Save Me (26 page)

“Okay
, everyone, write a celebrity’s name on the post it and stick it on the person’s head to your left but don’t let them see it,” Sophie said, once she’d demanded we all sit on the floor around the pizza boxes.

I felt about eight but it was all good fun and I needed fun. Kai did, too, he’d been just as worried about me as my family and Luke but now we were here and relaxed I could feel him loosening up.

I looked between each of my friends and was so grateful that they’d accepted me for who I was. Only Sophie knew the pre-screw-up Tegan so it always surprised me that Kai, Holly and James wanted to be anywhere near the person I was now.

Kai was on my right so he was choosing for me.
God knows who I was going to be and I had to pick one for Sophie. Jordan, it was an easy decision. I looked at Kai and laughed. James had given him Hugh Hefner.

“What? How bad is it?” he asked,
nudging my shoulder. Laughing, I shook my head and he rolled his eyes. “James, what’ve you done?” James winked and started the game off, asking if he was male. He was Lady Gaga and there were those stupid rumours…

Fifteen minutes in and we’d all guessed ours, besides Kai
. I was Kim Cattrall from
Sex and the City
. It could’ve been worse but Kai still got a slap.

He sighed
, rubbing his face. “Okay, so I’m male, old, American and have been married more than once?”

“Yes,” me, Holly and Soph said at the same time.

“I’ll give you a clue. You’ve had a 
lot 
of sex,” James said after another five minutes watching him guess.

“I’
m Sophie?” Kai joked, making everyone laugh and Sophie throw a wadded up post-it ball at him. “Alright, do I live with anyone?”

“Lots of people,”
Mark replied. Kai frowned, going off somewhere in his mind to think about that one.

“Have I slept with Kim Cattrall?”
he asked, chuckling. Oh, there was so a double meaning there.

“
You wish.”

“Yes
, I do,” he said, laughing. I laughed but didn’t open my eyes. I could practically see him smirking anyway. Thirty-five minutes. That was how long he’d been guessing for. And he hadn’t even guessed right yet. We’d all played more games but Kai was still trying to get his first.

The front doorbell rang and I knew it’
d be Lucas. My two hours were up. “I’ll get it,” Holly said.

“Come on, Kai!”
I snapped. It was just getting ridiculous now.

Lucas chuckled as he walked into the room and saw us sitting in a circle with pizza boxes and post it notes everywhere. “Am I Anthony Hopkins?” he asked.

I deadpanned. “Are you doing this on purpose?” He groaned and shook his head.

I got up
and hugged everyone goodbye. On my way out, I bent over and whispered in Kai’s ear, “You’re Hugh Hefner!”

His mouth dropped open. “
I should’ve gotten that.”

“I know
,” I said, waving to the best, idiot friends in the world.

Chapter Forty-F
ive

Tegan

I woke up to the sound of Mum crying again. Usually I would leave it to Ava but I didn’t want to tonight, we had just started getting closer and I wanted to be there for her. Nerves rattled in my stomach even though this was my bloody mum and I should feel confident going to her.

I crept into her room and my heart fell a little. S
he was sitting up in Ava’s arms. Of course she was already here. I went to turn around, she didn’t need me, but I caught their attention and they both looked up. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were in here already,” I said, backing up.

“No, come in
, honey,” Mum said, wiping her tears with a tissue.

Biting on my lip, I considered an excuse to leave. Not that I really wanted to but I felt like I was intruding. Mum held her hand out so
I walked over to the bed and sat on the other side of her. I felt weird being with both of them, like I was in the way or just here because Mum didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Deep down I knew different but my insecurities were strong.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“I am now I have my girls,” Mum replied. “Why don’t you both sleep here tonight?”

I blinked in surprise. Ava had a lot recently but I hadn’t slept in my mum’s bed since I was a baby. “Okay,” I said, still completely unsure how I felt about it, and laid down. Mum and Ava sank down and we laid in silence for a few minutes.

“So, Lucas called me,” Mum said.

I turned to look at her. “Oh?”

“He mentioned a trip.”

“Right,” I said, fiddling with the duvet.

“You can go.”

“I can what?”

Mum smiled. “You can go. I see you trying and getting more involved. I’m trying, too, so you can go but there are going to be conditions. Probably a lot of them.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, feeling choked up. “
I’ll stick to whatever conditions you have.”

