, long sigh. "Brunch. With me to discuss Project Destroy LAVA. You in?"

Brunch? With Sky? Even though I find the idea odd, I find the next thought that pops into my head much odder: I actually want to go. "Okay," I tell her. "As long as you stop calling them LAVA. Call me when you get to town."