Scattered Thoughts (Betrayed by Love Book 1) (27 page)

There was an empty space beside me when I woke up the next morning. I looked around, searching for Alec, but he wasn’t there. He was probably already in his office working, something I should be doing considering Alec had just handed over a project for me to work on. I climbed out of bed and headed back to my room to clean up. I’d spent all but that first night sleeping in Alec’s room, but I hadn’t bothered to move my clothes. It was a small detail that just seemed so unnecessary.

After I’d showered, I headed downstairs for some coffee. Even though Alec had gotten me excused from the staff meeting tomorrow that didn’t change the fact that I wanted to be there. Deep down I knew Tim wanted me to be there too and the last thing I planned to do was jeopardize my career. Sure, Tim drove me crazy most days but that didn’t change the fact that he was my boss, the man I reported to, the man who could very easily take away the last part of my old life. The life I was barely clinging to now. If only I could make Alec see how important my job was to me.

I’d already told Alec I was going, insisted even, but still I knew I’d have a fight on my hands this morning. My last hope of avoiding a major meltdown was to convince him of how safe I’d be. I was prepared to go as far as agreeing to take a whole team of security if necessary, anything to get him to make this one concession.

Alec was on the phone in his study barking orders to someone. I stood quietly outside the door, waiting for the yelling to stop, saying a silent prayer he’d be able to understand how much the trip meant to me.

When the room went quiet I took a deep breath to steady my nerves then opened the door. “Are you busy?”

He looked up from his desk, a smile on his face. “I’m never too busy for you, baby.”

I moved closer to him. “What time are we leaving for Pensacola?”

His smile quickly faded and he looked away, turning his attention back to his computer screen. “We’re not discussing this again, Isabella. I’ve already told you, your office isn’t safe.”

“Alec, I have to be there. I haven’t been to the office in weeks. My team needs me. Plus, I really want to go.”

“What part of no don’t you understand, Isabella?”

He was being completely unreasonable, but I wasn’t about to let this go without a fight. Exhaling loudly, I said, “The part where you get to decide. You seem to be forgetting that I’m an adult.”

Alec pounded his fist on the desk, standing abruptly. “Enough!” he shouted.

My adrenaline spiked, surprised by his outburst. “My sentiment exactly, Alec. I’m done arguing with you about this. I’m going to this meeting, and there’s nothing you can do about it!” That wasn’t exactly how I’d imagined the conversation going, but it didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t backing down. Not this time.

“I’m tired of reminding you that there’s some psycho out there who’s trying to hurt you, Isabella. You are NOT going. And that’s final!”

He moved quickly around the desk, his hands fisted at his side, his mouth pressed in a thin hard line. I stepped back, but he kept moving. Forward. Back. Forward. Back. I wasn’t getting sucked in this time. I was going to Pensacola and there was nothing he could say to change my mind.
Thud.
I hit the wall. Shit. I was out of room.

Alec placed his hands, one on each side of my head, pressing his forehead against mine. Double shit. His breathing was slow, intentionally slow as if trying to contain his mounting emotion.  And when he spoke his voice was low and gruff. “Even if I have to tie you up and lock you in your room you are not going. Are we clear on that?”

No. We were absolutely not clear on that. He’d threatened to tie me up, to lock me away, trapped in this house where no one knew where I was. For the first time since meeting him I felt unsafe. “Send a whole team of security if you want to, but I’m going. You can’t keep me here either, Alec. Hell, for all I know YOU are the psycho who’s been after me!”

He pulled away from the wall, exasperated with my outburst, or maybe my lack of concern over my own safety, and maybe I should have been more worried, but at that moment all I was worried about was my career.

Knowing it could be my opportunity to escape before he made good on his promise to tie me up and lock me in my room, I rushed out of the room and ran as fast as I could up the stairs. I pulled my suitcase from its resting place on one of the many shelves in the giant walk-in closet and filled it with lightning speed, grabbing the bare minimum I’d need to survive until I figured out what my next move was.

