Save Me From Me (14 page)

Holden is one of those beautiful things in life that I want to keep proof of—
proof that he exists
.

As we make our way back to where we parked, Holden takes off running, not towards our vehicles, but towards the park.

“Come on, Dani.” He looks back and waves me to follow. Without hesitation, I take off in his direction, laughing as I try to catch up, but knowing that I won’t.

I haven’t been to a park since I was in middle school. My favorite spot used to be the Merry-Go-Round. There are so many different ways to keep yourself entertained with it. Holding on to the bar and running around as fast as you can… sometimes so fast that you feel as if you are floating and the wind from it spinning lifts you off the ground. Then there’s laying down and watching the sky as someone else pushes. That would usually result in me feeling sick and ready to barf. Sitting along the outer edge with one leg draped around and both hands holding the bar, and then using the foot that’s hanging off to push as you sit–that was my favorite thing.

“Way to be a gentleman and wait for me.” I joke. “You could have tripped on purpose and let me beat you,” I say with a laugh as I grab the chains of the swing and pull myself up to stand on the seat just like
him.

“Really, Dani? I didn’t peg you as a cheater. Or someone who wants things handed to them, for that matter.” He eyes me, already knowing me too well.

“You got me there. Let’s see who can jump out the farthest,” I say, crouching down, quickly pushing off, and extending my legs to gain some kind of leverage over him. “On three, we jump. One, two, three.” I let go and fly through the air, totally feeling like a kid again. I welcome the familiar sting as my feet hit the ground. That sting that travels up your calves. I stand up, and Holden isn’t in front of me as I expected. Turning back around, he’s a good three feet behind me. He just shrugs. Asshole let me beat him. I prop my hands on my hips watching him walk back to his swing.

He sits down on the swing and pats his lap. “Come here.”

I walk over to him and ask, “How do you want me?”

He smirks. “I’ll take ya anyway you’ll let me, but for now, just straddle me.”

I brace my hands on his shoulders as I slide my legs on each side of his hips and rest myself on his lap. The closeness is intense. I feel nervous all of a sudden.

“Hold on to me,” he says. So I wrap my arms around his neck. As he lifts his feet off the ground, the metal on the old, ten-foot swing set creaks, causing me to flinch.

“Is this thing going to break?” I ask as I grip him tighter even though we’re only maybe a foot at most off the ground.

“No, Dani. And neither will I. So hold on as tight as you need to. I got you. I won’t let you fall.” I have a feeling that statement is true more ways than one.

I really don’t want to quit swinging. But the fact that I’m starting to get a boner has me thinking I really need to slow down, get off the swing, and adjust myself without Dani catching me.

Once the swing comes to a stop, neither happens. Instead, Dani leans back and looks at me. Her blue eyes shining bright, I watch her face, as she seems deep in thought. And then… she smiles. A full blown, heart pounding, boner-inducing smile that has me wanting to turn this into some kind of kinky sex swing.

“What?” I smile back. She’s contagious and I have a feeling that I don’t ever want to find the antidote. I don’t need to be getting attached, but it’s not like I live in a different state. I mean my
home
home, the one I grew up in, is only two hours away. People make it living twenty hours away. Yes, I work different places all the time, but it doesn’t mean anything. In all reality, I’m still searching for my place to put down my own roots. I don’t have to go back home one day. With my job, it’s almost expected that I never do. It’s not like my dad visits as much as he should, so why should I have an actual home if I don’t ever get to see it or enjoy it.

“I just really like hanging out with you. It’s been a while since I’ve truly been happy. So, for that, thank you.” And with that little thanks said, she bends down and shows me her gratitude by placing her lips on mine. She tries to make it short and sweet, and pulls away not knowing if she should fully press on, but I quickly pull her tightly back in with one hand on the back of her head and the other holding her cheek. I open my mouth, encouraging her to do the same. Her tongue soon finds mine. I haven’t legitimately made out with a girl in what seems like forever. Yes, I kissed the girls that I’ve slept around with, but I have never felt anything, because I’ve never felt anything towards them. I haven’t been friends with them or haven’t known anything about them, so it’s been easy. I’ve had no trouble keeping everything shut off. But with Dani, I feel. And I like feeling.

“Wait, I can’t do this.” She pulls back from me trying to free herself from my hold.

“Why not?” I ask as confusion sets in.

“Because, I’m trying not to get attached to someone. And I’m already doing that with you.”

Grabbing her face in my hands, I force her to look me in the eyes as I ask her, “Do you want to be with me, Dani?”

“Holden, it doesn’t matter what I want. I gave that up months ago.” Deep sadness fills her eyes.

I’ve finally found this sweet woman who makes my head all crazy, stupid with thoughts of things I believed I’d never have, and she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. She doesn’t have to say it, but I can tell that she feels like everyone else in her life has to come first. The guilt that she won’t let go of is heavy enough, let alone this extra burden that she’s placed upon herself.

