Salvaged (44 page)

"I guess that's true." The reference to my father brought tears.
"Why isn't he coming back?"

"Because he's hurting and he isn't thinking clearly right now."

"Will he ever?"

"I can't tell you that. But calling him todaywas a big step. Releasing him of any obligation to you will allow him to begin to forgive
himself, which in turn will start the healing process for him.

"For you, it's the realization that you can't control another
human being. The only person you can control is you. Forgiveness is
a choice, Attie. It's a choice you will have to make every single day until it's no longer an issue for you. And then, even when you think
you've completely forgiven, something may happen, and you'll have
to start the process all over again."

"Lovely," I said sarcastically.

"When I command people to forgive others and to pray for their
enemies, it isn't so the other person, the offender, will benefit. It's
for the offended, so they will benefit. I want you to forgive your
father for you, Attie, not for him. I want you to sleep at night, and I
want you to be joyful again. Holding on to anger, hurt, or an offense
becomes a burden and literally depletes joy from your spirit. I love
you, and that's not what I want for you."

"So what, I pray for him, that's it?"

"For right now, yes. Unselfish prayers. You pray for him to return
to me, not to you. It's my relationship with him that's most important, not yours. But through having a relationship with me, he's
much more likely to reestablish a connection with you. You have
to pray for what's best for your dad, and right now that may not be
what you think it should. Being here may not be what's best for him,
and quite honestly, it may not be what's best for you either. I need
you to trust me in this."

"I do."

"Look at your life now, Attie. Look how far you've come in such
a short time. You have so much to look forward to; don't let unforgiveness stand in your way."

"I won't. I'm ready to deal with it. How do I start?"

I slowly drove down East Noble Road until I found the correct
house. Pulling the car to a stop, I took a deep breath before turning off the engine, getting out of the car, and heading toward the
front door.

I rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer. In less
than a minute I heard tiny footsteps running toward the door, and as
it opened, a small towheaded boy looked up at me.

"May I help you?" He sounded very proper for a child of only
four or five.

"Is your father home?"

"He's in the garage. You can go back there," he said before the
door slammed shut.

Making my way across a trail of steppingstones laying in the
grass, I found the garage on the side of the house.

"Hello?" I asked as I neared the garage. "Mr. King?"

"Come on in." I heard a voice but didn't see anyone. "I'm not
interested in buying anything."

I walked into the garage and found a man sitting at a workbench. His back was to me. "Oh, I'm not selling anything." My
voice shook, and I was about to lose my nerve. "I just needed to
talk to you."

He turned to face me, and as soon as he saw my face, he dropped
his hammer. Mitchell King was in shock.

I ran over, picked up the hammer, and offered it back.

"Urn, thank... thank you." He stood and removed his baseball
cap. "I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you at first."

"Oh, that's all right. I know you weren't expecting me. I just
decided to come by before I lost my nerve. I hope you don't mind."

"No. Of course not." He swiftly removed some newspapers from
a chair. "Would you like to have a seat?"

"Thank you." As I sat down, he fell back onto the barstool. "I
hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No. Not at all."

"I don't even know what to say. I just felt like I needed to see you."

I noticed his hands were shaking.

"Mr. King," I continued as I looked down at my fidgeting hands,
"I know this sounds insane, but I feel like I'm supposed to let you
know that I forgive you for the accident. It may sound pompous
of me, like I think I have the right to `forgive' you or something. I
wanted to make sure you knew that I'm not angry with you. I don't
blame you at all for the accident. I'm selfishly doing this more for me
than you, and I realize that I'm rambling, but I don't know what to
say here. I just ... I just want you to know that I'm sorry for any pain
that you've experienced."

Mr. King was silent.

"Right." I stood and began to head out of the garage. "Well, I
guess I'll go."

"No, don't go," he yelled after me. "I'm sorry; it was rude of me
not to say anything."

I sat back onto the chair. "I understand. I'd be shocked too if I
were in your shoes."

"I've tried to talk to you a few times, but Mr. Bennett didn't
think the timing was right."

"I can imagine. He's very protective of me."

"I can't blame him for that. You've been through a lot."

"So have you, I would assume."

"I didn't lose a loved one, but I've had to try to reconcile the idea
that I took the lives of a mother, wife, daughter, and sister. I'm so
sorry for that."

"We're two people that are stuck in a horrible situation that we
didn't cause."

"Well," he mumbled, "you didn't cause it anyway."

"You didn't cause it either, Mr. King. It was an unfortunate accident. My mom wasn't paying attention, and you didn't have enough
time to respond. Nobody blames you. I know I don't."

"I appreciate that."

