Seaview Inn (20 page)

Because she looked so sad, Luke kept his hand against her cheek. “Why haven’t you?”

She swallowed hard, her gaze avoiding his.

“You can tell me, Hannah. Is it your job? Are things not going as well as you’ve led everyone to believe?”

“No, work is great,” she said.

“Then what is it? Is there a relationship you haven’t mentioned?”

She shook her head.

He forced her chin up until her eyes met his. “Tell me,” he said softly. “I’m male. I’m no good at this kind of guessing game.”

Her lips twitched slightly at that, then she sighed. “I’m scared,” she said at last. “Not the way you said earlier, but I am scared.”

Nothing she might have said could have surprised him more. “Scared of what?”

She was silent for so long, he thought she might not answer, but then she looked away and blurted, “I have breast cancer. Or I did. They did surgery and radiation and chemo and supposedly it’s all gone, but that’s what my mother thought, too, and hers came back less than a year after her supposedly successful treatment.” She sucked in a breath, then added, “And then she died.”

Luke swallowed the rush of words on the tip of his tongue. He knew all the sympathetic platitudes and he
suspected Hannah had heard them all so often they were meaningless.

“How long has it been?” he asked matter-of-factly, determined to hide his own dismay.

“I’m due for a three-month checkup,” she said.

He frowned. “That’s the appointment you’ve been postponing, the one your friend has been calling about?”

She nodded.

“Oh, Hannah,” he murmured, reaching for her and pulling her into his arms. He rested his chin on her head and held her, trying to find the right words. The doctor in him wanted to insist she go back tomorrow and have those tests. The man who was falling in love with her wanted to hold her and pretend that everything was all right, that it would be all right as long as there were no test results to say otherwise.

He tried to imagine how terrified she must be. Any cancer survivor dreaded these follow-up appointments, but how much worse they must be for a woman who’d just lost her own mother to the same disease. Putting off the tests, though, was no solution. He knew that. So did she.

“Want me to come to New York with you?” he asked, his arms tightening around her. “You can come with me to take the kids home tomorrow, then we can fly up from Atlanta the next day.”

She pulled back to look at him, amazement written all over her face. “You would do that?”

“Absolutely,” he said without hesitation. “Just say the word.”

She shook her head. “No, though I can’t tell you what it means to me that you would offer to do it. This isn’t your problem, Luke. It’s mine. I have to face it.”

“You don’t have to face it alone,” he argued.

“I
won’t
be alone. Sue will be there. We’ve always been there for each other.”

“I’m glad you have a friend like that, but it couldn’t hurt to have someone else in your corner, especially someone who gets all the medical mumbo-jumbo.”

She smiled at that. “My doctor’s pretty good at speaking plain English.”

Oddly disappointed that she didn’t want him at her side, he forced a smile. “Okay, then, when is the appointment?”

Once more she avoided his gaze. “I haven’t exactly made it yet. It was supposed to be this week, but the inn’s reopening on Friday. I should be here for that.”

“If you flew up with me from Atlanta on Monday, you’d be back for the opening,” he countered.

She frowned and backed away. “I knew telling you was a mistake. Now you’re going to hound me, too.”

He nodded unrepentantly. “Yeah.” He pulled her back in his arms, determined to settle this. “Let me face this with you.”

“Why?”

“Because I have a stake in those test results, too.” He looked deep into her eyes. “You matter to me, Hannah. There are still a lot of questions both of us need to answer, a lot of decisions we need to make, but I think there’s some amazing potential here.”

She frowned, which wasn’t the reaction he’d been anticipating.

“You think there’s potential with a woman who’s just told you she may not even live another year?”

“That is
not
what you told me,” he said emphatically. “You have a follow-up exam, Hannah. You were all clear just three months ago. There’s every reason to believe that the results will be negative this time, too.”

“They weren’t for my mom. She was in remission for a grand total of five months and then the cancer came back even more aggressively than before and there was nothing more they could do.”

“You’re not your mother.”

“Genetically you’re only half right,” she said.

