Seaview Inn (26 page)

There was no mistaking the disappointment in her father’s eyes, but the meeting had been overwhelming. She couldn’t be here another minute. It had gone well, better than she’d hoped, in fact, but her emotions were raw and she’d tested the limits of her maturity.

Still, she leaned down and kissed her father’s weathered cheek. “We’ll talk soon, okay? I’ll call you.”

He nodded. “I love you, Hannah Banana.”

“Love you,” she said, then turned and ran from the restaurant.

She was barely holding back tears when Luke caught up with her in the parking lot. He pulled her into his arms.

“You okay?”

She nodded against his chest.

“Glad you came?”

She nodded again.

“It’s all going to work out, you know. The two of you will forge a new relationship. I know that’s what he wants.”

“Me, too.”

“Then you’ll make it happen.”

“I shouldn’t have run out and left him sitting there,” she said. “I just couldn’t stay there another minute.”

“He understood.”

“Is he okay?”

“A little shaken, same as you. I insisted he call Clay to come and join him. It will give him time to absorb
what’s happened. They’ll talk over what to tell Lucy and how to handle the wedding.”

“Thank you for setting this up, and for being here,” she told him.

“Nowhere I’d rather be,” he said.

Hannah looked into his eyes and knew he meant that with one hundred percent sincerity. If only she could find some way to allow herself to embrace his unconditional love and the future he was offering.

The weeks leading up to the wedding were increasingly hectic. Add the stress of trying to reestablish her relationship with her father, and Hannah was tense from morning until night.

“You sound exhausted,” Sue said when she called.

“Too much to do, too little time,” Hannah told her. “You are still coming for the wedding, right?”

“I’ll be there,” Sue promised. “So far the doctor hasn’t thrown up any warning flags about me flying at this stage of my pregnancy.”

“Well, if he does, then stay put. I don’t want you taking any chances,” Hannah told her.

“Believe me, I won’t,” Sue said. “How are things with you and Luke?”

“He bought a house,” Hannah told her, then went on to describe it.

“Sounds tailor-made for a family,” Sue commented slyly.

“His kids will love it,” Hannah said, deliberately misunderstanding.

“And you? Do you love it?”

“It’s a great house. It just had a good vibe the second we walked inside. There are lots of windows, so there’s terrific light pouring into all the rooms. The views are amazing.”

“Sounds like the perfect place for someone who wants to write children’s books,” Sue suggested.

“Will you give it a rest?” Hannah pleaded. “I’m not moving in, much less changing careers.”

“Has Luke asked you to move in?”

“He’s said a lot of things. So have I. It’s not in the cards, Sue. Drop it, please.”

“Just let me go on record as saying that you’re crazy,” Sue said. “And now I’ll drop it.”

“Thank you.”

“At least until I get there and can size things up for myself.”

Hannah chuckled ruefully. “I’m almost sorry I invited you.”

“No, you’re not,” Sue retorted confidently. “See you soon. And I expect to see at least one of those children’s stories written down on paper when I get there. If you want my opinion, the one about the mystical, magical mermaid seems like a good place to start. That’s the baby present I want from you, okay? In hardcover and fully illustrated.”

“I don’t think publishing works that fast,” Hannah said wryly.

“Okay, I’ll wait for the illustrated version, but I want something on paper so it will be the first story I read to the baby.”

“Since I know you’re going to pester me until you have it, I’ll see what I can do,” Hannah promised.

After Hannah hung up, she went to take her shower. As part of the daily ritual, she also did a breast self-exam. The first tumor had been caught on a mammogram while it was still small enough that she hadn’t even been able to feel it. Even so, even after chemo and radiation and the most recent all-clear report, she was still terrified all the
time that there were other tumors that had somehow escaped detection. She was compulsive about checking.

Standing in her shower now, she diligently soaped up her hands and began to check around her scar and under her right arm. Instead of the slick, smooth surface she’d been feeling for weeks, though, there was…something. She sucked in a sharp breath, fighting almost immediate panic. Holding her breath, she stroked her fingers over the spot again. There it was, a clearly defined little bump. It hadn’t been there yesterday or the day before. She was sure of it.

She thought of all the times lately she’d felt vaguely ill and rushed to the conclusion that cancer was suddenly rampant in her body. Bile crawled up the back of her throat.

“No,” she whispered, pressing harder, trying to make the tiny lump disappear or dissolve or something. She couldn’t seem to make herself stop touching it, willing it away, even as tears spilled down her cheeks, mingling with the spray of the shower.

