Screaming in the Silence (16 page)

We eventually came to a small town. We drove down the main street, the buildings on either side worn from the constant lashings of the seaside weather. But as we ventured further into town, the streets seemed to liven up a little. Brightly colored awnings, colorful flower boxes and charming antique street lights brightened the scenery. A branch of a major bank was comfortably nestled at one corner of the town's square.

Ray pulled the car to a stop just outside the bank and I stared at the posters and advertisements in the windows. Not much had changed. I suppose I had expected the world to be a dramatically different place since I last saw it. But the security guard was still carrying his nightstick in his back belt loop, the slogans were still promising the same customer service, and the advertised rates hadn't changed much at all.

I felt the car shake. Kaden closed the door and walked around to open mine. I glanced at Marshal in the front seat. His face craned around his headrest so that he could look at me. "Goodbye," I saw him say, unsure if he made a sound or not.

Goodbye,
I signed and was rewarded with a small smile.
Thank you.

I climbed out of the car after Kaden opened my door, and Marshall followed me out. He was trying to hold back tears. Kaden waited for me a few feet away. He didn't reach for me or motion for me to follow him so I turned toward Marshal and smiled.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked, a few tears rolling down his cheeks.

I shrugged my shoulders but nodded at the same time. "I'll be fine."

"I'm sorry that this didn't happen sooner. I should have..."

But I shook my head. What Marshal had done had been heroic. Standing up to Ray had been the bravest thing I had ever witnessed. But how could I tell him that? How could I tell this boy who had helped kill my friend, who had helped keep me imprisoned in his basement for weeks, that I was grateful for his actions?

Marshal closed his eyes, clearly accepting that he had lost the battle and broke into sobs. It was more than I could stand and I reached forward and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. The boy shook in my arms before he eventually embraced me, holding me tight and crying into my neck. It was the closest physical contact we had ever shared. Probably the only physical contact Marshal had experienced with another person for quite some time.

Standing there, just outside the bank, the wind already whipping my hair, I realized Marshal was the one certainty I had. I knew my feelings for Kaden were wrong but I couldn't deny them. They just swam circles around my head and made me dizzy. But I knew Marshal. I knew his character, I knew his struggles. I knew he only wanted the best for me and as I held him close I felt myself start to cry, not from relief but because I knew I would miss him. He had been my hero, my unconditional friend.

"If there was any good in this entire mess, it would be you," I whispered to him. I felt his chest sob against mine and his arms tightened around my waist. But soon he reached for my face and kissed my forehead, never looking me in the eye as he turned away and climbed back into the car. I looked around, blinking back my tears before walking towards the bank, Kaden close by my side.

Already, at this early hour of the morning, people were waiting in line for the teller. I took my place at the end and watched Kaden reach for something in his pocket. He took out my passport and handed it to me, my identification returned without a word being spoken. I looked at the dark blue cover, the gold seal starting to fade. Surreal didn't even begin to describe how I was feeling. I was giddy with excitement, wanting to scream my new found freedom to the world. Yet I was terrified as well, not knowing how Kaden and I would get along in this new world.

We watched Ray's car pull out of sight.

"Where are we going after this?" His green eyes sparkled in a way I had never seen before.

He glanced around nervously. Finally he shook his head. "Anywhere you want," he said with a forced smile.

"I thought you would have had this figured out."

"I do. I mean, I will. We'll figure it out." He glanced outside and then at the clock on the wall.

"Kaden?" His ever confident demeanor had been replaced with a worried and tense one, something I wasn't accustomed to. Was he second guessing his decision? Was he not ready to be with me like he had promised? Had something happened while I was sleeping that made him change his mind?

He answered me with a nod of his head and gestured for me to turn around. The teller was waiting and I walked slowly toward the booth.

"What can I do for you today?" she asked. She wasn't smiling, she wasn't frowning. She looked like a robot, all of her movements and words probably too repetitive for her liking.