“Pessimism doesn’t become you, Hannah. I know I’m out of my field of medical expertise here, but I believe that a positive attitude can play a big role in how these things go. You’ve always been a fighter. Has there ever in your life been a more important battle for you to fight?”

She covered her face with her hands, then moved away and shoved her hands in her pockets. She started pacing back and forth as she spoke. “Look, I know you’re right, and honestly, I was doing okay until my mother died. I was the most upbeat, determined patient in the universe until I had to sit beside her bed and watch her die.”

“So what? You decided you were just like her, that your fate was inevitable, too?”

“Pretty much.”

“That’s ridiculous. Maybe your original diagnosis was earlier than hers or it was a different type of cancer cell. And for all you know there’s never been any cancer on your father’s side of the family. You have those genes, too. Maybe those, along with all that chemo and radiation, are enough to keep you in the clear from here on out.”

She stopped pacing, sighed wearily and rested her head against his chest. “You’re a pretty good cheerleader, you know that?” she murmured.

Despite himself Luke laughed. “Sorry, sweetheart. I don’t have the legs for it.”

At his comment, she chuckled, then started to laugh, the sound almost hysterical. Luke folded her in his arms
and held her again as she wept. When she was done, though, he brushed the tears from her cheeks. Her skin was petal-soft to his touch. Being totally male, he couldn’t stop himself from wondering if she was that soft all over. Then he dragged his thoughts back to more important things.

“Enough,” he commanded. “You call and make the appointment. Get the tests done this week as scheduled and then we deal with whatever lies ahead. We do that together.”

“Why would you do that?” she asked, her expression mystified.

“I told you why, because you matter to me and one way or another we’re going to have a future together. I refuse to think otherwise.”

Her lips curved into a faint smile. “Oh well, then, if you won’t think otherwise, then that’s the way it will be.”

“Nice to have you agreeing with me for a change,” he told her. “Now, let’s go back to the inn and you can book that flight to New York. If you insist on going alone, then fly out tomorrow morning. I’ll drive you to the airport when the kids and I head out for Atlanta.”

“I probably can’t get on a flight at the last minute,” she said.

“Wishful thinking,” he said. “There’s bound to be one seat on one plane tomorrow. Put Jeff on it. He’s the computer whiz. He’ll find it.”

He held her hand as they walked back to the inn, then paused when they reached the steps.

“I know you’re scared, Hannah, and you don’t want to do this, but focus on one thing. If you fly up tomorrow or even Monday and have the tests done right away, you’ll be back here by midweek and so will I. We can celebrate.”

She tilted her head, her eyes brightening. “Celebrate how?”

He gave her a long, lingering look. “Oh, I imagine we’ll be able to think of something.”

To his relief, Hannah laughed.

“Now, that could be an incentive to hurry back,” she said. “If you upped the ante just a bit.”

“I can do that,” he said confidently.

He leaned down and covered her mouth with his. Hunger and heat and uncertainty gave the kiss an edge of desperation that made him want more. A lot more.

Hannah leaned into him, her hands on his face. “I need you, Luke,” she murmured. “I don’t want to, but I do.”

“Now’s a fine time to tell me,” he said, his lips curving into a smile. “We’re right out here in plain view and my kids are back at the inn.” He gazed into her eyes, regretting that a kiss would have to do for now. “Next week, Hannah. Next week we’ll make up for lost time. I promise.”

It was a provocative promise of what could be. It was also a terrifying reminder of how much he could lose.

D
onovan’s on New York’s Upper West Side had always been a favorite of Hannah’s and Sue’s. The decor was warm and welcoming, the staff accommodating. It was
Cheers
with a touch of class—a mahogany bar, etched-glass mirrors and seductive lighting. It was the perfect spot for celebrating the fact that Hannah’s three-month screening was behind her. It would be days before all the results were in, but Dr. Blake hadn’t found anything that alarmed him in the physical exam or in the mammogram taken by his radiologist.

“See, you went through all of that anxiety for nothing,” Sue said, lifting her glass of champagne in a toast, though she took barely a sip, then set the glass aside.