Was this how it had been for her mother when the cancer had come back? Had she felt this searing sense of terror, this numbing dread that she was about to go through it all again—the mammogram in a cold, lonely room, then a biopsy and the endless wait for results, surgery, chemo, radiation, all of it with absolutely no certainty about the outcome? Could she face that again, especially knowing that the odds were starting to work against her?

This was exactly what had kept her from giving in to Luke, from grabbing at the future he’d offered. Cancer was unpredictable and cruel. Just as hope settled in, it could be snatched away. Leaning against the tiled wall of the shower, she let the tears flow, choking back sobs out of fear that someone would hear her.

A light tap on the bathroom door suggested that someone already had.

“Hannah?” her grandmother called. “Hannah, are you okay?”

She tried to speak, tried to squeeze out the words that would send her away, but she couldn’t get anything past the boulder lodged in her throat.

“I’m coming in,” her grandmother announced, opening the door as she said it, then peeking around the shower curtain.

As soon as she spotted Hannah, she must have known, because the worried frown on her face deepened and her own tears welled up.

“Another lump?” she asked, her voice tremulous.

Hannah nodded.

“It’s okay,” she said, her face a mask of grim determination. “We’ll deal with it. It might not be anything at all.”

“We both know it is,” Hannah said. “It’s something.”

“It doesn’t have to be malignant,” Grandma Jenny insisted. “We’ll focus on the positive. I mean it, Hannah. Positive thoughts only.”

Hannah wanted to be strong enough to put on a brave front. It must be horrible for Gran for this to be happening again so soon after her daughter had died from cancer. Hannah wanted to strike a positive note, but the fear was too great. All she could think about were the months of suffering her mother endured. Once again, she dissolved into tears, great gulping sobs that she couldn’t seem to stop.

Her grandmother looked for a moment as if she might climb into the shower with her. Instead, though, she backed up a step. “I’m getting Luke.”

“No,” Hannah protested. “No, Gran. This isn’t his problem.”

“He’s a doctor. He might have something that will calm you down.” She gave Hannah a look of total understanding. “And he loves you. His place is here.”

Hannah knew further argument was pointless. “Whatever you do, though, please don’t let Kelsey know about this. Not until we know more.”

“I’ll do my best,” Gran promised. She spun away and left Hannah there.

Moments later, Luke was there. He didn’t even hesitate. He merely stepped into the shower fully clothed and gathered her close.

“It’s okay, Hannah. Gran told me about the lump, but everything is going to be okay.”

Oddly, in his arms, she almost felt as if it might be. They stood there for what felt like an eternity, her head resting on his chest, the shower spilling over them, their hearts beating in tandem.

His hand, which had been stroking her back in a comforting gesture, slid lower, cupped her bottom. Despite herself and the dire circumstances, she giggled.

“What?” he demanded.

“I knew this wasn’t entirely altruistic,” she teased. “You’ve been trying to get me naked for days, but there have been too many people around the inn and too many guests arriving in town for the wedding, so I couldn’t even sneak away to your place. I should have known that given the opportunity, you wouldn’t be able to resist copping a feel.”

He regarded her with hurt indignation for about two seconds, then shrugged and grinned. “Holding a naked woman is pretty irresistible. You can’t blame me for taking advantage of the situation, can you? Besides, it made you smile.”

“Because it’s so totally male.”

His gaze held hers. “And you’re so totally female, Hannah. Don’t forget that. No matter what happens, you will always be wonderfully, incredibly female.”

He reached behind him and snatched a towel. “Here, wrap yourself in this. I’m going back downstairs to get some of the clothes I left over here.”

She grabbed his hand, when he started to walk away. “Don’t leave, Luke, please. Not yet. I don’t want to be by myself. I’ll start to think about what comes next.”

“Okay, then,” he said, scooping her up and carrying her to the bed. He sat her on the edge. “Where’s your robe?”

“Hanging on a hook on the back of the bathroom door. You’ve seen me naked before, Luke, so it’s a little late for modesty.”

“Hey, I’m trying to behave myself here. Let’s remove at least some of the temptation. Besides, your grandmother is probably right outside the door trying to decide if she made a mistake in bringing me up here.”

“I’m sure she’s had some idea of what’s been going on between us for a while now,” Hannah said. “I like to believe she’s naive, but she sent you in here for a reason.”

“Because I’m a doctor,” Luke said.

“No, because she knew that you were probably the only person who could calm me down.” She met his gaze. “She was right, too. I’m still scared, but not as much as I was a few minutes ago.”

“You going to let me check whatever you found during your exam?”

“Is that just another way to get your hands on me?”

He grinned. “Of course.”

Unbelievably she was able to smile at that, too. “Here,” she said, guiding his hand to the lump.

