Secret for a Nightingale (47 page)

“She didn’t want you to know the truth. She was under his spell. I saw that plain as plum duff without the plums. She’s gone off with him.

Oh, the little fool. And we’ll not be here when he throws her off.

He’s took her . I reckon he was after you as well. I know his sort.

Gawd help our little Henrietta. “

“I don’t believe it. She would have told me. She distinctly said Philippe.”

“He was waiting for her, wasn’t he?

“Course she’ll tell you it’s Philippe. She wouldn’t want you to know the truth. I’ve seen it coming. I know life, I do. She’s gone off for a few weeks … a few days … perhaps a few hours with our mysterious gentleman, and she thinks that worth while!”

“Surely neither of them would do such a thing.”

“What do you mean neither of them? He’s a rogue and she’s a fool.

He’s out for everything he can get and she’s been working up to this for weeks. “

“Perhaps I should try to find her, bring her back.”

“How? Where? She’ll be right in the heart of the city before you could get near her. His mistress … that’s what she’ll be. She won’t last long with him neither. There’s nothing we can do.”

I did not sleep all through my last night in Scutari. I lay tossing from side to side.

What were they doing now? They were together. Damien I called him Damien in my thoughts would be making love to her. He would be expert at that and poor Henrietta was innocent, inexperienced, a dreamy-eyed schoolgirl, really. She would believe it would go on forever, and for him she would be one of those lights-o’-love to be taken up for a brief spell and then discarded when he tired of them like the women in the harem. Perhaps he had a harem in that place in Constantinople? I imagined them . women in their beautiful silks, Turkish garb . those sheer baggy gauze trousers caught in at the ankles . waiting to be summoned to their lord.

To think that Henrietta had become one of those . a slave, no less. And he had tried to make me one of his band! I expect he would have liked us both to be there together.

I must stop thinking of them. Henrietta had made her choice. She must abide by it. What had she done? She had cast aside her independence, a civilized way of life, to become a slave.

Lurid pictures flashed in and out of my mind. I imagined him, talking to her across the table as he had to me. I imagined their making love;

and in my imagination it was not Henrietta who shared in those erode posturings, but I. I was fighting a battle with myself. I wanted to be there. What a shameful admission! It was not true. I wanted never to see him again. I wanted to forget I had ever heard of him. But how could I? He had been part of my life for so long. I had fed my grief with tit bits of revenge. I had lived through the blankness of my life in the hope of revenging myself on him. I had endowed him with all sorts of villainies. He had been the Demon Doctor

- not quite human. He had taken possession of me as surely as if he had done so physically. He was evil and yet life was so empty without him.

I thought fleetingly of Charles Fenwick. I had not felt this emptiness when I had watched him sail for home. Yet Charles was a good honest man. He was offering me a great deal, and I had turned from it. I had to be reasonable; I had to be sensible. I had to get the Demon Doctor out of my mind.

I must try to sleep, or I should be so tired in the morning and there would be a great deal to do. I forced myself to think of my homecoming. As soon as I had known, I had written to Jane and Polly telling them the date of my arrival; but I was not sure when they would receive the letter.

I should be sure of a welcome. They would kill the fatted calf, as Henrietta had said. What talk there would be. Jane, Polly, Lily, they would all want to know so much. I should have to explain about Henrietta and introduce Eliza to them.

William Clift would be travelling with us. I was to take him home. A present for Lily. What a present! I must be thankful for what I was able to do.

And it was Damien who had saved his life, and there I was back with him. It was useless to try to get him out of my mind.

I went over every detail of that day when, behind the screen, he had saved William’s life with his strange methods. No one else could have done it. No one else would have dared to do what he had done. I must not forget that nor must I forget that we had misjudged him. When we had found him wearing that turban looking magnificent he had not been indulging in erotic adventures; he had been procuring drugs which he had administered to William and others and so saved their lives.