Hannah refused to let herself rejoice too soon. “We don’t have all the results back yet,” she cautioned.

“Hey, enough with the pessimism. They’re going to say the same thing, that you’re still free of cancer,” Sue predicted, then studied her friend. “Have you called Luke yet to tell him?”

Hannah frowned. “No. I’ll see him tomorrow night.”

“Don’t you think he might like to know now? He is the one who finally kicked your butt and got you up here, isn’t he?”

“Yes, but he’s in Atlanta delivering his kids to his ex-wife,” she said, then added emphatically, “And I don’t intend to say anything to Luke until we have
all
the results, not just these preliminary ones.”

“A confrontation with the ex-wife?” Sue shuddered dramatically. “All the more reason to call. He’d probably like to hear a friendly voice.”

“He’ll call me when he’s free,” Hannah insisted, then determinedly tried to change the subject. “Tell me everything that’s going on here. How’s John? How’s work?”

Sue took a deep breath, then beamed at her. “My life is just about perfect,” she exulted. “And I have news. I was waiting to see you so I could tell you in person. I wanted to see the look on your face.”

Hannah had never seen Sue more excited. She was almost giddy. “Tell me. What news?”

“I’m pregnant!”

Hannah’s mouth dropped open. If Sue had announced she was taking up sky-diving, she wouldn’t have been more stunned. “Pregnant? As in having a baby?” A dozen different thoughts scrambled through her head at the same time, memories of conversations about motherhood in which Sue had dismissed the whole notion as not for her. “But I thought you never wanted children. You’re happy about this?”

“I was never with anyone before who was good father material,” Sue said, “but John is. I didn’t realize how much I wanted this until it happened. Now I can hardly wait.”

Hannah was still grappling with the magnitude of the change that was about to occur in her friend’s life. “I probably shouldn’t ask this, but we’ve known each other too long for me not to. Did you plan it?”

Sue nodded. “But I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure I could even get pregnant. I’m forty-three and
I know my age is an issue, but the doctor says I’m in good health and shouldn’t have any problems. We’ll probably do the whole amniocentesis thing to be sure the baby’s okay, but, Hannah, I am so thrilled! I can hardly wait to start decorating a nursery. I’ve already bought half a dozen little outfits, suitable for a boy or a girl, of course. When you get back from Florida for good, we’re going on a major shopping spree, though. I’m already clipping out pictures of baby furniture in magazines. Thank goodness we never turned the guest room into an office. Now it’ll be just right for a nursery. It gets lots of sunlight. I’m thinking it ought to be painted yellow. Don’t you think that would be cheerful? And it wouldn’t matter then if the baby’s a boy or a girl.”

She was so filled with plans, it left Hannah’s head spinning. “How does John feel?”

“He’s over the moon. Of course, he already has two grown children and they’re not quite as excited as we are, but who cares? They’ll deal. They want their dad to be happy. Once they know he’s not going to cut them out of the will, they’ll be fine.”

Hannah grinned at her. “Just think, your baby and Kelsey’s will be practically the same age. How wild is that?”

Sue blinked rapidly. “Boy, that is a wake-up call, isn’t it? I watched that girl grow up. She should not be having a baby of her own yet, much less at the same time I am.” She gave Hannah a wicked look. “Then, again, if things go well for you and Luke, who knows? Maybe her baby will have a younger aunt or uncle.”

“Are you crazy?” Hannah demanded.

“Nope. I just know how I felt once I had a man like John in my life. Suddenly I was ready to be a mom, to do the whole family thing. It could happen that way for you, too.”

Hannah refused to let herself even
think
about such an outrageous thing. She could barely think about tomorrow, much less about a future that included another child.

“I really don’t think that’s in the cards,” she told Sue.

“We’ll see,” Sue murmured. “Now, tell me how things are with Kelsey and Jeff?”

