Save Me (4 page)

Done with the game, Alicia just wanted to leave, get back to the hotel and maybe soak in an ice-cold bath. It was getting too real, and her need hurt too much. Claus had been shying away from physical contact—perhaps he always would. Unless he ever made a move, she doubted there would ever be satisfaction for her. Teasing had seemed like a good idea, but she hadn’t considered that she would be just as stimulated as he.

But when they exited the last boutique, his large paw of a hand settled on the small of her back. Damn, it was big! The soft touch made her shiver. All she wanted to do was melt into him, take as much comfort from his touch as she could. She didn’t realize that was exactly what she’d done until she heard his low hiss, felt his other hand tighten against her waist. It was perfect. A perfect fit, a perfect moment. Right there in the doorway of a ritzy Berlin boutique, Alicia just let it all go and allowed the fluidity of her body to tell him all the things she had been trying to say. “Love me, take me, need me.” Those phrases implied neediness in the extreme, but they were apt. It was what they yearned for, she knew, but never dared to say.

Now Claus bent down to ghost a kiss across her forehead, telling her all the things she knew deep down. All this time, he just hadn’t had a clue how to say it. Yes, he wanted her, too. She could feel it radiating off him. There’d been nothing overtly sexual about the caress of lips, yet it was very unlike all the other casual caresses or chaste pecks he’d given her. There was intent there now, a promise. Claus was giving himself permission to be with her. Alicia knew for him, that was a very big deal.

After all this time, finally. There was fear, of course. This would be the first time in her adult life she had ever chosen to be with anyone. And this was all about her choice. He hadn’t saved her from pity—he really did want her. That he had waited two years for this was a staggering thought. And now here was the time. The weight of the moment made her heart thunder. Claus would be hers, and she would be his. She knew that afterwards, her entire world would change.

But hadn’t it already?

“Come.” His deep voice vibrated low in her ear, sinking down into her marrow. Strong arms urged her forward toward the rest of her life. “We will have dinner and…” Instead of finishing the sentence he ran his lip gently behind her ear. Oh, God, oh, God, she was going to melt right then and there. “Wear the white dress for me?”

“Of course,” she breathed out in relief.

Finally. Finally.

I am no child. I am a man
. Claus repeated the litany in his head over and over again. The words did nothing to stop his palms from sweating thinking about running his hands over her flesh, or his mouth from watering thinking of tasting her lips, the sweetness between her thighs, drinking in her cries of bliss. The throbbing in his cock had become a persistent, drumming ache just watching her, the way she moved when she spoke, graceful hands every now and again waving in the air. It was hard not to groan every time her mouth opened to take in a bite of food. He caught himself staring at her lips as he imagined what they would feel like. Every time she brought the fork up to her mouth, he could see her welcoming his dick inside that warm, wet cavern. Watching Alicia do much of anything was like watching living art. It was something he’d thought maybe one day he would get used to, but he never had. She was the one and only star of every fantasy he’d had since he met her, whether dreaming or awake.

Even now, he wasn’t sure her attraction to him wasn’t in part gratitude, but there was no longer any denying the pull between them. The way she’d yielded in his arms earlier—
scheiße
! It was a miracle he hadn’t taken her right there in the fucking store. For so long he had held back, waited, watched. The last thing he wanted to do was move right in where a monster had formerly dwelled. He wanted so much better for her. Better than him, even, but he was far too selfishly human to allow that. Maybe if she had expressed interest in getting away, of being elsewhere, somewhere away from him, he could have. Then again, maybe not.

What
was
clear to him was that life owed her more than what she’d gotten thus far. As far as Claus was concerned, she would get that, one way or another. In his mind, it was his responsibility to make sure she experienced all the passion, and yet all the gentleness possible. No one, in his opinion, deserved it more. But God knows, he was not a gentle man. Perhaps it would be more honest to say he had held back from her because he was afraid he could never be what she deserved. That didn’t matter now though. He was going to have to be it. It might take all the strength he had, but there was no alternative. She was his.

Because romance was so far outside anything he knew, he
had
been studying for some time now. Just in case. There was a mountain of barely decipherable women’s magazines and romance novels under his bed. Most of what he’d read had only confused him, but damn, was he glad he’d done it now. As he’d requested, she wore the snow-white dress that was all clingy fabric, tiny straps and no back. The stark lack of color contrasted beautifully with the rich darkness of her skin. None of the glamorous women Dieter had wasted time on from time had come close to looking this captivating.

“You look delicious in that dress.” Fuck! That was the wrong word. Beautiful—that was what he should’ve said. Gorgeous. But damned if she wasn’t the most delectable, utterly fuckable woman he’d ever known. How did a man balance between the beauty and the raw and carnal sumptuousness of a woman? Yes, she was lovely, but sweet Christus he wanted her! “No, no—I didn’t mean to imply I want to eat—”

Yes, yes he did want to eat her. Spread her thighs and lap at her cream until she screamed from it. Until she could barely move. Fuck, this was not going well. All the pent-up, locked-away hunger was leaking from his every pore.

“Sorry,” he mumbled with a shrug, feeling awkwardly at a loss. Still, his damn cock would not stop throbbing.

“Don’t be.” Flashing him that sweet, gentle smile of hers, she grasped his hand, immediately putting him at ease. “I love the idea of you finding me delicious. Does that mean you intend to gobble me up?”

