Salvation (The Protectors, Book 2) (12 page)

“Seth,” I said gently as I tried to get his attention but with my hands full of dog, I couldn’t get him to focus on me. I could feel blood seeping into my shirt so I gave up on niceties and yelled, “Seth!”

Seth jerked at the sound of my voice but he finally looked up at me.

“I need you to go get your keys and start your car, okay? And call your vet to make sure they know we’re coming.” Seth managed to nod but he didn’t move otherwise and his water-filled eyes were back on Bullet. “Baby,” I whispered in the desperate hope of snapping him out of it. The endearment seemed to work because Seth finally seemed to come back to himself.

“Please, Ronan, I can’t lose him too,” Seth managed to croak out as tears slipped down his cheeks.

“You won’t,” I promised, though it was a promise I had no right to make. I could feel Bullet’s labored, shallow breaths against my body and I willed the dog to hang on because like it or not, he really was all Seth had left.

Because I could no longer deny that Seth
had
lost me. Only it hadn’t been the day I’d walked away from him – it had happened the same night Trace had died. Because I’d died that night too.

Seth

Even though I was numb inside, I couldn’t stem the tears that slipped down my cheeks and kept dripping onto my folded hands. Every once in a while I managed to dab at my face with the wadded up tissue that had been placed between my fingers by someone, but the effort was pointless since the tissue was nearly soaked through. I felt like my brain had already processed that I was going to lose the only important thing I had left in my life, the only living soul that I knew, unlike Ronan, would never choose to leave me. But for whatever reason, my body couldn’t rid itself of the mantle of denial that had settled over it.

It had taken me a long time to find the car keys after Ronan had ordered me to get my car started and by the time I’d found them, Ronan was already rounding the house, a deathly quiet Bullet in his arms. I hadn’t had the courage to ask Ronan if Bullet was still alive but he’d told me anyway with a gentle, “He’s hanging on, Seth.”

Although Bullet had been quiet, he hadn’t been unconscious and he’d spent the entire car ride to the vet’s office licking my arm as I’d cradled his head in my lap. I’d used my other arm to keep Bullet’s body from sliding off the back seat of the car as Ronan took every turn nearly as fast as the straightaways. It wasn’t until Bullet licked me that first time that I’d nearly lost it all together. Because even with all the pain my loyal friend had to have been feeling, he’d still sought to comfort me in the same way he always had.

The vet had been waiting for us when we’d arrived and Bullet had been rushed into surgery. I hadn’t been able to see the actual wound, just the large swath of blood covering his side. My hands had been covered in blood by the time we’d gotten to the clinic but now they were clean again and I had no clue how that had happened. Ronan probably. But for once, I couldn’t bring myself to care or to wonder what it meant. I didn’t even care that he was there. I just wanted my dog to be okay.

“Drink this,” Ronan said as he handed me a small paper cup full of water. I did as I was told because I didn’t have the energy to argue. I felt the tissue in my hand replaced with a dry one but when Ronan settled his hand on my lower arm, I pulled it away. I nearly laughed at the irony – suddenly I was the one who couldn’t stand to be touched.

Ronan didn’t move away from where he was sitting next to me but he didn’t try to touch me after that. Minutes could have been hours for all I knew before the vet came out. I’d known Dr. Anna White for many years, ever since Ronan had given Bullet to me. She’d been one of the few vets who’d been willing to make house calls to give Bullet his yearly exam and shots. I’d explained to Dr. White that Bullet was too afraid of the car to make the trip each year, but I suspected she knew even before I did that it wasn’t Bullet who’d been afraid.

“He’s going to be okay,” Dr. White said even before she’d closed the door to the back room behind her. Ronan and I were the only ones in the office since it was after hours.

I sucked in a breath and felt my body sway in relief. I didn’t even remember standing up. Ronan’s fingers closed around my elbow but I was too unsure of my ability to stay upright to shake him off the way I wanted.

“The bullet damaged his spleen so I had to remove it but he’ll make a full recovery.”

I couldn’t stop the hoarse cry that erupted from my throat and if Dr. White was surprised by the hug I gave her, she was kind enough not to show it.

“Thank you,” I whispered against her shoulder.

