Secrets - [Guardian Trilogy 01] (19 page)

“That’s great,” I said and I meant it, immediately feeling badly for being such a selfish brat. Juliet deserved to have a good date. Her break up hadn’t been easy for her. It wasn’t fair for me to deny her this happiness. “You deserve a nice guy who likes you for you.”

Juliet looked wistful, then slightly worried. “He is pretty great—I hope he calls.”

“I’m sure he will—and what was all this juicy stuff you shared with him? Do you want to tell me about it?”

“Um, later. I think I'm just going to get ready for bed.”

What? I was blown away. Since when did Jules not want to relive every second of a date in extraordinary detail? Maybe she was angry with me.

“Oh, okay—well, have a good night.”

“Wait, how was your date?”

“Good—but it wasn’t really a date,” I confessed. “We ran into each other and saw a movie. Not a big deal. Are you coming to the funeral tomorrow?”

“Sounds like a date to me. I'll have to officially meet this Holden sometime,” she said, smiling and skillfully evading my question. I looked at her carefully. She seemed happy enough, but there was something hollow in her demeanor that worried me. After a great date, Jules was usually over the moon, hyper and bubbly. . . . But maybe the whole Christopher thing was still getting her down. Or maybe she was angry with me. . . .

“I was planning on going to the funeral,” she continued, oblivious to my scrutiny, “but something came up at work, and I have to be in a meeting tomorrow morning. Sorry. You’ll be okay though, right? New leaf and all.”

Definitely still mad.
“I’ll be fine. Good night.” I shut the door.

I hated fighting with Jules. Even if it was passive aggressive fighting, it still upset me. I wanted things to be right between us, but I couldn’t understand why she was angry with me for not being more upset about Christopher. Not dwelling should be the preferable road to take.

I got ready for bed, struggling to keep from over analyzing our silly fight, then lay down, vowing to reconcile with Juliet tomorrow. She couldn’t stay angry, especially over something this stupid.

I was at an abandoned carnival. The rides sat silently, looming over head. I stood in one spot, slowly turning in a circle, taking in everything around me. I could see a Ferris wheel, a little roller coaster, a funhouse and a row of vacant booths all in muted colors—a shadow of their former vibrancy. Stray cats of all different colors and varieties weaved in and out of the abandoned shells of amusement, mewing unhappily, looking towards me expectantly.

A large house sat on a hill above the former carnival grounds. I thought about walking up to it, but it too looked empty. I shuddered. It was a lonely place filled with loss. It wasn’t like Holden’s desert. This was somewhere that should’ve been filled with people and noise; the lack made it eerie.

The cats were starting to creep me out too. They were too interested in what I was doing and watched every move I made. Their tiny glowing eyes followed me like I was dinner. I headed towards the funhouse, wanting to go inside away from the stray, hungry felines.

The funhouse didn't quite live up to its name. It was a maze of mirrors and obviously fake freak show items. I walked through, lightly touching my strange reflections as I passed. I happened on a round, mirrored room; fifty different versions of myself stared back at me. I closed my eyes, dizzy. All I wanted to do was lie down on the floor and wait for Holden to find me. I prayed he'd showed up. I didn’t want to be here alone.

“Mirrors?” His wonderful voice came like an answer to my silent prayer.

I opened my eyes to see the reflection of fifty different Holdens standing behind me. “Apparently—we’re at a carnival,” I said. “It's sort of strange. I’m hoping this is your head.”

“No such luck. This one’s all you. So you're saying there are carnies outside?”

“No, it seems to be abandoned—lots of stray cats though, but at least no clowns. How do you find me in these dreams?”

“What do you mean?”

“My dream started outside. Did yours start in here or outside?”

“I always start wherever you are.” He shrugged. “Well, let’s check it out. You can't hide in here forever.”

I wasn’t sure that was true. I thought I’d be perfectly happy hiding there forever. However, I turned to the real Holden and let him lead me out
—
at least I wasn’t alone. The carnival was no longer abandoned when we walked out the door. It was bustling with people, though I could still catch a glimpse of the cats now and then. Holden looked over at me.

“It was empty before.”

We started walking together watching the busy booths with games and stuffed animals.

“Do you want me to win you something?” He grinned.

“No.”

I still didn’t like the carnival; it felt wrong. We hiked the hill to the house, which still appeared to be abandoned. The windows were mostly boarded over and the porch, rickety. Holden turned the doorknob easily and pushed it open wide. We walked into the great room. It was a shabby ghost of its former elegance, but was quiet
and not filled with people with hollow eyes, at least. I wandered around the room and weaved in and out of the columns, as Holden stood in the center inspecting everything.

“Why didn’t you kiss me?”

Holden smiled, but his eyes continued scanning the room and avoided looking at me. “I thought that probably bothered you.”

“I wouldn’t say I'm bothered so much as confused.”

“Why confused?” His eyes found me.

“Well, I thought after this afternoon that, you know, we were past that point. I thought we had something between us. Was I wrong?”

“It wasn’t a good time. Too public.”

“Too public? Should I be offended now or later?”