He knew she was teasing; it was far from the first time she’d done so. It was just that tonight teasing took on a whole new meaning. This time there was no pretending they didn’t understand the meaning behind the words.

“
Ja
,” he answered honestly. “I want you so bad it hurts.” Not quite the way he had intended that to come out, but true nonetheless. “
Ich bin verrückt nach dir
,” he breathed out, without thinking.

“English, please?”

She looked worried, so he told her, “It just means I am crazy for you, because I am.” There, it was out there.

“Are you?” Alicia’s smile beamed out like the sun in the dimly lit restaurant. Somewhere off in the distance he could hear the soft clinking of crystal and fine china, hushed conversations, but at the table they were in a world of their own. She made him feel like that, like there was no one else in existence but the two of them. “I guess we need to do something about that. then.”

That threw him. Teasing he could handle, but this was just a step beyond. A hurt Alicia required strong arms to hold her. A confused Alicia demanded quiet understanding, perhaps a gentle nudge in the right direction. A reflective, introverted Alicia called for steadfastness, explanations, sometimes prodding. Claus had no inkling how to deal with this Alicia she was showing him. This woman was more self-assured, more open—daring, even. She put all his other Alicias to shame. And he loved her as he loved every other side of her. Still had no idea how to handle her.

“Dinner was lovely, but I am ready for dessert, I think,” she purred, pushing her half-eaten plate away.

Claus swallowed his tongue. Holy hell, this was really happening.

Shoving his chair back with far more force than was called for, he dropped a healthy wad of bills on the table without counting it. Counting took time; it required thinking. He wasn’t sure he could do either. Forcing himself to move with more care, he pulled her chair out far more carefully than he’d flung back his own. They needed to get out of the restaurant and into the elevator. Had to get her to the room as soon as possible. He could do this, he knew he could.

“Claus, that is way more than dinner costs, I’m sure.” There was a tinge of nervousness in her laughter, but thank God she was going where he led.

“Can’t wait. They can have it.”

Two years. For two very long years he’d bottled up all these feelings and emotions she’d brought back to life in him. He’d lied to himself, telling himself all the overtures she made towards him were merely gratitude.  The truth was he didn’t know how to deal with this, with all that she brought out in him. It was scary wanting someone like this, needing someone like this. So he had tried to deny it. For what? This moment had been as inevitable as the sun rising in the east. The old Claus had died the moment he’d killed Grgur, and Alicia’s Claus had been born. A better Claus, because that was what she deserved.

That was why as soon as they made it to his room, he took a step away from her. Distance was needed in order for him to keep his head, and it was so very important now more than ever that he keep a firm grasp on his control. Going to his room instead of the suite he had procured for her was strategic. His room was far simpler, though at the
Hotel Adlon Kempinski, every room offered a certain amount of luxury.

“You wouldn’t be more comfortable in the suite?” she asked, looking confused.

The
suite, not
my
suite. She always did that—referred to things as if they were a coupel already. He guessed they were, and in a way, had been for a very long time.

“You could change your mind,” he explained. “It would be easier for you to leave my rooms to escape to your own,
ja
?” It was getting harder to speak. Everything about him seemed harder, so fucking ready. His body was tight with long anticipation.

“Claus, I promise you I want this.” The earnestness in her eyes nearly unmanned him. She had no idea what she was doing to him. No clue how badly he needed her. “I want this. I want you.”

As if it were ever going to play out any other way. Both of them had known it.

“Then you shall have me as you want me.”

Walking even a short distance away from her was hell, but Claus was determined that the night be entirely on her terms. For far too long he had dreamed about this. Riding the razor’s edge of sanity. Shucking his suit coat, he threw it casually over a chair before sprawling his big body in an overstuffed armchair. Unbuttoning his shirt to almost mid-chest, he paused.

“You will take from me what you want,” he told her in a low growl. “Whatever you wish.”

“What?” Alicia blinked at him, shifting from one foot to another. She had assumed he would take control, but that was something he just couldn’t do. Not tonight. Trust was earned, and in this, he hoped she would trust him sexually as she did in every other way.

“I am here.” He gestured to his deceptively lazy body. Underneath he was coiled tight. “I want you very much, Alicia. Too much. It’s important for me that you take control. For tonight. You lead, and I will follow.”

The bafflement on her face would have been almost funny, if he hadn’t been hurting so very badly to be inside her. If he weren’t aching for her that no one had ever given her this option before.

“I don’t understand.” Damn it, she looked close to tears. That wasn’t what he had intended at all.

“
Mein engel,
you have never had a man who allowed you control, am I right?” It was so hard to stay seated. He wanted to go to her, wrap his arms around her to take away her fear. But this was not something he could kiss better. This was the one thing she had to do all on her own.

When she nodded, he pressed on. “Tonight, all the control is yours.”

“But you aren’t like any of the men…” She stopped, took a deep breath, then shook her head. “You’re not any of them. You wouldn’t be like them. I trust you.”

The problem was, he was a little like them. Underneath, he was a criminal, a thief, and so much worse. The only difference was he would rather die than hurt her.

“And this is where I will prove it. Tonight I am yours to command.” More than just tonight, but they would cross that bridge when they got there.