Now that the words were out of my mouth I couldn’t help but wonder if they could be true. Was Alec trying to hurt me? That seemed unlikely, given the great lengths he’d gone to ensure my safety, but maybe that was all part of some devious plan. Had he staged the break-ins and the attack so he could hide me away? I mean, Frank had been there the night I ended up in the hospital. He’d also been right next door when the psycho broke into my hotel room. I grabbed my laptop bag and headed downstairs, even more determined to leave this time. Before I could change my mind, I tossed my suitcase in my car and sped out of the garage.

By the time I merged onto I-75 the reality of what just happened started to set in. My decision to leave would prove to be either the smartest decision I’d ever made, or the dumbest. Only time would tell.

Turning the music on, I settled in behind the wheel for the seven hour drive that was ahead of me.

• • • • •

The long drive gave me time to consider what I’d said to Alec. There was no way he could be my attacker. My nightmares started before we met. Plus, he was in New York during the attacks. It couldn’t possibly be him. The pained look on his face when I said he could be the psycho who was after me would be permanently etched in my mind. He’d been nothing but good to me, and I crushed him. He rented a house on the beach for me, to protect me. I was the one to blame. And to top it off I left without even saying goodbye. Tears began to fall. “What have you done, Izzy?” I cried.

Just outside of Tampa, my phone started to ring.
Alec.
I wanted to answer his call so he wouldn’t worry, to tell him I was sorry, but I couldn’t. He’d convince me to turn around, and I couldn’t go back there. He may not have been trying to hurt me but I knew he’d never understand how important my career was to me. I’d already lost my family and my home. I couldn’t bear to lose my job too. Deciding to ignore the call, I cranked up the music to drown out the ringing.

When I got to Tallahassee, I pulled over to refuel both the car and my body. I’d stormed out before breakfast, a fact my stomach was refusing to let me forget. I glanced at my phone before climbing out of the car. Shit. Alec had called three times, plus he’d texted me.

**Where R U? Call me!**

I sent a quick text so he’d know I was safe. **On my way to Pensacola.**

Alec texted back almost immediately, but I didn’t read it. I was emotionally exhausted and still had almost three hours left to drive. What I needed to do was concentrate on the road and push all thoughts of Alec out of my mind. And that’s exactly what I tried to do.

The closer to Ft. Walton Beach I got the farther away from home I felt. I’d lived in North Florida for over twenty years, yet it no longer felt like home. Drew was away at college, Anna was traveling with her friends, and my heart was in Siesta Key. Not much tied me to Ft. Walton Beach anymore. There were only memories left now, memories that had been tainted thanks to those horrible pictures.

Every passing second brought me that much closer to the meltdown that threatened. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about Alec. I needed a distraction. I needed my best friend. Val and I hadn’t talked in a few weeks. She’d called several times, even sent a couple emails, but I hadn’t called her back. I’d been afraid to call her for fear I’d end up telling her where I was staying. After the way Alec reacted the last time I told anyone my whereabouts I wasn’t about to risk it. It didn’t really matter anymore though. I was on my way back to Pensacola, not stashed away in Alec’s secret hideaway. Besides, I was desperate for a distraction, anything to keep my mind off of Alec and especially that look on his face.

By the time Val and I hung up, I was actually looking forward to being in Pensacola. She decided to fly in on Wednesday so we could finally have that girls’ weekend we’d been trying to schedule for months. It’d been so long since we hung out, and I missed her now more than I ever had. I’d finally be able to tell her about Spencer and the attacks and Alec. The call that was supposed to keep my mind off Alec had failed, though, because when it was all said and done all I could think about was what he’d say about me spending the weekend alone on the beach, adding light to the grim reality of what I’d done.

• • • • •

My room at the Crowne Plaza Hotel was considerably smaller than the suite I’d stayed in at the Wyndham, but it was much closer to my office, and it didn’t remind me of Alec. It also helped that they had an available room on short notice.

After kicking off my shoes I plopped down on the bed, completely spent from today’s events. I sent a quick email to Chris scheduling a meeting for tomorrow. There was a lot for us to talk about in light of the recent scandal at his hotel, and I figured I might as well make the best of my time here, especially considering what I’d given up to be here.

The unanswered text Alec sent earlier beckoned. I took a deep breath and opened it. **Are you coming back?** it read. He wasn’t asking when. He was asking if. It wasn’t an invitation either. It was merely a question. My heart sank as I considered what he was asking. Was I going back? He was so controlling but kind and giving too. Did he even want me to come back after what I’d said? My head was spinning with confusion.

