Second Down (Moving the Chains Book 2) (34 page)

His humor is wasted on my foul mood. “Was it really that bad, Rob?”

“Yeah, it was. Alright,” he takes a deep breath. “I’m gonna unload some really embarrassing shit on you, right now. Level the playing field, so to speak. I know what Lexi said last night hurt and embarrassed you. And I’m guessing based on what I heard in the kitchen this morning that you’re feeling...inadequate. So, I guess the least I can do is make you feel less alone in all this. We’re kind of sharing it, you know? You got the physical scars and I’ve got the mental ones.”

I sit up to look at him with a raised eyebrow. Not sure where he’s going with this, but there’s no way anything he can tell me compares to my experience.

“Ok, listen. I can’t do this with you looking at me like that.” He pulls me back against his chest, tucking my head under his chin.

“But, you can tell me whatever it is you’re about to say while holding me? Cuz that makes sense.”

“Yeah, I just can’t look at you. I want to hold you, Evie. I
like
holding you.” He takes another steadying breath. “Alright, so after it first happened, I was just a wreck. You know that already. When I saw you back at school, and you seemed ok, it was a little easier. I mean, yeah, you didn’t remember we were ever together, or anything, but that was ok because you were ok. So, I could live with that.”

I pat his chest placatingly. “Rob, you’re rambling. Just spit it out, already.”

“Evie, I’m not kidding when I say this is wildly embarrassing, and not really anything I ever in a million years imagined I’d be telling you. So, just sit there and look cute and be quiet, for once.”

Well, damn. He’s serious.

“Ok, so...yeah, obviously after what I saw...I couldn’t even think about sex.” He rushes. “I mean, not that...nevermind. Anyway, I mean I literally couldn’t. My body didn’t even work anymore. I know you’re not a guy, so you don’t, you know, get it, but half the time we’re walking around with boners. Seriously. I’m not even joking. And suddenly, that was not an issue for me. I didn’t think anything of it, at first, because like I said...I wasn’t thinking about anything like that, anymore. And I was totally ok with that. Didn’t want to think about anything like that; never even crossed my mind.”

He takes a deep breath, my head moving up and down along with his chest. “Then, about, I dunno...a week or so after it happened, I, uh...I had a wet dream. Which,” he rushes to explain, “hadn’t happened since I was, like, fourteen, or something like that. And I get that it’s totally normal because, you know, I wasn’t...um, doing anything else for release, but it still shocked the hell out of me.”

He swallows loudly. Though I’m equal parts heartbroken and embarrassed, I keep my mouth shut and wait for him to get it all out.

“I actually ran to my bathroom and threw up. I felt so incredibly guilty for even that involuntary thing after what I saw happen to you, I just...I couldn’t handle it. It only got worse from there. The same thing would happen every three or four days. And each time, I felt so fucking disgusted with myself. And then the whole Homecoming thing happened. Honestly, that night we camped together, I felt like I was gonna puke most of the night. I was terrified that would happen, again, or I’d have a nightmare and scare you...something. Things were already complicated enough without my dumb ass making it worse.”

“Wait a minute,” I pat his chest to get him to pause. “You did have a nightmare that night. I know you did.”

“Yeah, I did. I also had a raging hard-on, too,” he mutters. “But, you didn’t seem to notice, thank God. When you snuggled up to me, I thought I was gonna lose it. I was planning my escape when you patted me and told me to go back to sleep.”

“You didn’t make a mess. I definitely would have noticed
that
.” I can’t help but laugh.

“I didn’t say I had a wet dream.” He heaves another sigh. “I did have a sex dream, though. Weirdly enough, first one since your attack.”

A slow smile spreads across my lips. “About me?”

“No, about your twin sister,” he huffs. “Yeah, about you. But, that’s not the point. The point is I felt awful about it. I didn’t want you to hate me.”

“Why would I hate you because you had a sex dream about me? I mean, I know I didn’t know it at the time, but we were together.”

“Because after what Eddie and...Jackson...did to you, I didn’t want to be like them. Even just being a normal guy was suddenly off limits for my fucked up brain. I couldn’t cope. I mean, it’s pretty bad when you’re eighteen freakin’ years old and having wet dreams once a week because you can’t even jerk off, anymore. I was a mess, Evie. I still kinda am.”

“I thought you said you were getting better?”

“I am, but it’s not like I can just flip a switch and go back to the way things were. I finally decided to talk to my therapist about it when I realized we might still have a chance. I mean, not because all I want is to get into your little lacy panties, or anything…” he backtracks.

I’m an absolute ball of laughter, now. I can’t even help myself. “It’s ok. I get it.”

“No, honey, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. You don’t get it. It’s helping, but I’m not there, yet. I’m sorry. I promise I am trying, though.” I feel him shrug against me. His nervous habit. “See? I told you it was embarrassing.”

