Secret for a Nightingale (49 page)

“She thinks Miss Florence Nightingale is a saint.”

“She is probably not far wrong,” I said.

“Did you actually see her?” asked Dorothy.

“Oh yes.”

“And she spoke to you?”

“Anna worked for her, so there,” said Charles.

“Anna, you are receiving a very warm welcome here because you have worked in the same hospital as Miss Nightingale.”

“Oh come! Not only that,” protested Dr. Silkin.

It was a beautiful house and Dorothy was an expert house keeper. In the dining-room there was an oil painting hanging over the fireplace.

It portrayed a woman so like Dorothy that I guessed it must be her mother.

Later this was confirmed. She had been dead for four years, and since then Dorothy had looked after her father.

“She’s an excellent housekeeper,” said Dr. Silkin, looking fondly at his daughter.

“Moreover, she helps me in my work. She has a wonderful way with patients.”

“Keeping the difficult ones at bay,” said Charles with a smile, ‘while

offering the right touch of sympathy to those who need They talked of life in the little town: the friendly gatherings, the church functions, the musical evenings, the little dinner parties I could see that Charles was enamoured of it and he had obviously become on terms of great friendship with the Silkins. It certainly was an ideal arrangement.

Could I see myself part of it? Why not? It was a pleasant comfortable lifestyle. I could be of use. My knowledge of nursing would be an asset. I imagined myself in that little house with its stone walls and Virginia creeper. But should I feel enclosed, shut in? Yet I might have children . little ones to take away the pain I still felt at the loss of Julian.

It was a pleasant day.

In the late afternoon Charles drove us to the station. He looked at me wistfully as he said goodbye.

“Perhaps you’ll come again soon,” he said.

“Just let me know. I am sure the Silkins liked you.”

“I liked them, too. I think you chose wisely, Charles.”

“So you liked it… and them. That’s the first step.”

Eliza was thoughtful in the train.

She said: “He’s a good man. It would be a good life. You’re lucky, you know.”

“If only I could make up my mind.”

“Anyone in her right senses would, unless, of course’ she looked at me obliquely ‘unless she’s got plans somewhere else.”

“I haven’t got any plans. I just feel it’s so cosy … too cosy .. stifling. Like being in a soft feather bed, sinking right down, being caught in it … in a cosy, comfortable sort of way.”

“You don’t half have some fancies. Besides, what’s wrong with a feather bed?”

She looked at me shrewdly and we were silent for a while. I sat back listening to the chugging of the train and thinking of myself in that little house. And then another figure intruded into my reverie . cynically smiling, holding me with those eyes. Not for you, he was saying. You want to be free to discover the world. You want to wipe away the conventions. Stop thinking what you ought to; start thinking of what

you like. Discover for yourself . I could show you . But he was gone. I should probably never see him again. And if I did, what then? Oh, I was indeed, as Eliza said, not in my right senses.

Eliza was speaking.

“What did you think of Miss Dorothy?”

“Charming,” I said.

“Yes … and the doctor’s daughter. She’d make a good wife … to a doctor.”

“I dare say.”

“And I reckon she might… some day. It would be all very neat, wouldn’t it?”

“Do you mean Charles?”

“Well, there it is, all cut and dried as you might say, and ready for the market.”

“You use some odd expressions.”

“Never mind, as long as I make my meaning clear.”

“Your meaning is clear, Eliza. You are saying that if I delay and refuse Dr. Fenwick, Dorothy might very well become his wife.”

“Well, you could say it was working out that way, couldn’t you? I think she thought a lot of him, working in the Crimea with Miss Nightingale … well, that for one thing has set him up as a hero in her eyes.”

“Those doctors were heroic.”

“And Dr. Fenwick is a good man as well as a hero.”

“You have certainly always spoken up for him.”

“Sometimes when you lose something you appreciate it all the more.”

“Are you telling me that if I don’t snap up Dr. Fenwick very soon I shall lose him to Dorothy Silkin?”

“Just that,” she said.

“Do you know, Eliza, I am rather glad there is a Dorothy Silkin. I think she will be an ideal wife for Charles. He deserves the best and she would be better for him than I.”

