Sati (19 page)

THIRTEEN

We ended up having a wedding instead of a funeral. The day after Timmy left us, Nick announced that he and Mary were getting married. Timmy's death, he told me, had somehow made it clear that being with Mary for the rest of his life was what he wanted.

Plans were made quickly. Mary spoke of a church wed-ding. Nick was interested in driving to Las Vegas. Sati suggested having the ceremony at sea. The couple laughed at the idea and went searching for a boat to rent.

The day of the ceremony was warm and clear, as each day had been since Sati entered our lives. The calm ocean rocked the hull of our ship with gende hands. Everyone who had been at the hospital was on board with the exception of David, who couldn't be found anywhere. Jenny was also present. She was to be the couple's flower girl, or at least that was what Mary had told her. No one knew what Sati had planned.

Sati held the vase containing Timmy's ashes. When we were three miles from shore, she bade me cut the engine. She had us sit round her in a circle at the rear of the boat. Withus watching in silence, without a word about Timmy's life, she removed the top from the vase and sprinkled his ashes in the blue water.

When she was done, she submergedthe container momentarily. Then she reached for the flutethat had belonged to Timmy.

'If you wish, you may keep your eyes open for my song,'she said.

The remark might have been a challenge. Sati could play the flute like no one I'd ever met, and the melody reminded me of none I had ever heard before. It was extraordinarily soothing. Staring at her as she sat on the side of the boat, the instrument close to her lips, her bright hair blowing in the light breeze, my eyes grew so heavy I was compelled to close them. Perhaps it was simple exhaustion. I hadn't slept two hours since Timmy had died. Whenever I did try to sleep, I felt as if something heavy was pressing down on top of me. I couldn't get the final wheezing sound of Timmy's lungs out of my head.

Except for now. Listening to Sati's song, it was easy to forget my own life, never mind the loss of the life of another. The charm was different from her periods of silence. Here the peace rolled in waves, rather than expanding into nothingness. From outof nowhere, colours mixed with my thoughts, reds and blues my mind could almost taste. Our boat drifted on the water, and I drifted with it, to places I did not know.

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When Satistopped playing, I returned to my body with a pang.

'Open your eyes,'she said. I did so, and checked on the others. They all appeared to be returning from the same waking dream.

Nick and Mary sat on either side of Sati. Satireached out and joinedtheir hands together, placingher own hands on top. Nick and Mary had gone down to city hall that morning and had made it all legal. But from the looks on their faces, it was now that they were to be married. Sati's ceremony proved to be the shortest on the books.

'You two have the blessings of Sati,'she said.' You will live long and happy lives together. My eyes will always be on you. Now exchange rings and kisses.'

We had wedding cookies in place of a wedding cake. They were from a secret recipe we were all familiar with. They still tasted good.

Sati had a meeting to give that evening. After a couple of hours on the water, we turnedthe boat towards the marina. We docked and everyone ran off to change for the lecture. I was left behind to tidy up the ship. I was about through when Linda returned.

'Jenny's with Mrs Hutchinson,' she said.

Linda's hair was in a pony tail. I was reminded of the days when she had been a cheerleader, when I used to admire her from the last row in the high school gym. I was happy she had returned to see me.

'It was a nice day for a wedding,'I said.

'Nice day for a funeral,'Linda said.

'Did it bother you that Sati didn't say anything?'

Linda shook her head and stepped into the boat. She sat near the cabin.' I thought what she did was perfect. Her song was lovely. Timmy always wanted to play the flute like that.'

'Ithink the greatest flute player in the world wishes he could play the flute like that,'I said.

Linda sighed.'I miss him.'

I nodded and sat beside her.' I'm always going to miss him.'

Linda looked at me.' You hold on to things longer than most of us. Do you know that?'

'You would know.'

'I've got something to tell you. You won't like it.'

'You got me the wrong birthday card?'I asked.

'No.'She lowered her head.' Dick and I are getting married.'

'Oh. What?'

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'I said we're getting married.'

'I heard you,'I said.

'Ididn't want to have to tell you today.'