She watched his expression closely, but it revealed nothing as he tenderly poked and prodded, then sat back.

“What’s the verdict?” she asked when he said nothing.

“We’ll need to do a biopsy to be sure,” he said, holding tight to her hand. “But I’m ninety-five-percent certain it’s just scar tissue.”

She stared at him blankly, hardly daring to hope. “Scar tissue?”

“That’s what it feels like to me, but we’ll do the test to be sure, so your mind can be completely at ease.”

She waited for relief to wash over her, but it didn’t come. Ninety-five percent wasn’t one hundred. She stood up.

“I’m getting dressed. I want you to do the test now. Can you do it at the clinic?”

“Are you sure? Would you rather go to New York and see your oncologist? He could do the whole battery of tests.”

“That will take too long. Do it here, Luke. Send the results up there, if there’s any question about what they show, but I need to know.”

He nodded at once. “I’ll get changed and meet you downstairs.”

He started from the room, then came back and cupped her chin in his hand. “However this turns out, it changes nothing. I will still love you. I will still want to marry you. Understood?”

Hannah blinked back a fresh batch of tears. “Understood,” she said softly. For right now, for just this one moment in time, she wanted desperately to believe that.

L
uke made a pact with Hannah and Grandma Jenny to say nothing around Kelsey about the biopsy. Hannah wanted nothing to spoil Kelsey’s wedding, which was on Saturday, just days away. The inn was already starting to fill up with wedding guests—a small cadre of friends from New York and Jeff’s family, who’d taken the news of the wedding and the pregnancy with surprising delight. Even Hannah’s boss and his wife had shown up, partly out of friendship, Luke was sure, but also because it gave him an opportunity to press Hannah about coming back to New York.

Luke was glad he’d closed on his new house, because Hannah had agreed to stay there to open up more rooms at the inn for all the expected company. It was also keeping her out of reach of Dave’s pressure.

His kids were arriving on Friday, flying down on their own for the first time. Kelsey had wanted them to be part of the festivities.

For now, though, he and Hannah had some precious time to themselves. He knew she was freaking out over the anticipated test results and there was nothing he could say to reassure her. He just held her during the night when anxiety kept her awake.

She’d finally fallen asleep this morning around dawn. He was due at the clinic in an hour, so he slipped out of bed, showered, then went into the kitchen to brew coffee and fix breakfast. He hoped she’d keep sleeping, but he wasn’t counting on it.

Sure enough, just as he put an English muffin in the toaster, she wandered into the kitchen, barefoot and wearing one of his shirts. He thought she’d never looked sexier, though he doubted she’d believe him if he told her. Her self-image seemed to have crashed with the discovery of that lump.

“You should still be in bed,” he said, even as he handed her a glass of orange juice.

“Too much to do. I have to pick Sue up at the airport this morning, then run by the caterer’s with a check. Then Kelsey and I are supposed to go by the church this afternoon and make sure everything’s under control there.”

“I thought the church was Grandma Jenny’s domain.” He scooped scrambled eggs and the muffin onto a plate and slid it in front of her.

“Try telling that to Kelsey. If she hasn’t checked it for herself, then she can’t check it off that endless list of hers.”

Luke grinned. “Sounds like someone else I know.”

She shrugged. “Family trait.”

“Think you can find some time in there to drop by the clinic later?” he asked casually.

She looked up from the eggs, panic in her eyes. “The results?”

He nodded. “I should have them this afternoon. I can wait and tell you here tonight, if you’d prefer. I thought about waiting until after the wedding, but I know you’d prefer to have them sooner rather than later, right?”

She nodded, still looking stricken. “I’ll come to the office. Is it okay if I bring Sue with me?”

“Of course,” he said at once. “I feel good about the results, Hannah. I really do.”

“From your lips to God’s ear,” she said.

“I’m sorry it had to be today.”

“It’s not like I haven’t been thinking about them nonstop, anyway.”

“I know, but still, this should be a totally happy week when you can focus on Kelsey’s wedding.”

“And if you’re right about the results being good, I’ll be able to do that starting this afternoon,” she said with more optimism than she’d shown since he’d done the biopsy.

“Now, that’s the spirit.” He dropped a kiss on her cheek. “Leave the dishes. Someone’s coming in to clean this morning. I’ll see you this afternoon. Any idea what time you can come by?”

“I’ll be there by four. Will that work?”

“Absolutely.” He started for the door, then turned back. “You okay? I can have Doc go into the clinic so I can spend the day with you.”

“No need. I’ll be fine,” she assured him with a smile that seemed only slightly forced. “There are so many last-minute details to deal with, I won’t have even a second to think.”