I typed out a quick reply. **I made it. And IDK.** I hit send, shutting my phone down immediately after, before Alec had a chance to respond. I needed time to think without the pressure Mr. Control Freak would add.

No matter how tired I was I’d come to accept that sleep just wasn’t going to find me. I’d gotten used to sleeping beside Alec, his arm draped over me, the heat of his body lulling me into a deep, restful sleep. The emptiness of the king sized bed left me feeling cold and more alone than I’d ever felt.

After tossing and turning for what seemed like an eternity, I finally gave up and started working on the Payne Enterprises report. Of course, that only made me miss Alec more than I already was. Damn it. I hated what was happening. Six months ago my life had been so simple in comparison to now. We were preparing to send the kids off to college, and Spencer and I were busy making plans for after they left. He’d promised to build me a greenhouse, and we were finally going to take that trip to Europe I’d always wanted. It was going to be an opportunity for us to reconnect, to rekindle some of that passion that had slowly slipped away after nineteen years of marriage and two kids.

But in a blink of an eye it was gone, all our plans, our dreams, our future. It vanished like the dark of night when day breaks. Like the moon and the stars with the rising sun. Like the storm clouds after the rain. Now all Spencer and I had left were the painful memories of his betrayal. Our lives had been forever changed.

Burying my face in the pillow I cried, mourning the loss of who we’d been, of what we’d hoped to be, wondering if I’d ever be able to forgive him. My eyes drifted shut and I prayed then sleep would find me.

Sleep had eluded me most of the night, leaving me sluggish this morning. It had taken every ounce of strength I had just to get through it. Yesterday I’d insisted on going to the office, but as soon as I’d gotten there I couldn’t wait to leave. I wanted to call Alec, to tell him I was sorry, that I’d made a huge mistake, but I knew I couldn’t. If I backed down after the fit I threw, he’d win, and that just wasn’t an option. Not if I wanted to maintain any sort of control over my own life anyway.

Despite wanting to leave the office, the thought of going back to the empty hotel room had been too depressing to deal with, so I stayed until after eight. I’d managed to get through three meetings and get my paperwork caught up, all in an effort to keep my mind off of Alec, whom I hadn’t heard from him all day.

By the time I got back to the hotel, I was beyond hungry. Luckily, the hotel restaurant was still open. The first thing I noticed when I walked in was the young couple huddled in the corner, locked in what appeared to be a passionate kiss, and was immediately reminded me of Alec—our dinner at Campiello’s, the tourmaline ring he gave me, the amazing sex on the beach that followed. It was more than I could handle at that moment, so I headed straight for the bar.

“What’ll be?” the bartender asked as I settled in.

“Captain Morgan on the rocks and your soup du jour.”

“Tough day?”

“Something like that.” I forced a smile, but I wasn’t really in the mood for small talk. As soon as he put the drink down I picked it up, quickly slamming it back, beyond ready to put the day behind me.

The gumbo was just what I needed and the two stiff drinks had gone a long way to helping me unwind. I ordered a third drink, adding a splash of Coke this time, enjoying the smooth sound of jazz that played in the background, thankful for the liquid courage that was getting me through.

• • • • •

I overslept the next morning. An unwelcome side effect of the fourth drink I ended up ordering last night. I grabbed my phone; no missed calls, no text messages. When I opened the email app on my phone, I was disappointed again. Forcing myself out of the bed and into the shower, I wasted no time getting ready. After dressing and zipping through my makeup routine, I stepped back to take one final look in the mirror. My time on the beach had served me well. My skin was tan and healthy looking, and I looked surprisingly well rested, even though I’d barely slept since I’d left the beach house. There was no sign of the Izzy James whose life was in turmoil.

Valerie booked us a ground floor suite with a beach walkout at the Margaritaville on Pensacola Beach. I hadn’t thought to bring a swimsuit when I left the beach house, but one good thing about living close to the beach in Florida was the abundance of stores that sold swimwear. It hadn’t taken long for me to pick three suits that I liked either. I was really looking forward to seeing Val and wasn’t about to be late picking her up. We had so much to catch up on, plus, I really needed a distraction from the fact I hadn’t heard from Alec in almost forty eight hours.