My mind replays everything he’s just unloaded on me. “Wait a minute. How often do guys normally jerk off?”

Rob exhales quickly, his breath fanning the top of my head. “Most guys? At least once a day. You know, unless you’re like Alex and getting laid all the time.”

I sit up to face him, his arms dropping to his sides in surrender of my movement. “But, you still...don’t? Or, can’t?”

Rob opens his mouth to respond, but a knock on the door quickly shuts his mouth.

“Evie, can I come in?” Tini peeks her head inside the door. Even from here, it’s clear she’s been crying.

I glance quickly to the side at Rob, but his face is a cool mask of indifference. “Sure, Tini.”

That’s all the affirmation she needs. Before I can blink, she’s crawling up in the bed beside us, burying her face in my stomach. “I’m so sorry, Evie. I didn’t tell her to hurt your feelings. I didn’t know she’d be that way. I just knew how bad you felt, and she’s always so pretty and everything. I just thought she could help me get you to feel beautiful, again.”

Though I’ve spent the last day or so being mortified of my own skin, I can’t bear to see my baby sister crying. I hate that our roles have become reversed. To get back to a real sense of normalcy, my role as big sister needs to be remembered. “It’s ok, Tini. I know. Shh, it’s ok.”

She doesn’t let up, my words falling on deaf ears. Eventually, Rob wraps his big arm around her, too. “Aww, Tini, don’t cry. Just, you know, maybe next time ask me to help you make your sister feel beautiful. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at that.”

She sits up quickly, her eyes wide, as she swipes her arm across her damp face. “Have you really licked my sister’s boobs?”

Rob throws his head back, laughing so hard that he doesn’t even notice when his skull makes contact with the headboard. When he finally regains control of himself, he shakes his head. “No.”

Tini looks between us with a confused expression, until slowly a smile spreads across her face. Before long, we’re all rolling with raucous laughter.

Eventually, the door creaks open again. Staci and Maria come bounding up onto the bed, joining our little party of laughter which breaks out into a tickle war.

When we’ve all settled down a bit, everyone breaks to get prepared for the promised Christmas movie. Once bathroom time, pajama changes, and plates of cookies have been procured, everyone settles back onto my bed. It’s a tight squeeze, with Tini on one side, the girls on the other. Rob is still braced behind me, propped against the headboard. His arms have made room for everyone. As big as he’s become, he’s still the same soft, sensitive guy I fell in head over heels for years ago.

It’s not until everyone else has fallen asleep that I remember we were supposed to go to his house for dinner tonight. I was supposed to meet his family. I’m not up for it, but he shouldn’t miss out.

“Rob, don’t you need to go home?” I whisper.

He slowly extricates his arms from the pile of sleeping heads. When he’s free, he wraps them around me, snuggling down further. “I am home, Evie. My home is wherever you are. It’s my turn to hold you up.”

His breathing evens out, and I know he’s succumbed to slumber, as well. Looking around me at all the peaceful faces, it’s hard not to feel lucky. Even through the worst circumstances, I’m surrounded by love. Maybe fairy tales are real.

Chapter 31

rob

              The past few months have been such a blur that sometimes I’m not entirely sure I didn’t dream it all. Signing Day came and went, and only a few were surprised when I committed to State. The same few who forgot Dad played there. Guess they assumed my five star ranking meant that I’d go to a more prestigious school. One with a program that isn’t in the toilet.

              Only they don’t know how far back and how loyal my relationship with State really is. It would be in mine and Coach’s best interests if that information never came out, anyway. God knows the man’s been hanging onto his job by a thread the past few seasons. My new teammates will likely hate me before I even step foot on campus. I’m not about to pour gasoline on that fire by parading my little secret out in the open.

My commitment to the program has nothing to do with Dad or his infamous career there. It has nothing to do with its past successes or more recent failures. If I’ve gotta wear the bullseye on my back as a true freshman, and be touted as the golden boy who will turn around State’s record, then so be it.

It’s not gonna be easy, but I owe them that much.

I thought the media circus surrounding the Elite 11 in past summers was ridiculous. I’ve just clearly had my head up my ass all this time. The amount of interviews I’ve given has been insane. I barely have time to get my homework done with all the extra shit that’s been piled on my plate since Signing Day. Guess I’d better get used to this pace real fucking fast. It’s about to be my life.

And Evie’s, too. If only tangentially.

She’s finally feeling more at ease with admitting her limitations since the attack. Instead of constantly pretending that everything is fine, and doing things that make her uncomfortable for the sake of faking normalcy, she’s putting herself first for a change. She was conspicuously absent from school on Signing Day. I already know that crowds make her nervous. It was more than that, though. If she wasn’t there, then she couldn’t be approached by any of the media or harassed by our classmates about my impending fame. Their words, not mine.