“I know you will. Because you’ll want to leave the house again before you’re thirty.”

I would because I didn’t want her to spend her days worrying that her daughter was going to do something stupid again. She turned her head towards the ceiling and closed her eyes, smiling.

Dad’s pillow was under my head but I couldn’t smell him anymore. My pulse stared to race and I felt short of breath. I closed my eyes and focused on
the calming exercises Melanie had taught me. I forced my breaths out evenly and tried to think of something good rather than the heart-tearing loss. Finally, I managed to calm myself down enough to fall asleep.

“Hey!” I said, opening the front door to Kai and bouncing on the spot. Today was the day we were going away. Mum had finally trusted me enough to let me go. We were working on trust and so far I had followed every single rule perfectly so I could build our relationship. The sun was shining and I was going away with friends.

“
Excited much, princess?” he asked, laughing. I rolled my eyes and followed him as he walked through the hallway. He stopped by the music room. I’d opened the doors this morning and took a peek inside. After staying with Mum and Ava last night I felt a little less lonely, a little less afraid. “Nice piano.”

“You play?”
I asked.

“
No, but how hard can it be?”

I raised my eyebrows and pushed him into the room
. Mum and Ava were watching us from the kitchen and got up to follow when I shoved Kai inside. Little bitch was going to see how hard it could be!

He sat down on the stool and cracked his knuckles. Then he stared at the keys.

“In your own time, Kai.”

He smirked
up at me and started to play
Just the Way You Are
. Well, I use the term ‘play’ very loosely. He hit they keys – the wrong ones – in time to the song. I cringed. It was bad, very bad, but the look of pride on his face made me, my mum, and sister laugh.

Finally the noise stopped and I bit my lip. “
That was…great,” I said sarcastically.

“Alright
, let’s see you play it.”

I did
. I let my fingers glide over the keys elegantly and played the same song he’d just murdered. There weren’t many things I could do well but I could play the piano. I felt heavy hearted when I finished the song. I enjoyed playing but I didn’t want to when Dad wasn’t around to enjoy it with me. When would the guilt over every little pissing thing end?

“Wow,” Kai said, dragging me back from getting sucked in by guilt.
He looked down at me; his dark chocolate eyes alight in awe. “That was… Yeah.”

I smiled and stood up. “Thanks. Are you ready to go now?”

He nodded, still looking at me like I’d just cured every disease in the world. I just played the damn piano!

I followed behind with Mum and Ava as
Kai put my bags in the boot of his car. “Are you sure you have enough stuff?” he asked sarcastically. I gave him a dirty look.

“Remember
, honey,” Mum said.

Like I could forget. I
grabbed Kai’s arm. “I shall not leave his side. I swear.”

“I’ll look after her, make sure she eats, gets her naps
in, builds a sandcastle and all that,” Kai said, smirking.

Mum laughed.
“Thank you. Now, you be a good girl for, Kai.” Oh, good, she was playing along. Bunch of bloody comedians today…

“You all suck.” I got in the car, shutting the door on their laughing at my expense.

“So, I guess you can play the piano,” Kai said after we’d been driving for a few minutes. “You should do it professionally.”

“I thought about it once
, but I really wanna be a forensic scientist.” His head snapped round, mouth open and eyes wide. “I don’t really but that was so worth it.”

“
Ha ha.”

We pulled into the cafe car park and met up with Holly, James, Sophie, Mark, Adam
and Adam’s girlfriend, Megan, for breakfast before we headed out. I hadn’t seen Adam for a while so our hello hug was a squeezing one. I’d missed him.

Three hours later and
we finally made it to the beach house. I was quickly informed that I was sharing the twin room with Kai as everyone else was all coupled up and wanted the doubles.

I’d shared a bed with him before. Hell, I’d shared bodily fluids with him before, so it
shouldn’t be weird, we had separate beds, but it was. I was fairly confident that I’d be fine with Lucas sharing a room with another woman, sleeping didn’t mean shagging, but I wasn’t at all confident that he’d be fine with me sharing a room with Kai.

“You okay with this?” he asked as we
lugged our bags through the bright white house to our room. “I can sleep on the sofa if you want.”