“What you want matters to me, and it should matter to you.”

“You don’t even live here. One day you’ll be picking back up and moving along to your next destination.”

Not only is she worried about the life she has here, she’s worried about the life I’d have away from her. There are ways around obstacles, and if this whole thing with us is going to be a giant sized puzzle, then I’m going to solve it. If both people want something bad enough, then there is a solution for it.

“Just because of my job doesn’t mean we can’t ever be together. It might be rough at times, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. The best things in life take effort, Dani. After all these years, I have finally found something that I want, and I’m not going to give up without a fight. I vowed to myself that I’d never give up so easily again.”

“Don’t give up on me, Holden,” she whispers.

“I’ll give you time to figure it all out, Hot Shot, but I can’t wait around forever. There will be a day when you have to make a choice. A choice that either you are going to sit back and let life pass you by, or you’re going to get up and go for what you want, full force, and not let anything stop you.”

She nods against my chest.

“You know what today is?” Adyn sings from behind the register.

‘Hmm?’ is the only sound I can form as I replay the way Holden’s lips felt on mine.

“Earth to DJ.” A pack of cigarettes smacks me in the head, and I quickly pick them up, and throw them back as fast as I can. Adyn tries to move, but I anticipated it, and the pack smacks her in the gut. She dramatically holds her stomach, and sinks to the floor. “Ahh, you got me.”

“Am I paying you girls to jack around on the clock?” Joy walks up from the back of the store. I look at Adyn who is trying to stifle a laugh.

“Not at all, Joy.” She giggles. “Dani and I really aren’t into jacking anything while on the clock.”

I can’t hold back my laughter. “Plus, last time I checked, you’re not the one who pays us diddily squat in the first place.” I’m a smart ass, and it’s very hard for me to keep my attitude in check around this place, around her.

Joy walks up to me, paying no mind to Adyn a few feet away. “It’d be smart of you to remember that I hold your job here in the palm of my hands.”

“It’d be smarter of you to remember that I don’t pay much mind to being threatened. We’re your two best employees and you know that. Doubt Paul would be happy with the way you walk around here treating us like bottom feeders.”

She just looks at me, then to Adyn, and smirks before turning around to walk off.

“What the hell is that woman’s problem?” Adyn asks as I make my way back up to the register.

“I tell you, she needs a good screwin’.”

We laugh because it’s the truth.

“She’s not the only one.” Adyn looks at me after she says it.

“Oh, yeah? Well, at least I don’t walk around in bitch mode just because I’m not getting any.”

“That’s debatable. Ahem.” She clears her throat. “Hottie alert.” I look out and see Holden making his way to the door. Sweaty and dirty with his hat on backwards.
Sexy.

I can’t help the smile that overtakes my face. “Hey, you,” I say as he walks up to me.

“Hey back.” He lifts his hat up, wipes the sweat of his forehead, and pushes the same hand through his hair before replacing his hat. “It’s hotter than a three dollar pistol out there.”

“I think it’s just you that’s hot, Holden.” I wink.

“Feeling’s mutual, Hot Shot.” His hand grazes my cheek as he asks, “Got any plans tonight?”

Using the broom in my hand, I slightly lean into it, all of a sudden feeling as if I can’t keep my balance. I’m not sure if this feeling is unnatural, because I don’t feel this way when I’m near Gage, but anytime I’m around Holden, I feel as if my world is slightly off. In a good way — if that even makes sense.

I bite my lip and shake my head. “Nope, but whatever you have planned, I’m game.”

His lips twist up into his gorgeous smile that I will never get tired of.

“Alright,” he says with a look of victory in his eyes. “Meet me at our spot at nine.”

Our spot.
I love the way that sounds. We have a spot.

I try to contain how happy that makes me feel. “Okay.”

I watch as he leaves, and then look at the clock, only to see that I have four hours until I get to see him again.

Four hours
.
You got this, Dani.
I give myself a mental pep talk.

“Whoa.” I hear Adyn say. I don’t even look at her as I reply.

“I know.”

“You better be jacking that tonight.” I roll my eyes, even though it’s something I’ve thought about more than a few times. That’s for sure. “Back to what I was saying earlier before the evil witch ruined our fun. The carnival is in town.”

“Oh nice. That explains the extra crazies running around. Stinking carnies.”

Who am I kidding? I love carnies. People in general always question if they want to put their lives in the hands of a carnie, knowing they are the ones controlling the rides, but in the end, the adrenaline rush always wins. It’s a feeling I used to crave as a child. One I haven’t felt in so long. Something else I ran from when I left. Another memory I want to keep suppressed as I live my new life.

Holden sits in his work truck as I pull in next to him. His truck is still running, and it doesn’t seem like he’s getting out. So assuming we aren’t staying here, I hop out of my truck, and lock my door before shutting it. I turn around, and I’m face to face with Holden.