“You’d be better for him … and he’d be good for you.”

“I just wonder how I would settle in a place like that. What happened to me has had its effect. I have told you a little about Minster St.

Clare, but not all. It was a strange experience. I lost my husband. I lost my child. That sort of thing cannot be shrugged aside. And then … Scutari. Could I settle into the cosy country life? Eliza, seeing it today, I don’t think I could. And hurting Charles is something I can’t bear to think of. So meeting that girl today, seeing them together … You understand what I mean?”

“Yes,” said Eliza.

“It would be a solution. It would put your mind at rest, wouldn’t it?”

I nodded.

I closed my eyes and listened to the rhythm of the train.

Two days later two letters arrived. One was from Henrietta. I recognized her handwriting at once and tore it open.

My dear Anna [she wrote], I expect you have been wondering about me. It really was rather an awful thing to do, wasn’t it? I mean . to decide not to go right at the last minute. I should have told you before. But I was in such a state of uncertainty. First I was going to and then I wasn’t. You know me.

The fact is I am now a married woman. Philippe and I are married. He had been asking me for some time and I was a bit cautious . strange for me . but I had that experience with Carlton, you remember. Look how I got myself into that and how hard it was to extricate myself. I didn’t want to make another faux pas. So I hesitated and then said Yes and then No. And then the time came for departure and I thought: If I go now I won’t see him again. You don’t sometimes when long distances separate you. So I just had to stay and wrestle with myself.

Dr. Adair was very kind. He advised me about a good many things. He knows the language and the customs and all that. What a man! I still think he is the most fascinating creature I ever saw. I don’t tell Philippe this but I think he knows it. He has the most enormous

admiration for Dr. Adair, as a lot have. He is just someone apart. If you know what I mean.

Well, the fact is, I finally decided I could not leave Philippe and so we were married. We’re in Constantinople now until Philippe clears up his job here. It is all very important and secret, working for the French authorities and all that, and he’ll have to be here for a while. Peace treaties and such like. Philippe is really quite an important man. Then we shall live in Paris. Won’t that be fun? You will come and stay with us. We’ll have a lovely time.

Have you see Dr. Fenwick yet? I hope all goes well in that direction.

Anna, my dearest friend, do forgive me for being such a beastly little deserter, but it had to be, and I’m very happy now. I know it was right for me to marry Philippe. As soon as we leave here I shall let you know. Perhaps we shall come to England for a visit, and you will, of course, come to Paris.

I do miss having you to talk to and tell things to.

I may be pregnant. It’s too soon to say yet. Won’t that be glorious?

You shall be the first one to know.

My love to you, my dear, dear friend.

Henrietta.

I smiled. How typical other! She must be happy. I felt as though a great burden had dropped from me. She was not with Damien Adair; she was with Philippe. She had never gone away with him. It was all so understandable, so natural. He had seen her on the caique and had crossed with her. Philippe must have been waiting for her on the other side.

And he had been helpful. He knew the language and the customs . I should never have listened to Eliza. What grief we bring ourselves by listening to the ignorant, however well-meaning.

I felt a great sense of relief and a deep pleasure.

In the excitement of hearing from Henrietta I had forgotten the other letter. It was from Germany. I opened it and read it.

g me in her rather stilted English if I would consider coming to Kaiserwald for a brief visit. She knew of my stay in Scutari and she remembered well the excellent work I had done in Kaiserwald. She begged me to come and bring my friend Miss Marlington with me. I could be sure of a warm welcome. Of all the nurses who had spent short spells at her hospital, she had the greatest respect for me.

I read it through and through again.

I felt I needed something to lift me out of this emptiness, this feeling of living in limbo, this quiet uneventful way of life which had followed on those horrifying days at Scutari.

I knew that I should go to Kaiserwald.

I talked to Eliza about it but first I told her about Henrietta.

“You see,” I said, ‘it was Philippe after all. How wrong we were about Dr. Adair. “

“Well, she’s married this Philippe now.”