"I'd like to close my account," I answered, passing her my identification. "Unfortunately, I've lost my check card."

She sighed but took the document and turned to her computer. I watched her tap away at the keys, not even blinking as she flipped through screen after screen. Her eyebrows rose once, I can only assume in shock at the balance of my account, but her fingers kept moving rapidly above the keyboard. I felt Kaden move behind me, his chest pressing into my back as his hands held me by the hips, pulling me closer to him. I felt his lips on my neck, his tongue lightly tasting my skin.

"Stop," I whispered, smiling and blushing at the gesture. This was more like him. I shrugged him off when he didn't stop and turned to face him. His eyes looked incredibly sad, almost desperate.

"Hey," I said quietly. "It's just you and me now. We'll be all right."

Kaden stared at me. Did he not believe me? Did he not want that anymore? It had only been a day since he had made the promise to want me forever. Certainly he hadn't changed his mind so quickly. Eventually he nodded toward the teller and I turned around, my mood dropping faster than a brick in water.

"Miss Winters, how would you like the balance?"

I answered quickly. "Large bills."

The teller nodded and excused herself, mumbling something about finding a manager to get an approval. I turned back to Kaden who was still staring at me.

"You're scaring me."

He looked hurt and apologetic. "I don't mean to be."

"This is what you want, isn't it? For you and me to be together?"

"It is. You will always be what I want."

"So why are you staring at me like you will never see me again?"

"Do you forgive me?" He ignored my question and countered with his own.

"For what?" For everything? I knew I could never forgive him for everything he had done to me. But I loved him enough to move past it.

"For hurting you."

"Yes. I thought we got over this last night."

"Did we? You never gave me an answer."

"Kaden," I could feel that my voice was rising. "I forgive you…"

"You don't look like it," Kaden interrupted me and his face looked like stone.

"I may not look like it, but I'm telling you right now that I forgive you. I want to be with you, I want you to take me away from here and we can disappear together."

"Disappear? Is that really what you want to do?"

"Yes," I gave him a definite answer. "I left home to disappear and I found you. And now, you're all I want."

"There won't be anyone or anything you'll miss once I take you away?"

"No."

"You're lying."

I inhaled. He knew me so well yet I couldn't understand why he was questioning me now. I turned around and crossed my arms, waiting for the teller to return. She walked slowly back to the counter, a stack of bills in her grasp. It amazed me that twenty five thousand dollars fit so easily in her hand. It looked like such a small sum.

"Would you like a bag for this?"

"Yes, please," I answered meekly. Nothing seemed right about this. I didn't even know if I wanted to do this anymore.

The teller reached somewhere under the counter and pulled out a wide yellow envelope, put the bills inside and sealed it shut. The contents were placed into a plastic bag and pushed toward me.

"Is there anything else I can do for you today?"

"That's it. Thank you." I took the bag and walked away from the teller. I knew Kaden was behind me, but I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to see what he was thinking, or not thinking. I stepped outside and looked around. People were starting to populate the square and the sidewalk outside the bank, their daily routines just beginning. People. It didn't even seem real that I was surrounded by them again. I had seen three faces for two months, not including my own reflection. I should have been in awe at the sight of strangers. I looked for Ray and Marshal in the parked car.

Kaden's hands turned me around so I faced him. I gripped the bag tight in my fist and I stared up at him. His fingers found my face and traced my jaw and cheek. His touch was so gentle, so loving.

"Do you really forgive me?" He asked, his eyes unreadable.

"Yes," I told him again, trying to sound as soft and convincing as possible.

"Would you forgive me one last time, then?"

"Yes," I answered smiling at him. "I don't even know what you did this time, but yes. I forgive you."

He smiled back and bent his head to kiss me. His lips were soft, his hand wandering to my back and he pulled me closer. My anxiety starting to melt away when suddenly his kiss intensified and he crushed me against him. His lip started to quiver but his arms held me strong.