"Mr. King-"

"Mitchell. Please call me Mitchell."

"All right. Mitchell, I want you to feel absolved of any responsibility." He wept as I spoke. "That's a burden you don't need to carry."

"You have no idea what this visit means to me, Attie. The guilt
overtook my life. This year has been a nightmare."

I laughed, and it caught him off guard. "Sorry." I shook my head.
"I can relate to that statement. That's partly why I'm here. It's pretty
much a nonending nightmare for me as well."

He wiped his nose and let out a small laugh. "Well, aren't we a
miserable pair?"

"Yes, in fact we are. But maybe some good will come out of all
this. We can only hope, right?"

"Some good has already come for me. My family started going
to church. We've made some great friends there who have helped us
out a lot. Our lives have changed for the better."

"I'm so glad."

He pointed over his shoulder at his workbench. "Heck, I've even
got myself a new hobby."

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Well, come on over and I'll show you."

Hopping off the chair, I went to stand beside him.

"I make leather jewelry. I've even been able to sell some of it in
a few of the local stores."

"Really? How cool." I picked up one of the pieces and examined
it. "This is great. Is it hard to do?"

"Not at all. Do you want to give it a try?"

"Would you mind?"

"Nah, I'd enjoy the company. My wife got tired of it about two
weeks in." Pulling up another barstool, I sat down next to him. "All
right, you choose a piece of leather... "

I spent several hours with Mitchell as he taught me how to
make and decorate leather bracelets. As we worked alongside one
another, we shared our experiences of the last year. I told him about
my nightmares, and he shared that he suffered from some as well.
Ironically, in his nightmares he saw my face just as it was before his
car made impact with ours.

We were hopeful that our resolution would bring us some peace
of mind and spirit. I had the gut feeling that it would help more than
we could even imagine.

I left Mitchell's house with one last stop to make in my quest to
completely rid the monsters from my dreams.

"Hey, Mom," I said as I sat down next to her headstone. "What a
year, huh?"

I looked around to make sure nobody was in the area and would
overhear me talking to myself.

"Well, you'll be excited to hear this. I'm going on my first date
tonight. It's with none other than Riley Bennett. You'd be shocked;
he's turned into the nicest boy ever. He cares about me a lot, and he's
been great to me since I moved into his house... "

I spent a couple of hours talking to her about my summer and all
of my new friends and family. I could picture her sitting down next
to me, deeply interested in all my news, but I didn't bother to talk to
her about Dad. I was sure she'd already been aware of the situation,
and I didn't feel the need to talk about it any further. I'd save that
discussion for another time.

"I guess I'd better be going. I've got to get ready for the big event.
I'll come back and tell you all about it." I stood up and brushed some
grass off of my shorts. "Mom, one more thing. Um ... I wanted to let
you know that I'm all right now. I think the worst is over, and I've
moved beyond being angry with anyone. I don't know if that type of thing bothers you up there in heaven, probably not. But, just in case,
I've forgiven you. I've forgiven you for not paying attention while
you were driving and for leaving me here all alone, for all of it.

"I would have done all of this a long time ago had I known that
I needed to. I'm sorry that I've withheld it from you. Would you tell
Melody all of this stuff? I'm sure she'll be interested in hearing it,
especially the part about me going out with her brother. She'll get
quite the kick out of that.

"I miss you, but I'm much better now. I wanted you to know
that."

I felt much lighter as I made my way back to the car. I'd dealt
with my demons and was ready to move on with my life. I would
now focus on the positive and happy memories of my dad, mom,
and Melody. None of them would want anything different than that.
They would all want me happy.

I sat folding laundry as Marine busied herself in the kitchen. It was
obvious we were both excited about my upcoming date with Riley,
but we weren't exactly sure how to go about discussing it.

She threw a pot clambering into the sink before turning to me.
"This is killing me, Attie. I'm dying to talk about how you're feeling
about the date tonight. It's your first date!"

"Me too, it's just weird. You're my mom for all intents and purposes, so I want to talk about it with you, but you're also Riley's
mom, which makes it awkward."

"Well, what if we act like it's somebody else? A boy named `Bob'
maybe."

"Bob?"

"Then we aren't talking about you dating my son, we're talking
about you dating Bob."

The idea sounded brilliant to me. We would have the best of
both worlds. Marme and I would be able to reclaim some of the
mother/daughter bonding moments we'd both been missing out on,
but it would be less embarrassing because we wouldn't be talking
about Riley... per se.

"It's worth a try," I said.

"Great!" She ran over to the seat next to me and plopped down.
"So are you excited?"

"Very."

"Do you know where you'll be going?"