 “It doesn’t matter.” He shook his head and his face broke into an arresting smile. “I can kiss you now if you like.”

“Nope, too late. You’ve missed your chance.”

“I imagine I’ll get another.” He moved closer, blocking my path.

“We’ll see.” I dodged away from him, peeking from around the pillar opposite of where he stood. Holden stood still, and as he watched me, his eyes darkened. I could feel tension building between us. He seemed to like the chase, but I wasn’t ready to let him collect the prize.

“Tonight was a confusing night. First, there was you.” I gestured towards him. “Then Jules got mad at me because apparently I've gotten over Christopher too fast for her liking. She isn’t even coming to the funeral with me tomorrow. Now I'm stuck in this creepy ass carnival. I have to admit, I'm feeling a little unloved at the moment.”

He looked thoughtful, “Would you like me to come with you tomorrow?”

I laughed. “I didn’t mean it like that—you don’t have to. I'm just whining.”

“It's a small sacrifice to make to get to spend the whole day with you.”

God help me, if that was a line, it was a good one. “Do you think that's a good idea?” I widened my eyes innocently. “You wouldn’t want to be seen in public with me, would you?”

Holden rolled his eyes. “It isn’t like that.”

“Really, what's it like?”

“I can't explain it. I need you to trust me.”

“Easier said than done. You ask for a lot of trust considering you don’t even trust me enough to tell me why I need to put such blind faith in you. Trust is earned.”

“What time is the funeral?”

“10:00. O’Neil Funeral Home on Broadway.” I could feel myself being tugged out of the dream and back into reality. Everything began fading around me.

“See you then,” Holden said faintly. It was the last thing I heard.

I opened my eyes. The sun was shining through my window. I waited until my alarm started to buzz in the background before getting up. Would Holden really show up? I still didn’t trust these dreams. I wished Juliet was coming with me. Pouring myself a glass of orange juice, thinking about how much I would miss my best friend being with me today, there was a knock on my door. Juliet stood outside wearing a dark suit.

“You're late for your meeting.”

“Meetings can wait. I'm not going to miss this.”

I was about to question her decision further, but she continued, “I never intended on going to the meeting. I … I guess I wanted to see your reaction. Maybe I was a bit irritated about how you moved on better than I did, but this is no time for stupid arguments. You're the closest family I've ever had and this is the time for family. We need each other.”

I hugged her. “I’m glad you’re coming.”

We drove to the funeral together and walked into an almost empty room. I checked my watch to make sure we weren’t extraordinarily early. Jules walked ahead of me while I paused to sign the guest book. She was taking a seat in one of the middle rows when I felt a hand on my elbow. Holden looked very dapper in an expensive, tailored black suit.

“You came.” These dreams were simply amazing.

“I said I would.” His hand moved smoothly to my lower back. “Shall we?” His eyes flicked to the row where Juliet was sitting. Her jaw dropped as she looked at us walking down the aisle. I struggled to keep my cheeks from coloring, as I felt the few people in the room stare. Holden would never just blend in.

“You invited Holden to Christopher's
funeral
?” she hissed incredulously.

I gave a helpless shrug. The minister took the front of the room and started speaking of Christopher in a manner that made it obvious he’d never even met him.

I let my eyes prowl the room for something interesting or something that indicated the mess Christopher had gotten himself involved with. Nothing leapt to my eye. I turned my attention to the handful of people in the pews, his half-sister and a few colleagues, and was struck again by how sad it was that so few people came. I wished for Christopher’s sake that he’d find more peace in death than he did in life. When the service ended Juliet, Holden, and I stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do.

I cleared my throat, forcing myself to speak naturally. “Um, so the two of you haven’t been formally introduced. Juliet this is Holden, and Holden this is Juliet. I know both of you have heard a lot about the other one.”

Juliet smiled pleasantly, but I could see her eyes harden as she looked at him. Holden hardly even managed a smile. He looked at her the same way he looked at everyone else—with barely concealed disdain.
Great, good to see they’re getting off on the right foot.

“So, Holden, you seem to be in the right place at the right time a lot. You run into Olivia often. Have you always been so lucky?”

“I believe you make your own luck.” His voice was flat, bordering on cold. “I knew from the first moment I saw Olivia I wanted to know her better.”

“What about the gorgeous woman you took to the opening? I believe she was a model—”

“What about her?”

“Did you just
have
to get to know her better too?”

I wasn’t sure what Jules was doing or why she was being like this, but she was upsetting me more than him. I wanted them to get along and it was going miserably, but I had no idea how to stop it.

“No, there isn’t much to know about her. We've gone out on the occasional date. She's nowhere near Olivia’s quality.”

“Well, isn’t that sweet.” Juliet’s eyes darted to mine. I tried to give her a quick “What in the hell are you doing?” sort of look, but she glanced away, obviously having no intention of stopping her ridiculous mission to find something to hate about Holden.

“So,” I jumped in too loudly before she could start making jabs again, “I'm starving. Why don’t the three of us have lunch?” I was hoping one of them would turn me down, but unfortunately they both smiled and agreed. “Great!” I said. We walked to a nearby restaurant in complete silence.