Scarred (4 page)

“So you can talk more about dreamy Bryce?” He wriggled his eyebrows and
I slapped him on the arm.

“Luke.” I growled at him and he cocked his head and looked at me curio
usly. “Okay, maybe a little bit,” I laughed. “This is exciting for me.”

“I don’t know why
,” he sighed. I pushed him towards the door.

“I’ll be over around 9pm?”

“That sounds good.” He picked up Bongo and they left the house. I surveyed and smelled the room to make sure that there were no discernible traces of Bongo anywhere when my mom got home. I really wasn’t in the mood for an argument and I didn’t want her to spoil my good mood. I ran to the rug and straightened it out, before running back to the kitchen to wash out the glasses and dry them. If she saw two empty glasses she would want to know who had been over at the house. And then she would put me though the fifth degree. I didn’t want that. Not today. Not when I was happy.

I knew that I should just move out and try
to find a place of my own. Well, with a friend. Anna would never leave her dad and her animals, but Luke had seemed quite keen whenever I had discussed getting an apartment. Especially now that he had some money. In fact, he thought it was a great idea. Only I felt guilty about leaving my mom. My salary, though meager, helped to pay the rent for that house. Something my mom couldn’t do on her waitress salary fully. There was no way I could just leave and not help out. And there was no way I could leave and still help out.

Luke had suggested that he could pay the whole rent, but I had not been comfortable with that. Money was the quickest way to ruin a friendship is what Grandpa Webb had always said to me when I was young. And I didn’t want to lose Luke. Not now and not ever.

So here I was, at twenty-two, still stuck living with my mom. My crazy, erratic and heartbroken mom. I put the last glass in the cupboard and felt my shoulders tense as I heard my mom’s clunker pull into the drive.

“
Lexi?” she called out, softly, as she walked through the front door.

“Hi Mom,
” I called out from the kitchen. My mom panicked if she didn’t hear an immediate response from me.

“
Lexi, where are you?” She walked through the living room quickly and then into the kitchen. Her blonde, wispy hair was hanging around her shoulders and she came up to me with a big hug. “Oh, I wasn’t sure if you were home yet.”

“My car
’s in the driveway, mom,” I sighed and hugged her back.

“I know
, but something seemed off when I walked through the door.” She sighed and looked at me with big, wide blue eyes. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine
, mom.” I tried to stop from rolling my eyes. I knew how important I was to my mom, after everything that had happened.

“You know
, Lexi, I would die if anything ever happened to you.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me
, mom.”

“There’s so much crime.
Even here in Jonesville, Lexi. You have to be careful.”

“Mom, Jonesville is one of the safest cities in the whole United States.”

“We still have crime, Lexi.” She looked at me, sorrowfully. “Don’t you watch the news?”

“I’m always careful
, mom.”

“
I know.” She looked around the kitchen and smiled. “It’s such a nice day today. Look at the light coming through the windows. It’s still bright out. I love it. Shall we have a picnic tonight?”

“A picnic?”

“Yes,” she laughed and opened the fridge. “Let’s go for a picnic. We could invite that nice young man of yours as well.”

“What nice young man of mine?” I sighed.

“That Luke boy.”

“Mom, he’s not my boyfriend,
” I groaned, for the millionth time. “You know that.”

“Well
, why isn’t he your boyfriend, Lexi? You’re not getting any younger.”

“Mom, Luke is one of my best friends. We don’t feel that way about each other.”

“You could do a lot worse than Luke.”

“Mom!” I sighed. My mom had been on at me since we graduated high school about Luke. But it had really picked up when he had made all that money from his software invention. She seemed to think that Luke was my Prince Charming.

“Well, he loves you, Lexi.” She looked at me with pained eyes. “I see the way he looks at you.”

“Mom,
he loves me as a friend. We are friends.” This time I didn’t stop my eyes from rolling. “I am interested in someone else.”

“Who
, Lexi?” She looked at me with a frown and I tried not to groan. I didn’t want her to know who my crush was on. She would never approve and it would only cause her pain.

“It doesn’t matter,
” I sighed.

“You don’t want me to know?” Unshed tears brimmed in her eyes and I felt upset and guilty. Why couldn’t I have a normal mother? One who didn’t go in for emotional blackmail over every single thing I did?

“That’s not it, mom.”

“I’m sure Anna would tell me if I was her mom.”
Cheap shot,
I thought to myself.

Anna’s mom had died when we were in middle school and so she was jealous of anyone who had a mother who wanted to share in her life. I wanted to tell her that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be
, but I knew that wouldn’t go down very well. You could hardly say that to someone who no longer had a mom. I could hardly tell her I was jealous because she had a dad who loved and cared for her, while I didn’t. I didn’t even know who my dad was. I was the product of a one-night stand on Prom Night. The guy hadn’t wanted to be with my mom and Grandpa Webb had told my mom to leave him alone, and that he would help raise me. And he had. And he was a great grandpa. But he had died when I was ten and I’d been fatherless and grandfatherless ever since.

“So?” My mom’s peering eyes broke into my thoughts.

“Mom, let’s talk later. I can’t go on a picnic with you because I am having dinner at Luke’s tonight.” I lied. I would have to go over earlier than intended, but I knew that the Bryan’s wouldn’t mind. They loved me like a daughter and would be happy to have me join them.

“So I have to eat alone?” She frowned and I hardened my resolve.

“Yes, mom. You have to eat alone tonight.”