“You’re welcome,” she said with a small, gentle pat to my back and then she was pushing me back so that I could focus on her. “I need to keep him here overnight but you can take him home tomorrow. He’ll need to take it easy for a while…”

I nodded. “I…I’m supposed to fly to New York in a couple of weeks. I was going to take him with me. It’s a chartered jet so he wouldn’t be in a crate or anything. But I can cancel…”

The vet shook her head. “That should be fine,” she said. “He’s a strong dog, Seth. He’ll be back to his old self in no time.”

I swallowed hard. “Thank you, Dr. White.”

She nodded and gave me a pat on the arm. “You can come see him in a few minutes.”

As the vet turned to go, Ronan said, “Doctor, were you able to extract the bullet?”

Dr. White gave Ronan a strange look and then glanced at me but I had no idea why Ronan had asked the question.

“Um, no, the wound was a through and through,” the vet said.

“Can you tell what kind of weapon it might have been? The caliber?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t really know much about that kind of thing.”

Ronan nodded. “Thank you.”

The vet gave him another confused look and then disappeared through the door leading to the back of the building.

“Why did you ask that?” I asked.

“Just hoping to get a better idea of who hurt Bullet,” Ronan responded as he returned to his seat.

“It was probably a hunter,” I said. “They show up once in a while. My parents posted
No Trespassing
signs but they ignore them.”

Ronan only nodded and I was too exhausted to pursue the subject. Dr. White returned about a half an hour later and I got to spend several minutes with Bullet who was still heavily sedated.

Ronan drove home and I was too tired to argue with him when he followed me into the house. I assumed Hawke had been the one to pull Ronan’s car into the driveway, but he wasn’t around when we entered the house and I hadn’t seen his car at all.

I hadn’t made any effort to get to know Hawke the morning I found him sitting in my kitchen because I’d been too raw and hurt from discovering that Ronan had walked out on me yet again. I hadn’t cared why Hawke was there or what his relationship with Ronan was. I’d simply asked him to leave and had gone to hide out in my room for the rest of the weekend. It wasn’t until Sunday night as I’d forced myself out of bed so I could ready myself for work the next day that I’d finally conceded that my love for Ronan was slowly destroying me. I knew changing the codes on the door and the gate wouldn’t keep Ronan out but I’d hoped it would send a message.

Clearly, it hadn’t.

“I’m going to go get cleaned up,” I heard Ronan say behind me as he closed the front door and locked it. The sound of the lock engaging pissed me off and I turned to face him. I hesitated at the sight of Bullet’s dried blood on the front of Ronan’s shirt but I shoved my emotions back down where they belonged.

“Do it someplace else,” I said quietly. “You’re no longer welcome here.”

I turned and headed towards the kitchen and wasn’t surprised when I heard heavy footsteps directly behind me.

“Seth,” Ronan said gently as he followed me to the fridge. I was in the process of opening the refrigerator door when he grabbed me and I felt all my fear and anger come rushing over me. I spun around and slammed my hands against Ronan’s chest and was actually glad to see him stumble back.

“Get the fuck out!” I snapped. “I don’t want you here.”

Ronan’s gaze clouded over with a look of shame but then he stiffened. “Once I know you’re safe-”

“Safe?” I yelled. “From what? I was mugged, Ronan. It happens every day. Bullet got shot by a hunter! There’s no conspiracy here; no one’s out to get me!” I sucked in a couple of deep breaths as I tried to get control of myself.

“The only one I need protection from is you,” I finally said tiredly. “I would take this,” – I pointed to the bruises on my face – “every day for the rest of my life over what you did to me three days ago.”

Ronan paled but I was beyond caring. “Just go, Ronan. If there’s any part of you that cares about me even a little bit, please go…and don’t come back this time.”

I turned back to the refrigerator and opened it. My hand was shaking badly but I covered it up by gripping the edge of the door as tightly as I could.

“So that’s it?” Ronan said from behind me. I didn’t dare turn around to check if he was as close to me as it felt like he was. I was terrified that if I took even the slightest step back, I’d feel his big, warm body pressed against mine and I’d beg him to forget everything I’d just said.

“That’s it,” I whispered. “I’m done…we’re done.”

I was right about Ronan being right behind me because he grabbed me a split second later and dragged me back a step before slamming the refrigerator door shut and shoving me up against it so I was facing him.

“No!” was all he said and his voice was so rough and chalky, it sounded like a snarl. And then his mouth was on mine, his hands holding my wrists in place against the stainless steel at my back.