'That's OK.Like you said, it's a nice day for a funeral.'The reds and blues in my mind turned grey. The sound of Timmy's choking returned, stronger than ever. I could hardly breathe. So I laughed instead.'

You're kidding,'I said.

'I'm not. I love him.'

'Who?'

'Dick.'

'Ithought you loved me?'

She looked at me, her face miserable.' I don't any more, Mike. I haven't loved you in a long time.'

During the hundreds of hours we had talked since we had separated, she had never told me that. We had talked and talked and she had never said a damn word about love, or the lack of it.

'Congratulations,'I said.

'We'll still be friends. You can see Jenny whenever you want.'

'Does Jenny know?'My pain was as much for my daugh-ter as for myself. I knew that before she went to sleep each night, she prayed that I would be coming home.

‘I’ll tell her soon,'Linda said.

'No. Let me tell her.'

'If you want. You don't hate me, do you?'

'Give me your ring.'

'My ring?'She glanced at her hand.'I thought I would keep it and have it altered to fit my small finger.'

'No. I want it back.'

'Why?'

'Because it's mine. Because I paid for it.'

She shook her head. She wanted to discuss the situation. I shook my head. She saw I was serious. She gave me the ring. I got up and walked away.

I was sitting on the beach, a couple of miles from the marina, when Satifound me. The sun had recently
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set and the sand was getting cold. She had changed clothes from our afternoon boat ride, into a nice long dress. I didn't really wonder how she had found me. She had a knack for such things, for everything.

'Doesn't your meeting start soon?'I asked as she sat down beside me.

'There's time.'She paused.' Linda was concerned about you.'

'I seriously doubt that my welfare is her primary concern.'

'That is true.'

'I see you've come to cheer me up,'I said.

'I've come to give you a ride home. You'll recall that you came with Linda.'She gestured over her shoulder.'I 've got your truck.'

'I hate that truck.'

'Then get rid of it.'

'Should I?'I asked.' If it wasn't for that truck, I wouldn't have found you.'

'But you did find me. It's served its purpose.'

I looked at her, then hid my face in my folded knees. I liked my face there. It was safe.'Y ou're wrong, you know, when you say life is bliss,'I said.' Life sucks.'

'The waves on my ocean are often turbulent for those without an anchor. Until you find your anchor, you'll always be prone to seasickness.'

'Thanks for the philosophy. It doesn't do a thing for me.'

'Isn't that how it is with words and beliefs? They're only useful when you don't need them. They're not like me. You need a ride home and here I am.'She put her arm round me and softened her tone.' Tell me, Michael?'

I raised my head and watched as birds practised sky dives over the darkening water. I had a lump in my throat that was ready to crack into tears and humiliate me. I had only met her a few days ago. I hardly knew her.

Yet I told her what I had never told anyone before, not even Linda.

'I was a senior in high school when my mother died. Nick's mother died then, too. We played in a band to-gether, but I think the real reason we became friends was because we had both just lost our moms. It was Nick who talked me into asking Linda out. I couldn't believe it when she said yes. I was the happiest person in the world. Then we started dating. More than anyone else, she helped me get over losing my mom.'I stopped and picked up a handful of sand.'I guess I need a woman in my life, someone who loves me. Maybe we all do. In the end, even Timmy was looking for his mother.'I swallowed thickly and dropped the sand.' But now Timmy's dead, and Nick's married, and Linda's getting married, and here I am. And..." My voice choked. Sati said it for me.' And here you are and you have no mother?' 'Yes.'I looked at her.' What were you trying to tell me at the hospital when you came out of Timmy's room?'

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'Our first night together,'Sati said,' you asked what I was doing in the desert before you arrived.' 'You said you were waiting for me.'Sati nodded.' Yes. And now you know why."I did not understand what she meant. Nevertheless, when she hugged me with both her arms, I buried my face in her hair and cried as I hadn't done in years. I felt like a small boy again. I felt better.

FOURTEEN

I awoke the next morning to discover two females sitting on my bed. Sati was down near my feet. Jenny was bouncing beside my head. Both had on shorts and T-shirts. Both were amused.