“But you’re my o
nly daughter. My only family,” she cried out. “I just had a hard day at work. I wanted to relax with you.”

“Mom, I’m sorry.” I felt my resolve slipping. “Let’s have a picnic tomorrow night.”

“Fine.” She turned away from me and walked out the kitchen. I heard her mumble under her breath, “Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t give the wrong child away.”

I pretended not to hear and drank some water. I didn’t want to think about her words. I knew what she was talking about and I knew that it would devastate the whole town if they knew what had happened.
I also felt ashamed of myself for feeling the way that I did. And guilty. I felt so incredibly guilty.

Chapter 4

“Bryce, there you are.” My dad frowned at me as I walked in the door. “Didn’t I tell you that I wanted to talk to you this afternoon?”

“Yes, sir.”

“So why weren’t you here when I got home?”

“I wanted to get some food, sir.”

“Won’t your mother cook for you?” My dad looked at me with
disdain. “I don’t think you should be going out and wasting money while you have a mother here who is perfectly happy to cook for you.”

“Yes
, sir.” I wanted to throttle his neck and ask him why he didn’t stick around for dinner. I wanted to tell him that my mother needed a husband who was around for her, who cared about her more than he cared about being Mayor.

“Well
, come in the study with me, so we can chat before I have to go out.”

“Go out?” I looked at him in surprise. “Aren’t you done with work for the day?”

“No.” His look silenced my next words. “So, what’s next, Bryce?”

“Excuse me
, Sir?” It was my turn to frown. My insides were still churning from seeing Lexi. I didn’t want to have to go through something with my dad as well.

“I know you just got back. And you had
a honorable discharge from the Marines. Which is great.” He smiled, briefly. “I had half worried that you would be a deserter or something and I don’t know how I would have explained that.”

“Thanks
, dad.” My voice was mocking.

“But thank God you didn’t embarrass me or your mother.” He continued on as if I hadn’t spoken. “Now
, let’s see. You can always enroll at Notre Dame if you want.”

“I’m not sure what I want to do next.” My voice was low. I needed to find out certain things and to fix things before I thought about what was next in my life.

“You could study political science and then go to law school.” He tapped his pen against a pad. “Then you can run for State Senator a few years into practicing law.”

My body clenched at his words. He had no real care as to what I wanted to do. He only cared about his own political ambitions.

“What do you think, son?” He looked at me then and I saw myself reflected in his face. I saw who I was going to become and it made me feel ashamed. My dad was tall, with dark blond hair and big, wide, clear blue eyes that made you think that everything was okay. And he had an air about him that made you think that he cared; he made you feel like you were the only person in the world and he was going to make everything in your life alright.

As he smiled at me with his big
, wide, white smile, I was once again taken aback by how sincere he seemed. The only thing was that, after twenty-three years of living with him, I knew the truth.

He was an
egomaniac, who didn’t care who he hurt. My mother and I were just part of the package that went along with being the Mayor. We were the loose ends that made him seem even more perfect. Everyone in Jonesville thought that my dad was the bee’s knees, the perfect, loving, caring family man and that he could do no wrong. I knew better. He was a golden boy, just as much as I was.

“I’ll think about it,
” I smiled, to keep the peace; I didn’t want him to know my real plans.

“Great. Now run along to the kitchen and go help your mother.”

“Yes, sir.” I stood up. “Shall I tell her you won’t be joining us for dinner?”

He looked at me briefly and checked his watch. “Yes. I’m afraid I have a late dinner meeting.”

“Uh huh.” I walked out of the door and into the kitchen where my mother was slaving over lasagna.

“Hey
, mom.” I walked in and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Bryce,
my dear,” she beamed at me and continued stirring a pot of something that smelled delicious. “I’m just cooking dinner.”

“I can’t wait. It smells great.” I sat
in a chair. “Oh, dad can’t make it for dinner tonight.”

“Oh.” She looked up with pained eyes. “But it was to be our first family dinner since you’ve been home.” She turned away and picked up a glass and gulped. “He should be here.”

“He has business, mom.” I paused. “You know how hard a job it is to run Jonesville.” I faked a laugh and my mom smiled at me with clenched teeth. We both knew I was lying. We both knew my dad wasn’t going to work. He was going to spend the night with one of his lady friends.

I
think I had been fifteen when I finally realized that my dad wasn’t the perfect loving husband I had always thought him to be. I wasn’t sure how long my mother had known that her husband was a philanderer and a cheat. We had never spoken about it. But I knew she knew. How could she not? Her husband barely spent a night in their bed. Women called the house all the time.

He’d even had one of them at the house. Not be
cause he wanted to get caught, but because my mom had taken me to visit my grandma for a few weeks one summer and we had decided to come home early. The woman had been in the house, cooking breakfast for my dad, in his shirt. I had heard my parents shouting, but they never said anything to me about it. It was this big, dark secret in the family that everyone knew about but never spoke about.

I wanted to tell my mother to leave my dad. But I knew she would
n’t. She wasn’t strong enough and it was like she lied to herself. Some days, I wondered if she had convinced herself that all the cheating was a figment of her imagination.

“Well then
, it will be you and me,” she beamed at me. “Dinner with my favorite son doesn’t sound too bad.”

“I’m your only son
, mom,” I laughed.

“Then that makes it even better,” she laughed back,
only cringeing slightly when we heard the front door slam. “So, are you looking forward to your party this weekend?”

“Not particularly,
” I answered, honestly.

“But you’ll get to see all your old friends again.”

“Not all of them,” I said, my voice low.