Save Me From Me (21 page)

“Not yet,” he says as he starts kissing down my chest. One hand grabs my breast, causing my head to fall back, granting him easier access to whatever he wants. He can take it all. He pulls away, and instantly I jolt my eyes open and look up, half expecting we’ve been caught again, but his sly grin tells me otherwise. “Hold on.” He winks as he starts pulling away from me.

“Whoa,” I say, trying to balance myself so I don’t fall backwards into the lake. I grip the wood railing with my hands off to my sides, and I brace my boots against the middle piece of wood. I’m so busy situating myself that I don’t even notice Holden slipping down between my legs until the moment I feel his warm, wet tongue against my panties. I keep from throwing my head back in pleasure because the look on his face as he watches me enjoying the placement of his tongue has me glued to him. He pushes the thin, cotton fabric to the side, and glances up at me with a wink before licking and sucking my wetness up — like it’s the best, damn Slurpee he’s ever had, and he could care less about getting a brain freeze. More than anything, I want to throw his hat off and tangle my hand in his hair, but at the moment, it’s not worth the chance of falling backwards.

He rises back up, positioning himself snuggly between my legs. “I had to taste you,” he whispers against my lips before taking them captive. “You taste good. Don’t you?” His words send my body buzzing.

The way he makes me feel by touching me, and how my body easily reacts, I pray it’s not the same with the rest of the girls he’s been with. I hope more than anything that he feels half of what I do, and the attention he’s showing me exceeds any effort he put out for the rest. I want to be special. I don’t want to be just another piece of ass. His previously spoken words play in my head and put to rest the doubt starting to creep its way up.
But you deserve more than this, Baby.
He thinks I’m deserving of the world, and he’d give it to me if he could.

I don’t feel that way at all, but knowing that he does, makes me have hope that maybe one day, I’ll change my situation. Because, ultimately, I am the only one who can. It never hurts to let someone nudge you in the right direction, or at least open your prisoned mind to the truth that in life, we are our own worst enemies. I’m living in my own prison, and I’m the only one who holds the keys to freeing myself.

This isn’t how I had pictured us having sex for the first time, and believe me, I have pictured it so many ways that I’ve lost count. Every way is amazing, and full of so much love it’d make a doctor sick. She’s not like any of the other girls that I have been with. The kind I’d take up against a bar wall if I could,
which sometimes I could
. I’m not trying to downplay how hot, spontaneous, and adrenaline jolting this experience is, but I just had hoped, for her sake, that it would be special. I’m not so sure that having sex with her on the dock for the first time will be something that constitutes as special in her mind. But no matter what, I’m going to make it fucking unforgettable.

“I don’t have a condom. I mean, I am clean and all. I’ve always used protection with everyone else. I just wasn’t expecting —”

She hushes me with her finger to my lips.

“Holden, I know you’re safe. Everything about you is safe. I’m safe with you.” She smiles. “Just pull out, okay?” The good, ole faithful, pull out and pray method is not the safest bet when it comes to having sex, but it’s better than busting your load inside, and then praying afterwards. Hell, pulling out might be just as good as wearing a condom. It’s not like they are hundred percent effective. God knows, I bet it feels a million times better than wearing that penis constricting latex. I will soon find out just that since this will be the first time I’ve ever felt comfortable enough to go without protection.

“Hold on to me now, Baby.” I grip her ass, pulling her to the very edge of the rail. I quickly undo my belt, push my pants and boxers down far enough to release my hard-on, and position myself at her entrance. Holding her gaze, I tease her with the tip of my dick, barely pushing inside her before swiping it up and down between her sweet pussy lips. She bites her lip and holds her breath each time I do it, but her eyes never stray from mine. I know she wants it. Wants it bad. Her eyes are making it more than evident and screaming at me to fill her up already.

Our bodies are so in sync with each other that she knows the perfect moment to tighten the grip of her legs around my hips, pushing me inside of her.

“Ahh,” she moans, letting out a sigh filled with pleasure and contentment. “You feel so good.” She praises me. Once she’s accepted all of me, I pick up my pace. I’m gripping her hips so tight that I’m betting I etch my fingerprints into her skin. With her hand on my neck, she pulls my face to hers as we breathe into each other, savoring the heat and moans escaping our mouths. Her lips are on mine, but we aren’t kissing. For some reason, this seems so much more intimate than that. Every now and then, she’ll nip and suck on my bottom lip. I feel her legs getting shaky as they surround me, and her breathing catching and I know she’s only moments away from crumbling around me. Deep and hard. Deep and hard. Filling her deep and hard is my pleasure as I take over her body. “Oh, Holden,” she whimpers as her body quakes against mine. I don’t want to pull out too soon and leave her feeling void, but if I don’t do it now, it will be too late.

I pull out and tightly grab my dick, giving it a few pumps before coming all over the place. Dani’s legs are still snug around me, and with her hands linked around my neck, and her head against resting against my chest, she watches. When I release the last drop of cum, she peeks up at me. “That was hot. I’ve dreamed of watching you get yourself off, but that little bit I just saw? My dreams did not compare,” she admits. I tuck my dick back in, button my jeans, and buckle my belt.