“If you ask her, she still says she is absolutely, positively not going to marry him.” Hannah grinned. “If you ask me, they’ll be married two seconds before they wheel her into the delivery room. Even I can see how much they love each other. Fortunately Jeff is smart enough to just wait her out and let her figure things out for herself.”

“Okay, then, Kelsey’s life is coming together. I’m having a baby. Now, let’s get serious about you and Luke,” Sue said. “What’s going on there?”

Hannah wasn’t sure what to say. “It’s complicated. He says he has feelings for me.”

“And you? Are you crazy about him? It certainly sounds as if you are when you talk about him, and you positively glow when his name comes up.”

“I don’t glow,” Hannah said.

“Yes, my dear, you most certainly do. So, tell me about these complications.”

“I think he’s going to decide to stay in Seaview.”

“Uh-oh,” Sue said. “I can just imagine how you feel about that.”

Hannah remained silent.

Sue studied her incredulously. “You
aren’t
upset?”

“It was a shock at first, and I had my usual knee-jerk reaction, but now…” She shrugged. “Not as much as I expected to be,” she admitted. “To be honest, being there has been…different. Every now and then that old familiar knot in my stomach loosens and it actually feels pretty
good to be there. I like being with Kelsey and Gran. It’s nice having family around. I feel—I don’t know—grounded, maybe. I can’t describe it.”

“And Luke?” Sue persisted. “Is it nice having him around?”

Hannah could hardly deny it. “Yes.”

“But could you really go back there for good? What would you do?”

“A week ago, I would have said it was impossible, that I’d lose my mind if I had to give up my job and stay there, but you know something? I don’t miss work as much as I thought I would. Oh, I did for a few days, especially with Dave calling constantly, but then I kind of fell into a new rhythm. I like taking walks on the beach. I like sitting on the porch in the evening and talking to my family.”

“And Luke,” Sue prodded again.

“Okay, yes, Luke is at the center of a lot of this, which is probably a really lousy idea.”

“Why, if he intends to settle there, too?”

“How can I get involved with any man, but especially the father of two young children, when my future is so completely uncertain?”

Sue immediately got it. “The cancer.”

Hannah nodded. “Even if these tests come back clear, that doesn’t mean the next ones will or the ones after that. I’m going to be living under a cloud of uncertainty for a long time to come.”

“Sweetie, you can’t live your life based on what-ifs. No one would expect you to. Luke obviously knows the risks as well as you do, but he seems willing to explore where things could go.”

“But can I ask those kids to do the same thing? They’re an important part of his life.” She smiled just thinking
about how much fun they’d had during their visit to Seaview. “You should see them, Sue. They’re wonderful and quirky and funny. It would break my heart if I got sick and ruined that.”

“Ruined it?” Sue said incredulously. “It’s not as if you’d be doing it on purpose.”

“I know, but it would rob them of their childhood to watch someone they love die. Even if they spend most of their time in Atlanta, there will always be a place for them with Luke. What if we get close and—” she swallowed hard and forced herself to say it “—I die?”

“Do you know how few guarantees there are in this life?” Sue demanded. “I could have this baby on a Monday and get hit by a bus—or one of those maniac bicycle couriers—three days later. There’s no way to predict the future.”

“But mine’s more uncertain than most,” Hannah insisted. “I have to take that into account. Nate and Gracie have already been through too much.” She waved Sue off when she would have interrupted. “Look, we’re getting way ahead of ourselves, anyway. Who’s to say Luke and I will ever do much more than have a wild fling for a few weeks?”

Sue’s expression brightened. “A wild fling? Sounds like the perfect place to start. Go for it.”

Hannah thought about Luke’s kiss the day before she’d left. It had stirred feelings she hadn’t had in years. She wanted that much—the anticipation, the excitement, the hot, steamy sex. After that, well, she’d just have to wait and see.

Sue stood up, the expression on her face mischievous. “Finish that champagne,” she ordered. “We have places to go and things to do.”

“Such as?” Hannah asked, even as she dutifully downed the last few sips of champagne.

“Follow me. You’ll see.”