“Okay, then. Later.”

“Later,” she responded.

Outside, Luke looked up toward the sky. “Please, God, give us later. Not just today, but years.”

The thought of finding Hannah again, of having her in his life, and then losing her was enough to break his heart.

Hannah put her hand on Sue’s rounded belly and smiled. “Just look at you, all pregnant and motherly. You’re beautiful.”

“I feel frumpy and fat,” Sue grumbled, then grinned. “But I’ve never been happier or more excited. And look at you, all tanned and fit. Seaview seems to agree with you, or do we have Luke to thank for the color in your cheeks?”

“He gets credit for some of it,” Hannah admitted.

“So, what’s on the agenda for today?”

“I have to run a check by the caterer’s and then we’ll catch the ferry out to the island. Grandma Jenny is planning lunch for us at the inn, then Kelsey has a meeting for the two of us at the church so she can hear for herself that the minister actually knows how to perform a wedding. I thought you could catch a nap then, if you want to.”

“And when am I going to meet the gorgeous Luke? Will he be joining us for dinner?”

“Actually it could be a bit sooner than that,” Hannah said carefully. “If you want to. I have to run by the clinic around four.”

Something in her voice must have given her away, because Sue’s expression immediately filled with concern. “What’s going on?”

Hannah swallowed hard, then forced out the words. “I found a lump.”

Sue immediately reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“There was nothing you could do. You’d just have worried.”

Sue didn’t even attempt to hide her dismay. “It’s been tested?”

“Luke did a biopsy. He’ll have the results this afternoon. He thinks it’s scar tissue.”

“Then that’s what we’ll believe,” Sue said at once. “Positive thoughts.”

“Kelsey doesn’t know,” Hannah warned her.

“Got it. And of course, I’ll go with you to the clinic, even though there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.”

Hannah clung to her hand, relieved to have her friend by her side. “I am so glad you’re here.”

“Me, too, sweetie. Me, too.”

But despite Sue’s attempt to be cheerful, there was no question that a pall had been cast over the visit.

Luke held the envelope with Hannah’s test results. Across his desk, Hannah sat next to her friend Sue. The two of them were holding hands so tightly their knuckles had turned white. Hannah’s eyes were dark with fear and Sue’s were shimmering with tears.

“You ready?” he asked, his heart in his throat. He could have looked the moment the results reached his desk, but he’d waited. He’d told himself there hadn’t been time to look them over earlier, but the truth was, he was as nervous as Hannah.

Hannah nodded. “Just get it over with,” she told him.

Luke opened the envelope and read the lab report, a sigh of relief escaping. He barely resisted a desire to run around the desk and scoop Hannah up in his arms.

“Scar tissue,” he announced. “Nothing else. Just scar tissue.”

Hannah blinked back tears. “You’re sure?”

“It says it right here.” He tapped the paper. “When you see your doctor in New York after the wedding, there will be more-thorough tests, but this one came back clear.”

“Thank God,” Sue murmured. She gave Luke a fierce look. “If it had said anything else, I’d have had to kill you.”

He laughed. “Yes—shoot the messenger.”

“I know we glossed over the pleasantries, but I’m Hannah’s very best friend in the world, Sue.” She gave him a penetrating look. “And the way I hear it, you’re more than a messenger.”

He grinned. “That remains to be seen. I’m working on it, though.”

“Don’t give up,” she said.

“Hey, you two, I am right here in the room,” Hannah grumbled. “And I feel like celebrating. Let’s go see if the grocery store stocks nonalcoholic bubbly and have a toast.”

“Why don’t you let me do that?” Sue said. “Just point me in the right direction and I’ll pick it up and bring it back here. Then you two can do a little private celebrating of your own.”

“Are you sure?” Hannah asked. “It’s been years since you’ve been here. Will you be able to find the store?”

“It’s an island. How lost can I get?” Sue asked.

Grateful to her for her consideration, Luke gave her directions. When she was gone, he walked around the desk.

“Told you it would be good news,” he said, his knees brushing against Hannah’s.

“It won’t always be,” she said direly.

“But it
could
always be,” he stressed. “That’s good enough for me. I’m a risk-taker.”

“Some risks are too big to be taken,” she argued.

He touched a finger to her lips. “My decision.”

“Luke—”

He silenced her protest by kissing her. He did a thorough job of it, too.

“How could I not want more of that?” he asked afterward.

Though Hannah looked a little dazed, she gestured toward the report lying on his desk. “How could you possibly want more of those?”

“Sweetheart, it was good news. Focus on that.”

“I want to,” she said.

“What’s stopping you?”

“Paralyzing fear.”

