Salvaged (41 page)

"No!" I screamed. "He's deserting me; he's leaving me alone just
like in the hospital! He's left me all alone!"

I let go of Riley's hand and stood.

"Charlie... "

"My dad is making the choice not to be with me." My body
trembled and I felt faint. I looked down at Riley, who looked back up
at me; his face was full of tenderness. "My own father doesn't even
want me, Riley."

He stood and pulled me to him. "Don't say that."

"He doesn't, Riley; he doesn't want me." The words practically
stuck in my dry throat.

My legs gave out, and I fell against him.

"We want you. We love you." Riley pulled me closer to him and
whispered in my ear, "I want you here, Charlie. Ilove you."

"No." I shoved away from him. "I knew it."

"Knew what?" he asked.

"My own father doesn't love me, Riley... how can anyone else?"

"That's not true."

"He's throwing me out like trash. My daddy doesn't even
want me."

(Riley)

Attie pulled away from me and ran out the kitchen door and
into the backyard as Joshua came running through the front door.
He must have been whom Mom was talking to on the phone. He
ran past me, and I followed him with Nicole not far behind.

Attie stood expressionless in the tall grass; her eyes were cold
and lifeless and her skin practically transparent.

I'd wondered during many long nights if she would ever experience so much pain that she would emotionally shut down forever. I
was afraid that she'd just reached that point.

"Attie," Joshua spoke calmly.

Without speaking or looking at him, Attie held out her hand
as if to keep him at a distance. He stopped walking toward her and
stood still. I could hear my parents running toward us as Nicole
prayed quietly.

"Attie, talk to me. Tell me what you're feeling," Joshua asked.

"I feel like I should have died." Her voice was distant. "I might
as well have."

My heart shattered. All the progress she'd made over the summer had floated away in the Oklahoma breeze.

"What does it say about a person," she continued, "when they
aren't even loveable enough for their own parent to want to be with
them? When their own parent can't even love them?"

"It doesn't say anything at all about you," Joshua responded.
"This is about your father and his problems, not you. You're worthy
to be loved, Attie. You are loved."

She let out a bitter laugh and then turned silent and still.

A hush fell over the pasture. There was no sound, and the hairs
on the back of my neck stood up. I was terrified for her.

In what seemed like slow motion and without turning around,
Joshua reached back as Nicole slowly walked up to him, pulled out
a syringe, and handed it to him. He pulled off the protective cap,
handed the cap back to his wife, and then she fell to her knees and
began praying.

I could see Joshua's mouth moving; he was talking to Attie as he
slowly started walking toward her. Nicole's lips were moving. I knew
she was praying out loud, but I couldn't hear sound. Out of my five
senses, the only one that worked was my sight.

I watched completely helpless as Attie screamed. Her head
shook, and her arms violently thrashed around in the air. Thankfully, I couldn't hear her cries. I couldn't have borne to hear her cry
out in pain.

Joshua motioned for Dad to join him, which he did, and the
two of them quickly approached Attie. Before she had the chance to
react, Dad held her tightly in his arms, and Joshua injected her with
the syringe. She stood wailing with my dad holding her until she
went limp. Joshua and Dad caught her as she fell to the ground. For
the time being, they ended her pain.

Joshua picked her up and carried her inside with Nicole and
Mom a few steps behind. Dad and I were left alone in the pasture.

Unable to move my legs, I fell to the ground. I wanted to chase
after her, to tell her everything was going to be all right, but I wasn't
even sure if that was true. There was a possibility that things would
never be all right again.

Dad sat down next to me and putting his arms around me pulled
me to his chest as I cried.

"It's okay, buddy, let it out," he encouraged. "Let it all out."

After several minutes I finally regained my composure. "I don't
know what to say to her anymore, Dad. I can't rationalize any of this
crap. How much does one person have to take?"

"I don't know; I can't answer that."

"Where is God, and why isn't he helping her? I don't see him at
work at all."

"Be careful going down that road, son."

"Why? It's what I'm thinking. Isn't he all-knowing? Doesn't he
already know my thoughts anyway?"

"Yes."

"I'm angry with him, and he knows it; no sense in pretending
that I'm not."

"I guess I'm angry with him too."

"Where is he? Why doesn't he do something? Why aren't we
seeing him at work here? He could have made her dad come back."

"God gave us free will, Riley. You have to know that God doesn't
want any of this for Attiline. He wanted her dad to come back, but
Eddie chose not to."

"God could have changed his heart, softened it toward her or
something."

"If God made us do things, what would be the point in having
us at all? If you knew that I only loved you because I didn't have a
choice, I had to, would that mean anything to you? Would you feel
loved at all?"

"I guess not."

"Free will is wonderful and horrible at the same time. Unfortunately, we make poor choices and end up hurting not only ourselves but those around us as well. Yes, God could have made Eddie
come home, but I'll bet that Attiline would only want him here if he
wanted to be. There'd be no joy for her otherwise.

"It's the fact that love is a choice that makes it so special. Choosing to love someone, regardless of our circumstances, is what makes
love worthwhile."