I haven’t had much time to see her outside of school since winter break. Mostly because of the football bullshit hitting the fan. Add to that all our AP coursework and basketball season, and I’ve been a busy, lonely guy. Something else to get used to. Especially since we’ll be separating, physically at least, after graduation. She’s been accepted at every university she applied to. Even her reach school. NYU. My girl’s going to New York City in the fall. I couldn’t be prouder.

I’m also going to miss the hell out of her.

The last date we had was Valentine’s Day, because hell no was I going to fuck that up. Everything else could just wait for one damn day. That was over a month ago. Instead of going out tonight, though, we’re giving the damn kids a bath. Our first free night in weeks, and I’m in my bathroom, covered in scratches. Cats hate water, sure. Everyone knows that. Apparently, because it transforms them from lovable, if not indifferent, pets into hissing, clawing little beasts.

I’m never giving those bastards catnip again.

Stoned out of their feline minds, it seemed like a good idea to roll around in the litter box. Hence, bath time instead of date night. At one point, Felix’s claw stuck in my eyebrow while Evie freaked the fuck out. I didn’t even realize what had happened until I physically could not remove the asshole from my face.

“Ok, this is gonna sting, not gonna lie.” Evie holds my head where she wants it with one hand as she dabs at the puncture with peroxide.

If I didn’t have such a great distraction, that might have hurt.

Kind of hard to feel any pain when my girlfriend’s boobs are directly in front of my face as she hovers over me, treating my wounds. Evie withdrawal has been a seriously painful detox these past few months. Even just her breath fanning across my face, and her light touches are enough to leave me breathless, my heart pounding in my chest. I’ve missed everything about this girl.

I will never get over my addiction to her.

“There, all better.” She runs her fingers through my hair while placing a tender kiss on my eyebrow.

I don’t know if it’s from lack of attention, lately, but my dick twitches in my shorts as all the breath leaves my lungs.
Oh my God
.

Evie turns to put away all the first aid items under the sink, completely oblivious to my reaction.

There’s been so little time to think about if I’m getting any better these past months. I don’t have nightmares as much as I used to, so that’s an improvement. I haven’t fantasized about anything remotely sexual, so that’s the same. Obviously haven’t jerked off. Not even once. Which means I’m still unloading in my sleep every week or so. At least I don’t puke and scrub my skin raw the next morning, anymore. The lack of any real makeout sessions with my girl means I haven’t had a real marker for progress.

Maybe that’s about to change.

“Evie,” I have to clear my throat to return my voice to somewhat normal. “Can I ask you a favor?”

She turns to me silently, with a raised eyebrow. Waiting.

“Could you, uh...could you do that, again?” If she says no, then we’ll move on. No problem. I just want to see if it was real. It still feels real. It feels damn exciting, that’s what.

“Does it still hurt? You want me to get you some ibuprofen?” She opens the mirror on the medicine cabinet, rooting around for the right bottle.

I’m afraid to move from my perch on the toilet seat. If I’m gonna run this test, I can’t have any changing variables. “No, that’s not what I meant. Can you, uh, come here and touch me, again? Exactly how you just did.”

She looks over at me, blinking, unsure.

Maybe this was a bad idea, after all. She’s doing so much better, lately. I’ll never put my owns needs and wants above hers. I never want to be like the selfish bastards that used her for their own sick pleasure. Better not to rock the boat.

Before I can say anything or get up, though, she’s slowly stalking towards me with an understanding smile on her face. “Are you putty in my hands, still, Rob Falls?” She whispers as she bends back over me.

Damn, my girl is good, because she replicates everything perfectly. Her nails lightly scratch across my scalp, her sweet breath blows across my forehead. She cups my jaw with one hand and brushes her velvety soft lips across my brow. She’s so close that I can feel the heat from her body on my face. I wanted everything to be the same, but my eyes close without my permission as I inhale her scent. The longer she ministers to me, the better it gets. She’s saving me, again.

And my dick. My poor, sad, broken dick is pulsing for her. Not quite at full mast, but I’ll take it.

In my head, the knowledge that I can’t move too fast is fully present, but sweet baby Jesus, it’s been so long. I grab her hips, pulling her into me as I press my face into her chest. It’s all I can do to breathe. Full attention achieved. And it’s not even morning.

Oh, fuck, yes.

So lost in my own little heaven, I haven’t noticed the tension in her body until she pulls away, straightening up to her full height.

Looking up into her gorgeous blues, my heart stutters in my chest and my cock starts to deflate at the frown I see there. “I’m sorry, Evie. I just...I’m sorry.”

“No,” she hurries, relaxing her expression and smoothing her hand over my hair. “That’s ok. Did it work?”

My first instinct is to lie. She already seems skittish enough, but the way her gaze searches mine, I know I can’t. She honestly wants to know. “Yeah. Kind of. Thank you.”