“Waste of time,” he told her. “It won’t change anything. It will just rob you of the happiness you could have. Decide to live, Hannah. Reach out and grab every second you can. And I want you to do that with me.”

He waited for her to think about that, waited for her to offer him at least a slim hope that they could reach for the future together.

“I’ll try,” she said eventually, touching a hand to his cheek. “It’s the best I can do, Luke. One minute at a time, I’ll try.”

He nodded. It wasn’t all he’d hoped for, but it was a start. “Then we’ll make those minutes count.”

“I look like a blimp, a giant white blimp,” Kelsey complained, turning this way and that in front of the full-length mirror.

Her father said solemnly, “You do not. You look beautiful. Doesn’t she, Hannah?”

Kelsey rolled her eyes. “You have to say that. You’re my parents and you want this wedding to happen. I should have waited until after the baby’s born.”

“This is better and you really do look beautiful,” Hannah said. “I swear it. If you want, I can get Jeff in here. I’m sure he’ll agree with me.”

“Bad luck,” Kelsey said succinctly. “Besides, he wants
this wedding to happen even more than you do. He’ll say whatever it takes to get me down the aisle today.”

“True.” Hannah smiled. “But I promise you that all I really want is for you to be wildly happy. I think you will be with Jeff.”

Kelsey threw her arms around Hannah’s neck. “I think so, too. I have no idea why I waited so long to say yes.”

“You were taking the enormity of this step seriously,” Hannah said. “I’m proud of you for that. And, in case I haven’t said this enough, I am very proud of you for figuring out what makes you happy and going for it. You’re doing an amazing job with the inn. Gran is ecstatic that you’re here and want to keep it running. I’m also proud that you’re generous enough to welcome your grandfather, his wife and my half brother for your wedding.”

“And me,” her father said. “I haven’t spent nearly enough time with you, but I promise we’ll change that.”

“I did that for our family,” Kelsey said. “I want my baby to be surrounded by every single person who will love her. As for the inn, I’m not doing it just for Grandma Jenny,” she said firmly. “It’s fun. I love getting to know all the guests and making sure they have a good time. There’s something new every day. I think I might have realized sooner that this was what I wanted if I hadn’t been so afraid you’d disapprove, Mom.”

Hannah frowned at the suggestion that she might have stood in the way of Kelsey choosing her own future. “Why would I disapprove of anything, if it made you happy?”

“Come on, Mom. You always hated the inn and Seaview. Gran knew it. So did I.” She studied her mother intently. “But I think your attitude’s changing a little bit, isn’t it? At least toward Seaview?”

Hannah nodded slowly. “Being here with you and Gran
has been wonderful,” she admitted. “It’s going to be hard leaving you here, especially with the little one on the way.”

“Hold on,” Kelsey said. “You’re leaving before the baby comes? Dad, could I have a few minutes alone with Mom?”

“Of course,” he said as he left. “Hannah, you did an amazing job with our daughter.”

“Mom, you have to stay here,” Kelsey said.

“I have to go back, sweetie. You know that. You’ve heard Dave badgering me ever since he arrived.”

“I’ve also told him to butt out,” Kelsey retorted. “What about Luke? I know he wants you to stay. Your home is here with us, Mom. What is there for you in New York?”

“My career,” Hannah said flatly.

“Sit,” Kelsey ordered.

“Baby, it’s almost time for the wedding to start. We don’t have time for this discussion now.”

“Then I’ll make it fast,” Kelsey said. “Mom, all you have in New York is a boss who works you to death. I’m sure it’s been very satisfying all these years to know that Dave counts on you and it certainly paid the bills, but you’re not excited about it anymore, not the way you used to be. It turned into drudgery a long time ago. You’re just scared to admit it, because it’s all you have.”

“It most certainly is not all—” Hannah began indignantly.

“It is,” Kelsey said, cutting her off. “Until you and Luke hooked up down here, you hadn’t been on a date in years. You certainly haven’t met anyone as wonderful as Luke. You have one really good friend, Sue, and a lot of acquaintances. You don’t even have me anymore. Your whole family will be down here. You’ve always defined yourself by being needed—I don’t have to have a psychology degree to understand that. Well, where are you
more needed? Here or New York? Just think about that, Mom. Promise me.”

“If it will get you into church and down the aisle, I’ll promise you anything,” Hannah said in a flip tone.

“I’m serious,” Kelsey said, not budging. “Promise and mean it.”

Hannah regarded her, surprised by the somber tone. “This really matters to you, doesn’t it?”

“It does. I want you here to be a part of my baby’s life. And mine. And I want you to be as deliriously happy with Luke as I am with Jeff.”