"I do love her."

"I know."

"No, you don't. I mean, I'm in love with her. I was gonna talk to
you today, to tell you and to ask for your permission to date her."

"Riley, give me some credit; I'm not a complete idiot. You think
I didn't know you two were crazy about each other?"

I sat up and looked at him. He was laughing and shaking his
head at me. "I can't believe you lasted this long."

"You know?"

"Who doesn't?"

"Mom even knows?"

"Your mom saw it the night Attiline got here. We knew it would
only be a matter of time."

I shook my head. "Unbelievable."

"You two have been close your entire lives; you share a very special bond. Nobody's surprised here."

"Well, what do we do now? We waited all summer for her to
move out of the house so we could go out on a date; now she's not
moving out at all."

Dad was laughing at me again. "You're joking, right?"

"Whaddya mean?"

"This entire summer has been one long date. You've hardly been
apart."

"Well, that may be true." I had to concede that fact, in anyone
else's book, what we'd been doing all summer was dating. "Okay, let
me clarify. I meant that we waited to officially date, to allow ourselves to ... oh forget it."

"I know what you're saying; I understand." He gave me a pat on
the back and then left his hand on my shoulder. "Look, in a couple
of days, when she's feeling better, the four of us need to sit down and
come to some sorta agreement, an understanding. I trust you two;
you've proven yourselves trustworthy all summer. We just need to sit
down and talk it through."

"Really? You're okay with this?"

"I'm okay as long as there are some boundaries in place, but let's
talk more about it later."

"Okay, thanks, Dad. I feel much better getting it all out there in
the open."

"Well, evidently you two are the only people in town who don't
think it's already been out in the open." He laughed again but soon turned serious. "But Riley, if this goes badly and you two break
up-

I know, Dad."

"You're gonna have to move out. I'm pretty sure that we like
Attiline more than you."

We laughed together. "I can't blame you for that."

"Should we go inside and see how she's doing?" he asked.

We made our way inside and found everyone but Attie sitting
in the family room.

"I put her upstairs in her bed," Joshua informed.

I started to make my way up the stairs. "I'm gonna check on her;
she needs me."

"She's out like a light, Riley," Joshua said. "She won't even know
you're there."

"You're wrong, Joshua," I replied. "She'll know."

(Attie)

There was a small knock on my bedroom door.

"Attiline, can I come in? I've brought you some food."

"Yes, of course." Still groggy, I watched as Pops walked in carrying a tray of food. "Thanks so much. I had no idea how much time
had passed; I'm famished."

"We thought you might be." He set the tray onto my desk and
started to leave the room. "I'll go tell Riley that you're awake."

"Actually, would you mind keeping me company while I eat?
Something tells me Riley's spent plenty of time up here. He probably needs a break."

A smile spread across his face. "I would love to sit with you."

"Goody."

"I'm glad that you were able to get some rest," he said as he sat
down on the foot of my bed.

"Yes, I was out like a light. I don't know what Joshua gave me,
but that stuff worked. I don't remember having a thought, let alone
a bad dream." As I took a bite of cheesy spaghetti, my taste buds
came to life. "I love it when Marine makes this stuff. It's one of my
favorites."

"That's nothing. She's fixing up a whole smorgasbord down
there, all your favorites."

"Bless her heart; she didn't need to do that."

"You know Molly; it's as much for her as it is for you. She needed
to keep herself occupied. Otherwise, she would have been up here
every five minutes checking on you."

"She could have; I wouldn't have minded."

"It would have made two of them. I think Riley wore grooves
into the stairs."

"Of course, I think he takes all of this as personally as I do."

"I think you might be right." He nodded. "So enough small talk,
Attiline, how are you holding up?"

"Better than I would have thought. I'm confused more than
anything."

He stood and walked over to the wall of sketches. "I think we all
are. It isn't natural behavior for a parent, and especially not Eddie."

"You know, when I look at that picture of my dad and me, it
doesn't even seem real."

He turned to face me. "Why is that you think?"

"That's not who we are anymore, at least not since the accident.
He isn't the same person he used to be. I don't know if you'd even
recognize him. I sure don't."

He sat back down on the bed and watched me as I spoke.

"Did you know that he didn't even pick me up to bring me home
from the hospital? He sent his nurse."

"What?" Anger and anguish surrounded his voice.

"He never came to see me in the hospital, not once. Then the
day I came home, he came up with some excuse as to why he couldn't
come get me. Patty dropped me off at the house and then left me
there all by myself."

"Oh, Attiline, I don't even know what to say to that. You're
breaking my heart."

"After the accident, it was like some switch turned off in his soul,
and he became a completely different person. I went from being the
center of his world to someone that he couldn't bear to be around."

"So why the Christmas picture?"

"I don't know. I came home from school, and the photographer
was all set up in our living room. It took about twenty minutes to take the pictures, and then as soon as we were finished, Dad went
back to work. For twenty minutes I got to see my dad the way he
used to be, and I remember sitting there thinking maybe he'd woken
up out of his fog, maybe we'd be back to normal. But as quickly as he
came back to me, he left."