“You still think …”

“That she went to him first… Yes, I do. I think she went to him, and then got frightened and that Philippe came along and she took him as a way out.”

“Oh, Eliza, no! She would have told me.”

“Told you? When she knew the way you was about him?”

“What do you mean … how I was?”

“Well, it’s as plain as a pikestaff… to me.”

“You sometimes read something that’s not there, Eliza.”

“Not me. You wasn’t exactly indifferent to him, was you?”

“Nobody could be indifferent to him. Look at you. You’re not.”

“Oh, I see right through him, I do.”

“Don’t you think, Eliza, that sometimes you see something that isn’t there? You’ve taken a violent dislike to him.”

“I hate all men who do what he does to women, that’s what, I’ve seen too much of it. ^ome of them think we’re just there for their convenience. He’s one of them. I hate the lot of ‘em.”

“Well, let me tell you my piece of news. I’ve had an invitation to go to Germany.”

She was startled and I told her of the letter from the Head Deaconess.

“Well,” she said, ‘she must have thought something of you. Will you go? “

“It’s rather a pressing invitation.”

“You want to go, don’t you?”

“I’m getting restive here. Nothing happens. I thought we should go into nursing, but everything is so slow.”

“I feel the same.”

“Oh, Eliza, you’ve no idea how beautiful it is in the forest. There’s a strangeness about it. You can feel that the trolls and the giants and the people from the fairy stories are not far off. I’ve never known a place like it. Would you like to come with me?”

“I’m not asked.”

“The Head Deaconess doesn’t know you’re with me, that’s why. Henrietta went with me before. I don’t see why you shouldn’t come. You’re a nurse. You’d make yourself useful. It’s very hard work. She would be expecting Henrietta and you would come instead.”

“I’m used to the hard work.”

“It’s not as hard as Scutari, of course.”

“Do you think I could come?”

“Why not? Henrietta is invited. Why shouldn’t you come in her place.

Oh, Eliza, I am going to take you to Germany with me. “

Within a few days Eliza and I were on our way. I had had some difficulty in persuading her that she would be welcome there.

“After all,” I said, ‘the Head Deaconess is expecting me to take Henrietta and she would not want me to travel all that way alone.

Strictly between ourselves, you are a better nurse than Henrietta and that will interest them at Kaiserwald. “

In spite of her apprehension she was excited by the project.

The carriage was waiting for us when we reached the little station and I was immediately aware of the redolent smell of the pines as the mystic aura of the forest closed round me. I glanced at Eliza and saw that she was entranced and that the forest was beginning to cast its spell on her, too.

And there was Kaiserwald itself, and as the turrets and towers rose up before me memories came flooding back: Gerda the goose girl Klaus the pedlar; Frau Leiben. Poor Gerda, how ill she had been. But she had recovered and no doubt she was wiser now. All that had happened before I had met Damien Adair and my suspicions had rested on him.

How foolish that seemed now! But was it?

I must forget my Demon Doctor. I could not really be at peace until he was right out of my mind. But that was easier said than done. I must be sensible. The chances were that I should never see him again.

We were met by the same Deaconess who had greeted us when I had arrived with Henrietta the one who spoke a little English. She looked at Eliza with faint surprise and I told her that Miss Marlington was now married and that Eliza had come in her place. She nodded, and said that the Head Deaconess was awaiting my arrival and that I was requested to go to her as soon as I came.

We were taken at once to her room and she came to greet me with arms outstretched.

“Miss Pleydell, how delighted I am that you have come. It was good of you to give me such a quick response.”

“I was indeed honoured to be asked,” I replied.

“Miss Marlington is now married and not in England. This is Miss Eliza Flynn, who was nursing with me in the Crimea. I trust you do not mind.”

“Mind? I am delighted. Welcome, Miss Flynn. It is a pleasure to meet anyone who did such good work. We shall have much to talk of.”

She bade us sit down and went on: “You will have had so many experiences. There is going to be a change in hospitals and the care of the sick throughout the world. It seems that attention is at last being given to this important work … thanks to Miss Nightingale.”

“I believe that to be so,” I said.

“There are training schemes afoot.”