'Get up, Daddy,'Jenny said.' Sati needs help.'

'Man helps the God who helps herself,'I muttered, glancing at the clock. It was ten fifteen. I'd slept ten hours straight without even knowing I was alive. Sati had taken me straight from the beach to her meeting at the Unity Church. Nick had been right about the crowds. The pews were jammed. Sati's period of silence at the beginning of the talk had been extremely relaxing. I blamed it for my long sleep.

'People will be coming to meet with me today,'Sati said.' We need to clean out your storage room.'

I sat up, looking for my robe.'W hy not meet with them in the living-room? It will take us all day to clean the junk out of that room. Besides, I have nowhere else to put the stuff.'

'Nick and Mary left for the mountains this morning,'Sati said.' They said we could move your things into their apartment.'

'Why not just use their apartment?'I asked.' What's so special about that room?'

'It has a glorious view of the pool,'Sati said.

'Who are these people?'The previous night, a couple of David's TV reporters had spoken to Sati. They wanted to film one of her lectures. But Sati had announced to theaudience that there would be no meeting tonight. She hadn't explained why. I wondered if she was trying to discouragethe press. Certainly,she hadn't let them pin her down as to when she would be available.

'They're three wise men!'Jenny said, excited.' It will be just like it was inthe movie.'

'What movie?"I asked.

Satinodded.' You will recognise one of them, Michael. But as I have already explained to Jenny, no one isto be told who it was that visited me today.'

'Why not?'I asked.

'The world is happy to embrace certain teachings, as long as they remain in their proper place. Each of the men who visits me today contributes tothe welfare of mankind, butthey work in entirely different ways. Butthatis only an illusion. Thosethey are associated with would be upset to know these men actually work to-gether. That they work for me.'

'Sounds mysterious,'I said, although I was intrigued that a celebrity would be coming to see Sati. Again, I had to ask myselfthat most dangerous of all questions:
why?

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Sati stood.' Take your shower. We have much work to do.'

'But I have to pick up some freight,'I said. Sati gave me a look.' Don't tell me - Jesse has already gone for it?'

'Of course. What would you like for breakfast?'

'Do I have a choice other than pancakes?'

'No,'Sati said.

‘I’ll have pancakes,'I said.

When Sati had gone, I put on my robe. Jenny was watching me.' Are you sad,Daddy?'she asked.

'No, I feel good,'I replied, before I realised I wasn't lying, as I ordinarily would have done in such a situation. The whole world was caving in on me and my daughter was worried about my mental health.

Yet I felt just fine. The meeting the previous night had done wonders to lift my spirits, even though Sati hadn't said a thing she hadn't said a dozen times before. I scooped Jenny into my arms.' Are you sad?'I asked.

'Mommy told me she was marrying Dick, but I'm not sad."She hugged me.' Sati promised me you would never leave me.'

'She knows what she's talking about, angel.'

Inthe shower, I tried to wash off my doubts. But I was scrubbing backwards. What I was really doing was doubting my doubts. I was beginning to think I might have put too much faith in Nick's sketch, or in Gasey Barbers's eyesightI couldn't get over how Sati had hadthe nerve to hold a dying man's hand and ask him if he wanted to be healed. I had to bring Casey Barbers to Sati, I decided, or vice versa. I had to know.

The pancakes were as tasty as always. However, I wasn't given a chance to savour them. When I was halfway through my stack, Sati started moving the smaller articles out of the storage room. I had never seen her so busy.

I don't really collect stuff, but I don'tthrow it away, either. I wished we had Nick's strong arms to help us. For some reason, when I moved out ofthe house, we'd had two TVs, two sofas, and two refrigerators. Now what does anyone need withtwo refrigerators? To makethe situation more ridiculous, my apartment was already equipped withits own refrigerator.

Fortunately, Sati had a strong back and didn't mind sweating. We had a riot of a time gettingthe spare re-frigerator downstairs. The blasted thing had gonethroughthe door when I moved in, but it must have grown since. It didn't matter how we tilted it — upside-down, backwards - it refused to leavehte room.