Science...For Her! (45 page)

Music is everywhere. It’s in our bones. It’s in our skin. Just like blood! Which is also everywhere, it seems like! Wait I think my coma-boyfriend is bleeding all over the house again. Brb!
FIG. 7.12

Back! Many famous musicians have gone on record saying they “love music!”
Electronic music
is a relatively new art form that employs electronic musical instruments and technology (such as computer synthesizers) in its production. Electronic music is so cool that it can be hard to keep up with. These are my ten fave/fun and flirty new genres of electronic music!

FIG. 7.12

OMG I know we’re so close to the end but I just have to digress for like ONE more sec!!!! BEAR WITH ME, BECAUSE . . .

I HAVE THE BIGGEST FORKING NEWS BABY BUBS BUT NO NO I SHOULD JUST FINISH THIS GODDAM CHAP

No no no no news time

No no no no space & technology recap time

No

OKAY, YOU CONVINCED ME, HERE IT FUCKING IS—MY BOYFRIEND ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my God here’s how it happened. It was so romantic, it was so classic. Oh my God I can barely type. I’m about to pass out. Oh my God I just did! Between those sentences I just wrote, I was out cold for like six hours! Anyway okay so I knew something was up when he fell off his gurney onto one knee. Then, as I was helping him back up to the gurney and checking to see that he was still breathing, this “ring” made out of IV tubing fell out of his pocket! It’s so cool how he tailored his proposal to how we met (while we were both on IVs).
FIG. 7.13
Okay, I just passed out again for like a full day or two (???). We don’t need a ring that’s worth one month of his income yet—this is all I need. He’s just so sweet, I don’t know how I’m going to ever live up to this proposal. There I go again! Another five hours unconscious on the floor!

I’ve already dived fully into planning my wedding. Between writing this book and passing out so much, I just don’t know when I’ll have the time. But if this guy who doesn’t have a name (note to self: pick cute last name for boyfriend before the wedding so that you can change your name to it!) was able to multitask and juggle being in a
coma
with proposing to me, I’ll be able to juggle this book and this wedding.

And the BEST part? YOU’RE ALL INVITED! Even Xander, because I am the bigger person! Figuratively—Xander has really gained some weight!!

FIG. 7.13

QUESTION 1:
What last name should I give my completely unnamed coma fiancé?

QUESTION 2:
What size dress do you wear, so that I can send you a bridesmaid dress because you’re a bridesmaid!

QUESTION 3:
Are you sure you really wear that size? You seem like you may have gained a little weight recently, not trying to neg you, just being honest!

QUESTION 4:
The rotation rate of stars can be determined through spectroscopic measurement, or more exactly determined by tracking the rotation rate of starspots. Young stars can have a rapid rate of rotation greater than 100 km/s at the equator. The B-class star Achernar, for example, has an equatorial rotation velocity of about 225 km/s or greater, giving it an equatorial diameter that is more than 50 percent larger than the distance between the poles. (Wikipedia) What is the critical velocity that would have broken that star apart?

QUESTION 5:
WILL YOU MARRY ME? JK YOU CAN’T I’M ENGAGED!

Women in Science

Introduction

Hot or Not?!

Men in Women in Science

Women with Jobs?!

Women in Science Recap

This is the last real chapter. I am going to literally start sobbing and throwing up the tears that I accidentally swallow. I’m going to literally be crylimic. But first: some important business.

FIG. 8.1

Okay, I never thought my news was ever going to be able to ever top the engagement news from last chapter. But honestly, this is probably the craziest thing that has ever happened to me or anyone you or I know. This is so much bigger than the sack dress Uma Thurman wore to the Oscars.
FIG. 8.1

Okay, this is really tough to say. I don’t know how to start this. But I’ve realized that I was being held hostage. By my beliefs. And also literally.

I have a confession to make, babes: I have been writing the last couple of paragraphs in a basement. Yes—a basement. I’m pretty sure it’s my creepy male neighbor’s, but I’m not sure. I’ve been here for what might be weeks, might be years. One day I’m mowing my lawn post-engagement and the next, I have caked-on blood on my caked-on foundation. In retrospect, I guess I was asking for it. The way I dressed (sweats used for mowing the lawn),
FIG. 8.2
there’s no way that my creepy neighbor was to know that I
didn’t
want to be kidnapped and put into a basement for, oh, I don’t know, like seven years?

FIG. 8.2

I want to apologize for not being more upfront about this during the first few sentences of this chapter. It was extremely “bitchy” of me to keep this from you, my
best friends
. I had nothing to be afraid of. You’ve been extremely supportive so far. But I guess I’ve hit rock bottom. Figuratively and literally. The bottom of this cage I’m in is made of jagged rocks.

Today is the start of a new Megan. One who tells her best friends (like my best friend Francesca, who has natural blond hair)
FIG. 8.3
everything, yes, but also a new Megan who tries to break out of this basement dungeon. If not for me, for my true love, the coman! No one’s fed him for months or years—I bet he’s pretty pissed off!

FIG. 8.3

However, before I escape, I would like to let all the girls in my position (specifically “Basement Sex Dungeon” = this chapter’s sex position!!) know that you don’t have to just sit back and take it. You can truly change your environment! By sprucing up the dungeon area that you’re being kept in!