I’d like to say I fought Ronan’s kiss but I didn’t. Not even a little. My brain may not have wanted Ronan but my body welcomed him like it always did. But this time around, I wasn’t content to just take what Ronan was giving me. I battled for control of the kiss and when I finally won, I managed to pry my hands free of Ronan’s hold. I let my tongue search out every recess of his mouth as I maneuvered us so it was his back pressed up against the refrigerator. I had my hands on his waist but, to my surprise, he didn’t move away from my touch or try to stop me from pressing my fingers into his sides. But I could also feel the tension running through his frame so I knew I only had precious seconds to maintain what little power over him that I had for the moment.

As I continued to make love to his mouth, I let one of my hands slide down to stroke over his erection. Ronan gasped against my mouth and then he took over the kiss. But he didn’t stop me from exploring his length where it bulged impressively against his pants. There was enough give in his waistband to allow me to sink my hand inside so I could grip his cock. I shouldn’t have been surprised by the softness of his skin stretched over the hardness of his flesh since I’d touched myself like this more times than I could count, but nothing about it was the same.

Ronan finally stopped kissing me once I began exploring his cock but his lips hovered over mine, his hot breath fanning my mouth as he tried to get control of himself. But I didn’t want him to be in control and I began stroking him in earnest, hoping that I was using enough pressure to bring him pleasure. I could only assume as he began thrusting into my hand that I was doing a reasonably adequate job. But it was over too soon because Ronan let out a muffled curse before grabbing both my arms and forcing me back against the island counter behind me. I’d definitely succeeded in snapping his control because all his movements after that lacked finesse.

He spun me around and shoved me down over the butcher block countertop. His weight pressed against me as he began rubbing his crotch all over my ass and a second later, I felt his fingers working my pants open. We’d been in this exact position before but this time there was no fear and not because my hands weren’t tied. No, I wanted this. I didn’t want to want it but I couldn’t deny the need to feel Ronan inside of me again.

I shoved my ass back against Ronan and groaned when I felt his erection push against me. Ronan separated from me only long enough to shove my pants and underwear down and then he was back and I gasped at the feel of his bare cock nudging my cheeks. I had no idea how he’d managed to get his pants open too but as his hot flesh speared through the globes of my ass, I didn’t care. Ronan’s lips sought out the nape of my neck and he kissed, sucked and nipped at my skin as I squirmed desperately beneath him. My hands were flat on the wood beneath me but I couldn’t stop myself from reaching behind me to seek Ronan’s warm skin out. My fingertips brushed over the hair on his thighs and I relished the feel of it as I ran my palms up and down his hot flesh.

I’d been too distracted to notice Ronan getting the lube, presumably from his wallet, but I couldn’t help but shiver from the coldness of it as his finger breached me without warning. But unlike the night he’d made love to me, Ronan didn’t take his time letting me adjust. There was no pain as he sank his finger inside of me but I groaned at the feel of a second finger splitting me open just a few seconds later. It was then that I knew I was going to be fucked hard and fast just like the way Ronan had promised that day in the bathroom before he’d realized my distress. But there was no fear this time. I wanted it…badly.

Ronan’s weight pressed down on my back once again, his hips shoving me forward. I was forced to use my hands to brace myself but I couldn’t dwell on missing out on touching Ronan because I felt his cock nudging at my hole a second later. And while he didn’t just shove into me, he also gave no quarter as inch after inch of hot, rigid flesh speared into me. The burn bordered on painful but then the heat began to flare out to my limbs and I pressed back to try and take more of him into me. His flesh felt so hot inside of me that it took me several long seconds to realize why.

Ronan wasn’t wearing a condom.

I didn’t get a chance to say anything because Ronan bottomed out inside of me at that exact moment and I let out a hoarse groan and buried my mouth against my arm to stifle the sound. Ronan stilled and then pressed his mouth against my ear.

“I’m clean,” he whispered. “Tell me it’s okay.”

I knew it wasn’t the responsible answer, nor was it the answer that would keep me from losing more of myself to this man but I didn’t even hesitate for a second. “Yes.”

The one word was like a starter gun for Ronan because he pulled almost all the way out of me before shoving in hard and deep. A throaty moan erupted from deep inside of him as he said my name and then he slammed into me again.