Ten minutes and a few blocks later, Sue led the way into a fancy lingerie boutique. “Anything you want, on me,” she announced. “You cannot start a wild fling in cotton panties and boring bras.”

Hannah looked around at the displays of skimpy thongs and lacy, seductive bras. “I can’t wear this stuff. I’d feel ridiculous. Besides, it looks uncomfortable.” She held up a bra that was totally unsuitable for a woman who’d had a mastectomy. “Sue, really. Try to imagine how I’d look in this. It would be pitiful, especially without my prosthesis in place. I’m not sure I’m ready for Luke to see me in revealing lingerie.”

Sue grinned at her. “Oh, sweetie, you’ve been celibate way too long. Trust me. If you play your cards right, you won’t be wearing any of it that long.”

The next evening Hannah squirmed as she waited on the porch for Luke to return to Seaview. Why she’d let Sue talk her into that lingerie was beyond her. She’d been right. It
was
uncomfortable.

But she did look amazingly sexy in it, she thought, still trying to come to terms with that and with the idea that Luke might actually see her in it. She told herself a doctor would be able to overlook the scar, but what if he couldn’t? She’d know soon enough.

Though he’d missed the last ferry, he’d found someone willing to bring him over to the island. He’d called to let her know that he’d be there soon. He’d go back for his car in the morning. When he strolled up at last, it was nearly 11:00 p.m. Everyone else had gone to bed.

“You waited up,” he said as he crossed the lawn.

“I told you I would,” she said. “I missed you.”

Surprise and what she hoped was pleasure darkened his eyes. “Really?” He leaned down and kissed her, teasing her lips with his tongue. “I missed you, too.”

“How did it go in Atlanta? Were the kids glad to be back home?”

His expression turned troubled. “They didn’t want me to leave,” he said, settling into the rocker next to hers. “Gracie really carried on. She acted as if she’d never see me again. Believe me, the tears were a whole lot worse than the silent treatment. It caught me off guard. I thought we’d worked through a lot of this stuff while they were here.”

“But they need specifics, don’t they?” she said, resigned to seeing him head back to Atlanta, after all.

He nodded.

“How soon will you go back?”

“Next weekend,” he said. “I rented an apartment before I left. It’s a couple of miles away from the house. It has three bedrooms, so they’ll have their own rooms with me. We’ll pick out furniture when I go back.”

Hannah struggled to hide her disappointment. He’d made the right decision, the only decision a loving father could make. “I see,” she said softly. “I know they’ll be glad to have you close by.”

Luke regarded her with a puzzled expression. “You say that as if we’ll never see each other again.”

“We have to be realistic. If you’re living in Atlanta and I’m in New York, how much time would we get to spend together? It’s good that we didn’t let this relationship go any further than it has.”

“Hold it. You’ve gotten this all wrong. I’m not moving back to Atlanta. I’m still going to talk to Doc about taking over the clinic from him eventually.”

She stared at him, not comprehending. “But the apartment?”

“I need a place where Gracie and Nate can spend time with me. I’ll fly up at least one weekend a month, maybe more. On vacations they’ll come here. When I finally understood the impact that the uncertainty was having on them, I worked it all out with Lisa. I actually think she’s as relieved as the kids to have a plan.”

Hannah could barely hide her own relief. “I see.”

“Of course, there is still the issue of a plan for you and me,” he said, reaching for her hand and linking their fingers together. His touch was warm, reassuring. “Especially if you’re going to be in New York. Sounds like I’m going to be spending as much time in the air as I am on the ground. And speaking of New York, how did your trip go? What did the doctor have to say?”

“So far, so good, but some of the test results won’t be back until next week,” she said.

“How did it feel being back in the city?”

“Great!” she said, injecting as much enthusiasm into her voice as possible. It was too soon for him to know she was wavering about going back permanently. And she certainly didn’t want him to think her decision would have anything to do with him. “Sue and I went to our favorite neighborhood bar for champagne after my appointment and then we went shopping.” She grinned. “And guess what? She’s pregnant. This will be her first, though her husband has two grown children.”