No way am I gonna tell her that her tension killed it. She’s not looking in that direction to notice.

A slow, but genuine smile spreads across her face. “Really? Oh my God, that’s great! Um, do you want me to do that again?”

“No, honey, it’s ok. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.” Now, if only I could convince my hands to let go of her hips. At least I’m not squeezing or kneading.

She cups my face with both hands, meeting my gaze head on. “I want to help you, Rob. Honestly. Just…” she glances down quickly at her chest. “Anywhere, but there.”

The exact same words she used the last time anything close to this happened between us. Only last time I fucked it all up. Not this time. We’re getting better, now.

I pull her back to me, wrapping my arms around her and nuzzling my face into her stomach. My brief boner is long gone, and there’s no hope of getting it back, now. Unlike last time, I’m going to make damn sure she knows it doesn’t matter. I’ll always want her, no matter what.

“Did you know that every woman is born with all the eggs she will ever have? That means all of your future babies are already in here,” I mumble into her flat stomach.

“Random.” She laughs, still stroking my hair. Her muscles feel relaxed in my embrace.

“That means all of
my
future babies are already in here.”

She stiffens a bit, but doesn’t pull away. “All of your future babies are in your nuts.”

“Wow. How did you even make it to AP Bio?” I laugh, kissing her stomach. “That’s not at all how it works. Guys constantly produce new sperm. We don’t have a stockpile. We have an expiration date. Which is why, you know, we have to get rid of the old ones kind of regularly.”

“Rob,” she says quietly, her hand stilling. “Have you...are you able to…?”

I know what she’s asking, even though she can’t say it. I sigh against her shirt. “No. Not yet.”

“So, you’re still having...messy dreams?” She resumes her soothing motion against my scalp.

“Yeah.” Wouldn’t the media love that juicy bit of information?

“I’m so sorry. For everything.” Her defeated tone absolutely kills me.

After the publicity of the last few months, and knowing we’ll be miles and miles apart for a few years, I feel the very real need to lay everything on the line for her. I don’t ever want her to doubt where my loyalty lies.

“I love you, Evie. Always have, always will. No matter what happens after graduation, I’ll always be yours.” I tip my head up to look at her downcast gaze, already focused on me. She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I know in my heart that no other woman will ever come close. “I wanna marry you, some day. Make lots of babies with you. Grow old with you. I want you forever.”

Tears well in her eyes, even as she laughs. “Forever is an awfully long time. We’re still in high school. You can’t possibly know what the future holds. For either of us.”

“I know that. But, I also know whatever the future holds, we’ll tackle it together. Now that I have you, I’m not giving you up for anything, Evie Papageorgiou. You’re stuck with me.”

Her laughter reverberates through my cheek as her abs dance with movement. “Don’t I get a say in this?”

Snapping my attention to her face, my heart beats wildly with barely controlled panic. “You don’t love me, Evie?”

She crooks her mouth to the side, smoothing a cool hand over my cheek. “Yeah, I do. I’m just more pragmatic than you are. How many people besides me know what a romantic softie is hiding under all those muscles?”

Whew. Crisis averted. “Just you.” I go back to nuzzling her warm, soft stomach with my face. “And maybe Alex...and Mike. Definitely Ma. I think Papou suspects…”

She laughs, again.

“I’m going to start being more pragmatic, right now, if that’s what you want.” I unwrap my arms from around her, placing them on either side of my face against her stomach. “Hey, babies. I’m your daddy. I love you all and your mom very much, and I promise I will always take really good care of you.”

“What are you doing?” She swats my head, playfully.

“I’m talking to our kids. It’ll help them be better eggs.”

“Where did you come up with that idea?”

“People talk to plants all the time to help them grow. Play them music, that sort of thing. I’m being pragmatic, here, Evie. Giving our kids their best possible shot.”

“You’re insane, Rob Falls.”

Placing another kiss against her stomach, I grin up at her. “I thought it was pretty obvious that I’m crazy for you.”

Evie rolls her head to the side, staring at me with a half-lidded expression as I sing along with the radio. She’s given up trying to bust me for my country love. Smiling back at her, it’s good to see her looking so satisfied and peaceful.

A giant slice of cheesecake fixes everything, apparently.

In my effort to repay her for the exorbitant price she paid for our date, I took her into the city. Back to the same fancy steakhouse we’ve been to before. Then, we went to the symphony. Next, dessert and coffee at a nice cafe that Mom recommended.

Sure, she protested when I told her to wear a nice dress and I showed up in dress pants and a button-up shirt to whisk her away, but she looks pretty content with the evening, now. And I’ve still got one more trick up my sleeve.

“Wanna go for a drive?”

“Yeah,” she says, surprise tinging her voice. “If you do.”

In spite of her mission to fix me, she’s giving me an out if I want it. Tonight, I definitely don’t. I’ve got a solid game plan.