He was satanic in some ways, but he was a good doctor. He had done many things which would be judged disreputable, but how many lives had he saved? And how many lost? Doctors could not save life all the time.

It was the very nature of their work that they must experiment.

And here he was, dominating my thoughts, keeping sleep at bay, filling me with a wretched feeling of loss. No sleep was possible that night.

The next day we boarded the ship which was to take us to Marseilles.

It was almost as battered as the Vectis and appeared to be only just seaworthy; but I was hardly aware of that. My thoughts were in Constantinople.

Those soldiers who were well enough to travel came with us, William among them. At least I found comfort in the fact that I was taking him home to Lily.

I felt very emotional as we sailed down the Bosphorus, looking back at those shores, at the minarets and towers of Constantinople and the hospital at Scutari. Eliza and I stood side by side watching.

“Lots of water flowed under the bridge since we first came,” she commented.

“I remember it well… the four of us. We had become good friends by then. How glad I am that we did.”

“Same here,” said Eliza; she was always brief when her emotions were involved.

“At least Ethel came out all right,” she went on.

“Who’d have thought it? Little Ethel! One of life’s victims. Just shows you, you can never be sure. She’s had a real starry romance. I wonder how she is? Won’t it be good to see her?”

“It will,” I agreed.

Then we went inside to our squalid and cramped quarters.

In a way it was like history repeating itself. It was not long before we were in the storm. Eliza and I went on deck and sat side by side, the waves crashing against the side of our frail craft, wondering, as we did on that other occasion, whether we would survive.

“It’s just like that other time, only now there are only two of us,” said Eliza.

“Now Ethel’s safe at home. It only goes to show you should never give up, don’t it?”

“It does indeed,” I said.

“Just think. If you hadn’t stopped her going over she’d never have met Tom, never have had that life in the country. Don’t it make you feel sort of powerful, to have had that effect on someone’s life?”

“Don’t we all have effects on each other’s lives?”

“I reckon you’ve got something there. But to have saved a life, that’s really something.”

I thought of him at that screened-off bedside, holding the bullet in his hand. I thought of his methods . willing William to feel no pain, the administration of a drug which would no doubt have been unacceptable in our hospitals at home. He had saved other lives . and lost a few. How did it feel?

Eliza said: “You’re brooding still.”

“Well, there is a lot to think about. So much has happened to us since we came out. We must be different people. We have seen sights which have shocked us beyond measure … horrors we shall never forget.

People at home hear of the triumphs of war and they imagine our gallant soldiers galloping to victory . and it is all magnificent and romantic. But it is not like that at all. That is something you and I will never forget, Eliza. “

“True enough.”

We were silent thinking of those long exhausting days, of the times when the arab as had come in with the wounded, the continual fight against the lack of beds, equipment . everything we needed.

She said suddenly: “You’ve got a choice to make. Are you going to work in one of those hospitals Miss Nightingale is going to set up … or are you going to marry Dr. Fenwick?”

“It’s difficult to plan ahead, Eliza.”

“That means you are not sure, don’t it?”

“I suppose it does. And you, Eliza?”

“I’ll never have no devoted lover wanting me. I’m one of them that’s got to look after themselves. It might be the hospital for me. I dunno. I never plan far ahead. Things happen to you whether you plan or not. You and me sitting here and you wanting me to go back with you. Who would have thought when we first come out?”

“You were a little suspicious of us.”

“I thought you was one of them ladies that was playing at it, and I knew it wasn’t going to be no playground.”

“We got to know each other and that was a good thing. I shall always cherish your friendship, Eliza.”

“I know this sounds a bit soft, but I’ve got fond of you, and I was real frightened that you was going to do something silly. That man!

What was it about him? He wasn’t like other men, was he? “

“You mean Dr. Adair.”

“That’s right. Them eyes of his seemed to go right through you. He was good-looking, too. Sort of face you don’t see about much. What I mean is, there’s some people … you see them and five minutes after you can’t remember what they looked like. Him … once seen, never forgotten.”