He pulled away and I opened my eyes. His expression had changed, his eyes were so sad and I couldn't figure out why until I saw the reflection of red and blue flashing lights in the windows of the bank. The lights were everywhere, surrounding us on all sides. For one moment, the people on the sidewalk disappeared and it was just the two of us, standing alone in each other's arms.

"What did you do?" I looked up at him, my heart racing and my head spinning.

"I had to, Raleigh," he explained slowly. "I had to make things right so you would forgive me."

"Kaden, I forgive you!" I nearly screamed at him.

"No," he disagreed with me. "You might think you do now, but running away with me would only allow you to keep everything inside, suppress it until it consumed you. I couldn't do that to you. You deserve to be happy again."

"I'm happy when I'm with you."

"Liar," he grinned and kissed me one last time.

"Goodbye, Raleigh." He smiled again, his genuine smile, the one that melted my heart. He released me and placed my bag over my shoulder, stepping away and raising his arms in the air. His eyes stayed locked with mine. I knew there was nothing more I could do as police started to rush toward us. My body felt like stone. Kaden was more malleable. A large officer pulled Kaden's arms behind his back and pushed him forcefully to the ground. His head twisted and we broke eye contact.

I turned to find Marshal. Ray had attempted to drive away but police cruisers blocked the path. Marshall and Ray were screaming from inside the car, their hands raised at gunpoint.

A strong hand pulled me away. I glanced back at Kaden. He was still lying on the ground and he had managed to crane his neck around so that he could look at me.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "You are my everything."

"Kaden?" I screamed. The hand tugged at my arm. I started to struggle against whoever was pulling me.

"Kaden!"

"Go, Raleigh. You'll be all right."

No. I wouldn't be all right. I didn't know if I would ever be all right. What would happen to me if Kaden was gone? Who would protect me? Who would keep me safe? Who would keep me sane? My eyes flooded with tears. We were being torn apart. I might never see him again. With that thought, I could feel it happening - I was falling through the ground. I was falling into the nothingness that dwelled beneath the surface of my existence and I would never be seen again.

I closed my eyes and screamed for him. My arms reached out and my body strained to break free from the person whose arms were wrapped around my waist, forcing me away. It was over. My life as I had come to know it, my life as I had been forced to become accustomed to, was over. Nothing would ever be the way I wanted it. Kaden wouldn't be with me and I would be lost without him.

The ride to the police station felt like being driven to purgatory. My mind and body hung in limbo between the sins Kaden had committed and the purification my freedom would bring. Nobody spoke to me, no one looked at me though I felt as if I were being judged. Judged for loving a man who had committed a crime, judged for loving a man who had taken my life from me, judged for loving a man who had deceived his best friends. Did they have a right to judge, these men who had just been following orders? Of course they had a right. Who was I to deny anyone their rights?

So there I sat, perfectly quiet, perfectly shocked, in the back of a police cruiser. I would be lying if I said I hadn't been in one before. I had been caught red handed drinking and smoking pot and vandalizing my father's re-election posters. Back then, I knew I wouldn't find myself in any serious trouble. Sure, the newspapers would report it, my credit cards would be taken away until my father couldn't stand to see me mulling about the house any longer, but my future would in no way be jeopardized. My morals and judgment would remain the same.

But this ride would change everything. This day would, with or without my acceptance, change the entire course of my life. Would the paparazzi discover me and snap photos of my low hanging head as I spoke with the sheriff? I seriously doubted this town had ever seen a celebrity, much less a senator's daughter or a fame hungry photographer. My credit cards had already been taken from me and I felt no great need to reclaim them. But my judgment had changed. My morals, my entire mindset were altered because of what I had done, because of what he had done. I no longer knew right from wrong.

The sheriff was waiting for me at the door of the station when I arrived. He was overweight and out of breath and in need of a trip to the dentist. But he smiled from behind his handlebar mustache and ushered me through the lobby as if I were someone special. I knew I wasn't. Not to him. Not yet anyway.