She was waiting near the curb when I got to the airport. I pulled into an open spot and hopped out.

“Val!”

“Izzy!”

We locked in a tight embrace, dancing around in a circle, giggling like schoolgirls.

“I’m so glad you came.”

“Me too, now let’s go to the beach. I could use a drink after that long flight.” I wasn’t about to argue with that. We climbed into the car and within seconds were speeding toward the beach.

After a series of twists and turns around the heavy summertime traffic we arrived at the hotel. “Get your swimsuit on,” Val said as soon as we got checked in. “I want a drink.”

Smiling I said, “Bossy as ever, I see.”

She flashed me her “do it now” look and I burst out laughing. “Okay, okay,” I said, my hands in the air signaling defeat.

Ten minutes later we were lying on the beach, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Pina Coladas Val ordered. She scanned the beach impatiently. “Where’s that damn waiter?” she whined. Val spotted him in the distance as soon as she stood up and began frantically waving her arms.

She spun around in an exaggerated fashion when she noticed all the men staring at her. Valerie loved being the center of attention. Several women were staring by then too. It was hard not to stare at her though, with her long slender legs, her lean body, and those huge breasts courtesy of her first husband. Add her gorgeous blonde hair to her over the top personality and it was easy to see why she drew the attention.

“It’s about time,” Valerie snapped when the waiter arrived with our drinks. You’d think she was dying of thirst the way she was acting.

I rolled my eyes. “Be nice, Val. He’s pretty busy, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“Well, I’m on vacation, in case
you
hadn’t noticed,” she retorted, before taking a long sip through her straw.

A smile crossed my face and I couldn’t help the laugh that followed. “Oh, Val, you’re too much.”

She took another drink then started laughing too.

We talked and drank, and then drank some more. We had a lot of catching up to do. She told me about the divorce with Cody and about her affair. A shiver ran down my spine every time I heard that word.
Affair
.

“
At least you don’t have kids,” I said, thinking of what my own kids had been through.

“Never!” Val snapped. “This body wasn’t meant for babies, Izzy.” I laughed even though I knew she was serious. Valerie would never be willing to make the kind of sacrifices motherhood required.

“Are you still seeing that guy you had the affair with?”

“No. He broke it off.”

“Really?” The news was hard to believe. That made two men who had ended things with her. That was so not Val. “Why? What happened?” I asked, recovering my equilibrium.

“He was married. And before you judge me you should know he was miserable. His wife cared nothing about his needs. He
needed
me.”

“Is that why you cheated on Cody? Because you were miserable?”

“Kinda. I was lonely. He worked all the time and, well, you know how I like attention.” I wondered if Spencer had been lonely too, if that’s why he’d cheated on me. It still wouldn’t excuse what he did, but part of me really wanted there to be some simple explanation   to why he’d thrown away nineteen years of marriage.

“Why don’t you ever talk about your third husband?” My line of questions surprised me but I realized I was just searching for answers, anything that would help me understand what had happened between me and Spencer.

She flashed a pouty look then flagged down the waiter for another round. “I need something stronger. Bring me a Jack and Diet Coke.” She batted her long eyelashes at him and he blushed, almost dropping his tray in the process. “And do try to hurry.” She was incorrigible at times, but I was prepared to let that go if it meant I’d get the answers I was seeking.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said then hurried off toward the bar.

It wasn’t long before he returned. She accepted her drink, staring out at the ocean as if looking for something she’d lost there. I took a drink of the Pina Colada he brought for me, strengthening my courage. “Didn’t you love him?”

“Who?”

“Husband number three.”

“We’re back to that?” she snapped. “He didn’t love me. Hell, he didn’t even know
me
. Not the real me anyway. He wanted me to be someone I wasn’t and it drove us apart.” She took a long drink. “Let’s talk about something else now, okay?” I could tell there was more to that story, but I let it go. There would be plenty of time to get answers during our week long vacation.

“What do you want to talk about then?”

“Me!” She laughed but I knew she was serious. “I’m putting my life in order, Izzy. Righting a few wrongs if you will.” A smile crossed her face and she took another drink. “Whisky makes me want a cigarette, do you mind if I smoke?”