“Yes, I think you are right.”

“He was sort of fascinating. Even I felt it. You had the feeling he could make you do just what he wanted.”

I nodded.

“I could see how you felt about him.”

“I … knew of him before I met him. He’s written books, you know, about his adventures in the East. He is interested in medicines used in countries remote from us. He believes we in the Western world shut our ears and eyes to Eastern methods. He thinks we should explore every avenue, leave nothing to chance.”

“I can see how he’s got through to you. You sort of glow when you talk of him.”

“Glow?”

“Well, I’m not much good with words. But your eyes shine and there’s something in your voice. I can see he got through to you like he did to Henrietta.”

“It was because of what I’d heard of him. I wanted to find out if it was all true.”

“I reckon he was a good doctor all right. Not the sort Dr. Fenwick is.

Now he’s a good man, and that other, he’s not what you’d call a good man. He wouldn’t only be finding out about medicines, but customs and things. “

“He lived among them. It was the only way he could get to know them, the only way he could make his discoveries.”

“And we know what some of their ways are. He’s all man, that’s what I’d say of him. He’s got a real opinion of himself. He thinks we’re all here for him to make use of. I could see what he was doing to Henrietta.”

“I can’t believe she would lie to me. If she were going to him she would have said so.”

Eliza shook her head.

“No,” she said emphatically.

“She knew how you felt about him.”

“I never mentioned my feelings about him.”

“You didn’t have to. She knew because she felt it all herself, and when she went off with him, she didn’t want you to know because she thought it would hurt you. So she made up this tale about marrying the Frenchman.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“That’s what she’d do. She turned away from what was painful. She wouldn’t have hurt you for the world. She didn’t want you to know she’d got the prize … ” Cos that’s how she’d see it. She’s gone to him. Gawd help her. It won’t last. She’s not the sort to keep him content. He had his eyes on you. You were more serious. I could see he was watching you. Then I suppose she was easier. She was ready to drop into his arms. I know men; I know women. You be thankful for what you’ve got. You’ve got a choice. Dr. Fenwick and a good life with little ‘uns, which is what you want to lay that other little ‘un to rest, which you won’t really do until you’ve got another. You’re the kind of woman that wants ‘em, as I’ve told you before. If you’ve got any sense and I do think you’ve got some you’ll take Dr. Fenwick.

And you thank your lucky stars that he’s there for you. “

“Oh Eliza,” I said, ‘it’s good to talk to you. “

We were silent for a while, then I said: “Do you think this ship will make it to Marseilles?”

“She will. Though you wouldn’t think it to see the battering she’s taking.”

“Storms seem to invite confidences.”

“It’s because you’re reckless. At the back of your mind is

Somewhat battered and the worse for the voyage, we reached Marseilles.

Then there was the journey to Paris, where we stayed a night in the same hotel in which we had stayed on the way out.

Then to Calais and the ship which was to take us across the Channel.

We had plenty to do looking after the soldiers we had with us, even though none of them was seriously ill.

As the white cliffs came nearer, my emotions were in a turmoil. Home seemed so cosy and comfortable, and yet I felt that so much of me had been left behind. I was disconcerted to learn that I had betrayed my feelings to such an extent. Eliza had made me realize the strength of them. Had I really looked as Eliza said I had? Transported! Glowing, was her exact word. Was it so obvious? And had he noticed?

How foolish I was! I had set out to destroy him and it seemed as though he had destroyed me.

I would have to face the truth now. I wanted to be with him. More than anything I wanted that. He was the most fascinating person I had ever met. He was complex. There was so much to learn about him . more than one could learn in a lifetime. Had he destroyed my child indirectly? No, Julian was already dead when he came. But he had influenced Aubrey, I believed. My encounters with him had been brief;

the knowledge that he was near had exhilarated me; and what I had thought was burning anger had turned into something else.

And he had taken Henrietta!

I felt that he wanted me to know that. He had been angry because I had turned away from his advances. There was no