Alright, that was sweet of him.
“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind sharing,” I said, throwing a pillow at him. He laughed and threw it back on my bed. Our beds were against opposite walls – white walls, of course – so we weren’t even that close.

“Okay. Hey, what do you want to do first?”

“Um… Walk on the beach and get fresh doughnuts.”

He smiled. “Sounds like a plan. Then we’re cracking open a couple of the many bottles of booze James brought.”

“I like this weekend already.” His smile faltered slightly so I added, “I won’t get shitfaced but I’m so having a few and relaxing. I’ll even let you cut me off if you think I’ve had too much.”

“Deal,” he
said. He’d bloody enjoy that. “Now, lead the way to the doughnuts, I’m fuckin’ starving.”

Chapter F
orty-
Six

Kai

I watched Tegan out of the corner of my eye as she got into bed wearing some very short shorts and a tiny little top that clung to her figure. This was going to be torture. My balls were going to fucking explode.

“Night
, Kai,” she whispered.

“
Night,” I said and sighed. I wanted to hop over to her bed and peel those pyjamas off her body. I missed the soft touch of her smooth, milky skin. I missed her taste and how her nails cut into my skin when she really lost control.

Sighing
yet again as Tegan’s breathing turned heavier, I looked up to the ceiling in the darkness. I was as hard as I’d ever been in my life and I wanted nothing more than to reach below the cover and take care of business but I didn’t want her to wake up and I didn’t want to leave the room with a raging fucking hard-on and have anyone see.

It took me almost an hour to fall asleep
but when I did it was a pissing restless sleep that had me waking up every hour. I was horny as fuck and wound so tight I felt like snapping at everything.

At five in the morning I couldn’t lay awake anymore so I got up, made a coffee and took it outside. The shower was loud and I didn’t want to wake anyone so the freezing morning air would have to be my substitute cold shower.

I sat at the metal table to the side of the front door, freezing my arse off. My eyes stung like a bitch. Liking her was getting harder to handle, that was for sure, and there wasn’t a thing I could do.

I groaned and slammed my head down on the table.

“You okay?” I jumped and looked up. Tegan stood by the door with a blanket wrapped around her body.

“Hey
, yeah, I’m okay.”

“Why are you outside in the cold at half five in the morning?” she asked
, rubbing her hands up and down her arms under the blanket to try to keep warm. She sat down on the chair beside me.

“
I, err, couldn’t sleep. Why are you outside in the cold at half five in the morning?”

She cringed
.“Sophie woke me up and I realised you were gone so I came to make sure you hadn’t been kidnapped,” she said, taking the mug from my hand and taking a long sip.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “How did Sophie wake you up?” She raised her eyebrows. “Oh
, right.” Someone should be getting off. Lucky them. “Well, I’ll stay out here for a bit then.” No way do I wanna hear that right now.

She smiled and her forest green eyes lit up.
“Me, too.” Handing me my coffee back she asked, “Are you alright?”

“Fine, why?”

“You’ve been… I don’t know… Different, I guess.”

“Different how?”

She shrugged. “I’m not sure. Maybe I’m imagining it. You’re okay, though?”

“I’m fine, princess.”

“Is it Isaac? You can talk about him to me, you know?”

My hand instinctively curled around the dog tags. “I know I can. It’s not him. Honestly, I
’m fine. What about you?”

“I’m okay.”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

Giving me a sideways glance, she replied, “I hate that you can read what I don’t say.”

I’d practically been her, although my story was far less pretty. I made Tegan look the picture of together.

“Bacon sandwiches?”

She nodded. “Sounds good.”

After breakfast we all went to the beach for the day.
The girls were wearing bikinis, determined to make the most of the temperamental English summer. I stayed in the boy camp, which was about two feet from the girls. They’d been laying out on towels, drinking in the sunshine before venturing into the sea. We sat on the sand drinking beers and not talking about hot male celebrities.

I felt
relaxed lying around on the beach, eating junk and occasionally perving on the girl I was, let’s face it, fucking in love with. Tegan left her mobile phone with me to go paddle in the sea and I’d already taken two calls from Alison in under an hour.

Lucas had texted a few times but, of course, I hadn’t read them. Not only were they private but I knew it’d just turn my stomach. He
was the soft, whipped type so I knew they’d be sappy messages. Not that I could judge much, I’d tell her I loved her as often as I could if I was in his position. Bastard.