“None of my dreams are half as good as what we just did.” I nuzzle my head in her neck, trying to hold on to the closeness. I’m scared to death that this here, in this moment, will be as good as it gets with Dani. The confusion, along with the feeling that you’re falling for someone you most likely will never have, is worth it. I don’t know what lies in store for us. I know what I want. Knowing that there’s even a chance makes me not want to give up. She doesn’t think she’s worth the fight, but I’m going to prove to her differently.

Today we are taking the two-hour drive to Holden’s parents’ house. He reassures me that it should only be his mom that I will be meeting because his dad rarely ever goes home. He says he’s way too invested in picking up every job opportunity for the company he can, even if it means driving state to state for months on end, personally securing each account.

I sit in the passenger side of Holden’s work truck, the only vehicle I’ve ever seen him drive, and stare out the window watching the fields and occasional farm animals that we pass.

“Hey,” he says as he grabs my hand, clasping it into his. My fingers easily slide between his as if we’ve been doing this forever, and it’s perfectly routine.

“What?” I look at him and smile. He’s got his crooked grin going, and he lifts our conjoined hands to point out the window.

“Hay.” He laughs.

“Ha. Aren’t you a clever one?” I laugh at him.

“Well, actually according to ACT, SAT, IQ, and a bunch of Navy tests, I am damn near genius,” he says with confidence.

“And you’re working in the oil industry? Why? I mean, I know the money can be good. It’s just I don’t see that being your lifelong dream.” I know Holden is a smart guy, but hearing how smart he actually is, and the amazing potential that he holds, makes me wonder why he chose this field when his options were endless.

He shrugs. “Just felt like the right thing to do at the time.”

“And now?” I ask, and he grips my hand tighter.

“Now? Now I’m not so sure.” Finally tearing his eyes off the road, he looks over at me. “Meeting you has me questioning a lot of things, Hot Shot.”

“Same here.” I smile back. I start fidgeting with my fingers, knowing we are now only minutes away from arriving.

“What’s wrong?” He gives me a look of concern.

“Oh, nothing. I’m just kinda nervous, you know?” I give him a weak smile before biting on my nail — a stupid, nervous tick of mine.

“No worries. My mom is cool, and she’s going to love you.”

“That doesn’t make me any less nervous, Holden. I don’t meet parents. Yeah, I met Gage’s, but we went to school together. My brother and him were friends. All of us always knew each other and our parents. It wasn’t like this.”

“What do you mean like this?” He cocks a brow at me.

“You know… The whole ‘being formally introduced to the parents’ thing. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed or not, but I’m not a formal person.”

He laughs. “Come on, Dani. It won’t be that bad.” I give him the questioning look, which has him rewording the words that just spewed out. “It won’t be bad at all. Now, if my dad was there, I’d second guess how well it’d go over.”

“Why is that?”

“Ahh, well, my dad just has different thoughts on life. He doesn’t want me getting ‘tied down’.” He uses air quotes. “He just wouldn’t make it a very pleasant experience. He’d try to scare you off, probably.”

“Oh, great. Let’s hope I never have to meet him.”

“Dani.” He lifts my hand to his lips and places a kiss on it. “It’s going to be fine. More than fine. My mom is really excited to meet you. All my good traits, I get from her. So keep your chin up. She’s going to love you. I promise. Quit trippin’.”

“I’m sure she gets excited meeting all the girls you bring home. I’m not some special visitor,” I say, all of a sudden feeling a pang of jealousy. I’m not supposed to be one of those girls. Jealousy does not suit me very well.

Holden whips his truck onto the shoulder and brakes to an abrupt stop, which has me flinging forward as far as my seat belt will allow. “Holy shit, Holden.”

He drops my hand as he throws the truck in park. “I need you to listen to me. You. You, Dani.” He pokes my leg. “You are the only chick I’ve ever brought home to meet my mom. I don’t make a habit of getting attached these days, but like I said, with you, everything is different. So, knock off the ‘I’m not special’ shit. Because you are more than special. There isn’t a word to describe how amazing you are.”

I just nod, not knowing how to reply to that, and wanting to hide all the giddiness inside from how his words just made me feel.

After his outburst, he starts driving again. Ten minutes later, we pull into a drive with a wooden fence bordering the outer area to mark off their land. It isn’t the picket fence type. It’s the kind where the pieces run horizontal with spaces in between. The typical, country look. The driveway is long, and from what I can see, the house is massive. It’s official. Holden’s family has money. It’s also official that it was genius of him to follow in his dad’s footsteps. As we pull to a stop in front of an amazing wraparound porch,—the kind that I could get lost on all day long while reading a book–I think how he can have an amazing life if he continues along in it.

Holden’s mom opens the door before he even turns off the truck. I can tell from here that she’s shorter than I am, but she’s beautiful with her shoulder length, brown hair. Making our way closer, hand-in-hand, I see she has the same gorgeous green eyes with a hint of blue that Holden does. In fact, I see many similarities. She patiently waits on the porch for us to walk up the steps, but as soon as we reach the top, she’s pulling her son in for a hug.

“It’s good to see you, Holden. Try not to stay away so long next time. Okay?”

Holden pulls away, looking his mom in the face, and replies, “Okay, Mom.” He doesn’t sound annoyed or embarrassed like most guys would be. I can tell he genuinely loves and misses his mother. “I want you to meet my friend, Danielle.”