I rolled my eyes. “If you must.” I hated the smell of cigarettes, and whisky, and especially the two of them together. A chill ran down my spine as thoughts of my nightmares flashed through my mind.

• • • • •

We closed the tiki bar down before finally calling it a night. Valerie was pretty drunk, but luckily she was still mobile and managed to stay on her feet long enough for me to get her back to our suite. She lunged for the bed, falling face down onto the comforter. I tried to get her back on her feet and out of her sandy suit but she was out cold.

Grabbing my phone off the coffee table, I headed into my room. I’d left it there earlier and was anxious to see if Alec had called. I said a quick prayer then glanced down at the screen.
Nothing.
No texts. No calls. No emails. The sting of disappointment filled my eyes. It was my fault I hadn’t heard from him. I left him. And when he asked if I was coming back, I hadn’t answered. I had no right to expect anything from him after that.

After showering I climbed into bed, willing myself to sleep so I could finally stop thinking about Alec.

The next morning I woke feeling surprisingly refreshed after crying myself to sleep. I opened the drapes and looked out, past the sea of people, all the way to the emerald green water. It reminded me of the Wyndam and of Alec. I quickly closed the drapes.

We skipped dinner last night, a fact my stomach was reminding me of now. I peeked through the door to Val’s bedroom to see if she wanted to get some breakfast, but she was still sleeping, so I ordered room service instead. I was really hungry and who knew how long she’d stay in bed after the amount of alcohol she’d consumed last night.

While waiting for the food to arrive, I changed into a clean swimsuit. I’d resisted the urge to check my messages. I was sure Alec hadn’t called, and I didn’t think I could take the disappointment of knowing for certain on an empty stomach.

The porter pushed the cart out onto the terrace before disappearing into the hall. I wasted no time digging in. First the French toast then the eggs, stuffing bite after bite into my mouth, trying not to think of Alec or the French toast we ate that first morning at the beach house.

Valerie was still sleeping even after I’d finished eating, so I decided to get some work done, desperate for any distraction I could get at that point. I opened my email program, scrolling through the new messages first, flagging a few for follow up next week, and responding to a few others. There was still nothing from Alec. I considered emailing him, but I didn’t, reminding myself of why I hadn’t already.

“Hey.”

I looked up from the screen. “Well hey. I was beginning to think you were going to sleep all day.”

“I’m on vacation, Izzy. You do know what a vacation is, don’t you?”

Her sassiness made me giggle. “How are you feeling?”

“Like hell. I can’t believe you let me drink so much.”

“Let you?” I laughed. There was no way she was blaming me for her drunken state. “There was no stopping you, Val.”

“Well, today it’s your turn.”

“No way, you know I don’t like being drunk.” The last time I got that drunk was the night Spencer took the three of us to Miami. After that night I promised myself I’d never be that drunk again. “You do remember what happened the last time I got drunk, don’t you?” I only remembered bits of pieces of that night, but it was enough to know I never wanted to give up that much control again. We’d all been drunk, without inhibition, given no consideration of tomorrow. It almost cost me my best friend and my relationship with Spencer.

Val bit her lip and grinned, clearly remembering it differently than me. “Okay, so maybe not that drunk, but you are going to loosen up today.” There was no point in arguing with her. Telling Val no only made her want it more. She was impossible when she didn’t get her way.

“You want some breakfast?”

“No food. I need a Bloody Mary. Get dressed.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. Vacation, remember?”

I closed down my laptop, did another check of my phone, hoping against hope there was some word from Alec. When I saw there wasn’t, I tossed my phone onto the bed, ready to drink away the memory of what I’d done.

Fifteen minutes later we were sitting on a stool at the same tiki bar we closed down last night. “Two Bloody Marys,” Val ordered.

“I’m just going to have water for now.” If I started drinking that early it would be an early night for sure.

“So order some water, those are for me.”

I burst out laughing. I should have known she wasn’t ordering for me. “I’ll have a bottle of water, please.”

“Don’t be a party pooper, Bella. Vacation,
remember?
” She exhaled loudly. “Order a damn drink already.”

Much to my surprise, I quickly gave in. “Corona, with a lime, too, please.”

“Sure thing, ladies.”

“Geez, Bella, don’t sound so excited about it.”